Niederbipp Circuit 2016-02-11

2016-02-11 2:13PM
Frank G. Grohl
Motorsport Writer

Motorsport race courses and events were banned in Switzerland following the 1955 Le Mans disaster with exception to events such as hillclimbing. In 2007 an amendment to lift the ban was passed by the lower house of the Swiss parliament but the proposed law failed to pass the upper house and was withdrawn in 2009 after being rejected twice. Switzerland then lifted the ban in 2015 if only for one type of racing: Formula E, which is planned to race in Switzerland some time in the coming years, most likely in 2016-17.

This became reality since street circuits set up within city centers was approved for by the upper house, while purpose-built tracks remain banned.

This is where Uli Polini comes in.

Uli Polini

A rugged Italian who has long been planning on building a proper race circuit in Switzerland in secret co-operation with Audi, the German luxury automobile manufacturer acting as a front. Together with Polini's lawyer Frank Nelson III they spent all of 2014 bribing every politician of note in Switzerland in order to commence construction on the circuit without prying parliament officials interfering with the proceedings.

Officials being bribed

Polini also bribed an air traffic controller to keep commercial aircrafts from the vicinity of Niederbipp and its surrounding cantons.
Race spectators would be VIP with special invitations only.

Military aircraft was also re-routed from the area during construction.
The Swiss Air Force has been traditionally a militia-based service, including its pilots, with an inventory of approximately 456 aircraft whose lengthy service lives overlapped several eras.

One of the air force Cougar helicopter pilots was bribed to fire decoy flares if any tourists or spies would try to visit or penetrate the circuit or the mountains covering it.


Cougar helicopter dropping flares


The people sometimes seen trackside while driving this circuit are secret employees of Polini who work on maintenance and development of the location as well as keeping the facilities up to date including the asphalt being overseen, grass and trees groomed, staff being fed at the trackside restaurant etc.

There were twenty-two families who had to be relocated against their will ahead of construction and Swiss railway had to be diverted as well.

Swiss railway next to the Niederbipp Circuit

The Doldingers and the Lichtensteins were two of the families being pushed out of the canton. And their dogs!

-I've never experienced anything quite as shameful as this. This is a peaceful village in a sleepy canton of Switzerland and these people waltz in here thinking they can command us at will. This isn't China a hundred years ago. We won't stand for this.
says lifelong Niederbippan Joseph Kohl (father of yet another evicted family)

In order to find the necessary finance Polini and Audi sold some of the Niederbipp track real estate to unknown Russian parties who used their bit of land to build "Site R".

Site R is the apparent and supposed location from which Russian forces would be commanded in the event of World War III or a nuclear war.
This reporter has heard from reliable sources that it is designed to be self-sufficient for 30 days after a nuclear attack.

There are some reports still lingering that a 146 mile tunnel connects Site R to Aargau, another neighbouring canton in Switzerland. It is also worth noting that cell phones and GPS devices would not work near Site R, which suggests there is a blocking mechanism in use to prevent people from coordinating or communicating in the vicinity.


Site R during construction (the photographer was imprisoned for taking this photo)


Though information is unreliable at this time (as the informant who were on location has been missing since December of last year)
investigation is still on-going among Swiss journalists who suspect
wrong-doings.

Polini has been seen with heads of the Fédération Internationale de l'Automobile several times and unawares of the Swiss parliament has been in talks of secretly hosting WTCC and ETRC in 2018.


FIA HQ at Place de la Concorde


The trackside restaurant on the left following turn 1 specialises in juicy hamburgers with an extensive burger menu created by top chef Carolyn Ann Rosemary Fagot Applegarth Holland and her husband Joe.


Niederbipp is also one of the safest circuits in the world with 9 marshall posts situated around the track making it a mere 0,399km on average between them.


Track layout

The one driving in the video at the top is secret Audi test driver Klaus-Heinrich Vermeulen.


Date: 2/2/16 Time: 2:22PM
Weather: Gentle breeze, 2 m/s from the northwest. 22 degrees Celsius.

Klaus-Heinrich's breakfast that morning:
farm fresh eggs, buttermilk biscuits, fried apples,
thick-sliced hickory-smoked bacon, country ham
and buttermilk pancakes. Plus two glasses of
orange juice and three Bratwurst sausages.


Klaus-Heinrich's breakfast on 2/2/16 7:36AM


*This is fiction. Names are not depicting any real persons.