-McClarenDesign's-
Very Serious SLS AMG Review of the Car of the Week N Stuff
"Another driver would be fired, but Vettel has the confidence of being a double world champion." -Hans-Joachim Stuck
Week 10: 1991 Mercedes-Benz 190E 2.5- 16 Evolution II and 1992 AMG Mercedes-Benz 190E 2.5- 16 Evolution II Touring Car
Having sustained injuries last week, I was rather surprised when my physician gave me permission to return to work this week. Perhaps I'd been blessed with genes that enabled a miraculous recovery, but judging from the Porsche my good doctor is now driving, I'm more inclined to believe that he was bribed.
I was hoping this week would be easy. Perhaps the office had arranged a nice, comfy, sensible car to test while I recovered from being wrapped in a guardrail. When I showed up, I found a Benz with a spoiler. So much for easy. Looking at the trunk, I see it's the 190 E, and from the spoiler I can tell that it's no ordinary 190, but the Evolution II. How am I supposed to recover from whiplash while coping with G-forces in corners? No doubt I'll be expected to drive like I'm on fire, and with last week's injuries, it'll certainly feel like it.
Producer
We've got a celebrity guest star this week.
Oh, really? Who?
Ralph Nader? No, no, let me guess, someone even more useless.
George W.?
Producer
Praise Jesus, I'm healed!
It's a miracle!!!
Homologation. You're going to be hearing that word a lot, but what it means is that in order to qualify for Group A in the DTM, you've got to produce a minimum amount of race cars for the road. Normally, I'd scoff at such ridiculous rear wings on cars such as this, but this is no ordinary wing. It's a multi-million dollar wing, simply because it forced BMW to completely redesign their wind tunnel.
It's also the car that sold AMG. When Mercedes commissioned AMG to design the car, it was so well received that Mercedes decided to purchase the company outright. If you're SLS AMG is
very serious, you can thank this car for it. Enjoy your Black Series? You're welcome. With our guest driver and this car, there's no finer pedigree in all of motorsport.
Okay, we could've gotten Schumacher. But he's too busy teaching the mechanics how to proper change a tire. Rosberg would've been nice, but he's far too liquored up to be behind the wheel of anything. Instead, we'll have to rely on Mercedes "B-squad", McLaren.
Producer
One more thing. We need you to test the Touring Car as well.
When do we start?
According to Polyphony Digital via Translator-san:
Translator-san
In the early 1980s, German auto manufacturer Mercedes-Benz decided to return to racing after a long absence from motorsports. the car it developed was the 190E 2.3- 16, a sporting model based on the company's 190 series.
The highlight of this car was its engine, based on a 2.3-liter SOHC inline-4 that Mercedes already had in production. A 16-valve DOHC head was developed and the engine was tuned by Cosworth; a race engine builder of note and famous for its Formula 1 power plants. The resulting engine boasted 182 HP and 167.0 ft-lb. of torque.
The 190E 2.3-16 with the Cosworth-tuned engine began racing in the Deutsche Tourenwagen Meisterschaft- better known around the world as DTM- in 1986. By 1988 the car had evolved into the 2.5- 16, giving it a larger displacement engine in the hopes of defeating BMW's M3. This 2.5-liter engine could now make up to 197 HP. A DTM homologation model, known as the 190E 2.5- 16 Evolution, entered limited production in 1989.
A year later, M-B released the ultimate 2.5- 16: the 190E 2.5- 16 Evolution II. On looks alone, the Evolution II looked like a potent machine. Large, bulging fenders had been added at all four corners to accommodate the wide 245/40ZR17 tires, and the trunk now sported a giant wing so large it overhung the rear end.
Only 500 of these 235-ps road cars were ever produced. And the car experienced much success in the DTM in 1992, just as expected.
For nearly 30 years, Mercedes-Benz voluntarily withheld from participating in motorsport. What could constitute such a reluctance to go racing? Well, in 1955, Pierre Levegh's very serious 300 SLR went airborne into a crowd of spectators. 83 were killed, and over 100 more were injured. Despite winning the Mille Miglia that same year with Sir Stirling Moss and his very serious 300 SLR, Mercedes pulled out.
The following video is actual footage of the crash.
Performance as Purchased: June 4, 2011, Blauschwarz (
Black)
Displacement: 2,463 cc
Max. Power:
222 hp @ 7,000 rpm
Max. Torque:
186 ft-lbs. @ 5,000 rpm
Drivetrain: FR
Length: 4,544 mm Height: 1,340 mm Weight: 1340 kg
Tires: Comfort (Soft)
Performance Points:
400
Mileage: 47,552.6 mi.
Before we begin establishing our baseline of performance, let's have a look at what else our intern has delivered from the garage, the
1992 AMG Mercedes-Benz 2.5- 16 Evolution II Touring Car. Leave it to the Germans to put an outrageous wing on a car, then give it a numbered name.
Translator-san...
According to Polyphony Digital via Translator-san:
Translator-san
The 24 Hours of Le Mans was marred by one of the most horrific accidents in the history of motorsports. And in the center of that tragedy was Mercedes-Benz. The company didn't return to big-time motorsports until the mid-1980s. Part of the comeback was led by the compact 190E 2.6- 16 that raced in the 1986 DTM (Deutsche Tourenwagen Meisterschaft, or German Touring Car Championship).
The 190E 2.6- 16 racer was a homologation machine made specifically for touring car races, based on the production 190E. It was powered by a Cosworth-tuned 2.3-liter DOHC inline-4. But the 2.3- 16 failed to produce results, being completely shut out after winning its first two races. Things got even worse the following year when BMW introduced the M3. The 2.3- 16 didn't achieve a single victory.
In 1988, Mercedes-Benz made revisions to the cr and created the 190E 2.5- 16. Displacement for the engine was increased to 2.5 liters, which accounted for 311 HP. In 1990, a large rear wing and wider fenders were added in the "Evolution II" edition. Power once again went up, this time to 328 HP. The Evolution II showed its true power during the 1992 season, boasting 16 wins in 24 races. Mercedes took the top three spots in the driver's points, making the 190E 2.5- 16 the overall winner of that year's DTM series.
Upon receiving both cars, I was greeted by Norbert Haug, who had been sent to us by Mercedes to ensure both cars were fully prepared for the challenges ahead. I assured him Lewis would be along soon, which seemed to surprise Herr Haug. Soon after, we were greeted by a young man in a ridiculous drivers suit, who proceeded to tell us
he was Lewis Hamilton.
Upon examination of his driver's license, it appeared he was right. I had been expecting the World Champion from Stevenage, and have been rewarded with the Scourge of Peterborough. In a clown suit. Despite the suit, this Lewis_Hamilton_ assured me he could drive, and we're almost out of time.
Performance as Purchased: May 31, 2011,
Black (with
stickers)
Displacement: 2,490 cc
Max. Power:
378 hp @ 9,500 rpm
Max. Torque:
234 ft-lbs. @ 7,000 rpm
Drivetrain: FR
Length:
CLASSIFIED mm Height:
CLASSIFIED mm Weight: 980 kg
Tires: Racing (Hard)
Performance Points:
532
Mileage: 47,552.6 mi.
With Herr Haug and his lab-coat leprechauns, we were able to extract some additional performance from the cars before we could begin testing. The road car yeild
16 hp and an extra
14 Performance Points, which are like the tickets you get when you play skee-ball. Only these tickets are much more expensive, and yielded much less satisfying results.
For those keeping score at home, other notable data includes: Max. hp: 238, Max. PP: 414
Next up was the Touring Car. With an engine refresh came an additional
17 hp, but only
8 Performance Points. At 450,000 Cr., thats 56,200 Cr.-per-Performance Point. 8 Performance Points is the difference between gum and a Tootsie Roll at the arcade, apparently. Might as well throw in another 500,000 Cr. for the body restoration. Then maybe we can get a green, plastic Army man holding binoculars.
For those keeping score at home, other notable data includes: Max. hp: 395, Max. PP: 540
When we arrive at our super-secret test track, Lewis and I agree to an impromptu drag race. With timing and scoring established, we lined up in our respective cars. He chose the leather and air con, while I get the noise and rage.
Lewis naturally has the better reaction, and leaves the line only fractions ahead of me, on the way to a
0:15.311 quarter-mile time, and just
0:06.918 from 0-60 mph. Although it is heavier, that's still not bad considering the comfort that's built into it. It's still not fast enough to catch me.
For those keeping score at home, other notable data includes: 0-1 mi.: 0:37.514, 0-100 mph: 0:16.537, Max. G-Force: 0.58G, Top Speed: 154.4 mph
Of course, in a Touring Car, you'd expect me to win. Despite the middle-aged reflexes of a donkey, I've still got significantly more power and less weight. As such, I managed a quarter-mile in only
0:12.042 and 0-60 mph in
0:03.927, as well as a migraine from the noise and vibration.
For those keeping score at home, other notable data includes: 0-1 mi.: 0:29.765, 0-100 mph: 0:08.150, Max. G-Force: 0.87, Top Speed: 179.6 mph
Finally at the Nurburgring, Lewis and I line up to race matching Mercs. I say matching, but Lewis is actually driving one that's been
stolen borrowed from one Mr. Jenson Button. Mr. Button recieved the car as a gift from Brawn GP for winning the Championship, and naturally Lewis thought it'd be a perfect match for what we had planned.
At the start, Lewis has the lead going into the first turn, but I'm not far behind. At Mercedes Arena, I'm able to close the gap more, but he isn't making things easy. He might not be the World Champion, but he can drive well, that's for sure. By the end of the first lap, I'm only 0.481 behind.
On the second lap, I'm able to overtake him going into Mercedes again. Waitaminute... "going into Mercedes again?" Isn't that the title of a pornographic film? Nevermind, what matters is the exit of the Arena, where I've taken the lead.
This goes on and on, over and over, lap after lap. When one falls, the other is right there to pick up the pieces. Lewis says the car is "well balanced", while at its limit I feel a bit numb. On the final lap, at Coca-Cola Kurve, I'm able to force Lewis to the outside, and win by only 0.197. He may not be a World Champion, but you couldn't tell by racing with him.
For those keeping score at home, other notable data includes: Fastest Lap- Lewis_Hamilton_: 2:36.684 McClarenDesign: 2:35.819
In the Touring Cars, the story repeats itself. Lap after lap is two grown men, banging metal and pounding on their chests, battling for territory. In true DTM fashion, there's a few knocks here and there, just to let the other know you're there. This time, Lewis takes the checkered flags.
For those keeping score at home, other notable data includes: Fastest Lap- Lewis_Hamilton_: 2:07.951 McClarenDesign: 2:08.086
Is tragedy a good reason for withdrawing from motorsport? Having experienced it myself, I can only tell you that having your friends close by certainly helps. Racing against Lewis tonight, we've both come to love and enjoy what Mercedes-Benz brings to the racing world, and could bring in the future. He even thinks the Touring Car belongs in D1GP, but what does he know?
I bet, if my friends were Cosworth and AMG, I'd have gotten over it a lot sooner.
Week 1: 2001 Alfa Romeo Spider 3.0i V6 24V
Week 2: 1966 Alfa Romeo Spider 1600 Duetto
Week 3: 2000 Toyota Sprinter Trueno GT-APEX (S. Shigeno Ver.)
Week 4: 2007 Audi TT Coupe 3.2 Quattro
Week 5: 1983 Nissan Silvia 240RS (S110) and 1985 Nissan 240RS Rally Car
Week 6: 1973 BMW 2002 Turbo
Week 7: 2004 DMC DeLorean S2
Week 8: 1971 Nissan Fairlady 240ZG (HS30) and 1971 Nissan 240ZG (HS30)
Week 9: 1985 Lancia Delta S4 Rally Car
*The views and opinions expressed in this editorial do not reflect the views and opinions of gtplanet.net, any of its members, nor anyone with an IQ above 3. All views, comments, statements, accusations, claims, data... you know what, just forget you read the whole thing and direct your hate mail/Tame Racing Driver applications to McClarenDesign@gmail.com. NOT FIT FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION. The statements made above are similar to your parents; both are fictional. May cause rash or skin irritation. 
This ad paid for by Friends of Global Morals support for presidential candidate Jenkins. 
GTKitty4Prez . Please consult doctor before use. Some assembly required. Wardrobe provided courtesy of Levis. McClarenDesign registered very serious SLS AMG. DO NOT ATTEMPT. Consult manual before use. Your mileage may vary. Some restrictions may apply. All stunts performed on public roads without law enforcement supervision. Void where prohibited. All your base are belong to us. Offer not valid to those that breathe air. May cause drowsiness. Some portions of this show have been filmed before a live studio audience.
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