Dating/Match-Maker Sites

[Paulie]

Hey there. I'd like to get a feel for how people view these sites these days. It seems more and more people are accepting them as a legitimate and certainly far easier way of finding yourself a girl or guy to date and maybe even get serious with. The idea is not a quick internet flirt, but to find someone in your area and to meet them and go on a date, maybe after some internet conversations first. The idea is sound, it sure beats trolling night clubs and what not and making a fool of yourself trying to "hook up" with a girl/guy who tells you they already have a partner, or aren't looking for a relationship presently etc etc. So, are they a legit answer to finding a partner when you're ready?

(I did a search and didn't find anything particularly pertaining to this subject)

 

[Public'sTwin]

Seriously? You're going to lump ALL dating/matchmaker sites together as either legit or not legit?

I'll put it this way: law of statistics. The sheer number of them has resulted in real, legit relationships forming.

The appalling standard of quality often negates this.

Try enough times, and win you will.

As far as if it's easier? Probably not; it's a forced setup that's often doomed from the beginning. The idea is sound, but the execution often isn't. Many people go to these sites LOOKING for a relationship, and with that expectation they often make concessions in the standards of the other person they're looking for; long story short, just go out and talk to people.

Jobs, careers, and familiarity of environment often prohibit introverts from reaching out and meeting new people. You're (generic 2nd person noun, not you) going to have to break out of your comfort zone and start making personal connections with people you've never met before and, most importantly, get out there.

Like I said, law of statistics. The more exposure one has outside, the higher the likelihood of any kind of relationship forming with anyone. Saying hi to anyone and finding a common ground is a fairly quick friend-maker, even if they only remain as acquaintances. Your job can often play second-fiddle to the commonality of this; before I got into sales, my people skills were terrible. Don't get me wrong—I still hate people—I just know a lot more of them personally than I did before.

 

[Wenders]

I haven't voted in the poll because there isn't an option I would pick.
It works for some and not for others.

I agree with Public's view that it is a forced set up. Most people are on there looking for a relationship. You are trying to sell yourself so you will always try and put your best foot forward, be/act in a way that you think will make the other person like you. Of course this behaviour isn't limited to internet dating. A lot of the young lads on this site who complain about not having a girfriend probably go out into the big wide world expecting that they will find a date and that becomes the point of going out rather than just having a good time and see what happens.

I have had experience with 'internet dating' in two forms. When I first started up with the whole internet thing I joined up on ICQ. I didn't join up to meet anyone in a romantic sense, I did it to pass the time and make new friends from around the world. Anyone that I met and dated via this medium I didn't set out to date. We chatted, had a laugh, found some common interest and over a long period decided to take things further. Of course distance becomes a real obstacle to keeping a relationship going.

I have also tried a couple of online dating sites. In my experience here guys think that if they are single and I am single then it must be a match made in heaven. The only reason I joined up was I discovered a guy that I met in real life (was a customer at my bank) who I fancied was on there and I thought it would be a good way to let him know I was interested (of course that went nowhere) but since I joined I figured I may as well give it a try. One guy I was communicating with wanted to progress to a phone call after 2 messages - problem was I'd write long paragrahs about myself and I'd get one line back with nothing that gave me any indication of what we could talk about in phone call. I gave up on that one quick. Another guy I chatted with we got on really well, had quite a few long chats on MSN with loads of laughs but when we met up for a coffee there was nothing - no attraction whatsoever - probably on both our parts because I never contacted him back and he never contacted me. Apart from that most responses were more just guys looking for sex. I got a lot of attention from younger guys - like around 25 - and while this may seem flattering to some it just seemed sleezy to me. In all honesty what would a 25 year old want with a 46 year old other than some notch to add to his belt.

Internet dating can work, you will have more luck if you are looking for a relationship for the sake of having a relationship than you will if you are looking for your soul mate. If you go ahead with it just remember to be yourself don't try and be someone you think they will like - you can only keep that up so far. Sell your good points but don't go on about things like how you think you are ugly and no one will ever like you. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I guess that becomes a plus with internet dating you can get to know someone by writing/chatting and finding common interest and then the physical side becomes less important.

 

[YSSMAN]

I said "Yes, it could work."


Simply put, I see no reason why there is a major problem with it. In fact, it seems like my generation has really come to except online dating services (as well as Craig's List... Whooboy!) as a legitimate way of finding a mate. Would it be my preferred method? Not really. But, for other people, I'm sure it works quite well. The big problem is, of course, that you have to get over that ocean of men looking for the 12 women on the internet. Or, better yet, the 12 women who are sane and actually attractive.

So, if you can beat the statistics on that, then yes, internet dating services totally work.

 

[Paulie]

Thanks for the input so far, I'm neither a yes or no to this yet, so from sound discussion I'm actually hoping to form an opinion from what I read. It's especially hard for me, someone who has really low self-esteem and possibly even emotional scarring, to just walk up to a girl and introduce myself- I don't think I could live with the instant rejection I'm almost BOUND to receive, so therefore I can't overcome the initial hurdle. The idea of a dating site (when I'm ready, not now) bi-passes that initial contact. The girls can check out your profile, and you theirs, without ever needing to talk to them unless you're interested, plus you know that they're open to a relationship at the time.

 

[Wenders]

Thanks for the input so far, I'm neither a yes or no to this yet, so from sound discussion I'm actually hoping to form an opinion from what I read. It's especially hard for me, someone who has really low self-esteem and possibly even emotional scarring, to just walk up to a girl and introduce myself- I don't think I could live with the instant rejection I'm almost BOUND to receive, so therefore I can't overcome the initial hurdle. The idea of a dating site (when I'm ready, not now) bi-passes that initial contact. The girls can check out your profile, and you theirs, without ever needing to talk to them unless you're interested, plus you know that they're open to a relationship at the time.

I think before you start any kind of dating you need to look at building up your confidence and self esteem. Maybe look at joining some sort of club that involves something you are interested in - whilst a car club may sound good as you are interested in cars you probably won't have that much interaction with the opposite sex which is what you need though it may build up general confidence. Maybe even look at a modelling/type grooming course - you don't have to be good looking for these (though I am sure you aren't as ugly as you make out), they are generally there to help bring the best out in you and build up your confidence. You need to be able to feel comfortable talking with the opposite before trying to date.

When it comes time to sign up with online dating you are probably best to go with the ones that you pay to sign up to. You'll have a better chance of people being genuine.

 

[mindwise]

I met my current wife and mother of my children via a datingsite, so how could i not vote 'yes'.

We've been together for 9+ odd years now, so take that


(okay okay, we might be the exception to a rule, but i don't give a {removed by moderator})

 

[FoolKiller]

I didn't vote because it is not for me. While there is a part of me that hates people in general, I am sociable enough to not feel like I need to turn to a dating service of any kind. I met my wife the old fashioned way, at a party, drunk. Basically, I try to avoid people in general, but if I am going to meet them I want to actually meet them up front. I read body language and watch how people react to what is going on around them to know whether it is worth my time talking to them. I'm odd like that, and this sounds weird considering the medium, but the Internet is too social without social interaction for me.

That said, my best friend, who I have known since I was 5 years old, met his wife on a dating site. He isn't quite as outgoing as I am and used to get very quiet when meeting someone for the first time. He could practically shutdown unless forced to talk. Once he got started he was fine, but he was always awkward with first impressions. Internet dating worked for him, as he managed to get the awkward first impressions out of the way with seven weeks of messages and phone calls before ever having a date with her. And he felt more confident on the date because he knew she was just as nervous.


So, in the end it is all dependent on the person seeking a relationship. I can see a dozen things going wrong and as long as you are willing to accept that this won't work, despite what your compatibility test says, and can do a reality check to be sure the relationship is what you want you should be able to come out, at a minimum, no worse than you went in. At best, you will be in a relationship.

 

[CarBastard]

I voted for the third choice, since I dont have personal experience with them but I wouldn't try them in a million years. I prefer "Making a fool of myself trying to "hook up" with a girl" than "Making a fool of myself discovering my date was either a man or a hateful woman". In internet it's hard to be 100% sure of the person thats at the other end of screen. Anyway, my opinion regardin this is maybe useless since I'm 16, not looking for a partner, and if I go to a night club I just go to have fun with people I know.

 

[Moglet]

They can work, I know quite a few people who have had success on them and are now married! However, for me? No. I've been a member on 3 for 2 years and I've not even had a single reply despite sending out plenty of messages. So...yeah. I can only fathom that I'm remarkably ugly