Depression, I think my father has it.

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HKS racer

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My father 63 years old, live with my mather 62 years old. They knew each other since they were 18 so it's really a long time they are together. Now they time pass for everyone and my mother is no longer a beautyful woman. My dad left work 3 years ago so, since they live together they obviously speed time together. Maybe too much time.

My dad love to talk about politics and actual facts, but when speaking he need someone that basically tells him he is right, he goes mad rather quickly with me since (as the people who discussed with me know, I'm not really the diplomatic kind of guy) noor I don't agree with most of his politic ideas. But he tend to over react to my words causing a verbal clash. I don't feel like to tells him he is right only because I need to keep him calm. If I hear something I don't agree with, I let you know I don't agree, but he's no longer quiet and seems to be harder for him accepting different opinions. He wasn't like that 5 years ago.

My mother is another quite stubborn person on her own, (she has great qualities as a mother) but she is not on the same cultural level of my dad. She tend to avoid complicated discussions and when she do she tend to answer in a way that piss my father off. Yes, I recon she also has some defects, as a partner, I guess.

But that's only the thin of the iceberg.
Recently my dad is going out with another woman, she is 20 years younger and I think he is sort of falling in love. I don't judge him for that, nor I consider fidelity too important at the age of 60. Yes I'm sorry for my mother but that's it. She doesn't seem to suffer, she looks ok and most of time in a good mod. To be honest I don't really care about what my fahter do since I'll probably do the same when I'll be an old fart. :lol:

That's not the problem, the problem is I'm not sure how much this woman plans to continue, since when I go to my parents home I often see my dad facebook texting like a teenager in a bad mood.
Today I saw my dad rumbling and swearing about a random facebook conversation with local people about speed limits on the road. (Seriously dad WTF. Go 🤬 fishing instead and relax the 🤬 out of you). I thought, obviously didn't tell him but still.

So he wanted my and my mother listening about these facebook rumblings and he was swearing about how stupid other people are. In some way he was right since the argument was lame. But the point is it seems he can't accept it was just a facebook conversation and later he was keep swearing and mumbling on his own in a really bad mood.

I think that's a sign his overall mental health is decreasing day after day and he is no longer able to mask it. He need to be healed. The lack of constructive discussion with my mother, this new woman that will probably run away in a couple of weeks, the ageing he probably doesn't want to accept...
all this stuff is cousing troubles in his head.

Need to find a solution and suggestions.
And eventually a way to find a good psychologist that actually helps him instead of robbing him.

Sorry for the huge wall of text.
 
Well if he has depression, getting proper help is a first step.
Are there any free services that can help?
 
Well if he has depression, getting proper help is a first step.
Are there any free services that can help?
Next week I'm going to ask my doctor if he can advice me a good psycologist for my dad that actually care to heal instead of only counting money.

Anyone in Gtplanet had an experience with parents with depression?
 
My step mother is currently undergoing electro-convulsive therapy for a whole host of issues, depression among them. Not to go too deep into the issue because of HIPPA laws here in the US, her brain basically shut down when my money that I won in a lawsuit ran out save a $2,000 loan that I loaned my father to finish his car (I have pictures of the paint job) that is going to get repaid to me throughout the coming year. She has been in and out of hospital for the last three months.
 
Kick 'm in the nuts!!

My dad sounds just as grumpy as yours. Mine drinks a lot, too.. Only my dad is divorced (7 years) and forever alone. Like yours mine goes crazy in discussions, only his view is the acceptable one. Problem is my views are always different and I have to have the same ones.. Usually ends up in a screaming session. Ranting about **** people throw on FB is not something he does a lot but he does whine more and more, about everything. And then forgets it just as easy...

These situations come and go, never predictable. His mental state is very unstable :odd: When I asked him to go talk to someone he tried to convince me I'm the one that needs a word. Oh well it's his **** I don't even care any more. I think you should do the same, just try not to care. Be as irritating as he can be, show him the mirror. I love to do that stuff :D
 
To me that doesn't sound like a classic depression. Too little information to be sure, but I don't see the need for seeing a therapist. Men in general and older men in particular tend to view their opinion as the ultimate one. Retirement is a huge step in everyone's life. I t can make you feel unneeded, for sure, but there are other issues you have to fight with: Like managing those 40-60 former working hours a week. People who worked a lot and didn't have time for hobbies get bored easily. And it's difficult for relationships, because you are sitting on each other 24 hours a day, when before you only saw each other briefly in the morning, a little in the evening and a little more on the wekends. Also, men like younger women, again nothing new. So there you have it, enough reasons to be frustrated and while all that certainly can force people into a real depression, most people face those issues and usually just need a few years to adapt. Although depression has several faces, a classical sign is losing drive for everything, feeling nothing etc. Your dad gets enraged over facebook discussions, in general likes to discuss a lot and is interested in that other woman. Certainly not perfect, but again, doesn't sound therapistworthy-depressive either.
So yeah, a hobby might help. And while I don't think it is a depression, talking to a professional might help your dad realising and solving his problems.
 
@Sanji Himura @Carlos @Omnis @ULTRAVIOLENZZ @Max_DC
Thanks for your word, you gave interesting stuff to think about.

Carlos you nailed it. That's my situation basically and I have to admit I mirrored quite well so far. :D
Now is time for hime to change attitude, he is not rich but has enough money to live quite well with his hobbies and stuff, so get a 🤬 grip dad, life is great!

Omnis, you are right but how can I persuade him?

ULTRAVIOLENZZ, his hobby is bicycle, he has a carbon fiber racing bicycle and a group of people to go out with. My mum loves gardening. Oh my parents booth have a big defect. They are messy with their stuff. The living room is a mess. I'm trying to convince them it's time to change that because they'll live better. But not easy for me since the booth are two stubborn mules. :)
 
Hmmm...I think finding a hobby is not the answer. Think of a way to remind your parents why they loved each other in the first place. That might solve the problem.
 
What is it with people and their families? Get over it and let them do what they want!!

@HKS racer I actually think you are getting very poor advice here in general. You want to help which is fine, but most likely the best you can do is let your father know that you don't judge him and that you are there if he needs/wants you.

When a once romantic relationship has only fear and nostalgia left as it's sustenance, it's probably over. If your father is in that kind of relationship it's no wonder he's struggling. Others here are basically advising you to suffocate his freedom of choice and steer his life, which is an insulting concept. I think the aim should be to encourage an environment where your father can make his choices with the clearest mind possible. Your description of him suggests a very frustrated and trapped man, trying to subvert his thinking will quite possibly just result in further frustration and poorer choices.

If he's worth your time and effort, give him what he needs, not what you want him to need.
 
What is it with people and their families? Get over it and let them do what they want!!

@HKS racer I actually think you are getting very poor advice here in general. You want to help which is fine, but most likely the best you can do is let your father know that you don't judge him and that you are there if he needs/wants you.

When a once romantic relationship has only fear and nostalgia left as it's sustenance, it's probably over. If your father is in that kind of relationship it's no wonder he's struggling. Others here are basically advising you to suffocate his freedom of choice and steer his life, which is an insulting concept. I think the aim should be to encourage an environment where your father can make his choices with the clearest mind possible. Your description of him suggests a very frustrated and trapped man, trying to subvert his thinking will quite possibly just result in further frustration and poorer choices.

If he's worth your time and effort, give him what he needs, not what you want him to need.
Nailed it.
 
What is it with people and their families? Get over it and let them do what they want!!

@HKS racer I actually think you are getting very poor advice here in general. You want to help which is fine, but most likely the best you can do is let your father know that you don't judge him and that you are there if he needs/wants you.

When a once romantic relationship has only fear and nostalgia left as it's sustenance, it's probably over. If your father is in that kind of relationship it's no wonder he's struggling. Others here are basically advising you to suffocate his freedom of choice and steer his life, which is an insulting concept. I think the aim should be to encourage an environment where your father can make his choices with the clearest mind possible. Your description of him suggests a very frustrated and trapped man, trying to subvert his thinking will quite possibly just result in further frustration and poorer choices.

If he's worth your time and effort, give him what he needs, not what you want him to need.
Precisely. Thanks for saying what I lack the eloquence to say.
 
What is it with people and their families? Get over it and let them do what they want!!

@HKS racer I actually think you are getting very poor advice here in general. You want to help which is fine, but most likely the best you can do is let your father know that you don't judge him and that you are there if he needs/wants you.

When a once romantic relationship has only fear and nostalgia left as it's sustenance, it's probably over. If your father is in that kind of relationship it's no wonder he's struggling. Others here are basically advising you to suffocate his freedom of choice and steer his life, which is an insulting concept. I think the aim should be to encourage an environment where your father can make his choices with the clearest mind possible. Your description of him suggests a very frustrated and trapped man, trying to subvert his thinking will quite possibly just result in further frustration and poorer choices.

If he's worth your time and effort, give him what he needs, not what you want him to need.
This is a great post, thank you.
In the last couple of days as far as I know the situation went back to "normality" meaning there are no rage moments but yes, I think he still need to figure out what to do with the rest of his life and need to clear his mind first.
Thank you for the interesting point of view, you probably nailed it.


Now I have another problem, my sister left her boyfriend recently and now want to go in vacation to Croatia... ALONE! Not an age problem since she's 24 the thing is she is small and cute. Being alone can be quite risky, East-Europe is not exactly the safer place ever for a girl, yes Croatia is not Bulgaria but still.

Silly family of mine. :banghead: :D
 
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Now I have another problem, my sister left her boyfriend recently and now want to go in vacation to Croatia... ALONE! Not an age problem since she's 24 the thing is she is small and cute. Being alone can be quite risky, East-Europe is not exactly the safer place ever for a girl, yes Croatia is not Bulgaria but still.
So tell her to be careful. Really, there's not much you can do other than that; she is an adult after all.
 
Now I have another problem, my sister left her boyfriend recently and now want to go in vacation to Croatia... ALONE! Not an age problem since she's 24 the thing is she is small and cute. Being alone can be quite risky, East-Europe is not exactly the safer place ever for a girl, yes Croatia is not Bulgaria but still.

Being smart, knowledgeable, and having good instincts is always going to be more important than being big, and male. In practical terms - locking the doors of a car while driving (so many people don't), and knowing that after a certain time of night it's legal to go through red lights in some areas of South Africa (for example), would be far more effective at stopping a car jacking than being big, male, and having experience in boxing.

Even if your sister's not so sensible, there will be a point where retaining her respect for the future will become more important than "ramming home" your opinion in this one situation. Any future advice will be useless if she blocks your voice out completely. Exactly the same for you and your father, the most valuable thing you can have is a relationship where he is not defensive and is receptive to your thoughts. Sometimes that will involve looking past things that are difficult to look past, for the greater good.

Now, who's next? What dramas are present in the lives of your beloved pets?
 
Being smart, knowledgeable, and having good instincts is always going to be more important than being big, and male. In practical terms - locking the doors of a car while driving (so many people don't), and knowing that after a certain time of night it's legal to go through red lights in some areas of South Africa (for example), would be far more effective at stopping a car jacking than being big, male, and having experience in boxing.

Even if your sister's not so sensible, there will be a point where retaining her respect for the future will become more important than "ramming home" your opinion in this one situation. Any future advice will be useless if she blocks your voice out completely. Exactly the same for you and your father, the most valuable thing you can have is a relationship where he is not defensive and is receptive to your thoughts. Sometimes that will involve looking past things that are difficult to look past, for the greater good.
Another impressively good advice! You nailed it again thank you. I'm not that tricky with social relationships, but the art of avoiding people going defensive when they speak is something I really want to learn.
Now, who's next? What dramas are present in the lives of your beloved pets?
I don't have any, I think my "personal Zoo" is enough.:lol:
 
What is it with people and their families? Get over it and let them do what they want!!

@HKS racer I actually think you are getting very poor advice here in general. You want to help which is fine, but most likely the best you can do is let your father know that you don't judge him and that you are there if he needs/wants you.

When a once romantic relationship has only fear and nostalgia left as it's sustenance, it's probably over. If your father is in that kind of relationship it's no wonder he's struggling. Others here are basically advising you to suffocate his freedom of choice and steer his life, which is an insulting concept. I think the aim should be to encourage an environment where your father can make his choices with the clearest mind possible. Your description of him suggests a very frustrated and trapped man, trying to subvert his thinking will quite possibly just result in further frustration and poorer choices.

If he's worth your time and effort, give him what he needs, not what you want him to need.

Then he should divorce instead of cheating on his wife.
 
Then he should divorce instead of cheating on his wife.

It's not for you or I to decide what HKS racer's mother should prefer, and not for him either. It's certainly not a situation that should change in any way for the sake of the family as you suggested earlier.
 
I could not accept that if I were HKS. A man that cheats on his wife and doesn't give her the benefit of divorce? That's not a man.
 
Next week I'm going to ask my doctor if he can advice me a good psycologist for my dad that actually care to heal instead of only counting money.

Anyone in Gtplanet had an experience with parents with depression?

Suffered myself for a few years and it is not nice and not easy. You MUST take your dad to the doc's or get the doc to him. Medication helps me a lot. You said your dad is short tempered with silly things, it can come across like ignorance and arrogance all in one but when you know the person you know it isn't there normal manner! A sign for sure, does he get emotional at silly things too? I worked for 30+years and then had to finish because of ill health (not the depression) after 2 years and applying for over 2000 interviews and getting no replies I got down felt useless and like a failure, this reflects your dad going out with that other woman it is something to do and makes him fell better not useless anymore, I didn't realise what was creeping up on me until one day I just couldn't function and went to the doc's thinking I was ready for an asylum. Depression was diagnosed I had a lot of help from a shrink and medication both helped massively. The help is there get it for him because believe me it is not a nice place to be when depression gets hold of you. My wishes are with you pal and your father.
Any time you want a chat just let me know bro.
 
It's the truth. Sorry if it hurts.

Not uncommon to find people that in reaching to grasp hold of their warped morality, will trample all over the one(s) they're purportedly aiming to protect.

So, truth? What the line? Oh yeah.... citation required.
Hurts? Yes, but not me. See above.
 
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