Did I Do The Right Thing?

[Kent]

To put it as simply as possible.

Is it better to just dodge out on a woman and not tell her you are done with dating her?

Or

Is it better to directly speak with her and explain your reasons for not wanting to continue the relationship?

Basically I asked a girl out.
She liked me, I liked her.
We went out 2 times, nothing special, nothing deep.

The two of us were exact opposites.
She was a "youth group christian" with strict morals, no vices and voted for Kerry... She was shy too.
I was a druggie fool with a horrible gpa, strict morals but vices for sex drugs, rock n roll, alcohol, cigarettes, voted for Bush and I wasn't shy with her in the least.

Well I knew it wouldn't work out and with my demeanor it was only a matter of time before I said something.

Today was the day I said something.
Called her, talked to her...
Explained that I thought we weren't compatible.
Expressed my needs for a woman who matched me and wasn't going to be my opposite.

She seemed to take it well but I knew she was hurt atleast a little bit.
I didn't want to hurt her.

So now I feel guilty and I wanted to know if I did the wrong thing by being up-front and frank about my feelings.

Should I have just left her alone and dodged out, hoping that time would seperate us without confrontation?
Or should I have done what I did and explained myself?

Thanks for the advice.

 

[TB]

Let me guess. I bet she thought everything was going fine. I do have a question. How did you two meet? You must have know that there was so little in common, didn't you?

All-in-all, without knowing the finer points and her side of the story, it looks to me like you did the right thing. You can't just walk away from a relationship, no matter how brief, without saying something. It makes it that much harder if you ever run across each other again. And as far as hurting her, it's better to do it now that in 3 months. That'll just hurt worse.

 

[Blake]

I think you did the right thing in telling her, it is always better to tell people how you really feel.

 

[Kent]

Thanks fellas. 👍

btw, I didn't know her at all.
Met through an amazingly ballzy introduction all by myself on the last day of a class where we never even talked.
(sociology 151)

Point is, there was absolutely no history there.

Keep it coming though because I don't know that every person out there agrees with you two.

My brother for one thinks that I am nothing less than an arse.
(he also compares me to patton when he thinks of himself as bradly )

 

[Joey D]

Always tell the girl how you feel. She might feel like crap and you might too, but you would feel worse if you just avoided her and never talked to her.

 

[TB]

Based purely on looks, eh? Then, IMHO, I believe you did the right thing for sure, as I previously stated. Why drag something out if you aren't happy? And I'm interested to see what other GTP'ers think of this as well.

 

[miata13B]

voted for Bush

my friend, there was the whole problem with it. . .

Well, actually, I had to just highlight that for the fact that I voted for Kerry too. Actually Kent my old friend, I think the moment in life you know something you need to voice it. If there is any delay in voicing what you feel, you have lost. When it comes to women my friend, they go on the backburner of our passions in life. I will explain more in detail to you specifically. I don't see anything wrong in what happened, but if you are double guessing yourself, which I believe you are not, you did a good thing and it will be recieved in the future with something better : )

 

[McLaren]

I think you did the right thing. However, I think it would be impossible not to hurt her. Either way would, and it seems you took the road that hurt her the least.

I think you did the right thing. You called her, and told her you two didn't feel compatible, and that maybe you two should stop seeing each other.

Yeah, that is way better than never letting her know she's been dumped. You did good. 👍

 

[a6m5]

You did the right thing. The hurting part is an process that many goes thru in dating, I don't think it's anybody's fault in this case. Also, you are better man than I am in this category.

 

[Blake]

Met through an amazingly ballzy introduction all by myself on the last day of a class where we never even talked.
(sociology 151)

I guess that's the chance you took, even though it didn't work out I guess it's much better to try and fail than never try and wonder what might be.

 

[Arwin]

I also agree you did the right thing. Leaving this thing up in the air can be far more painful, generally.

 

[RacyBacy]

Yep, speaking the truth my be the harder option but at least you are being honest and true.

The girl knows how you feel now and isn't being kept in the dark. If you didn't tell her how you feel then she would think you are a complete bas***d!

 

[Ev0]

Kent, you definitley did the right thing. Quickly ending the relationship when you knew it would go absolutely nowhere was the right thing to do. Just leaving the whole thing up in the air would have really ended up hurting the both of you in the long run.

 

[the_cobbinator]

To put it as simply as possible.

Is it better to just dodge out on a woman and not tell her you are done with dating her?

Or

Is it better to directly speak with her and explain your reasons for not wanting to continue the relationship?

Basically I asked a girl out.
She liked me, I liked her.
We went out 2 times, nothing special, nothing deep.

The two of us were exact opposites.
She was a "youth group christian" with strict morals, no vices and voted for Kerry... She was shy too.
I was a druggie fool with a horrible gpa, strict morals but vices for sex drugs, rock n roll, alcohol, cigarettes, voted for Bush and I wasn't shy with her in the least.

Well I knew it wouldn't work out and with my demeanor it was only a matter of time before I said something.

Today was the day I said something.
Called her, talked to her...
Explained that I thought we weren't compatible.
Expressed my needs for a woman who matched me and wasn't going to be my opposite.

She seemed to take it well but I knew she was hurt atleast a little bit.
I didn't want to hurt her.

So now I feel guilty and I wanted to know if I did the wrong thing by being up-front and frank about my feelings.

Should I have just left her alone and dodged out, hoping that time would seperate us without confrontation?
Or should I have done what I did and explained myself?

Thanks for the advice.

I'd say you did the right thing. I met a girl like the one you describe this summer and we went on a couple casual dates. I could tell right away it wouldn't work out, mainly because she was terrible at making conversation, but also because she was a very strict Christian. If I talked about going to a party or something of the sort, she'd say "Well only if they are good people." But the problem was that she thought I was really into her, so I had to tell her how I felt and incidentally, that was the best conversation I had ever had with her up to that point.

So yeah, you did the right thing. 👍

 

[Anderton Prime]

Man has been trying to discover a way to end a relationship without hurting the girl or causing a scene ever since the beginning. There is no way to end it without hurting her at least a little bit, but by being up front and honest, at least you'll avoid being called a coward by her later on. In other words, you did the right thing. I've tried the "dodge out" before, and believe you me, it does NOT go over well with most females.

 

[Kent]

Thanks everyone.

Also, thanks Miata 👍
Glad to see we managed to meet again on the board... Hadn't seen you around too much lately, so happy new year to you and your's.

Also, big thanks to the rest of you.
Now I am starting to see that I did the right thing even if it could have been a little harder for the short-term.

I've gotta say though.
How screwed up is it that she was the no-sex-drugs-alcohol-christian who voted for Kerry and I'm the sex-drugs-alcohol-lover who voted for Bush?

I mean come on.

Drugs and alcohol and I can deal with.
But Sex!
I'm 23 years old for god's sake. I need a woman that will atleast humor the idea of getting it.

All in all she was a good girl but just not the one for me.

 

[miata13B]

Thanks everyone.

Also, thanks Miata 👍
Glad to see we managed to meet again on the board... Hadn't seen you around too much lately, so happy new year to you and your's.

Also, big thanks to the rest of you.
Now I am starting to see that I did the right thing even if it could have been a little harder for the short-term.

I've gotta say though.
How screwed up is it that she was the no-sex-drugs-alcohol-christian who voted for Kerry and I'm the sex-drugs-alcohol-lover who voted for Bush?

I mean come on.

Drugs and alcohol and I can deal with.
But Sex!
I'm 23 years old for god's sake. I need a woman that will atleast humor the idea of getting it.

All in all she was a good girl but just not the one for me.

Sex, Drugs, Rock and Roll, GTP, and yeah sex. . . Happy New Year there my friend. . . Yeah things are finally coming together, but it sucks that I don't get to use a cxomputer often : ( School is starting on the 18th of this month and a year from now I will be another edumacated mofo : )

Anyways, Karma will come in full motion and you'll receive a better future with doing the right thing now. : )

 

[Squid]

Yeah, you did the right thing, if you left it up in the air she might think it was her fault and she did somthing wrong.

 

[Gil]

To put it as simply as possible.

Is it better to just dodge out on a woman and not tell her you are done with dating her?

Or

Is it better to directly speak with her and explain your reasons for not wanting to continue the relationship?


The two of us were exact opposites.
She was a "youth group christian" with strict morals, no vices and voted for Kerry... She was shy too.
I was a druggie fool with a horrible gpa, strict morals but vices for sex drugs, rock n roll, alcohol, cigarettes, voted for Bush and I wasn't shy with her in the least.



Thanks for the advice.

Sorry to be weighing in so late on this. But you did the right thing. Women become stalkers sometimes in the quest for the answer to the question "Why doesn't he call me?"

Yeah, It does sting a bit when someone says, "Hey It's been a good bit of fun, but I don't really think this is gonna work out."

So ultimately, they want to know. I know a woman now that is picked up and thrown away repeatedly by the same guy, and it has her pretty messed up a lot of the time.

As and aside: She may be a "youth group christian," but one of the platforms that the democrats support is abortion, and the "christian conservatives" are very much against abortion.

Mr. Bush is against abortion, and while he had some "wild episodes" in his past, is trying to be "christian".
You may have inadvertently tried to be more "christian" on that fateful Tuesday last November.
I hope that realization doesn't adversly affect you.
On the other hand....

 

[Stinky Chicken]

I personally think that if anyone gets so attached to the person they've gone out on two whole dates with, that they get hurt when the other person announces that it;s not working for them, they've got problems.

I'm not experienced of age, but I'm pretty experienced in female problems, I feel. I think the best thing for anyone to do (and all that can really be said) is that it's not working for them and that they don;t want to spend the next x days/weeks/months trying to make it work. That it's best to move on and find someone that they're each more compatible with.

I know it's a bit late to help you, Kent, but when said in a soothing, "I'm-sad-about-this-as-well" tone, it can work quite well.

 

[blargonator]

Mr. Bush is against abortion, and while he had some "wild episodes" in his past, is trying to be "christian".
You may have inadvertently tried to be more "christian" on that fateful Tuesday last November.
I hope that realization doesn't adversly affect you.
On the other hand....

i thought he was protestant or something else. yet he pushes the death penalty.
for the sake of the topic yeah 👍 on having the respect to tell her. i have done the dodging thing and looking back i feel really bad about it.

 

[PublicSecrecy]

uh...yeah...I think he's already done that.

 

[blargonator]

done what? i was giving him a thumbs up for telling her instead of avoiding her.