- 88,578
- Rule 12
- GTP_Famine
I'm sure every cinema-going, DVD-trailer-watching movie enthusiast on here will have seen a trailer for this film - Dustin Hoffman as an enigmatic, Wonka-esque purveyor of toys with a magical toyshop in the middle of various high-rise buildings - and thought "Heh. Looks quite nice. Might be worth a punt on DVD."
After all, Toy Story took the idea of toys that come alive and made two pretty successful animations from it. A live action version? Got to be worth a look. Right? Right?
Nu-uh. Toy Story had writing. This film had nothing. Moving, magical toys is good as a premise, around which to build a story, but pretty crappy when it's the only idea you have in the entire film.
This is once of the most cynical, tired, jaded, transparent, charmless, staid, telegraphed, cliched films I've seen in a long, long, long time. Colourful and pretty, yes, but also mind-bendingly vapid. I suppose in many ways the contrived title should be a clue.
All the characters are there - quirky central character who defies description, starched-collar realist who eventually believes in the magic, heroine who learns something today, precocious kid who is wise beyond his years and even the incidental woman who wants to buy something who is clearly evil because she has some money. There aren't even any redeeming performances from the "talent" - Portman is usual Portman, dull guy is dull, kid is annoying and Hoffman... Hang your head in shame, Hoffman. An overbite is not a performance. Even the 7 year old target audience for this film had given up after 20 minutes and played with the cat instead.
There is one absolute peach of a line in the film, however. I can't decide if it's accidental or a scriptwriter joke (but given the sheer lack of any other jokes, probably not).
Jason Bateman (to Natalie Portman): That's it! You... are a block of wood
That had me laughing for a good 10 minutes.
Summary in 10 words or less: Relies on charm it doesn't have.
Rating? War crime.
After all, Toy Story took the idea of toys that come alive and made two pretty successful animations from it. A live action version? Got to be worth a look. Right? Right?
Nu-uh. Toy Story had writing. This film had nothing. Moving, magical toys is good as a premise, around which to build a story, but pretty crappy when it's the only idea you have in the entire film.
This is once of the most cynical, tired, jaded, transparent, charmless, staid, telegraphed, cliched films I've seen in a long, long, long time. Colourful and pretty, yes, but also mind-bendingly vapid. I suppose in many ways the contrived title should be a clue.
All the characters are there - quirky central character who defies description, starched-collar realist who eventually believes in the magic, heroine who learns something today, precocious kid who is wise beyond his years and even the incidental woman who wants to buy something who is clearly evil because she has some money. There aren't even any redeeming performances from the "talent" - Portman is usual Portman, dull guy is dull, kid is annoying and Hoffman... Hang your head in shame, Hoffman. An overbite is not a performance. Even the 7 year old target audience for this film had given up after 20 minutes and played with the cat instead.
There is one absolute peach of a line in the film, however. I can't decide if it's accidental or a scriptwriter joke (but given the sheer lack of any other jokes, probably not).
Jason Bateman (to Natalie Portman): That's it! You... are a block of wood
That had me laughing for a good 10 minutes.
Summary in 10 words or less: Relies on charm it doesn't have.
Rating? War crime.
