Free Christmas Car

[SopranoStylle]

Going to give a free car of winners choice on Christmas Day at reset

All you have to do is tell a funny Christmas joke to enter..I will pick the winner based on the funniest joke I think was posted

Deadline to get your jokes in is 9:00pm EST(USA) winner will be picked shortly after that..

Winner must send fr to sopranostylle and tell me what you want to get your reward

Joke MUST be Christmas related!!!!! To be valid. Merry Christmas G•T•P

 

[HUDSONVALLEY NY]

Going to give a free car of winners choice on Christmas Day at reset

All you have to do is tell a funny Christmas joke to enter..I will pick the winner based on the funniest joke I think was posted

Deadline to get your jokes in is 9:00pm EST(USA) winner will be picked shortly after that..

Winner must send fr to sopranostylle and tell me what you want to get your reward

Joke MUST be Christmas related!!!!! To be valid. Merry Christmas G•T•P

Money is tight,and times are hard, So here is a FN Christmas Card

 

[tazmanuk]

Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Mary
Mary who ?
Mary Christmas !


👍

Happy holidays!!

 

[Jahgee]

Hear about Santa and his reindeer landing on top of an outhouse? Santa looked around for a moment, then hollered "No no, Rudolph! I said the SCHMIDT house!"

A Jewish Santa Claus came down the chimney and said: "Anyone want to buy a present?"

 

[Rayzah]

What did the reindeer say before launching into his comedy routine?
This will sleigh you.


What does Santa call reindeer that get high in mileage?
Dinner.



Grandma's Christmas Cake recipe:
1. Sample the Johnnie Walker to check quality.
2. Take a large bowl, check the whisky again.

To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
3. Repeat.
4. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
5. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.
6. Make sure the whisky is still OK. Try another cup.
7. Turn off the mixerer.
8. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
9. Mix on the turner.
10. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver.
11. Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity.
12. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who giveshz a ****.
13. Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
14. Add one table.
15. Add a spoon of sugar, or something. Whatever you can find.
16. Greash the oven and piss in the fridge.
17. Turn the cake tin 350 defrees.
18. Don't forget to beat off the turner.
19. Throw the bowl out of the flippin window.
20. Check the whisky again and go to bed. pass out.

 

[Hazard 2 health]

Q:How do you know santa has to be a man?
Ans:No women is going to wear the same outfit every year.

Q:How many presents can santa fit in to an empty sack?
Ansnly one-after then it is not empty anymore.

 

[HippieGiraffe]

Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one?



You have to hollow out the head.

 

[ZachAttack1991]

What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus? Crisp Cringle.
Who is never hungry at Christmas ? The turkey - he's always stuffed
Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners the most? "Rude"olph
What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve ? Black mail !
Why couldn't the skeleton go to the Christmas Party ? He had no body to go with !
If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called? A subordinate claus.
Why does Santa's sled get such good mileage? Because it has long-distance runners on each side.

 

[CarGuru]

1.What's the difference between snowmen and snow-women?
Snowballs

2.whats the difference between santa clause and tiger woods?
santa only has three ho's

3.Shortly before Christmas, a business man was anxious to get home. The business trip had been grueling and he was not in a particularly good mood. The airport loudspeakers blared Christmas carols he was sick of hearing. He thought their decorations were tacky. The worst decoration, he thought, was the plastic mistletoe hung over the luggage scale.
Being in a grumpy mood, he said to the woman at the counter, "You know, even if I weren't married, I wouldn't kiss you."
"That's not what it's there for," said the attendant. "It's so you can kiss your luggage goodbye."

4.What did one Christmas cracker say to the other Christmas cracker?
My POP is bigger than yours!

5.Two snowmen in a field, one turned to the other and said "I don't know about you but I can smell carrots."!

6.What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claustrophobia!

7.Did you know that Santa's not allowed to go down chimneys this year? It was declared unsafe by the Elf and Safety Commission.

8.What do you call Santa's little helpers?
Subordinate clauses!

9.What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
Horn-aments!

10.Why did Santa's helper see the therapist?
Because he had a low "elf" esteem!

11.What happens if you eat too many Christmas decorations?
You get "Tinsel"-itis!

12.What's the best thing to give your parents for Christmas?
A list of everything you want!

13.What's the favourite Christmas Carol of new parents?
Silent Night!

14.A beautiful young girl wants to meet Santa Claus so she puts on a robe and stays up late on Christmas Eve. Santa arrives, climbs down the chimney, and begins filling the socks. He is about to leave when the girl says in a sexy voice, "Oh Santa, please stay."

Santa replies, "HO HO HO! Gotta go! Gotta go! Gotta get the presents to the children, you know."

The girl drops the robe to reveal a sexy bra and panties and says in an even sexier voice, "Oh Santa, please stay."

Santa replies, "HO HO HO! Gotta go! Gotta go! Gotta get the presents to the children, you know."

Santa begins to sweat.

The girl takes off her bra and says, "Oh Santa... Please... Stay."

Santa replies, "HO HO HO! Gotta go! Gotta go! Gotta get the presents to the children, you know."

Santa wipes his brow.

She loses the panties and says, "Oh Santa... Please... Stay....."

Santa, with sweat pouring off his brow says, "HEY HEY HEY! Gotta stay! Gotta stay! Can't get up the chimney with my pecker this way!"

15. Why is Santa Claus so jolly all the time?

Because he knows where all the naughty girls are.

16.officer! officer! i report a rather large man calling me a hoe three times! hehe

 

[oldbloke007]

My wife asked for something red and shiny that went from 0-200 in under 4 seconds for christmas.
I bought her a set of bathroom scales.
Happy days.

Merry christmas everybody.

 

[nt1138]

Q. What does Rudolph want for Christmas?
A. A Sleighstation 3

 

[Darkrage1138]

I used to tell Christmas jokes like you, until i took an arrow to the knee.

 

[Hazard 2 health]

Huh?

 

[werty_56-1]

Hey son what do you want for chrismas ?
Ground...
Ok...

25thDecember,everyone gets a gift but when It comes to kid's turn

Wheres my gift ?
His here
Where?
Here ..(they give him a paper)
I'm grounded !?
Well you told me you wanted ground soo I thought a little bit plus you got bad grades soo I thought this was the perfect gift 👍

 

[nt1138]

I know more, but 99% are for over 18's, didn't want to upset all the little boys and girls. Seems I did either way 👍

 

[Hazard 2 health]

Ya, that seems to happen alot here.

 

[werty_56-1]

I'm the 1%

 

[CarGuru]

lol I put a lot of jokes....

 

[nt1138]

Too many of them around...

 

[Rayzah]

I used to tell Christmas jokes like you, until i took an arrow to the knee.

Good thing the 'arrow to the knee' bit isn't played out yet.

 

[werty_56-1]

Link Here

 

[Rob192005]

I used to tell Christmas jokes like you, until i took an arrow to the knee.

!! I hear ya. Merry Christmas

 

[SopranoStylle]

A Jewish Santa Claus came down the chimney and said: "Anyone want to buy a present?"

Winner...this joke had me busting out laughing great one!!!

Very funny jokes guys that's for having a little fun...

Also took a liking to this joke by CarGuru..
What's the difference between snowmen and snow-women?
Snowballs

2.whats the difference between santa clause and tiger woods?
santa only has three ho's

Great jokes guys CarGuru and Jaghee can send fr to sopranostylle with what they would like to claim there gifts...

 

[werty_56-1]

Winner...this joke had me busting out laughing great one!!!

Very funny jokes guys that's for having a little fun...

Also took a liking to this joke by

Well I ain't a very good comedian but atleast I tried to give a laught :

Congrats Jahgee

 

[Gtracer123]

A Jewish Santa Claus came down the chimney and said: "Anyone want to buy a present?"

I'm Jewish

 

[SopranoStylle]

Well I ain't a very good comedian but atleast I tried to give a laught :

Congrats Jahgee

Everyone's joke made me laugh it's just them 3 that made me lmao...so thanks for participating and merry christmas

 

[AMS97F1]

Why does Santa have such a large sack?
Becuase he only comes once a year

 

[hypothermea]

I used to tell Christmas jokes like you, until i took an arrow to the knee.

Made me laugh...until I took an arrow to the knee

 

[TheLoveNinja]

Why is Santa Claus always happy?

He knows where all the naughty girls live

 

[RedStradale]

Seen this and had to post it

A worker from the Post Office is sorting the letters and cards at Christmas time when he sees a letter addressed to God C/O Heaven. So he opens it and it's a note from a little old lady
She says she has never asked God for anything and has been devout church goer for all of her 83 years, but now she's in dire financial straits. She needs €500 to pay her heating and other bills and to get a few presents for her grandchildren for Christmas. And as she has nowhere else to turn she was wondering if God could find a way to send her the money.
So the Postal worker decided to do a good deed and he arranged a collection and between all the workers in that post office they raised €450 and he put it in an envelope and got the postman for her street to drop it in her letterbox.
Early in the New year he notices another letter addressed to God c/o Heaven and he opens it and it's from the same little old lady, and it said "Dear God, thank you so much for the money you sent, It helped me get over the Christmas and I'm glad I had faith in you. I knew you wouldn't let me down. However you should know that I only received €450. It must have been those bastards in the Post Office"