how to fix a broken heart?

[socomplayer2]

Yea, from the beggining...

I transfered schools last year and the first day I was there I fell for the most beautiful girl, she was the girl everyone wanted but couldn't get. I always admired from a far hoping I could just talk to her. Not to sound concieted but I am very out going when it comes to girls and am consided attractive by most of the opposite sex, but she made me feel like a little awkward boy.

So as the year went by I made all my friends and I felt more comfortable with my surroundings and with talking to her. I got my chance in math when the seats were changed and she sat behind me. I'm guessing about January we started talking, just as friends. We would talk about everything and I always made her laugh. Things started to pick up in about April where I got her number and we continued to talk on the phone via txt messgages. I started to really feel more and more attracted to her as a person, we got along very well.

When I got my car she would always say she wanted to see it and for me take her for a drive or for me to teach her to drive stick (no pun intended).

As the school year came to a close we started to talk on the phone more and hang out more. At this point I still felt I had no chance. My best friend, who works with her and is friends with her, one day mentioned that I should "tap that", I just said I didn't have a chance but he said I did and that "she was interested". I was estatic! The next few days I went out of my way to hang out with her and pick her up from work.

The plan was that we would go see a movie and I would ask her out there, but of course she got grounded. She called me all upset that she couldnt go out. But the next day she called and said to come over to her house to go swimming and eat with her family. I was all kinds of nervous. She met me at an italian ice place to lead me in. So I meet her family (her dad and two brothers are state police) which went well. They all went inside and me her and her two friends and my friend (wingman) went swimming and hung out. As her friends slowly left I gave my friend the signal to beat it. As she walked with me out to my car I asked her if she wanted to go out with me and she jumped into my arms and gave me the biggest kiss ever! Then I left and me and all my friends smoked a celebratory cigerette and drank some beers .

The next month was great we did everything together. We went to the beach, family functions (her family loved me and vis versa) went to movies, went out to eat and just enjoyed each others presense. I really felt I loved her. All of her friends loved me, they hated everyone that came near her, all of her friends were jealous of her because we were really great for each other and they wish wheir relationship was as good as ours. I really loved her for who she was, and she was gourgous. She went to california for a week and for me it was hell. We talked on the phone everynight and I missed her so much.

So here comes the bad part.

From the beggining she knew for a month and a half I was going away working in Atlanta. I asked her many times if she would wait for me and everytime she said ofcourse I promice. But the day before I left I got a txt messgae in the morning (I was supposed to meet her at a friends house for a pool party). It was a long message saying how much she really liked me and that she thinks w should break up at least until I got back. I was shocked and devastated and embarassed. I went to a place I always go to think and just sat there in my car smoking and wanting to cry (I never let my self cry) and listeng to music.

I txted her back saying that my heart was broken and that I don't regeret asking her out because I got to out with the girl of my dreams. She was very apoligetic and said she really did still like me and wanted us to still be friends. She later txted me and said that she though she was ready for a relationship but she wasnt yet. She had a bad relationship about a year and a half ago and stayed away from relationships and boys in general, thats why I was glad I got her friends approval and same with her family. She said I was the only one she ever thought of going out with but she just want ready.

She broke up with me about 3 weeks ago and the whole time I cant get her out of my head. I'm 900 miles from home and have noone to talk to. I have talked to my friends about it but 3/4 say I should just get over it and stop being a b****, I would always say yea your right eff her, but I never meant it. I am the kind of person who holds stuff in for the most part. I have dreams of her and I wake up feeling like crap. I really want to get over her and move on but its hard. We have talked since as friends, but my heart hurts everytime I do. About a week ago she txted me and we talked and I told her I still have feelings and I kind of let it all out. She was very good and said shed always be there of me. After I vented I felt a bit better. I am getting a but better but I still have a hole in my heart though. I still want to be friends with her becuase we were good friends and we talked about everyting but I'm scared if I continue talking to her I will never get over her.


Please, if anyone has any advise for me I'm all ears.

I ask you guys because I've been here for a while and I feel you guys can help me out a bit.

BTW: I am going to myrtle beach with lots of friends from school and friends I met on past trips in 2 weeks, and there will be a lot of lovely ladies, so hopefully that will distract me.

 

[Kylehnat]

It'll go away, just not today. Don't bother sulking; it's a waste of time. Go do stuff that makes you happy.

 

[Philly]

I'll give you the same advice I gave my best friend who recently broke up with his girlfriend of 11 months: give it time. It hurts like hell now, I'm sure but you will get over it. A couple weeks after my friend's breakup, his pain was gone.

On the plus side, if you two stay friends, you probably have a shot at getting back with her later. I had a thing going with one girl for four months and even now, probably 9 months after that ended, I still feel like we will be together sometime. But that's probably not to be considered now.

 

[wfooshee]

I've never understood why people think that ONE person is the ONLY one they can ever be with.

I don't mean to be heartless. I've been through it a few times myself, but geez, do the math!

There are nearly 7 billion people on the planet. At least a few of those will be around the age you'd accept as a compatible partner. At least a few of those will be nearby, and a goodly number of those will be unattached and correctly gendered. Of those, at least 12 will be attractive enough to not be ridiculed if seen with. Now we're getting down to a real selection. In all probablility 6 of those will be of above average desirability, and 6 below.

So at any givien moment, there are SIX girls just waiting for you to make your presence known to them. If the one you thought you wanted based the relationship on a lie, then forget her. What hope was there ever gonna be, if it started with a lie?!?!?!?

And anyway, why start a RELATIONSHIP yourself, when you know YOU'RE the one that's gonna be taking a hike?

OTOH I am the last person to dispense relationship advice, so pay me no attention. I married at 40 years old because up to that point I'd found no one worthy of the vow I'd have to make at the ceremony. Once I did, it took a few months dating to make sure, but I've no regrets.

Anyway, don't think of it as you lost someone, think of it as she wasn't qualified to be with you.

 

[McLaren]

I've never understood why people think that ONE person is the ONLY one they can ever be with.

I don't mean to be heartless. I've been through it a few times myself, but geez, do the math!

There are nearly 7 billion people on the planet. At least a few of those will be around the age you'd accept as a compatible partner. At least a few of those will be nearby, and a goodly number of those will be unattached and correctly gendered. Of those, at least 12 will be attractive enough to not be ridiculed if seen with. Now we're getting down to a real selection. In all probablility 6 of those will be of above average desirability, and 6 below.

So at any givien moment, there are SIX girls just waiting for you to make your presence known to them. If the one you thought you wanted based the relationship on a lie, then forget her. What hope was there ever gonna be, if it started with a lie?!?!?!?

And anyway, why start a RELATIONSHIP yourself, when you know YOU'RE the one that's gonna be taking a hike?

OTOH I am the last person to dispense relationship advice, so pay me no attention. I married at 40 years old because up to that point I'd found no one worthy of the vow I'd have to make at the ceremony. Once I did, it took a few months dating to make sure, but I've no regrets.

Anyway, don't think of it as you lost someone, think of it as she wasn't qualified to be with you.

I really have to agree with this, and I'm sorry mate, but you sort of fit the thing I hate most. Teenagers who think they've found that special someone in high school.

The fact of the matter is though, there could have been a good chance you 2 would have broken up anyways. High schooler's seem to have this idea that the person they're dating is the one they're going to marry, but only a small handful of couples actually stay together. They can't realize this and think, "Oh, I love him/her so much". They don't realize they still have college & life after that where women will come into play.

My advice is to just forget about it. I've been in a nice, long relationship for a couple years now, but even I am doubtful of anyone younger than 19 or 20 actually marrying the person they're dating in high school.

 

[Philly]

All of this plus especially the fact that it can't have been a relationship for more than a couple months.

And if you meet someone else, you will forget about it very quickly. I know that through experience.

 

[Solid Lifters]

Why do people say, "When you find the 'right person,' you know it instantly." If that's true, why does it take months or years to find the 'wrong person?'

If they aren't the 'right person,' then go back to searching.

How do you get the 'wrong person' out of your head? Meet new people even if you know they could never be the 'right person.' It's a lot better than thinking excessively about the 'wrong person.'

Over time, it'll work itself out. Just keep searching.

 

[socomplayer2]

I know its only a high school thing, but again I am in high school, and I don't know anything else. I guess that time is the only cure for this, I think it is taking forever because I am away and I really have nothing to do except think. I guess when I get home I'll have all my friends and I will be busy.

 

[GilesGuthrie]

I know its only a high school thing, but again I am in high school, and I don't know anything else. I guess that time is the only cure for this, I think it is taking forever because I am away and I really have nothing to do except think. I guess when I get home I'll have all my friends and I will be busy.

Yeah, it's at times like this that thinking gets a bad rep.

There's no magic bullet for what you're feeling. It's grief, pure & simple. Of course, it never gets the same credibility as someone dealing with the death of a loved one, but what you're feeling is the loss. You feel it more severely as a high school kid because you don't have the emotional lexicon to appreciate how there are more painful emotional experiences to deal with.

That makes Kylehnat's advice the best for you.

 

[Dazzla]

You've got to move on, these things are a part of life. Without challenges and difficult situations like these, life would be too easy.

Stay positive and knock down a few beers. (If you want! )

 

[socomplayer2]

Yeah, it's at times like this that thinking gets a bad rep.

There's no magic bullet for what you're feeling. It's grief, pure & simple. Of course, it never gets the same credibility as someone dealing with the death of a loved one, but what you're feeling is the loss. You feel it more severely as a high school kid because you don't have the emotional lexicon to appreciate how there are more painful emotional experiences to deal with.

That makes Kylehnat's advice the best for you.

Yea, hopefully once it hit the beach with my friends I'll forget all about it. I guess I'm being impatient.

You've got to move on, these things are a part of life. Without challenges and difficult situations like these, life would be too easy.

Stay positive and knock down a few beers. (If you want! )

That is true... Again once I get to the beach I'll be partying and hopefully I'll meet new girls:tup:. I'll probably end up knocking down a few beers in the process too, lol.

 

[Danoff]

Dude, I've totally been there. I think most men have. A few points (just based on experience)...

I transfered schools last year and the first day I was there I fell for the most beautiful girl, she was the girl everyone wanted but couldn't get. I always admired from a far hoping I could just talk to her.

Bad way to start. You'd idolized her before you really even met her. That's going to color everything you learn about her afterword. Better to get to know her BEFORE you're convinced she's the only thing in the world that can make you happy.

When I got my car she would always say she wanted to see it and for me take her for a drive or for me to teach her to drive stick (no pun intended).

Several times you indicate that she's flirting with you, but you still don't make a move. Also a bad idea. It makes you look less confident. Her opinion of you may not have been nearly as high as your opinion of her by the time you started dating.

As she walked with me out to my car I asked her if she wanted to go out with me and she jumped into my arms and gave me the biggest kiss ever!

It's cute, but it's a big indication that you were holding things up. Again, shows lack of self-confidence and weakens her opinion of you.

But the day before I left I got a txt messgae in the morning (I was supposed to meet her at a friends house for a pool party). It was a long message saying how much she really liked me and that she thinks w should break up at least until I got back. I was shocked and devastated and embarassed.

That's so weak. Everyone should ALWAYS break up in person. I think it's somewhat insulting that she wasn't willing to do it to your face. If what you guys had was important to her, it should have been important enough for her to end it face-to-face.

Granted, I'm sure it was, and she was just hoping for a clean break - no mess. But that's still wrong.

I went to a place I always go to think and just sat there in my car smoking and wanting to cry (I never let my self cry)

You should. It makes it real.

I txted her back saying that my heart was broken and that I don't regeret asking her out because I got to out with the girl of my dreams.

Again, face to face, comeon people!

She was very apoligetic and said she really did still like me and wanted us to still be friends. She later txted me and said that she though she was ready for a relationship but she wasnt yet.

See above. But... at this point you should not be listening to anything she says. Honestly, when someone is breaking up with you they'll say just about anything to get it to go smoothly. You get can some justification for it (and you should), but most of what she says is to keep you from taking it hard.

When this happened to me, I was lucky enough to be dumped by a girl who was very straightforward with me about the reason why it was ending. I was able to use that later, when my emotions cleared a bit, to realize that we were never really compatible. But it took a long time before I was even able to consider the possibility.

She had a bad relationship about a year and a half ago and stayed away from relationships and boys in general, thats why I was glad I got her friends approval and same with her family. She said I was the only one she ever thought of going out with but she just want ready.

See above.

She broke up with me about 3 weeks ago and the whole time I cant get her out of my head. I'm 900 miles from home and have noone to talk to.

3 weeks is not long enough. It's gonna take a long time. Some part of this may always be with you - depending on how serious it was.

I am getting a but better but I still have a hole in my heart though. I still want to be friends with her becuase we were good friends and we talked about everyting but I'm scared if I continue talking to her I will never get over her.

You can be friends with her, but probably not for a few years. The more you talk to her this soon after breaking up, the more likely it is to become a messy breakup. I've done it both ways, and I highly recommend the time out approach as opposed to the "let's be friends" approach. In my case, I eventually hooked back up with both girls, and both times it was a mistake. But the "time out" approach worked waaaaaaaay better.

Please, if anyone has any advise for me I'm all ears.

Focus on what you don't miss. Focus on incompatibilities, on things that irritated you either about her or her family - and don't tell me there weren't any. That's easy to say, but it's wrong.

To be honest, you went about this all wrong (not that I don't sympathize). You idolized her from afar, you assumed she was out of your league, you approached the subject of dating without confidence, and you probably made her feel like she was too good for you the entire time you were dating by constantly praising her and continuing to idolize her. It's possible you were even over-protective (oh wait, that's me).

You were living the dream when you two were dating. Problem with living in a dream world is that you didn't see the little realities that were eventually going to separate you two. Try to think back on your relationship with some objectivity. Think about what she said and how you responded. Think honestly about how compatible you were. And think about whether or not you want to be with someone who doesn't want what you have to offer. For god sake, she broke up with you over the phone... and not even during a phone call!!!

Next time ask the girl out before you get obsessed, and try to maintain some self-confidence about what you have to offer and why she should want to be with you instead of every other guy out there. And try to be realistic about your expectations for the relationship. What are the odds that the girl you run into is going to be perfect for you? Slim. (and no, she wasn't perfect for you. If she was perfect for you you'd still be together).

Sorry if any of this has been harsh. I only take the time to type this up because I know what you're going through and don't want other people to have to take as long to learn this stuff as I did.

 

[socomplayer2]

Sorry I forgot to quote, So this is towards Danoff.

What you said is mostly true about everything. But when I wrote that I kind of exaggerated a bit on admireing her from a far. I didn't follow her every move or worshiped the ground she walked on, I just thought she was very pretty and left it at that until I started talking to her. The other thing is for a month or two before I asked her out I did a lot of the flirting, trust me it wasn't a one way thing. I probably left out a few details about the whole thing but that should clear it up.

I think talking about it like this is making me feel beter and to stand back and look at it for what it is.

And yea, I was very disappionted to say the least about the txt message thing, but if I was face to face I dont know what I would have done.

 

[FoolKiller]

Any guy that says they haven't experienced this at least once is 1) lying 2) a heartless a-hole 3) never had a girlfriend.

Welcome to being normal. Only thing that heals a broken heart is time, and then you still feel a little bit of pain until you meet someone who makes you get over it. But don't look for someone to make you get over it. Best case scenario is that you have a rebound and realize that relationship means nothing and you only got in it because you were lonely.

But one day you will meet someone and instantly you will feel that natural attraction again, you will get those butterflies again, and you will try to remember why you felt so bad before. That is when it is finally healed.

By the way, if you want any movies that show relationship troubles from a guy's point of view I suggest Say Anything or Wimbledon.

I have talked to my friends about it but 3/4 say I should just get over it and stop being a b****, I would always say yea your right eff her, but I never meant it.

Speaking of Say Anything, I think your friends might be hanging out at the Gas & Sip a bit too much.

 

[Duke]

You should quit smoking. It will be good for you and it will give you something to think about besides her.

 

[Sprite]

Its hard to give advise without been patronizing, so all i can do is give an example from my own experience and if you can gane some insight from it then cool.

When in comprehensive school (like high school i think 17 years of age) I had liked a girl right from being about 14 she looked beautiful and had all the cool friends, and hung around all the cool places and I was a geek with a rubbish hair cut. anyway in the second to last year I got to know her in a very similar way to you, I was moved up to a class in science where the clever kids were and she was in the class too, so we hung around at school and spent a long time together at lunches, breaks and after school I would go to her village and hang around with her and some other kids, anyway we both agreed we would go to collage together she was studying Dramatics and I was studying art, 3 months into my collage course I hadn't see or heard from her and I was getting a little worried, one night i was on the bus on my way home when I bumped into a girl I had grown up with since nursery school and asked if she had seen her about and what I heard ripped my heart out and threw it out of the bus window.

She had left to live in the next city with her mum's boyfriend who was in his thirties at the time and she had been seeing him all the time I was seeing her. I was never in lover with her because I'm with my current partner and I now know what love is, so all I had was a crush, but crushes are just as real to us as true love and it hurts.


So even though you may not be together now at least it was on good terms and no bad feelings, and this way when you do see her again; and I'm sure you will, there is always a chance you could pick up where you left off and with a bit more time under your belt.

Time is a great healer & Absence make the heart grow fonder.

 

[socomplayer2]

Any guy that says they haven't experienced this at least once is 1) lying 2) a heartless a-hole 3) never had a girlfriend.

Welcome to being normal. Only thing that heals a broken heart is time, and then you still feel a little bit of pain until you meet someone who makes you get over it. But don't look for someone to make you get over it. Best case scenario is that you have a rebound and realize that relationship means nothing and you only got in it because you were lonely.

But one day you will meet someone and instantly you will feel that natural attraction again, you will get those butterflies again, and you will try to remember why you felt so bad before. That is when it is finally healed.

By the way, if you want any movies that show relationship troubles from a guy's point of view I suggest Say Anything or Wimbledon.


Speaking of Say Anything, I think your friends might be hanging out at the Gas & Sip a bit too much.

Well when I get back I hope I will find a girl to help me lose my feelings for her. But then I would be scared she'd crush me too.

Lmfao! That sounds just like my friends, very eerie!

You should quit smoking. It will be good for you and it will give you something to think about besides her.

Actually I was going to when I came to atlanta but I was still upset so I never did. I have been smoking for near 2 years and I am truely ashamed of myself but its so hard to quit. Most of my friends smoke so whenever I try to quit I always have the urge (my friends dont make me smoke, we all kind of started at differnt points before we all became a group). I really am going to try to quit because I dont want my parents to find out because it will kill them.

Its hard to give advise without been patronizing, so all i can do is give an example from my own experience and if you can gane some insight from it then cool.

When in comprehensive school (like high school i think 17 years of age) I had liked a girl right from being about 14 she looked beautiful and had all the cool friends, and hung around all the cool places and I was a geek with a rubbish hair cut. anyway in the second to last year I got to know her in a very similar way to you, I was moved up to a class in science where the clever kids were and she was in the class too, so we hung around at school and spent a long time together at lunches, breaks and after school I would go to her village and hang around with her and some other kids, anyway we both agreed we would go to collage together she was studying Dramatics and I was studying art, 3 months into my collage course I hadn't see or heard from her and I was getting a little worried, one night i was on the bus on my way home when I bumped into a girl I had grown up with since nursery school and asked if she had seen her about and what I heard ripped my heart out and threw it out of the bus window.

She had left to live in the next city with her mum's boyfriend who was in his thirties at the time and she had been seeing him all the time I was seeing her. I was never in lover with her because I'm with my current partner and I now know what love is, so all I had was a crush, but crushes are just as real to us as true love and it hurts.


So even though you may not be together now at least it was on good terms and no bad feelings, and this way when you do see her again; and I'm sure you will, there is always a chance you could pick up where you left off and with a bit more time under your belt.

Time is a great healer & Absence make the heart grow fonder.

I know just what you mean about the ripping out of the heart and throwing it out the bus. When she broke up with me I felt my heart fall out my ass****. It really sucks. I want to get back wiht her but at the same time not. I dont know if I can really trust her if we get back together again to stick with it. I dont want to sound selfish but I dont want to go out with her again just to get s**t on again.

 

[Sprite]

I know just what you mean about the ripping out of the heart and throwing it out the bus. When she broke up with me I felt my heart fall out my ass****. It really sucks. I want to get back wiht her but at the same time not. I dont know if I can really trust her if we get back together again to stick with it. I dont want to sound selfish but I dont want to go out with her again just to get s**t on again.

I know what you mean, but give it time. one thing you have to remember is she will always be there and if she truly wants to be with you, then when you do go back she will be there and then you will know for sure. In the mean time get out their and meet new people and enjoy yourself, i knows its a hard thing to do but you have to force yourself to do it or you will end up missing chances of meeting other women, and that fact is she may have never been the one, but that one special person could be in the same city as you right now and you could be just missing out on the opportunities to meet her by walking around with blinkers on for this girl.

and so you know this will not be the last time you have your heart broken by a women, its going to happen a few more times before you do meet that one person, unless your lucky and you have met her with this girl and you do get back with her.

get out there, make new friends and have a good time and it will all come good in the end, it always does.

 

[socomplayer2]

Yea, I hear ya. Well when I go to myrtle beach I am going to have fun and not let this stop me from meeting new girls while I'm down there, if ya know what I mean. I'm just going to try to forget about it and see what happens when I get back. As of now I am keeping the idea of us getting back together out of my head because 1. I don't want to get my hopes up 2. I don't know if I could do it again becuase I dont know if it will be the same and 3. even though I'm still hurt I might as well take a peek at what I was missing out on while I was taken

 

[nk4e]

Well after three years of being in a relationship I just ended it. My reasons were that it was painful. I would have to go see her at least twice a year and pay for somethings that she like to do though I wanted to do one of those things. Right now, I am wondering if I made the right choice, the reason also is that I wanted to live again and it was all for my school and my family. My grades began to fail when I started talking to her. When I focused my attention away from her, she got mad. My family and old friends saw how much pain I was on the phone. Now I am thinking if it was the right choice. but when I said it, I felt nothing but a bit of relieved stress.