Macbeth Monologue - Feedback Appreciated

[Tom]

For an English Speaking & Listening Assessment coming up, my class have to do a monologue on Shakespeare's Macbeth, we were allowed to choose the characters of either Macbeth or Lady Macbeth. I chose Lady Macbeth, please let me know what you think and what you feel could be improved, I'm determind to get a good grade on this and feedback can only improve things.

Updated Version:

Macbeth Monologue
Character: Lady Macbeth​

My mind has succeeded to overwhelm my ambition, what have I become? A masculine soul inhabiting a female body, fit for only murder and evil. Why? I had dreams, like everyone but they were washed away by the pure desire of achieving greatness, I ask again, why? I manipulate him, to convince him that murdering the King, his highness is best. Dismissed at first, persuaded eventually, the plan hath worked, the blame shall fall upon the servants.

I wish to wash stain of blood left affixed on my hand, I wash it, but to no success. Insanity, such a strong word, plaguing me? Doth it plague me? The sleepless nights would suggest so. I plea forgiveness but to no avail, I must absolve myself of this guilt, yet so difficult. My mind cannot rid my body of this mortal sin, I wish to expel myself, remove my gender.

I am so weak, I know only that eliminating myself from this Earth, can only bring good given the severity of these crimes surpasses my will to live. So I bring an end to my existence. Then all of my problems will cease to be. I ask myself, why must it have come to this?

 

[GTMail]

That sound pretty good. All I could suggest is maybe express her lack of sleep and/or sleepwalking in the second paragraph. Really nice job though.

 

[Tom]

That sound pretty good. All I could suggest is maybe express her lack of sleep and/or sleepwalking in the second paragraph. Really nice job though.

Thank you. I have made some changes to the original monologue. After emailing MazdaPrice, he gave me some tips on how to impove it so it now looks like this.

My mind has succeeded to overwhelm my ambition, what have I become? A masculine soul inhabiting a female body, fit for only good for murder and evil. Why? I had dreams, like everyone but they were washed away by the pure desire of achieving greatness, I ask again, why? I manipulate him, to convince him that murdering the King, his highness is best. Dismissed at first, persuaded eventually, the plan hath worked, the blame shall fall upon the servants.

I wish to wash stain of blood left affixed on my hand, I wash it, but to no success. Insanity, such as strong word, plaguing me? Doth it plague me? The sleepless nights would suggest so. I plea forgiveness but to no avail, I must absolve myself of this guilt, yet so difficult. My mind cannot rid my body of this mortal sin, I wish to expel myself, remove my gender.

I am so weak, I know only that eliminating myself from this Earth, can only bring good given the severity of these crimes surpasses my will to live. So I bring an end to my existence. Then all of my problems will cease to be. I ask myself, why must it have come to this?