- 9,295
- Duisburg
Righto, so there was a thread like this over at GTP, so I kinda thought FP needed its own version.
Especially as I am in need of a bit of advice, right now. Which is a bit unusual for me, but I've gotten in a situation that is a tad difficult, even for me. Now, I guess I'd have to explain this a bit more in-depth.
I tend to get in toucch and form relationships with messed-up girls. This may sound a bit stupid, but it's the way it's been for me, for quite some time. Whether it's been my first girlfriend, who suffered from shizophrenia, or my most current ex-girlfriend, who's got a severe case of borderline personality disorder. So, I've been basically been exposed to awkward situation throughout most of my relationships, and I've gotten used to that. I'm not easily confused or deterred. But this new girl I've met is, well, off the charts, in a very specific way.
She's living near my dad's place, where I went to school years ago, and I got to know her via some old friends from school, which I got in contact again after some years. You know how that goes, especially with Facebook and all. Now, I've been fed up with messed-up girls, somewhat, so that's what I looked out for, from the beginning.
There wasn't much to be noted, though: She's got a nice and kind personality, she seems focused on school and I'd think of her as a reasoner, which I like a lot. Nothing wrong with her mentality or anything, either. She seemed like a perfectly normal 19 year old girl. A looker, too.
Here's the thing why I'm turning to FP for advice, though: She told me she was 19. No big deal about that, and I do believe that that is actually accurate. As far as her biological age goes. Confused yet? No? Well, here's the catch:
Her biological parents abused her severly. Her body and mind were seriously under-developed, when she was eventually found, after being abandoned by said biological parents. AS far as she told me, she was five at that time. However, when she was found, her age was defaulted back to zero, basically, as there was, appearently, no way to determine it properly at the time.
Somewhen, she got in touch with her biological mother again, for a bit, and learned about what happened. According to her, she found the documents regarding her adoption as well, so she started to believe that story. Her adoptive parents, however, never told her about that and treat her like a 14 year old. Which, as far as the authority is concerned, she is.
You probably know where this is leading now: What to do?
I really, really like her. I went out with her and all that, we decided to start a relationship and, most importantly, I tthink I've actually fallen in love with her. Just as a reminder, I'd not be doing anything illegal either way, just something immoral, if I was to think of her as a 14 year old girl.
So, I've gotten to know her quite a bit over these past weeks. She doesn't behave like a 14 year old, she doesn't talk like a 14 year old, she doesnn't look like a 14 year old. I've kept my eyes peeled for anything that would contradict that story of hers, but so far, there was nothing that would've caused me to not believe in her.
Especially as I am in need of a bit of advice, right now. Which is a bit unusual for me, but I've gotten in a situation that is a tad difficult, even for me. Now, I guess I'd have to explain this a bit more in-depth.
I tend to get in toucch and form relationships with messed-up girls. This may sound a bit stupid, but it's the way it's been for me, for quite some time. Whether it's been my first girlfriend, who suffered from shizophrenia, or my most current ex-girlfriend, who's got a severe case of borderline personality disorder. So, I've been basically been exposed to awkward situation throughout most of my relationships, and I've gotten used to that. I'm not easily confused or deterred. But this new girl I've met is, well, off the charts, in a very specific way.
She's living near my dad's place, where I went to school years ago, and I got to know her via some old friends from school, which I got in contact again after some years. You know how that goes, especially with Facebook and all. Now, I've been fed up with messed-up girls, somewhat, so that's what I looked out for, from the beginning.
There wasn't much to be noted, though: She's got a nice and kind personality, she seems focused on school and I'd think of her as a reasoner, which I like a lot. Nothing wrong with her mentality or anything, either. She seemed like a perfectly normal 19 year old girl. A looker, too.
Here's the thing why I'm turning to FP for advice, though: She told me she was 19. No big deal about that, and I do believe that that is actually accurate. As far as her biological age goes. Confused yet? No? Well, here's the catch:
Her biological parents abused her severly. Her body and mind were seriously under-developed, when she was eventually found, after being abandoned by said biological parents. AS far as she told me, she was five at that time. However, when she was found, her age was defaulted back to zero, basically, as there was, appearently, no way to determine it properly at the time.
Somewhen, she got in touch with her biological mother again, for a bit, and learned about what happened. According to her, she found the documents regarding her adoption as well, so she started to believe that story. Her adoptive parents, however, never told her about that and treat her like a 14 year old. Which, as far as the authority is concerned, she is.
You probably know where this is leading now: What to do?
I really, really like her. I went out with her and all that, we decided to start a relationship and, most importantly, I tthink I've actually fallen in love with her. Just as a reminder, I'd not be doing anything illegal either way, just something immoral, if I was to think of her as a 14 year old girl.
So, I've gotten to know her quite a bit over these past weeks. She doesn't behave like a 14 year old, she doesn't talk like a 14 year old, she doesnn't look like a 14 year old. I've kept my eyes peeled for anything that would contradict that story of hers, but so far, there was nothing that would've caused me to not believe in her.
I mean, it is a story that is incredibly hard to believe. It's just so over the top. However, I wouldn't be willing to form a relationship with her if I wasn't willing to trust her. There is, of course, the part of me that tells me that she'd have a reason to lie and make all that stuff up. Doesn't change a thing about how I feel about her, or about what she's actually like.
Still, it's a tough situation. Being 23, it's more than just a tad awkward to be in a relationship with a minor. A 14 year old, to boot. A 19 year old girl, perfectly fine... This, however, wouldn't be quite as normal. I actually would find stuff like that pretty creepy when reading about similar stories. Plus, her parenty would absolutely not be pleased. Not at all. So, they don't know a thing. Yet.
As you can see, I'm in a bit of a pinch here. Do I believe in her, do what my emotions tell me to do and try to make the relationship work, even if it means to keep it secret from her parents?
Or do I play it safe and act according to my morality, ignore what she's telling me and write her off as just another teenage girl that's drawn to an older guy?
Right now, I feel like option one is what I want to do... But I could use some advice, anyways. So, anyone willing to share some thoughts on this whole mess?
You're more than welcome to add some of your own experiences, rants or trouble as well.
Still, it's a tough situation. Being 23, it's more than just a tad awkward to be in a relationship with a minor. A 14 year old, to boot. A 19 year old girl, perfectly fine... This, however, wouldn't be quite as normal. I actually would find stuff like that pretty creepy when reading about similar stories. Plus, her parenty would absolutely not be pleased. Not at all. So, they don't know a thing. Yet.
As you can see, I'm in a bit of a pinch here. Do I believe in her, do what my emotions tell me to do and try to make the relationship work, even if it means to keep it secret from her parents?
Or do I play it safe and act according to my morality, ignore what she's telling me and write her off as just another teenage girl that's drawn to an older guy?
Right now, I feel like option one is what I want to do... But I could use some advice, anyways. So, anyone willing to share some thoughts on this whole mess?
You're more than welcome to add some of your own experiences, rants or trouble as well.
