The Victim Mentality

  • Thread starter Danoff
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Danoff

Danoff

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Are you a victim? Does the world crap on you more than everyone else? How does that make you feel? Does it make you feel noble or superior to be the world’s fall guy? Does it make you feel angry at others while helping you justify your place in the world?

Or have you noticed how many people love to play the victim? Does it tick you off when people are so ready for things to go so badly – as if they even want it to go badly? (I’m not talking about keeping low expectations)

I have noticed that this mental state is common to find. People seem to love to be victims. Corporations are taking advantage of me. My job is stealing my money. The plumber totally screwed me but what could I do? I was helpless. I had to just suck it up and deal with it and that’s why I’m doing as badly as I am.

I’ve noticed it in rich and poor people alike.

The poor response:

Corporations and rich people are just trying to take my money. All they want to do is hold me down. It’s not my fault that I’m poor. The world is designed so that I can’t get ahead.

The rich response:

I have sooo much to worry about in the stock market. Why is it that the Joneses always make more money than I do? They must be really rich. I had better be extra careful or some poor person will sue me for all of my money.

The common response:

I got stuck with horrible in-laws. My parents are infuriating. My kid is held back by the school system or this teacher or that principle or this other kid. Mr. Smith across the street built a house that is so ugly it’s reducing my house’s value. What? Things went badly for you? Well, you know, the world is an unfair place. Look at me. I get screwed all the time. Blah Blah I know everything about how awful the world is. I’m the martyr blah blah


Why can’t people:
take responsibility for their actions?
realize that if they want a service they’re going to have to pay for it?
realize that they’re going to have to work hard to get ahead?
understand that lots of things go badly but lots of things go really well?
be thankful (that’s right, I worked it in) for what has gone right in their lives?
understand that fundamentally we are all in control of our own lives, that we shape our own future, that nothing is set in stone and that there is always an option?

We get one shot at life. Why decide to live it being miserable as a vindication that you could not have done any better than you did? Is it you out there doing this? Does it drive you up the wall when you see it?
 
I'm grateful for life I have. But you almost make it sound like there is no such thing as injustice, that there is no plausible state of victimization, which is clearly not the case. I guess the difference is one of perspective. A lot of people use the negative experiences to justify mediocrity, while others prefer to learn from them and use the knowledge to avoid anything like that in the future. It works great. But there are pricks out there who want to rip you off. You have to protect yourself.

One thing I have been attuned to a great deal lately is complaining. I really, really hate it. There is nothing more pathetic than listening to someone complain, especially about vague, abstract things they have no comprehension of. If you call it complaining they are aghast. I've taken to saying "Would you stop complaining please?" You get the most shocked looks. I like it. I feel like I am helping them.

There is a difference, too, between complaining and analyzing something negative. It would seem the outcome of a good analysis, however unpleasant, will yield something useful, while complaining and crying only promotes more of itself.

The three letters in my signature stand for

1. understanding
2. gratitude
3. humility

From these three things I can derive everything I need. These three things make it impossible for me to be a crybaby.
 
You're picking up on an unintentional ambiguity in my post. I was really talking about a way of life rather than a reaction to any one instance. It is, of course, justfiable to complain and be the victim at times. I have done it. What i was really trying to get at with this thread was people who play the victim consistently throughout their life.

It's a crutch for thier mental state and it's present in almost every sentence that comes out of thier mouth. I'm gathering from your post mile that you agree that this is a pathetic state of living.
 
There are only two types of people in this wprld,... optimists and pesemists.... I choose to be an optimist. I believe your describing pesemism.
 
I believe your describing pesemism.
Click to expand...

It's a little deeper than what people expect to happen. It has more to do with a justification of mediocrity or a sense of nobility associated with taking the fall.

It's an eagerness for martyrdum or a self-justification for a lack of action. Pessimism is an expectation of the worst - which is certainly required for what I'm talking about.
 
How come whenever I hear there are only two types of people in this world, two different types are mentioned every time? It just doesn't add up.
 
Originally posted by milefile
How come whenever I hear there are only two types of people in this world, two different types are mentioned every time? It just doesn't add up.
Click to expand...

I think your being a bit analyitical..... you know what i meant.
 
I've noticed in my life so far that I'm the one veryone blames things on. At the cricket oval, on the footy pitch, even over snags and beer at a barbie. I'M the bloke who gets blamed.

Maybe it's because I'm the "young bloke" on the paddock, I'm not sure. But I got an interesting piece of advice once in my life - actually it was two weeks ago - and I'll never forget it. It went something like "Life isn't a pretty sandwich. Sometimes you have to eat ****."

That will reside in my head forever more.
 
my life sucks only because of what happened to my relative. we're trying to sue the judge for discrimination but the minimum wait for a trial is 6 to 8 months...****ing bastards...hold him for 3 years and another 8 months to determine if he's going to be in jail for another 3-5
 
Originally posted by emad
my life sucks only because of what happened to my relative. we're trying to sue the judge for discrimination but the minimum wait for a trial is 6 to 8 months...****ing bastards...hold him for 3 years and another 8 months to determine if he's going to be in jail for another 3-5
Click to expand...

What did he do?
 
he ran several businesses...one of his employees decided to hare an arsonist and burn the place down (the place was in el-paso and my relative was here in toronto). The @$$ that torched it said he was following his boss's orders and got off with 6 months. (but then, he wasn't muslim)

Sooooo, 3 year wait for a trial to determine if he's going to be in jail for another 3-5 for arson...combine that with **** that had happened to this same relative here, life got ****ed for all of us
 
Sooooo, 3 year wait for a trial to determine if he's going to be in jail for another 3-5 for arson...combine that with **** that had happened to this same relative here, life got ****ed for all of us
Click to expand...


Why can't people:
...
understand that lots of things go badly but lots of things go really well?
be thankful (that’s right, I worked it in) for what has gone right in their lives?
understand that fundamentally we are all in control of our own lives, that we shape our own future, that nothing is set in stone and that there is always an option?
Click to expand...
 
Danoff, you're not paying attention. According to emad, his relative was set-up. There's no control over that.

Being able to shape your own future is a very nice thought, but realistically almost taboo. Certain opportunities need to arise -- opportunities you have no control over.
 
Certain opportunities need to arise -- opportunities you have no control over.
Click to expand...

So you’re saying that you have to be lucky to be successful? You’re saying that there’s no such thing as hard work and determination resulting in success – that we are all at the whim of chance and that it doesn’t really matter how hard we work because we can be stricken down by a role of the dice? I know this all sounds more extreme than you intended it to be. You’re probably thinking that I’ve taken your argument too far. But if you think about it carefully, that’s where it ends up. I think that you do not fully understand the consequences of your own argument.

I’ve had good luck and bad luck. Parts of my life have been unfortunate, but I don’t pay much attention to them because I expect it. I expect bad luck to come with the good. It all evens out in the end and I shape my own future by the work I do.

What I quoted you saying is the hallmark of mediocrity. It is the whining cry of self-reassurance that is meant to erase all of the opportunities you didn’t seize from your conscience.

Once again I am disappointed on this message board. I put up a thread about hard work and determination. About responsibility for one’s actions and control over your destiny and it is littered with whiners who have used it to complain about their run of bad luck. It is pathetic that there are so many people out there who sell themselves short because of some crutch about a lack of control. You get one shot at life and you control every one of your actions! Every decision you make. Everything you do at any moment is your self-decided top priority.

Do you think Bill Gates whined about how unfair life was when he was taking control of his life? Do you think Michael Dell was worried about his cousin or complaining about a lack of opportunity when he dropped out of The University of Texas to build an empire of a company? Were they lucky? I don’t think so. They made their own opportunities. They looked for untapped markets, much like the untapped markets that exist now, and they tapped them.

Now you may not much care for my examples. I don’t really care for either of those guys myself - I don’t care for windows or dell computers but it’s not the point. The point is that they took charge of their lives.

It’s not my calling to be a business tycoon. At least, I don’t think it is. I’m not pursuing that course right now because it’s not what I want to do. I’m not tapping into untapped markets and making millions, but I am doing something that I love with my life. I got there despite all of the pressure to give up. It seemed like every step of the way was designed to get me to quit. Every hurdle that I crossed was tough and I have quite a few left. But just because there are hurdles and boundaries doesn’t mean that I’m not in control of what I do when I hit them.

I feel like I’m explaining America – like I’m explaining capitalism. By now, everyone in the world should understand America. Even if you think America is your enemy, you should understand it - “Know thy enemy”. The quote at the beginning of this rant goes almost exactly against everything I stand for. It is fundamentally un-American.
 
"courage, however, is the best slayer--courage which attacks: which slays even death itself, for it says, 'Was that life? Well then! Once more!' - Nietzsche (<- I felt like expanding your quote to offer a little more connotation)

"America lives in the heart of every man everywhere who wishes to find a region where he will be free to work out his destiny as he chooses. " - Rand

I have a computer running windows as well. I don't like it much, but I seem to like it better than the alternatives.
 
Originally posted by danoff
"courage, however, is the best slayer--courage which attacks: which slays even death itself, for it says, 'Was that life? Well then! Once more!' - Nietzsche (<- I felt like expanding your quote to offer a little more connotation)
Click to expand...

Excellent.
 
Sooooo, 3 year wait for a trial to determine if he's going to be in jail for another 3-5 for arson...combine that with **** that had happened to this same relative here, life got ****ed for all of us
Click to expand...


This is beautiful. "My life sucks because I'm a muslim. There's nothing I can do it's just not fair."

I could use the same argument as a white male:

"How come every other race has thier own clubs and scholarships and stuff. If I were a girl or a muslim I could benefit from equal opportunity hiring practices, but no, I'm just a regular white guy. I don't help anyone's hiring quotas so why would they hire me?"


It's so easy. Everyone can be a victim.
 
Take it easy, Danoff. You've only had one person complaining .. and based on his track record, I wouldn't take this individual very seriously.

What can I add but to say you're right? So many people in the western world act like spoiled children with an endless sense of entitlement and an endless list of blame when things don't go well for them.

But FWIW, I do believe there are many groups of people in the world who have a legitmate claim to being the victim of some entity or event. Certainly, women in Afganistan, Shiites in Iraq and children in Palestine are placed in a lifetime of situations beyond their control. Percecuted groups exist in almost every region of the world. Ask a Cambodian teacher if he thinks he had any control over his destiny in 1974.

But there are far less of these the west, which I believe is the main thrust of your posts.

I think there are many levels of victimization and an infinate number of different variables to consider. And while the majority of the whining in America, at least, is probably a bunch of hooey, we should not ignore or forget that there are people out there who can lay a legitimate claim to being screwed over by someone or something else.


///M-Spec
 
we should not ignore or forget that there are people out there who can lay a legitimate claim to being screwed over by someone or something else.
Click to expand...

Sure. Everyone plays the victim legitimately at some point. People in other countries get screwed over unfairly all of the time. But I have to ask myself what I would do if I were in their shoes. I would get the hell out! I would walk across the border (of said country) if I had to and find a way to America (legally). I’d take control of my destiny and get to a country where you control your possessions.
 

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