-McClarenDesign's-
Very Serious SLS AMG Review of the Car of the Week N Stuff
"Winning the 24 Hours of Le Mans in 1959 was probably the highlight of my career as a driver." -Carroll Shelby
Week 14: 1969 Camaro Z28 and 1969 Camaro Z28 RM and 1969 Camaro SS
Listen. I know I've got a review to do this week, and no doubt millions of viewers are dying to know what I think about this week's choice. You'll want me to prattle on about the "insert adjective here" styling, our producer will hire yet another useless driver... who'll somehow fail, and then expect me to do all the clean up.
You no doubt want to know useless facts about this week's car, it's feel at the absolute edge, and whatever nonsense Translator-san has. I really wish I could indulge your fantasies, but I'm afraid I've got a horrible case of malaria, and have been quarantined by a team of doctors until I can recover.
So, instead, I've put together a wonderful collection of facts about modern sequential shift gearboxes, followed by some girls in bikinis rattling on about something to do with limited slip differentials. When I return, I promise a full, accurate report that you've come to expect.
Producer
Looks like its the '69 Camaro Z28. Didn't your uncle have..
I'm on my way.
This is the part of our review where I chatter on about "how qualified I am" to review this week's car. Well, my dear viewers, this week the joke's on you. You might say I'm as intimately familiar with this car as Nicole Kidman is to Tom Cruise. Like Kim Kardashian is to herself. Like Ben Affleck, Dennis Rodman, Mark Antony, and the '86 Mets are with Jennifer Lopez.
The fact of the matter is the first 18 years of my life were spent in a Camaro, albeit a '68. My uncle owned two, actually, the first being fatally destroyed during one of many drunken escapades. When I was a child, I love going everywhere in the backseat, especially with the top down. When I grew up, I was promoted to shotgun, watching ridiculous antics only equalled by the ridiculous speed.
That man, and the cars I grew up with, inspired the love affair I have today. To give you a sense of the silliness, the man actually performed a magic trick while driving... with his feet... whilst sitting on top of the headrest... staring straight at me... around a large body of water. You simply have to see it to believe it, but I honestly don't recommend the view I had. I can only imagine the look of terror on my face.
According to Polyphony Digital via Translator-san:
Translator-san
The sole purpose Chevrolet decided to produce the Camaro was to beat the Ford Mustang at the dealerships, and to dominate the SCCA Trans Am championships, a racing series that Chevrolet had competed in since 1967.
in the days when "win on Sunday, sell on Monday," was the norm, Chevrolet put a grand effort into racing, most notably the Trans Am Series, and the creation of the Camaro gave them an excellent foundation to build a race car. The Camaro Z28 was the result of Chevrolet to meet homologation requirements for the Trans Am Series.
Thus, the Z28 was a potent production car, one powered by 320 cu. in. (4949 cc) ohv V-8 that spit out 290 HP. the engine naturally could be tuned to produce much more. Because SCCA rules stated that no changes could be made to the cylinder block and heads, the engines were equipped with racing-tuned parts from the very start.
Also, the racing car bodies were forced to conform to street specs, so the 1969 road car was equipped with a lighter fiberglass bumper and cowl induction that led fresh air into the carburetor.
The Z28 also featured four-wheel disc brakes taken from the Corvette. This option, at over $600, was incredibly expensive at the time. The Z28 marked the epitome of the Camaro brand, and the original 1967 Z28 is now considered a classic, sought by muscle car collectors all over the world.
The Mustang. Arch rival and chief nemesis to the Camaro. Both have fought for America's youth for decades, and every time a conversation involves a Camaro, the word eventually gets brought up. Which is then usually followed by a bloodbath. Then the authorities.
The Mustang created the "Pony car" market, and both the Camaro and Firebird were GM's answer. Yes, the Camaro swamped the Mustang in sales, but by that point the Camaro was already one million units short of the Mustang for its production/sales lifetime. Over the years, Mustangs remained competitive, relatively economical, and easy to operate. The years have not been as kind to the Camaro, which has since become puny, lousy to get in and out of, and most recently given the nose of Michael Jackson.
Lucky for us, we've been blessed with the 1969 Camaro, the last sacred and holy year of the Camaros. This car is the last one General Motors got right. It's got a gigantic engine, leather interior, classic gauges, a manual transmission, and plenty of room in the back for sex with your girlfriend. And your mate's girlfriend, which you'll have no problem nabbing, because he drives something called a Pacer.
At the garage, our interns have picked out three flavors of Camaro to choose from. There's the Z28, of course, but also the SS and Z28 RM as well. Despite the ill will, General Motors sent us a crew of technicians to look over our classic muscle, and fit them sensors recovered from NASA's shuttle program. If there was data to be had, these men would nab it, and then dissect it and analyse it within an inch of its life, which is probably why they've been so good at Le Mans.
If only we could get a Le Mans driver. Instead our producer has delivered a rather poor replica of Larry the Cable Guy. If the Cable Guy had a mullet, that is. Apparently Jerry, our resident redneck, tinkers on classic muscle cars at his local drag strip, which I'm assured the term "drag strip" has nothing to do with transvestites. From the length of Jerry's hair, I'm not entirely convinced.
Performance as Purchased: April 26, 2011, Garnet Red (
Red)
Displacement: 4,949 cc
Max. Power:
281 hp @ 6,000 rpm
Max. Torque:
281 ft-lbs. @ 4,000 rpm
Drivetrain: RWD
Length: 4,720 mm Height: 1,311 mm Weight: 1415 kg
Tires: Sports (Hard)
Performance Points:
446
Mileage: 0.0 mi.
Very nice, but let us not forget that we're also testing two other cars. No review would be complete without a direct comparison to others of the same lineage. Luckily we don't have a Firebird, so we can leave that can of worms closed for the time being. Suffice it to say it's exactly like the Camaro, only with a
Flaming Chicken on the hood.
The SS was a step above the base model RS, and just below the top-of-the-line Z28. Take it away, Translator-san...
According to Polyphony Digital via Translator-san:
Translator-san
Introduced in the fall of 1966 as a new model for '67, the Chevrolet Camaro was seen as a rising star for a company rocked by the success of the Ford Mustang. The idea of combining readily available over-the-shelf parts with specially designed 2-door hardtop and convertible bodies came about directly from their targeting of the Mustang.
the most basic engine of the first-generation Camaro was a hopeless 230 cu. in. OHC inline-6 with 138 HP. However, just as the buyer could freely choose the attributes of their Mustang, the Camaro's wide array of options allowed it to be outfitted as anything from simple transport to a gorgeous fully decked out Super Sport. The high-performance SS package (which was given the option code Z27) was Chevrolet's answer to the Mustang GT.
The Camaro was available with a standard choice between two OHV V-8 engines: a 291 HP 350 known as the L48, and the more powerful 396ci L35 which squeezed out 321 HP.
There were also two other 396ci SS motors besides the L35. These were the 345 HP L34, and the 370 HP L78. Then, from the 1968 model onward, the lineup changed to include the L89, a variant of the L78 with a lighter aluminum cylinder head. Only 583 Camaros equipped with the L78/L89 were built in 1968 and 1969, making them among the rarest of the Camaro SS models.
In the first-generation Camaros, there was a thorough minor change revision that updated the body exterior and interior in the 1969 model. Also from '69 onwards, the standard SS engine would see its power increased to over 296 HP.
The first thing I learned about cars was how to visually spot the difference between the 60's Camaros. The '67 was the only year with a wing window, and the '69 had squared wheel arches. Simple, but that little tidbit of knowledge planted the seed, which would become a forest. For instance, the very first Hot Wheel toy car was introduced in 1968.
A
Camaro.
Performance as Purchased: February 28, 2011, Hugger Orange (
Orange)
Displacement: 5,737 cc
Max. Power:
280 hp @ 5,000 rpm
Max. Torque:
356 ft-lbs. @ 3,000 rpm
Drivetrain: RWD
Length: 4,720 mm Height: 1,295 mm Weight: 1401 kg
Tires: Sports (Hard)
Performance Points:
441
Mileage: 37,721.8 mi.
So, a larger engine with 75 more ft-lb. of torque, 16 mm lower, 14 kg lighter, and still 6 Performance Points shy of the Z28. It's no wonder they were produced in such low numbers. Who can tell the difference... well, I suppose we will... in a moment. But first we must introduce our final car, the Z28 Race Modification, and for that I turn to Translator-san once again.
According to Polyphony Digital via Translator-san:
Translator-san
This is an original tuned model created by "Gran Turismo", based on the 1969 Chevrolet Camaro.
Thank you Translator-san.
Performance as Purchased: December 16, 2010, White (
White)
Displacement: 4,949 cc
Max. Power:
322 hp @ 6,300 rpm
Max. Torque:
307 ft-lbs. @ 4,300 rpm
Drivetrain: RWD
Length:
CLASSIFIED Height:
CLASSIFIED Weight: 1085 kg
Tires: Sports (Hard)
Performance Points:
514
Mileage: 108.5 mi.
Compared with the base model Z28, the RM gives us an extra 41 hp, 26 additional ft-lbs. of torque, plus 330 kilos at Jenny Craig. Against the SS, the RM is still down 49 ft-lbs., which is a bit troubling considering the money we could've saved on the RM and spent on the SS. Too late now.
While Mr. Goodwrench when to work on our Detroit iron, Jerry and I pounded back a few beers. By the end of the first six pack, the crewmen for the Yellow Submarine had unearthed
14 horses,
14 torques, and only
7 extra Performance Points from the Z28s virgin innards. For good measure, we threw in a car wash, and kissed 300
Cr. goodbye.
For those keeping score at home, other notable data includes: Max. Power: 295 hp, Max. Torque: 295 ft-lb., Max. Performance Points: 453
With the SS and six more beers later, I was spending more time in the bathroom, and Jerry was just getting warmed up. Meanwhile, the mechanics found
30 hp,
38 ft-lbs., and
14 Performance Points, which I still have no idea what those actually do. After 12 beers, I couldn't care less... or stand. And where did I put that 18,000
Cr.?
For those keeping score at home, other notable data includes: Max. Power: 310 hp, Max. Torque: 394 ft-lb., Max. Performance Points: 455
With 18 beers in me, I was reduced to a drooling pile of flesh, while Jerry seemed to become more alive, talkative and annoying with each passing minute. He was also annoying the crew, whom gave their findings before storming out after one of Jerry's drunken rants.
Something about "Government Motors". All I cared about was the 0
Cr. bill, and no additional performance to be found.
After the Banana Boys had packed up and left, our producer had the wonderful notion of asking our drunken redneck to perform some test laps. Despite my slurred objections, Jerry leapt into the Z28, and assured me that going in a straight line was what he did best.
At least that's what I think he said. Everything around that point is still a little bit fuzzy, but thankfully the hangover is finally gone.
In the Z28, Jerry floored the Camaro through a few showy burnouts before pulling up to the line. Apparently burnouts are The South's number one export.. well, that and
more inbred hillbillies. With 281 hp at his disposal, Jerry blasted through the quarter-mile traps in only
0:14.562, and hit 60 mph in just
0:06.112 seconds!
For those keeping score at home, other notable data includes: 0-1 mi.: 0:36.545, 0-100 mph: 0:13.784, Max. G-Force: 0.68G, Top Speed: 129.0 mph
Out of the Z, and into the SS, Jerry once again drove the car into the staging area. Just before takeoff, he managed to smuggle in yet another beer, tossing the empty can out of the window halfway down the track. Despite the excess drag from the window, and his caveman knuckles, he bested the quarter-mile in
0:13.870, and sped to 60 mph in
0:05.297, 0.692 faster in the quarter-mile, and 0.815 quicker to 60 mph, despite being a "lesser model". Also of note was the lower top speed, attributable to the transmission gearing.
For those keeping score at home, other notable data includes: 0-1 mi.: 0:37.650, 0-100 mph: 0:12.286, Max. G-Force: 0.67G, Top Speed: 115.4 mph
Finally, with two cars and as many extra beers down, our tipsy Jerry climbed aboard the RM, strapping himself into the racing seat. After fiddling with the many switches, he eventually got the car started, and set about on his lap. Despite some negligible swerving, Jerry managed
0:13.024 in the quarter, and
0:04.695 to 60 mph, besting both previous Camaros as expected. However, the transmission gearing again proved to be the equalizer, once again limiting our top speed.
For those keeping score at home, other notable data includes: 0-1 mi.: 0:34.606, 0-100 mph: 0:10.098, Max. G-Force: 0.75G, Top Speed: 126.9 mph
With testing out of the way, and my stomach clear of all the vile alcohol before, Jerry offered to have his wife bring over his personal Camaro, which he had promised would be "
bitchin". Only an hour had passed, before a rather heavy set lady arrived in driving an equally heavy set truck, towing a trailer with a covered car. In between the belches, he pulled away the tarp to reveal the beauty beneath.
Under the tarp was
Mark Donohue's 1969 championship winning Penske Camaro. Jerry tells us he's kept the car with the same settings it had when it participated in it's last race, and that he's only recently finished the full body restoration. Apparently the car will technically pass the SCCA technical inspections of the time, but through the course of restoration, Jerry has uncovered at least 23 individual rules violations.
Jerry
If you'en ain't cheatin', you'en ain't tryin'!
Quite.
Looking over the spec sheet, we're promised
548 historical horsepower,
533 technically-true torques, racing slicks, and
596 Performance Points. Jerry's wife says the Performance Points "is what gives it the fastness it need". Her words, not mine. Like a proud father talking to a future son-in-law, Jerry walks me around the car, pointing out details most don't get the chance to see. Like the father of the bride, Jerry's ready to give her away, if only for but a few short laps.
As I'm walking around toward the drivers side to get into the car, the engine turns over and begins is monstrous roar. Shaken, I jump back to notice a cat in the driver's seat, staring at me like I'm the idiot. Just as fast, the priceless Penske disappears in a flash of sound and smoke. Moments later, the clocks flash
0:11.123 for the quarter, and
0:03.492 to 60 mph.
For those keeping score at home, other notable data includes: 0-1 mi.: 0:27.291, 0-100 mph: 0:06.548, Max. G-Force: 1.00 (RH), Top Speed: 199.2 mph
SCCA legal, my
(expletive)! When the car got back to the pits, it was clear that the drunken redneck was not pleased at all.
The reason I love this car is also the reason why I can't stand General Motors. GM got so many things right with this car. Originally nicknamed "Panther", it had a super-cool callsign typically reserved for fighter pilots. When it was introduced to the motoring press, it was via the world's first ever telecommunications conference, so that puts it directly on the leading edge of technology. Spec the right model, and you could end up with nearly enough horsepower to reverse the Earth's rotation.
Then, in 1970, everything started going downhill. Cocaine became popular, which pretty much explains the styling from the 1970's through the 80's. Then it was heroin in the 90's, which gave us the fiberglass wedge that's better used as a doorstop, or if you're in the South, as a replacement for your lost garden gnome.
The Camaro of today almost gets it right, if you only see the profile and have the eagle-eyed vision of George Burns. But then you get to the front and rear of the car, and see how GM gave in to the accountants. Rather than slap on a classically tasteful front end like the 60's, they've instead chosen to make it look like something from Europe. I'd expect this from Citroen, but you Chevy? Honestly, this car is the automotive equivalent of an abortion.
I'm glad we got the chance to spend some time with a classic Camaro, but each time I sit in a classic Camaro I'm reminded of what a terrible waste the rest of the company has become. The only reason there is a new Camaro is, once again, to keep up with Ford and the Mustang. Even with the upcoming ZL1, it still won't be able to, thanks to the new 200 mph Cobra.
In fact, why bother with any of that nonsense, when you can just
order one from a catalog?
Week 1: 2001 Alfa Romeo Spider 3.0i V6 24V
Week 2: 1966 Alfa Romeo Spider 1600 Duetto
Week 3: 2000 Toyota Sprinter Trueno GT-APEX (S. Shigeno Ver.)
Week 4: 2007 Audi TT Coupe 3.2 Quattro
Week 5: 1983 Nissan Silvia 240RS (S110) and 1985 Nissan 240RS Rally Car
Week 6: 1973 BMW 2002 Turbo
Week 7: 2004 DMC DeLorean S2
Week 8: 1971 Nissan Fairlady 240ZG (HS30) and 1971 Nissan 240ZG (HS30)
Week 9: 1985 Lancia Delta S4 Rally Car
Week 10: 1991 Mercedes-Benz 190 E 2.5- 16 Evolution II and 1992 AMG Mercedes-Benz 190 E 2.5- 16 Evolution II Touring Car
Week 11: 1999 Lotus Motor Sport Elise and 1996 Lotus Elise and 1998 Lotus Elise Sport 190
Week 12: 2001 Audi RS4
Week 13: 1968 Isuzu 117 Coupe
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Ed. Note- R.I.P. Carroll Shelby (1/11/23 - 5/10/12)
I'll report back later in the week 👍
You can see why they call them muscle cars after driving them. The only way to get something out of them is to throw them hard into a corner, slam on the brakes and wrench the wheel back and forth...in other words, muscle them around the track. I think I had the most fun with the stock Z at Trial Mountain. Sure, the RM is hot, but there are much better handling and faster race cars out there if that is what you are looking for. The stock car just seemed more true to form as I remember them, great choice this week!
