add a joke!!
- Thread starter coolrules
- 37 comments
- 1,871 views
:frown:
well, i think it's funny
- 476
You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose but, you can't pick your friends nose! By the same thinking, you can prick your finger but........
- 651
yo momma
- 3,823
Apologies in advance.
3 guys go to the Guinness book of world records. The first man sizes up the other two and pulls off his hat, announcing that he will prove that he has the smallest ears in the world. The other two men peer around the side of his head, and notice that he has ears no larger than a watch battery. Each wish him good luck and the first man enters the building. After about fifteen minutes, the first man emerges from the building wearing a giant grin and clutching a piece of paper.
"Its true!!! It's True!!! I have the smallest ears in the world!!!" he proclaims, brandishing a very official looking document.
After the congradulations had ended, the second man stepped forward, and removed a very odd looking set of gloves. Upon holding up his hands, he announced that he was going to prove that his hands were smaller than any other grown man's in existence. The other two men smiled, seeing that his hands were no larger than a newborn infant's and wished him luck as well. After a short time he emerged with a very familiar look on his face and the same official looking document.
"Its true!!! It's True!!! Out of more than five billion people on planet earth I have smaller hands than any other person in history." The other two men laughed at how overboard he sounded, but deep down they knew it was true, as the Guinness book of World Records(Tm)
has no peer.
The Third man stepped forward and slowly unzipped his pants, dropping them to his knees. When he announced that he was going inside to prove than he had the smallest weener in the world, it came as no surprise to the other men as they could plainly see that he was hung like a pigmy hamster. And with that the third man was off. After what seemed like an eternity, the man emerged with a very sad face and no official looking document.
When the other men asked him what had happened (as they thought he was a shoe in) he explained "Well as it turns out, I don't have the smallest weener in the world, but what I want to know is: Who the heck is HOLGER?"
3 guys go to the Guinness book of world records. The first man sizes up the other two and pulls off his hat, announcing that he will prove that he has the smallest ears in the world. The other two men peer around the side of his head, and notice that he has ears no larger than a watch battery. Each wish him good luck and the first man enters the building. After about fifteen minutes, the first man emerges from the building wearing a giant grin and clutching a piece of paper.
"Its true!!! It's True!!! I have the smallest ears in the world!!!" he proclaims, brandishing a very official looking document.
After the congradulations had ended, the second man stepped forward, and removed a very odd looking set of gloves. Upon holding up his hands, he announced that he was going to prove that his hands were smaller than any other grown man's in existence. The other two men smiled, seeing that his hands were no larger than a newborn infant's and wished him luck as well. After a short time he emerged with a very familiar look on his face and the same official looking document.
"Its true!!! It's True!!! Out of more than five billion people on planet earth I have smaller hands than any other person in history." The other two men laughed at how overboard he sounded, but deep down they knew it was true, as the Guinness book of World Records(Tm)
has no peer.The Third man stepped forward and slowly unzipped his pants, dropping them to his knees. When he announced that he was going inside to prove than he had the smallest weener in the world, it came as no surprise to the other men as they could plainly see that he was hung like a pigmy hamster. And with that the third man was off. After what seemed like an eternity, the man emerged with a very sad face and no official looking document.
When the other men asked him what had happened (as they thought he was a shoe in) he explained "Well as it turns out, I don't have the smallest weener in the world, but what I want to know is: Who the heck is HOLGER?"
- 4,590
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
The first one says, "I lost an electron."
The second one says "Are you sure?"
The first says, "Yes, I'm positive."
The first one says, "I lost an electron."
The second one says "Are you sure?"
The first says, "Yes, I'm positive."
camon this could be the most funniest thread ever please ppl post a joke for the longest, funniest thread ever! it dont even have to be a joke just something funny ...but i have the best joke of all and no one can top it:
YOU!! YOU ARE THE JOKE!! HA HA
(p.s. i am very sorry if i offended anyone by this, really i am but you should be thankin me ..you have to face the truth some time im just helping you along) lol
YOU!! YOU ARE THE JOKE!! HA HA
(p.s. i am very sorry if i offended anyone by this, really i am but you should be thankin me ..you have to face the truth some time im just helping you along) lol
- 7,271
I hope this doesn't offend someone......
A gay guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink but the bartender says,"Sorry, we dont serve your kind here." But the gay guy is persistant and finally the bartender says," Fine, one drink, but that's it and then you're outta here."
So the gay guy gets his drink and goes and sits in a corner.
A few minutes later, a farmer walks in and says,"Man, i'm so thirsty I could lick a cow's balls." And the gay guy goes,"MOOOOOOOOO"
A gay guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink but the bartender says,"Sorry, we dont serve your kind here." But the gay guy is persistant and finally the bartender says," Fine, one drink, but that's it and then you're outta here."
So the gay guy gets his drink and goes and sits in a corner.
A few minutes later, a farmer walks in and says,"Man, i'm so thirsty I could lick a cow's balls." And the gay guy goes,"MOOOOOOOOO"
A man walks into a strange looking store and sees some frozen brains for sale. One of them is Albert Einsteins and the other one is George Bush's(I'm democrat all the way). Einstein's is going for a billion dollars but Bush's is going for 2 billion. The man asks why Bush's is so much more expensive and the clerk says because its never been used.
- 7,271
(except to the last one, i don't get it
- 7,271
full explanation pleaseOriginally posted by Tom McDonnell
Try saying the joke out loud to yourself (cough included)., if that doesn't help I'll give a full explanation. It's worth it.
- 7,271
me still no understand
us Canucks are a little slow 
us Canucks are a little slow
- 1,716
On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparents house to visit her 95 year oldgrandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning. Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. Oh no, my dear, replied granny. Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even.
Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong. She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, and if that dambed ice cream truck hadnt come along, hed still be alive today!
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning. Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. Oh no, my dear, replied granny. Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even.
Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong. She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, and if that dambed ice cream truck hadnt come along, hed still be alive today!
- 8,542
- Tx, Alamo City
- XRaptor529
LOL i get it
- 3,823
A man walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink.
"Hey, nice tie!" comes out of nowhere. He looks up at the bartender to see if he had said anything, but since he was on the other side of the bar the man just ignores it.
"Hey! Nice shirt!" The man looks up but, again, the bartender is engaged elsewhere.
"Hey! Nice suit!" The man then calls the bartender over and asks him if he keeps talking to him.
"It's not me, it's the complimentary peanuts
"Hey, nice tie!" comes out of nowhere. He looks up at the bartender to see if he had said anything, but since he was on the other side of the bar the man just ignores it.
"Hey! Nice shirt!" The man looks up but, again, the bartender is engaged elsewhere.
"Hey! Nice suit!" The man then calls the bartender over and asks him if he keeps talking to him.
"It's not me, it's the complimentary peanuts
- 3,823
One day, an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they where about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints and got stuck in the thick head. The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust. The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened. The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling.
"SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT, YOU BASTARD!"
"SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT, YOU BASTARD!"
- 3,823
A guy walked into a bar one day and said to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas."
The barman says, "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."
"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."
The next day, the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"
On the third day, the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said, "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
The man downed the first drink and shook his head, "Yeah, my wife!"
The barman says, "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."
"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."
The next day, the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"
On the third day, the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said, "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
The man downed the first drink and shook his head, "Yeah, my wife!"
- 3,823
this one may require moderation(Some, but not a lot. -Josh
A guy walks in to a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. Then he jumps on to the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey did?"
The guy says, "No, what?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table -- whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprize me," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. Sorry. I'll pay for everything."
The man finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves.
Two weeks later, he's in the bar again, and his pet monkey is with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his @$$, pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.
"No, what?" replied the guy. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his @$$, pulled it out and ate it!" said the bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. He still eats everything in sight but, ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures everything first."
that's it for tonight
A guy walks in to a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. Then he jumps on to the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey did?"
The guy says, "No, what?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table -- whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprize me," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. Sorry. I'll pay for everything."
The man finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves.
Two weeks later, he's in the bar again, and his pet monkey is with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his @$$, pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.
"No, what?" replied the guy. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his @$$, pulled it out and ate it!" said the bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. He still eats everything in sight but, ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures everything first."
that's it for tonight
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