AustraliaVision 2015 - ViennaMusic 

prisonermonkeys

prisonermonkeys

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Break out the kitsch because it's time for EuroVision 2015, live from Vienna. And to celebrate, Australia has been invited to beat Europe at their own game.*

First up, we have Moldova, where the long-lost fourth member of Hanson lazily beats ineffectual policemen with a combination of ballet, break-dancing and karate to an upbeat pop number.

* Seriously, has Europe ever seen an Australian broadcast of EuroVision? We love EuroVision, but only because we match the kitsch with snarky commentary.
 
prisonermonkeys
* Seriously, has Europe ever seen an Australian broadcast of EuroVision? We love EuroVision, but only because we match the kitsch with snarky commentary.
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Which is what Terry Wogan, and now Graham Norton, have been doing for years.
 
Yeah, our Commentry is legendary i haven't watched it since Finland won with that monster rock band though, but it was still a good laugh.

Guy Sebastian is pretty good R&B Singer but I would of loved it if we went a bit crazy with our nominee, instead we went with a safe bet.
 
@prisonermonkeys Terry Wogan > Australia :P

Looking forward to this one, I am hoping the Australians have gone for something loony which knowing you guys down there, shouldn't be too hard for you. :P

Of course if Australia win do they host next year :P
 
No, we've actually played it pretty straight this time. We don't really have the competitive audition process that some of the Europeans go through. But, like many of the entrants, Guy Sebastian shot to fame after winning a talent contest - he was the first Australian Idol.
 
We should have sent Daniel Johns ft. Ben Gillies and Chris Joannou. The original unearthed, a decade before Australian Idol was even a dirty thought in Mark Holden's pants.

The song? A glitch hopped version of Silverchair's Tomorrow sung with new lyrics to suit the theme "A long time ago"

Utilise Jay Laga'aia, Temuera Morrison and Jack Thompson as backup dancers, performing a breakdance battle which is won by Jango Fett. After the breakdown, Rebel Wilson (dressed as slave Leia,) cooks Jango some eggs.




 
Furinkazen
Of course if Australia win do they host next year :P
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Yes, but they'll have to do it from somewhere in Europe.

prisonermonkeys
We don't really have the competitive audition process that some of the Europeans go through.
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Just for reference, here's how the Swedish selection works:

1a. Songwriters submit their entries to a jury, that makes a selection (they select 35-40 songs).

1b-i. The public (i.e. songwriters that haven't had a breakthrough yet) submit their entries in a separate competition on the internet.

1b-ii: The public (i.e. anyone with an internet connection and enough interest to actually care) get to vote on these songs.

1b-iii: The winner of the online competition is added to the jury's selection of the songwriters' songs.

2a. The songs selected by the jury + the winner of the online competition are divided into four semi-finals, which are hosted in different cities around the country. The points in the semi-finals and the final are split 50/50 between viewer votes and international jury groups. The international jury groups awards points just like in the ESC (1 to 12) while the points from the viewers are proportional to the votes (so if 20% voted on a song, it gets 20% of the viewers' points, somewhere around 200 - 250 points, depending on how many international jury groups there are).

2b. In each semi-final, two songs qualify for the national final, two songs qualify for a "second chance" and the remaining 4-6 songs are eliminated from the competition.

2c. After all the semi-finals have been held, it's time for the "second chance". Each song that missed the final but qualified for the "second chance" will "battle" against another song that qualified. The winner (i.e. the song that gets the most votes from the viewers) will "battle" again against one of the other winners etc. until only two songs remain. These two songs qualify to the national final.

3. The final. The ten qualifying songs compete for the title. The winner gets to represent Sweden in the ESC.
 
eran0004
Yes, but they'll have to do it from somewhere in Europe.



Just for reference, here's how the Swedish selection works:

1a. Songwriters submit their entries to a jury, that makes a selection (they select 35-40 songs).

1b-i. The public (i.e. songwriters that haven't had a breakthrough yet) submit their entries in a separate competition on the internet.

1b-ii: The public (i.e. anyone with an internet connection and enough interest to actually care) get to vote on these songs.

1b-iii: The winner of the online competition is added to the jury's selection of the songwriters' songs.

2a. The songs selected by the jury + the winner of the online competition are divided into four semi-finals, which are hosted in different cities around the country. The points in the semi-finals and the final are split 50/50 between viewer votes and international jury groups. The international jury groups awards points just like in the ESC (1 to 12) while the points from the viewers are proportional to the votes (so if 20% voted on a song, it gets 20% of the viewers' points, somewhere around 200 - 250 points, depending on how many international jury groups there are).

2b. In each semi-final, two songs qualify for the national final, two songs qualify for a "second chance" and the remaining 4-6 songs are eliminated from the competition.

2c. After all the semi-finals have been held, it's time for the "second chance". Each song that missed the final but qualified for the "second chance" will "battle" against another song that qualified. The winner (i.e. the song that gets the most votes from the viewers) will "battle" again against one of the other winners etc. until only two songs remain. These two songs qualify to the national final.

3. The final. The ten qualifying songs compete for the title. The winner gets to represent Sweden in the ESC.
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All that for a contest that no-one cares about.

The Australian entry should wear lederhosen and sing Waltzing Matilda with an Austrian accent just to confuse everyone.
 
Am I only one who got James Bond vibes from the Estonian entry?

EDIT: OH MY WTH. UK is a second world war song produced 70 years too late, and it is terrible.
 
The UK one looks like it would have suited Eurovision back in the 60's but the competition today seems to be getting less cheesy and more professional so it kinda felt out of touch. But here's hoping :lol:
 
On the one hand, I don't understand what I'm watching... on the other, at least the music seems to be on par with UK chart music.
 
"AustraliaVision", hehe. Well, in Russia, we have our own name for it after 2014 - "Gayrovision". :D

*turned the TV on* Oops, we're going first? :odd: Surprising. Well, let's wait for the voting results.
 
Rage Racer
"AustraliaVision", hehe. Well, in Russia, we have our own name for it after 2014 - "Gayrovision". :D

*turned the TV on* Oops, we're going first? :odd: Surprising. Well, let's wait for the voting results.
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Happy GAYROVISION RUSSIA!!!

Edit: NIGELLA>??!"?
 
MatskiMonk
Happy GAYROVISION RUSSIA!!!
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I also saw some people waving Russian, Ukrainian and rainbow flags after the Russian performance. Looked like some kind of trolling. :D

Hmm, Sweden just took the lead. *goes for cookies*
 
I miss Terry Wogan.

edit: Oslo would be a scary date.

edit 2: Sweden, nice light show... terrible miming.
 
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prisonermonkeys
Yes, but like cricket and rugby and consistent weather, we're doing it better than England.
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Looks like we can also add EuroVision to this list. We're also better at beating Germany than you are.

Next up, the World Cup. Britain, you've been warned.
 
Peasantslayer
Never in a million years, you can quote me on that. ;)
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You guys were pretty confident going into the very first test match between England and Australia - and when you lost, you proclaimed it the death of English cricket, burned the bales, put the ashes in an urn to make a trophy and have point-blank refused to let it out of Lourdes ever since, even though your defence of it has been only slightly better than your performance at the Battle of Arnhem.
 
prisonermonkeys
Yes, but like cricket and rugby and consistent weather, we're doing it better than England.
Click to expand...

prisonermonkeys
Next up, the World Cup. Britain, you've been warned.
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You do realise that England and Britain are not interchangeable?

England doesn't enter Eurovision. Britain doesn't enter the World Cup.

Although if the UK split up and Scotland entered Eurovision, we'd beat England too as its not a singing contest but a popularity contest.
 
A mere quibble. So long as there is one Englishman on the field, there will always be an Australian willing to meet him there.
 
prisonermonkeys
A mere quibble. So long as there is one Englishman on the field, there will always be an Australian willing to meet him there.
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Slightly less likely when the British teams are Scotland or Wales.

Also, Neil Kilkenny.

Also the Eurovision entry was the United Kingdom (England, Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland), not Britain (England, Scotland, Wales).
 

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