Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the Most Inconsistent Car of the Minute!
Because it won't even be consistently inconsistent in the next minute
Not many people seem to point this out, but France and anything originating from it is always, always good in places and bad in others. And not even all the time...something on it can be brilliant one minute and the next it could be ruining your life.
And this applies for everything from the country. But even the rate at which they can be inconsistent fluctuates.
I could give one quite general example, about this one part French girl I know who's been on my mind all too much recently, for all the right and wrong reasons. But this is a car review, so let's stick to racing, which is something we all know about. Not my life story at present, which is something you don't.
The most annoying example I have in mind is Sebastian Loeb. He is annoyingly consistent, in that, no matter how old he is, he just doesn't stop ****ing winning. I mean, why doesn't he just let someone else actually win?? Even Michael Schumacher did that when he first joined Ferrari. And then after he had locked out F1 for 5 years, Ferrari went and designed a car that wasn't as good so that Alonso could take two championships.
But no. Loeb and Citroen have not had the heart to just let someone else even try and challenge them. So with his retirement this year, after 2 wins from 4 rallies even this year, you think "At last. WRC will be more free with many more drivers in with a chance." Right? Right?
No. Because this time, another Sebastian is set to ruin WRC for another decade, this time Sebastian ****ing OGIER.
He almost completely locked out the WRC this year driving for VW and is set to do so with the same team for ever and ever and ever until eventually another Frenchman called Sebastian does the same thing for another decade. With, oh I don't know, Hyundai. Or some Chinese brand.
Needless to say, the modern WRC has never appealed to me because really, who wants to watch the same driver winning for a decade? I don't. And that's why people are losing it with F1 because of Sebastian Vettel too. Notice a trend here?? Hopefully there aren't too many Sebastians coming up in motorsport, there's only so many categories that can be dominated by them.
So Sebastian Loeb and Ogier can be consistent to the point of causing me to want to cause harm to them. So how do you explain the behaviour of France's actual top driver these days - Romain Grosjean?
When he joined Renault in 2009, in place of Nelson "Race Fix" Piquet Jr., and in an admittedly horribly troubled time for the team, he didn't really set anyone's world on fire. He did win GP2 in 2011 though, which put him back in a seat for 2012 alongside the legend himself, Kimi Raikkonen.
I wasn't expecting much from him myself. Until he put the car 3rd on the grid on his first race back, behind just the McLarens.
I was now expecting quite a lot. And he duly went and hit Pastor Maldonado on Lap 2, forcing him into retirement. Early collisions would become his forte for the year. Ironically Maldonado would see similar inconsistency and collisions, making it rather fitting that the two drivers are now team-mates...
Grosjean would end up being known for these first lap collisions more than anything else - most especially thanks to becoming the first driver to actually receive a ban from racing since Schumacher in 1994, by tearing the Belgian Grand Prix to shreds by cutting across Lewis Hamilton and removing the pair as well as Fernando Alonso in a scary incident.
But there were plenty of brilliant flashes still for Romain. He had scored 3 podium finishes including a 2nd in Canada and was well in the running before mechanical failure at Valencia.
Grosjean though would cap the year off by winning the Race of Champions (which Ogier had won the previous year of course), which would prove a point going into 2013. He took a while to make it fully - until the end of the season in fact, but when he did, he was thrust into a position of real respect, his reputation repaired.
This had come through 4 podium finished in the last 6 races, including 2nd in America, a 3rd place in India whereby he had started 17th, and what could have been a win in Japan that eventually didn't quite work out. At a time where Vettel was absolutely rock solidly locked into 1st place in F1, Grosjean's late season form was a note to take.
The question is, in 2014, with new regulations and as a number 1 driver at Lotus, how will Grosjean reckon in 2014. The fact is, his unpredictability and inconsistency means, no one knows. With the new rules there is no guarantee that Grosjean will show pace like his 2013 late season type.
And so we now arrive rather belatedly at the subject of this review. The Peugeot 908.
Now Peugeot's efforts are one part of the French that I do really love. Because they've always been around at just the right time for my liking.
The first real works effort from Peugeot came in the form of the 905. It didn't start off too well - of course - but then the Evo 1B came around and, as a truly beautiful racer, won the final WSC season and Le Mans, finishing 1st and 3rd. Then the next year, 1993, racing just at Le Mans, it went 1-2-3 to solidify its position as the last Group C winner ever. And so I've come to love it.
14 years after their last appearance, Peugeot went back again with the 908. By this time, Audi (German translation for consistency) had locked out Le Mans since 2000. Given Peugeot's reputation on the road now though, you wouldn't put them down as Audi-beaters at this point. Not even in their own country.
And they weren't straight away. On their first effort, they finished 2nd but 10 laps down. 2008 saw an improvement but not in position, still coming off 2nd best but at least being on the same lap as the Audis this time.
But in 2009, Audi switched from the R10 to the R15. And, amazingly, it didn't work.
Peugeot happily took a 1-2 at Audi's expense. The streak was broken.
The car featured since GT5, and reappearing here, is the 2010 model that attempted to defend its crown.
With what turned out to be the fastest racer to grace the Le Mans circuit, and what might be the fastest for a while yet, Peugeot locked out spots 1 to 4 in qualifying. Audi didn't stand a chance.
Until, surprise surprise, the French consistency bug hit again. And all 4 Peugeots failed. Leaving Audi clear to score a 1-2-3 and break a distance record. Oh dear.
The bitter irony is, that in the World Sportscar Championship that had been reformed from that year, Peugeot won every other race. But this time, Le Mans left them hanging.
2011 saw them just barely fail - by about 13 seconds. Audi now had the new closed R18 TDI, but, with a bit of help from Ferrari, two of them were gone in some outstanding accidents. But Audi #2 stood strong and, with some actual speed to match Peugeot now, won it.
And then Peugeot pulled out before 2012.
Truthfully though, I absolutely love Peugeot's Le Mans racers. The fact is, when I went and watched the whole event in 2011, I was backing Peugeot like no tomorrow. I have never backed a manufacturer quite so much in one race - and never will. I believe my original love I found for the 905 made this happen - I even owned a rather small scale replica of the 905. It's just the beauty of it that made me love it, and seeing Peugeot come back with what was undoubtedly a real challenge to Audi, no matter what their reputation was, makes them probably the only racing team that I've actually supported since F1 stopped becoming a sport where any of the drivers could be loved.
The weird thing is, I'd heard of the 905 from GT4 first, and the 905 in GT4 was, as it turned out, well below par. This came down to its gear shift, which actually turned out to be the slowest in the game. Seriously, I could have gone to school in the middle of one of its gear shifts, finished the school day and come back home before it actually shifted into the next gear.
Thankfully for GT5 this was fixed. And its big bruising diesel son was added in its #1 form - the 908.
Because of the way that LMPs and Group Cs are quite unusually worked out in terms of overall speed, the 908, despite being the fastest Le Mans racer ever in this form, is actually around the midfield in terms of overall speed - possibly even the lower midfield. Obviously, calling it slow in any form is a ridiculous gesture, as the reality is that relatively speaking its speed is insane, and always will be.
In this game though, once again for the French, it is an inconsistent drive.
Thankfully for the most part it is consistent to keep on the road - if you know what you're doing it's easy to hook up with the killer 885 ft-lb torque its diesel provides. But somehow, there will always be a moment where you will slip up slightly and have to try and rescue it. It's not a difficult job to do that, but it always happens - and at a point you never expect it. It's a slight niggle but realistically not too much more.
The sound is of course a low diesel grumble - but a really angry grumble at that, a threatening one even. It's way better than the sound the Audi gets which actually matches a lot of the petrol racers. The 908's sound is much more unique.
Obviously at 1.9 million Cr. there is a price to pay - but with 700bhp and this speed, you do get what you pay for.
So in GT6, the 908 is not the best option to take necessarily. It's not the most consistent to drive and not the fastest, and even a very cool and surprising Base Model doesn't quite contribute its cause above other cars. But there's no way you can go wrong with it either. And of course, I absolutely love it and cherish it. So go and check out real life's fastest Le Mans racer - ever. Provided it doesn't fail. Which it will, as it's the 2010 spec.
Remember - never trust anything from France too much. Not even the girls. As I mentioned at the start of this review. Oh, except the Renault Megane RS 265. That's something French that delivers at every level in every way every time. So that's the exception to the rule.
The one I will remember, as the first racer I ever supported. Not the best in GT6 terms but still a perfectly fine racer that will win any race it can.
This was the Peugeot 908 HDi FAP - Team Peugeot Total '10 at Cote d'Azur.
Pictures and writing by C-ZETA.