C-ZETA's car reviews - C-ZETA Awards 2012 - 21/12/12

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Subaru Impreza WRX STi Spec...can't be bothered with the best.
Oh god. Subaru Imprezas. The main bane of my existence in this game, and they're everywhere. And I'm having to drive one. ...BLOODY UMADSON?! :mad:

OK, keep calm, carry on...let's go.

Oh, and also...many cones were harmed in the making of this review. Don't look at the pictures if you wanna see them flying everywhere.

TheTopGearTestTrack-2.jpg

Sigh...I'm having a great time already.

The Impreza in general is not a good car for me at all. And it's not just because I am an Evo fan, it is because it is genuinely rubbish.

Even despite a turbo, the acceleration just feels...lousy. For a 4WD Gentleman's Agreement car it should accelerate faster than this, but...no. It's just not fast enough.

The handling isn't much better either. It's also too lousy. The 4WD may have something to do with it, but then 4WD's are built for grip you can feel (which is why no one in the drifting forum likes them :rolleyes:). You don't feel the grip in the Impreza. You just...turn, and there. Yawn.

The sound is also colossally boring. It is an impossibly quiet sound that you can't even hear if you put your TV to about...I dunno, 20 volume approx? I certainly struggled to hear it a little at times. However, the one good thing about this Impreza is the sound from its Racing Exhaust. The Racing Exhaust sound of any Impreza has always sounded brilliant to me, and trust me, it sometimes makes the less notable ones a little bit more joyful to drive. But sound doesn't do anything for performance, as the HKS CT230R would seem to prove. :lol:

TheTopGearTestTrack_1.jpg

The views on the Impreza are kinda awkward, mainly its onboard view. I don't know what's up with it, but its...kinda moved a bit up then sort of slanted down, and it makes it look remarkably weird. It's hood view is a little bit angled as well, particularly when you look at it coming out of the onboard view. The chase cam is OK, since it is wide, but it's nothing special.

...Right, anything else to criticise the Impreza on...ah yes, the looks. The Impreza back in '05 did look remarkably similar to the Evo IX. However, even so, the Impreza looks stupidly blocky. And, the absolutely stupid part is this...

TheTopGearTestTrack_17.jpg

It's got two spoilers!

Why? Why is this necessary? It doesn't even give the Impreza any downforce! It makes no difference, and it just looks retarded to me. The RM kit doesn't really change the look for me either, and the RM is just...average really.

That's really most of the hate I have to say about the Impreza, so I'm now gonna do A Small Test with it.

But first...

TheTopGearTestTrack_2.jpg

Cone Massacre!

TheTopGearTestTrack_3.jpg


TheTopGearTestTrack_4.jpg


TheTopGearTestTrack_5.jpg


TheTopGearTestTrack_6.jpg

...Yeah, sorry, couldn't resist that. Not on Top Gear Test Track I couldn't. :sly:

So, anyway, we're now gonna put the Impreza through its paces on a 1 mile run down the runway.

TheTopGearTestTrack_7.jpg

And we're on the start line...

TheTopGearTestTrack_8.jpg

And we're off! Very slowly. Notice the completely unnecessary change of ride height at the front that has no explainable purpose :boggled:

TheTopGearTestTrack_9.jpg

It's a good run as I make it past the 140mph marker.

TheTopGearTestTrack_10.jpg

And then braking...notice the rear ride height rising up now...

TheTopGearTestTrack_11.jpg

Skidding it a bit...

TheTopGearTestTrack_12.jpg

And ooh, oh no! That's not gone well!

TheTopGearTestTrack_13.jpg

It's gonna hit the wall...

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...Ouch.

TheTopGearTestTrack_15.jpg

And you can clearly see the damage done to the Impreza here...see.

TheTopGearTestTrack_16.jpg

So there you have it. Not only is the Impreza boring, not so fast, bad looking, not good to drive in and very boring sounding, but it isn't even that safe. So what you gonna do?

...Get yourself an Evo. Done.
 
Love the Impreza review, I think the camera's are screwed on it, especially the RM :lol:
 
:lol: You know, I was going to just let rip and swear at you for that crappy 'review' of it, but I won't cuz:
1) you were forced
2) I'm soooo going to drive that the next time we do a race together :D

But trust me, you'd be so, so, so, so disappointed with the Evo as well. RM or not, I fell asleep driving that. Woke up 5 minutes later to find it buried in a wall. It never looked better in its life :D
 
...OK, while this does have an official name, I'm also giving it an extra part to the name for anyone who decides to use this, so...
Shelby Mulsanne Cobra Black Bullet OF TERRIFYING TERROR
Sounds good, no? Anyway, this is MrMulsanne's special custom Shelby Cobra Black Bullet, never before seen on GTP, TV, BBC, TGTV or anything like that. And I've got to drive it. Help me...please!


I'll start off by saying this: if you do decide to turn your Cobra into one of these, expect this:

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes.jpg

Followed by this...

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_13.jpg

Followed by quite a bit of this:

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_14.jpg

Yeah: it's hard. Quite hard to drive.

The main problem is its original state, really. Cobra's aren't really the best at cornering in most situations, so a tune of it is bound to go wrong. And bearing in mind this was happening with me equipped with 5 TCS, SRF On (notice how it doesn't really work at all), ASM 1, ABS 1 and Sensitivity 0. Yeah...it's gonna be wild. Magnificent.

So before I got down to truly testing how scary this was, I went for a drag race down the Circuit de la Sarthe straight. The Mulsanne (hint hint :sly:) straight, no less.

I got the Cobra ready.

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_1.jpg

And set off, with the Cobra speeding away like nothing else like it.

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_2.jpg

By the time I was at the first chicane I was almost at 220mph. Already!

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_3.jpg

By the second chicane, I was doing 229mph. That was the fastest I got, and that is a very high speed.

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_4.jpg

Then I got to the hairpin and...the brakes locked up. Naturally.

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_5.jpg

Then the Cobra catastrophically swerved left, towards the tire wall...

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_6.jpg

...Thank god I went through the gravel trap, otherwise I'd be in for an awfully expensive repair.

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_7.jpg

So I kept calm, and carried on driving - down Indianapolis.

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_8.jpg

It was a good start again, charging down the straight, very quickly hitting the 190s.

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_9.jpg

But as I got past the second small turn the car started snaking.

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_10.jpg

I corrected over and over again and then suddenly THIS HAPPENED :eek: :eek:

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_11.jpg

I got air, in a COBRA. :eek: :eek: :eek:

It didn't help the swerving issue much.

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_12.jpg


CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_13.jpg

I then cut over to the grass...

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_14.jpg

...then wildly leapt over to the gravel trap. I had been saved again - by gravel. :dunce:

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_15.jpg

I managed to creep my way out again though...

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_16.jpg

...and just kept on driving again.

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_17.jpg

Then as I headed towards the Porsche curves...

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_18.jpg

...and would you believe it, I started sliding again. May I ask, do the brakes on this thing actually...work?

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_19.jpg

The swerving got wilder again...

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_20.jpg

...and then I ended up being saved by the gravel, again.

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_21.jpg

...Only this time I got the car stuck. Putting down 700hp+ on gravel is not really gonna help, is it?

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_22.jpg

So, the Mulsanne Black Bullet. It's a hugely fun, hugely terrifying, hugely out of control bullet, as the name would suggest, the acceleration on it is very wild, it can reach hugely wild speeds and it really loves the gravel traps. Find one, unless you wanna see it get trashed.

Final Score: 16/20
 
...OK, while this does have an official name, I'm also giving it an extra part to the name for anyone who decides to use this, so...
Shelby Mulsanne Cobra Black Bullet OF TERRIFYING TERROR
Sounds good, no? Anyway, this is MrMulsanne's special custom Shelby Cobra Black Bullet, never before seen on GTP, TV, BBC, TGTV or anything like that. And I've got to drive it. Help me...please!


I'll start off by saying this: if you do decide to turn your Cobra into one of these, expect this:

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes.jpg

Followed by this...

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_13.jpg

Followed by quite a bit of this:

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_14.jpg

Yeah: it's hard. Quite hard to drive.

The main problem is its original state, really. Cobra's aren't really the best at cornering in most situations, so a tune of it is bound to go wrong. And bearing in mind this was happening with me equipped with 5 TCS, SRF On (notice how it doesn't really work at all), ASM 1, ABS 1 and Sensitivity 0. Yeah...it's gonna be wild. Magnificent.

So before I got down to truly testing how scary this was, I went for a drag race down the Circuit de la Sarthe straight. The Mulsanne (hint hint :sly:) straight, no less.

I got the Cobra ready.

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_1.jpg

And set off, with the Cobra speeding away like nothing else like it.

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_2.jpg

By the time I was at the first chicane I was almost at 220mph. Already!

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_3.jpg

By the second chicane, I was doing 229mph. That was the fastest I got, and that is a very high speed.

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_4.jpg

Then I got to the hairpin and...the brakes locked up. Naturally.

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_5.jpg

Then the Cobra catastrophically swerved left, towards the tire wall...

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_6.jpg

...Thank god I went through the gravel trap, otherwise I'd be in for an awfully expensive repair.

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_7.jpg

So I kept calm, and carried on driving - down Indianapolis.

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_8.jpg

It was a good start again, charging down the straight, very quickly hitting the 190s.

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_9.jpg

But as I got past the second small turn the car started snaking.

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_10.jpg

I corrected over and over again and then suddenly THIS HAPPENED :eek: :eek:

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_11.jpg

I got air, in a COBRA. :eek: :eek: :eek:

It didn't help the swerving issue much.

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_12.jpg


CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_13.jpg

I then cut over to the grass...

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_14.jpg

...then wildly leapt over to the gravel trap. I had been saved again - by gravel. :dunce:

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_15.jpg

I managed to creep my way out again though...

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_16.jpg

...and just kept on driving again.

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_17.jpg

Then as I headed towards the Porsche curves...

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_18.jpg

...and would you believe it, I started sliding again. May I ask, do the brakes on this thing actually...work?

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_19.jpg

The swerving got wilder again...

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_20.jpg

...and then I ended up being saved by the gravel, again.

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_21.jpg

...Only this time I got the car stuck. Putting down 700hp+ on gravel is not really gonna help, is it?

CircuitdelaSarthe2009NoChicanes_22.jpg

So, the Mulsanne Black Bullet. It's a hugely fun, hugely terrifying, hugely out of control bullet, as the name would suggest, the acceleration on it is very wild, it can reach hugely wild speeds and it really loves the gravel traps. Find one, unless you wanna see it get trashed.

:lol: :lol: :lol: Sure you will be happy to know its actually in a more controllable state than a month ago. Unrestricted down the Mulsanne it hits 235 without chicanes. Working on version 2 as well... :D Thanks Cizeta :D :lol:
 
Hmm……that bad? Mind if I have a go and try to drive it? And you did have ABS on 1, right? Anyways, is this the Anti-X car week? :D
 
Hmm……that bad? Mind if I have a go and try to drive it? And you did have ABS on 1, right? Anyways, is this the Anti-X car week? :D

The Cobra's not bad, just terrifying. It is a brilliant thing to drive, and I would give it another go (I have a Chrome Line on me right now which I...won't use, since it's DLC :lol:), but it isn't that good at corners. And yes, ABS was on 1, TCS 5, SRF On, ASM On and Sensitivity 0. That's crazy tuned muscle cars for you, Onboy :sly:

If anything, if you like the Yellow Bird, this is definitely for you :lol: I actually find this more...not slippery, but funny than a Yellow Bird. :lol:
 
the cobra's not bad, just terrifying. it is a brilliant thing to drive, and i would give it another go (i have a chrome line on me right now which i...won't use, since it's dlc :lol:), but it isn't that good at corners. And yes, abs was on 1, tcs 5, srf on, asm on and sensitivity 0. That's crazy tuned muscle cars for you, onboy :sly:
I wanna go!!!! I wanna go on da scary snake ride!!!!
 
C-ZETA, I'm sure you will agree that the BB Cobra's strength is drag. I've only just started tuning for circuits. Mid range torque scares me tbh :lol:
 
i wanna go!!!! I wanna go on the scary snake ride :d :d :d

I dunno if Mulsanne's releasing it, but if he does, try it. I don't even know how well it does without aids :lol: but I did dupe it.

Also, for Mulsanne, did you ever get any air whilst driving this before? I have to say, it is not normal to get air in any car while just casually...swerving down Indianapolis :lol: I'm sure the '99 Mercedes team would be quite used to it though :lol:
 
I dunno if Mulsanne's releasing it, but if he does, try it. I don't even know how well it does without aids :lol: but I did dupe it.

Also, for Mulsanne, did you ever get any air whilst driving this before? I have to say, it is not normal to get air in any car while just casually...swerving down Indianapolis :lol: I'm sure the '99 Mercedes team would be quite used to it though :lol:

Give me!!!! :D Or just put it on share. Or I shall spam your Mailbox with Amuse S2k Turbos everyday :mischievous:
 
I dunno if Mulsanne's releasing it, but if he does, try it. I don't even know how well it does without aids :lol: but I did dupe it.

Also, for Mulsanne, did you ever get any air whilst driving this before? I have to say, it is not normal to get air in any car while just casually...swerving down Indianapolis :lol: I'm sure the '99 Mercedes team would be quite used to it though :lol:

I used to have a lot more extreme camber, so it did 3 wheel. And at 230mph down the Mulsanne 4 wheels off the ground. Tell ya what, I'm going to go for a lap at Le Mans 2009 no chicane, and I'll post here my time.
 
Give me!!!! :D Or just put it on share. Or I shall spam your Mailbox with Amuse S2k Turbos everyday :mischievous:

I'm not putting it on share, that's just forgery :lol: Besides which I've had to use up my daily trade to give it back to Mulsanne...
 
By the way, you've inspired me to write my own anti-X car thing! :D You should be able to guess what it is…you should know me well enough to guess. The only car in the world that I hate.
 
And at 230mph down the Mulsanne 4 wheels off the ground.

About what, sorry?! You never told me about the secret hydraulics system in your car :lol:

By the way, you've inspired me to write my own anti-X car thing! :D You should be able to guess what it is…you should know me well enough to guess. The only car in the world that I hate.

It's the Prius, duh :dopey: Could be worse though, you could be forced to eat on a G-Wiz :crazy:
 
It's the Prius, duh :dopey: Could be worse though, you could be forced to eat on a G-Wiz :crazy:
No……cuz that wouldn't work for the destruction part. Oh alright, cheap hint, but it's in the review thread title.
Yeah. Scary I know. Now I need to get back to testing my more powerful version :D
Oi, keys, nao! :D Please????? I won't dupe it, I promise!
 
Still working on it, she was just delivered this morning in all her 805hp glory (yeah 50 more than my current one) :scared:
Then PM me the tune! :D Or I'll just send my Cobra over and let you put the tune on it. I wanna be killed in a Le Man Legend! :D
 
No……cuz that wouldn't work for the destruction part. Oh alright, cheap hint, but it's in the review thread title.

So it is the GT-R! Meh, it's OK, just the PP system kinda underrates it I think.
 
So it is the GT-R! Meh, it's OK, just the PP system kinda underrates it I think.
Was there any doubt? And do you really, honestly, want me to start to rant on about its awfulness in your thread? If not, you hush up and when I publish the review, you'd get a lot of lovely pictures of flying GTRs.
 
Oh I see what you did there in your Impreza review.

When it comes to Evos, I love everything except the CT9A's. They're starting to be an eyesore to me. And I find the pig nose of the Impreza GDB-F awkward to me too. Oh I like the angry look on your face, you intentionally crashed that STi :P

If I were to get an Impreza, I'd get a Spec C any day.
 
Quickie, I drive this thing without aids now :P
I WANT TO TRY!! :grumpy: Please? :(
Edit:
Oh I see what you did there in your Impreza review.

When it comes to Evos, I love everything except the CT9A's. They're starting to be an eyesore to me. And I find the pig nose of the Impreza GDB-F awkward to me too. Oh I like the angry look on your face, you intentionally crashed that STi :P

If I were to get an Impreza, I'd get a Spec C any day.
Enough car talk, get typing. Nao you slacker. I've pretty much ran our review thread since it started, I'm bored with being a one man band. I need my lover boi to keep things intresting.
 
Is that just the premium cobra with a tune on it? Can the tuner PM me the setup? It looks such fun :)
 
She's a one-off, no plans to release... yet... :drool:

In that case, since I've accidentally got my hands on a one-off, how much do you need to be paid? :P

Is that just the premium cobra with a tune on it? Can the tuner PM me the setup? It looks such fun :)

It is a premium Cobra with a tune on it. But as said, it's one off. It is fun though :D

So can I just have one day with it? Cuz any car that scares the crap out of C-ZETA is a fun car in my mind! :dopey:

Find something that scares Andre and it'll be your daily drive. :D
 
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