Marmite spread is the pinnacle of world cuisine. Who needs fancy foods like ratatouille, sushi, caviar, or filet mignon? You'd never need anything else than this bad-boy, kept in a round jar with that famous red banner on the front.
Before I tried Marmite, my life was at a standstill. I thought of myself as a complete failure. But once I took a spoonful of this almighty yeast extract, it made me into a completely different man. Ladies flock to me, Hollywood celebrities invite me to parties, and the U.S. Senate even sent in a bill attempting to make me President of the United States for a week (it failed). Every day, I get a bagful of letters (most of which smell like perfume) describing how fantastic of a human being I am. Fanboys and fangirls alike stand outside of my door - screaming - in anticipation, freaking out in amazement even when they only see my left hand.
One bite from a slice of bread slathered with this beauty and your taste buds will explode in a way that makes the creators of the Manhattan Project jealous. As if it wasn't amazing enough on it's own, on other foods it makes you never want to use peanut butter, jam, butter, or even mayonnaise ever again. Throw out any other condiments you may have, they're obsolete. Did I previously mention that you only needed Marmite and no other foods? My mistake. Because Marmite is the only way to eat other foods. Steak, lobster, hamburger, salmon, you choose.
Everything's better with Marmite. Nothing's better than Marmite.
Seriously Uncool.
