Helping a Friend

[Slash]

Recently a very close friend of mine has fallen into a very deep state of depression, I'm mean all out, but doesn't tend to show it. After a bad break up roughly 2 weeks ago with my other friend (guy), shes gotten worse.

She refuses to get help or get prescribed any anti-depressants. She cuts and wishes bad things upon herself, claiming it's "whatever" and that "she can manage."

I've been getting her to vent to me, and she's really been opening up to me because she knows I actually listen and try to help. I only want the best for her. I told her that when she hugs me I don't want to let her go because I'm afraid she will do something to herself in which she replies "I wish it would" and "I have been". She hasn't cut recently however. I asked her to stop for me but she said she'd try. Her mom cut too and she has been emotionally destroyed beyond belief. One of these days shes going to loose it and I'm sure she'll be in my arms.

I do care for her well being so I'm not sure what to do in this situation.

 

[phillgt2002]

This is hard to read and I know it's even harder to witness. All I can say is just comfort her. Don't tell her that she needs to get help because that will most likely make here feel worse.

Nothing much I can say here besides that. I hope she gets better.

 

[Slash]

I just asked her if she considered it, I didn't actually tell her to get it.

 

[Slash]

When she sees me she buries herself into my chest. She told me she wants to leave the area to fix it all. I told her it will solve nothing. She gets it.

 

[W3H5]

Your friend needs medicating in my opinion.

Coming from someone who suffers from this type of thing regularly, there isn't much that can be done without the help of meds, and even then there is no guarantee that the problems will go away.

If she could manage it exercise is a really good way to get free from the gloom, and eating healthily is also a surprising simple way to lift a mood.

Self harm is also something I've dealt with. It usually comes from self-loathing and wanting to punish ones self. If you can find out why she feels down on herself maybe you can help.

I could list a whole page of advice but really if a depression is serious then medication is the best option.

 

[Slash]

I just had a long talk with her, and she is suicidal, and has attempted at least 5 times or more. Dear lord.


She refuses to take meds. She only wants help from me, not proffesional. She's never had help in her life so she said she's sorry if she pushes me away. I'm slowly breaking through the barrier she's built up. Chipping away.

 

[jagdrag77]

As a person who suffered from depression in high school, I can't help but feel to post my thoughts on this.

It really sounds like your playing your part really well, it sounds like she has a friend who hugely cares for her and that's awesome.

In my opinion, medication only seems to make matters worse in cases like this, but it might help her, I don't really know. You mentioned her mother went through the same sort of thing, maybe she could talk with her mother if she hasn't already?

When I was down, I had nobody to talk to, so she's lucky to have such a good friend like you man

 

[ReVoLuT1oN]

Speak to an adult, bro. There's hotlines you can call that deal with helping suicidal people. She needs help and comfort, from both you, and people with experience in dealing with this sort of situation.

Hope she can get through this, and that you don't get hurt a long the way...

 

[Slash]

Thanks for the support guys. It really helps. She keeps claiming how thats just how she is. I keep riding her to stop all of it and she says she'll try...she has only told me and her ex all this info, do I feel like I matter.

 

[Slash]

Sorry for double post, but she is getting really skinny.....

 

[Beeblebrox237]

You're doing one of the best things you can, and that is talking to her and being a good friend. Perhaps it would be helpful for you to talk to a professional, so that you can help her in a better way.

 

[Lizard]

I would talk to a profesional and let them deal with it IE the whole lot, telling her she needs help also, as if you don't it could end up with, well I don't want to mention it. Don't mention that you saw one though or it will all go to hell.

 

[Slash]

So you think it's better for me to talk to someone to help her and not say anything?

 

[Lizard]

Yeh if you say something about seeing someone it will make things worse but if you leave it she may try suicide going by what you have told us. Talk to a profesional and ask what the best thing to do is.

 

[Slash]

I can try....She says she won't but at the same time she has tried...IDK.

 

[Lizard]

Seeing as your OP states her mum was depressed too it may be an inherited condition.

Also I hate to be brutal but going by the extreme amount of depression leading to suicide attempts the psychiatrist may recomend short term state care.

 

[Slash]

I just don't want her to feel any worse than she already does. I enjoy being around her and likewise for her but when we have these conversations I feel like I can't do anything about it and I'm helpless. That bothers me. She said she learned to cut from her mom when she was 10 years old so she thought it was always ok to do.

I am proud of myself for recognizing the condition though and kind of knowing how to handle it.

 

[Lizard]

I just don't want her to feel any worse than she already does. I enjoy being around her and likewise for her but when we have these conversations I feel like I can't do anything about it and I'm helpless. That bothers me. She said she learned to cut from her mom when she was 10 years old so she thought it was always ok to do.

I am proud of myself for recognizing the condition though and kind of knowing how to handle it.

If she is attempting suicide then moods don't get much worse without you haveing to attend a funeral.

Anyway I wish your friend the best.

 

[Caz]

Big ups to you man!
It shows true character when one can step up and be there for people who are at there lowest emotionally.
The fact that she can talk to you is a good sign. Being there and truly listening is one of the best things a person In her frame of mind needs. If you ate truly in this, as I believe you are, buckle up, it's going to be a tough road for you. It's easy for me to say, keep your mood up and outlook positive. She is coming to you for those reasons. Somedays it may be hard, others you may have so much on your personal plate that you may not want to deal with her problems too. Buy you are her rock, when she needs you, your problems need to be gone for the time being.

I do feel you should seek professional advice yourself. Especially if you ate fully into the job. Her diminished mental state will always tell you sh doesnt need real helps, so pushing the issue at her will only drive it further away, and possibly her as well. Talking to a pro and understanding the steps she needs to take will help you tremendously in your efforts.

Do not feel like you are betraying her, in fact not seeking proper help is a betrayal more so than not IMO.

This is a tough situation! And I wish you the bbest. I have lost a couple family members to suicide and several friends over the years. None of whom talked to anyone at all about it. Again, the fact she is reaching out to you is a good sign.


Afraid to sound cynical here but.......
Curios to know about her previous attempts. 5 attempts is serious. They may just be a cry for help, hut if the seriousness of the attempt has escalated after each attempt it may be a serious attempt.
Add to that that she is a cutter prior to this
S, she is already experienced in self harm and knows her limits.

I presume the attempts are a cry for help based on what little info we have to go by here at gtplanet. Only a1person I know of has made it through a suicde attempt. Only because his mother heard him hit the floor in his room and paramedics were able to revive him. He has since gotten help professionally, and gown into a successful family/business man with no signs of his former pains near 20 yeas later. He was one of my and my wife ( way before we were married )best friends prior to this and we had no idea he was depressed let alone suicidal. He stayed a great friend for a few years after. He met his wife and moved away but we still keep in touch.

Good luck man!

 

[Slash]

Yes this is all very real for me. As for a professional, I'm not sure who to go to. She even described to me how she attempted and how some got blotched due to people walking in etc. She said she truly wants death when I asked what she wanted out of life. I was blown away. I do tend to get very emotional when she talks to me in this way. I told her to remember all the good times we used to have back before I knew all this. By the sounds of it the attempts keep getting more serious. I'm really freaking scared.

 

[Lizard]

You should be able to see a good psychyatrist although I live in UK where health is government run so I don't know how hard it is to find a good one there.

 

[Slash]

Well I need to act fast because it could go down any time.

 

[Caz]

Well I need to act fast because it could go down any time.

Thank you for not taking offence to the last end of my lash post. I do not know your back ground, but I may have read that you are still in high school?????? Your in the U.S?
Have you spoken to the guidance counselor? It can be done confidentially without naming your friend. He/she may be able to help send you in the right direction. Maybe legally obliged to. And may even make the neccessary appointments for you to meet with someone.

Have you discussed this matter with your parents? Again, I do not known your age, but even though they may not seem like it, they are your best trusted friends you will ever have. Judging by your moral compassion they probably know what they are doing.

What compounds the matters greatly is the fact that her mother has taught her that hurting herself is the answer to her pains. That is an issue that needs to be rooted out before any depression can be be addressed.

Does your friend do any hard drugs/ prescription drugs? Or have very easy access to them?
I would remove those options at the first opportunity. STEAL THEM!!!!!

Age comes into play as well, but dept of social services may be viable. Your friend may hate you for a bit as she may be institutionalize for a time, but constant visits during that period would help with that, especially if treatments are working. Sometimes being a friend is doing exactly what you think is the worse thing you can do. Breaking a friends promise. When it is well being or life and death, a friend would do EVERYTHING they could to ensure safety.

Again I applaud you for not being a coward and turning your back.

 

[Slash]

I'm 17, she's 16. I can talk to them but I don't really get along with them. I WILL MAKE IT WORK.

No I haven't talked to thrm about it. I keep my distance and never tell them anything. My friend is no longer close with her mom. Only me and 2 others now.

She smokes weed but not cigarettes. She has the occasional addy/xyax/hydro. I can try but its not easy getting them.

I really am going to do everything in my power to help. I think its the right thing to do. When I tell her something she always talks down about herself. I really hope she gets bettrr as I've begun to like her as more than a friend and possibly a bonding experience.

 

[Caz]

Get the relationship thoughts out of your head while you are trying to help. It will only cloud your judgement.
I urge you to talk to your folks. Strongly.
Weed, whatever.......
Seriously, get any thoughts past helping a friend out of your skull.

 

[Swara]

Slash, you should tell her how important to the world she is. Tell her that she still has a looooooong way to go in life. Tell her about how YOU would feel if she left this world. You may need to be a bit harsh by saying that committing suicide does not solve anything in life. There are more things to do, if need be, just ask. I know how it feels bro. I've been in that situation before.

There are a lot of nice people on this side of the 'Planet, I'm sure they will be more than happy to help too! 👍 I'm always by your side bro!!!!

 

[phillgt2002]

While you are talking to her If you remember some of her favorite things then do those or get them for her. I'm no professional but I knew some people who went through depression and when they were surrounded by their favorite things they lightened up.

 

[CTznOfTime]

16 and 17 years old ??!!

you two are way too young to be depressed !!!

Get over it, tell her that...

she is young and still have so much more opportunity,
her future is still waiting for her...

tell her to stop doing ****!!

be there for her...
you seem to be a nice guy... be her new boyfriend.
ask her to be your girlfriend...

help each other...

and live happily ever after....

KEEP A POSITIVE ATTITUDE!! she is way too young to be saying it's the end of her life...
Please stop this nonsense!

 

[Slash]

Slash, you should tell her how important to the world she is. Tell her that she still has a looooooong way to go in life. Tell her about how YOU would feel if she left this world. You may need to be a bit harsh by saying that committing suicide does not solve anything in life. There are more things to do, if need be, just ask. I know how it feels bro. I've been in that situation before.

There are a lot of nice people on this side of the 'Planet, I'm sure they will be more than happy to help too! 👍 I'm always by your side bro!!!!

I tell her problem a hundred times every time I text her/see her. I told her how I felt, and how other people would. It would kill me if it happened. I told it it solves nothing already as well, other than hurting everyone around her in which she said she didn't even care, and again that it's "whatever". It really ****ing sucks.

While you are talking to her If you remember some of her favorite things then do those or get them for her. I'm no professional but I knew some people who went through depression and when they were surrounded by their favorite things they lightened up.

I tell her to think of the good times and laugh about some of my "blonde" moments (even though I'm dark haired ). I really hope that that works.

16 and 17 years old ??!!

you two are way too young to be depressed !!!

Get over it, tell her that...

she is young and still have so much more opportunity,
her future is still waiting for her...

tell her to stop doing ****!!

be there for her...
you seem to be a nice guy... be her new boyfriend.
ask her to be your girlfriend...

help each other...

and live happily ever after....

KEEP A POSITIVE ATTITUDE!! she is way too young to be saying it's the end of her life...
Please stop this nonsense!

I just don't want to seem really harsh and make her feel worse. I'm always there for her, especially when she really needs me. I though about it because I liked her before all this happened. I ask her before when I knew she liked me, she said so. Now she just thinks relationships are ********. I'm trying my damnedest to get her to stop. It's starting to affect me.

 

[Lizard]

It sounds to me (note I am not even studying psycology so don't take my word as 100% fact) like a chemical imbalance in the brain that can cause depresion. The weed may have made this alot worse and only really a profesional can help in this case.