Jetlag - 3 Prologue - Hello LA!

[Zach]

Hey Tony, i'll check. But, if you read carefully, it's done, the replay.

 

[Otsdarva]

Well, as mentioned earlier. The first two chapters seemed rushed, although the third had a nice change with the point of view. Although, the reaction seemed a little over done. A woman stands next to him and suddenly he's cheating? No holding hands, no flirtatious actions, nothing to suggest there is anything between them, just standing there and he's suddenly a cheat? Maybe Gwen is the overly defensive type, but to a reader there wouldn't be anything to suggest he cheated other than her reaction.

 

[uMadson?]

Well, as mentioned earlier. The first two chapters seemed rushed, although the third had a nice change with the point of view. Although, the reaction seemed a little over done. A woman stands next to him and suddenly he's cheating? No holding hands, no flirtatious actions, nothing to suggest there is anything between them, just standing there and he's suddenly a cheat? Maybe Gwen is the overly defensive type, but to a reader there wouldn't be anything to suggest he cheated other than her reaction.

This. You seem to have mixed stuff up, maybe you need a revision. 👍

 

[Zach]

Okay, understood. Why am I such a person? I never read it properly to think what the reader will think. Thanks so much for the valuable feedback! By the way, i've edited so that it means that he cheated

 

[Zach]

Chapter 3 is in progress!