**Moral Debate** Should one sleep with a married women/man?
- Thread starter Sprite
- 62 comments
- 4,037 views
- 7,905
- Horbury, West Yorkshire
- GTP_Sprite
I totally agree, the situation isn't healthy for anyone, but if any woman wanted to sleep with me, Like Solid Fro stated "No single bloke would say no" to having sex, its just that this time Im going to have to but Im really good friends and I hope she will understand, but I just hope she wont try it on with others at work just in case I get dragged in further.
Now saying no to her will be easy, but there are situations at work where I have to be very close and intimate with this women and it will be very hard (mind the pun).
testing time a foot me thinks.
McLaren
Premium
- 45,637
- Texas
I said you just shouldn't have made an assumption about it then.
You replied "Where did I make the assumption, and or do you not like my opinion".
You had a crap opinion, and then turned it to single. It doesn't matter. You still made an assumption about every single, straight man. You have no idea if a man would say "No" or "Yes" to an attractive woman.
Then again, you're probably like Sprite (no offense) and think it's the greatest thing in the world, and you probably think that any man would agree.
Well sorry bucko, but I tend to have some standards I'd like to see before I just hump every hot girl who hits on me in 1 night.
- 1,572
- Famine's house.
- Milford_Cubicle
Srsly, don't get involved with a married woman unless you know for a fact the marriage is dead and buried, with divorce imminent.
I've been cheated on several times (and I was married to one of them!) so I know how it feels to be on the receiving end. It's not pleasant. You need to keep in mind the other party and how they will feel when they find out (because they will...).
Please, give it up now, it's not worth it.
I've been cheated on several times (and I was married to one of them!) so I know how it feels to be on the receiving end. It's not pleasant. You need to keep in mind the other party and how they will feel when they find out (because they will...).
Please, give it up now, it's not worth it.
V1P3R
(Banned)
- 6,310
Why would anyone do that...? nobody gives a flip about respect for others anymore. xD
opelgt1969
Premium
- 2,267
- Bristol,Va USA
- opelgt1969
Number 1 problem here is that you work with her!
Don't play with what you work with. As far as being with someone that married thats your choice but it rarely leads anywhere but trouble.
Don't play with what you work with. As far as being with someone that married thats your choice but it rarely leads anywhere but trouble.
- 30,021
- Cuddington, Cheshire
- JDA1982
I doubt I would, but then being rat-arsed does change things somewhat. I'm a happily unmarried man, and I wouldn't dream of cheating on my girl even if someone else is trying to get my kit off. Tbh, I'd probably do my best not to let it get that far, your getting drunk with another mans wife, your starting to get on a bit too well, then you jump into the same taxi as her, that's plain asking for it to progress. It was Sprites fault as much as it was the womans, he still stuck his tongue down her throat, stayed until it was just him and her left out and then got into the same taxi, which led to her giving him oral. Sure, it would have felt great, at the time, but that's why you don't put yourself in thoes positions if you can help it.
Pako
Staff Emeritus
- 16,455
- NW Montana
- GTP-Pako
- GTP Pako
I know we seem to live in a society where any moral obligation is set aside, this however, doesn't excuse the fact that you need to be responsible in this situation. Not only would you be "the other guy", but think of what a relationship like this would be built on. If you're looking for a relationship, don't think for a minute that things would be different with you. Trust me, I've seen way too many times, if she's a cheating woman....she'll eventually cheat on you. Just some food for thought.
Oh yeah, you should leave marriages that don't belong to you alone. Chances are if you don't indulge, she'll find someone else to 'rescue' her from her situation.
Oh yeah, you should leave marriages that don't belong to you alone. Chances are if you don't indulge, she'll find someone else to 'rescue' her from her situation.
- 29,378
- Glasgow
- GTP_Mars
In general, I'd agree with most people in this thread when they say "Stay away from someone else's marriage", since it will almost certainly end up in tears. At the very least you should speak to her about your possible/actual relationship and find out from her what she is planning to do about her marriage. As Milford Cubicle said, unless their marriage is in the process of divorce, then you are probably wasting your time. I
I'm not saying that people should never get involved with a married person - there are many people who stay in unhappy, even abusive relationships who sometimes look elsewhere before they have the courage to leave their partners (usually because they don't see any other way out...) This is just one example, and I'm using it to illustrate the point that getting involved with a married person is not always morally wrong (even if it's still a bad idea in practice)... As such there is no absolute 'yes' or 'no' answer, which is why you need to deal with these questions on a case-by-case basis... But I'm afraid to say, from what you've described thus far, it doesn't sound like you really have a full appreciation for what you could be letting yourself in for. If it's a fling or a casual relationship you are after, IMO you would be 'morally' wrong to seek it with this woman at this time. Fair enough, if she becomes single, things become a bit less sketchy - but it still wouldn't make it sound like a particularly good idea. It sounds like you are going for her for all the wrong reasons, and whatever the moral implications may be, that's something that only you can address.
I'm not saying that people should never get involved with a married person - there are many people who stay in unhappy, even abusive relationships who sometimes look elsewhere before they have the courage to leave their partners (usually because they don't see any other way out...) This is just one example, and I'm using it to illustrate the point that getting involved with a married person is not always morally wrong (even if it's still a bad idea in practice)... As such there is no absolute 'yes' or 'no' answer, which is why you need to deal with these questions on a case-by-case basis... But I'm afraid to say, from what you've described thus far, it doesn't sound like you really have a full appreciation for what you could be letting yourself in for. If it's a fling or a casual relationship you are after, IMO you would be 'morally' wrong to seek it with this woman at this time. Fair enough, if she becomes single, things become a bit less sketchy - but it still wouldn't make it sound like a particularly good idea. It sounds like you are going for her for all the wrong reasons, and whatever the moral implications may be, that's something that only you can address.
- 24,016
- It/It
- GTP_TheCracker
@ Sprite:
Morality aside, what's the worst that can happen:
A) Husband finds out (because sooner or later he will) Husband and friends hunt you down and kick the living crap out of you (as a husband i know i would)
B) Husband finds out, wife gets kicked out, turns up at your door with bags and children in tow.
C) Husband doesn't find out, wife wants to makes a go of it with husband for the sake of kids - you still have to work closely with her. Cue very awkward working enviroment.
D) You get board of it. Sooner or later emotions come into any sexual relationship (do you really have much in common with a 40 year old married mother, do you really see yourself as mummy's friend 'uncle' Sprite?) So you finish it. Cue very awkward working enviroment.
Do any of these scenarios seem appealing for the sake of a bit of slap and tickle?
Morality aside, what's the worst that can happen:
A) Husband finds out (because sooner or later he will) Husband and friends hunt you down and kick the living crap out of you (as a husband i know i would)
B) Husband finds out, wife gets kicked out, turns up at your door with bags and children in tow.
C) Husband doesn't find out, wife wants to makes a go of it with husband for the sake of kids - you still have to work closely with her. Cue very awkward working enviroment.
D) You get board of it. Sooner or later emotions come into any sexual relationship (do you really have much in common with a 40 year old married mother, do you really see yourself as mummy's friend 'uncle' Sprite?) So you finish it. Cue very awkward working enviroment.
Do any of these scenarios seem appealing for the sake of a bit of slap and tickle?
- 1,202
Speak for yourself.
Sprite: Husband WILL find out. My money says he finds out his wife is p:censored: to off with him and uses this particular bombshell to return the favour. Then later she'll probably tell you that he beat the truth out of her. Alternatively, you yourself might upset her at some point, and she tells her husband to get back at you!. Whatever happens, he WILL find out, and if he puts any value on his marriage or even just out of pride, he WILL do something about it. To you or his wife or both.
When he finds out, A broken nose will probably be the least of your worries. Jealous husbands (and wives) have killed for less. Often. He also knows where you work. Even if she doesn't say it's a workmate, it's the first place he'll think of because, as you say, it's so common.
There is no possible outcome for this that does not hurt at least two people involved, and that's before we consider the kids. Even if you two end up together, she'll never trust you because you were happy to sleep with someone else's wife, you'll never trust her because she was happy to cheat on her husband. Lack of trust breeds controlling behaviour, which breeds more cheating. It's a match made in hell. If she wants out of her marriage, let her get on with it. Then get involved afterwards. Don't let her have her cake and eat it, you'll be the next victim. Just walk away, and hope that you don't upset her when you do.
You shouldn't even need to consider the moral issues behind this one. Any reasoned thinking about the possible outcomes of this will confirm that it's just a very bad idea. Your choice, but you did want advice.
- 24,344
- Midlantic Area
- GTP_Duke
Sorry, wrong answer. I'd turn down any woman who came on to me, no matter how attractive. I've spent 25 years building a relationship and I'm not about to throw it away.
You're just making an excuse. Males are responsible for their actions just like females are.
That's not necessarily true, either. Couples have private thoughts. My wife and I are completely dedicated to each other, yet we've both had moments of fantasy about other people.
But it ends there. Neither of us would consider acting on those moments of daydreaming.
The woman's marriage may be dead here. That's irrelevant, frankly. The relevant fact is that she has not yet seen fit to divorce her husband, and until she does so, she's sexually off limits.
If you're at a point where you're willing to act through cheating on your spouse, you should man up and end that relationship BEFORE you do so. Not doing so is selfish and means that you want to hedge your bets - you want to get some outside action without having to give up the comfort and advantage of the relationship you're currently in. It's unfair to the other person to play both sides to your advantage.
It is possible (though uncommon) to have a successful "open marriage", but that is a completely separate thing. In an open marriage, both spouses are aware of the situation and agree to it beforehand,a nd have equal opportunity to have sex outside the marriage. That's totally different from cheating.
Sprite, tempting as it is, chalk it up to the lager, end it with her, and don't let it happen again.
Danoff
Premium
- 34,058
- Mile High City
Her marriage is dead. Just because the ink isn't on the divorce paper doesn't make it any more alive. Her marriage was, in all probability, dead before she ever met you and is probably only being maintained in the interest of stability for the children.
However, I would suggest not getting involved with her unless you're prepared to deal with a jealously insane husband (think guns). If you're willing to deal with him, or you simply trust her - then by all means, she's going to sleep with someone... might as well be you. If you think her husband is the type that might go off the deep end upon finding out the truth, you might want to consider your health.
If you're looking for a nice girl to settle down with and actually have a meaningful relationship, well then you're going about it all wrong.
However, I would suggest not getting involved with her unless you're prepared to deal with a jealously insane husband (think guns). If you're willing to deal with him, or you simply trust her - then by all means, she's going to sleep with someone... might as well be you. If you think her husband is the type that might go off the deep end upon finding out the truth, you might want to consider your health.
If you're looking for a nice girl to settle down with and actually have a meaningful relationship, well then you're going about it all wrong.
- 5,080
- Panama City, FL
Why would a person who can't keep the vows made to one person be any better at a commitment with another person????
Never understood how nobody see that question.
About 30 years ago I unwittingly had such a relationship. One evening there's a terrible ruckus at the front door of my (apparenly well-built) appartment, and she says it's her husband. First I'd heard of that little detail.
Grabbed her, opened the door and threw her out. No idea what happened after that, never had any curiosity.
Never understood how nobody see that question.
About 30 years ago I unwittingly had such a relationship. One evening there's a terrible ruckus at the front door of my (apparenly well-built) appartment, and she says it's her husband. First I'd heard of that little detail.
Grabbed her, opened the door and threw her out. No idea what happened after that, never had any curiosity.
- 7,905
- Horbury, West Yorkshire
- GTP_Sprite
Well guys, I did it today, told her that what we did was a bad thing and that if we tried to peruse it nothing good would come of it, after a lengthy chat I said that (old cliche) We should stay friends and I would be there for her if she decided to break up with her husband but as far a sexual interests were concerned it would never happen and should not have gone as far as it did.
BTW I totally agree with you guys about the situation and it was very wrong and I've not got a good excuse for the things I did that particular night, but Im also not going to shun a very good friend, like I said ive known her for about a year and when you work as close as we do and spend every none working minute together in a small group you become close, but nothing will happen between us, as I know it was bad.
Thanks for the words of discouragement guys 👍, Im usually morally sound but my lack of judgment let me down.
@ Omnis
I have never been to church and will find no solace in it or God, but thank you for the advice.
@ other comments
Im not too worried about if he wants to hit me thats fine I can fend for myself, I was more worried about the kid's involved than any of the adults. Adults can make choices , the kids don't. If I found out my GF/Wife was cheating on me I would probably do the same and try and hunt down the little scrote nailing the misses, and I believe in karma so I better keep an eye out.
BTW I totally agree with you guys about the situation and it was very wrong and I've not got a good excuse for the things I did that particular night, but Im also not going to shun a very good friend, like I said ive known her for about a year and when you work as close as we do and spend every none working minute together in a small group you become close, but nothing will happen between us, as I know it was bad.
Thanks for the words of discouragement guys 👍, Im usually morally sound but my lack of judgment let me down.
@ Omnis
I have never been to church and will find no solace in it or God, but thank you for the advice.
@ other comments
Im not too worried about if he wants to hit me thats fine I can fend for myself, I was more worried about the kid's involved than any of the adults. Adults can make choices , the kids don't. If I found out my GF/Wife was cheating on me I would probably do the same and try and hunt down the little scrote nailing the misses, and I believe in karma so I better keep an eye out.
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