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Pupik · Apr 18, 2012

TheBook
Is it bad that i read the exchange between DC and Martin Brundle in their respective voices?

No, I do the same. Especially Jackie Stewart's.

Liquid · Apr 18, 2012

Reading Bernie as Bernie is outstanding.

"They should be out digging roads"

It's like it's really him.

TopGearFTW · Apr 18, 2012

I love DC's character, but I don't really get why he's an idiot. All the other ones make sense, especially Safety Jackie :lol:

Lizard · Apr 18, 2012

TopGearFTW
I love DC's character, but I don't really get why he's an idiot. All the other ones make sense, especially Safety Jackie

Because he is trying to be funny. I always saw DC's sense of humour was going to be like that.

TayTheDay · Apr 18, 2012

Yeah, being Scottish it's easy for me to pick out DCs bone-idle moments!! It's especially funny looking at his superman 'profile pic' ...I too read the comments in their respective accents. It's hilarious. In my head I think I'm quite good at Mansell's

LancerEvo7 · Apr 18, 2012

the warm-up lap that happens before every bloody Grand Prix.

I took bloody in the wrong context. I'm kinda freaked out now.

Lizard · Apr 19, 2012

LancerEvo7
I took bloody in the wrong context. I'm kinda freaked out now.

Yeh there has never been a bloody GP in that sense so it would be trash talk if it was in that context.

Seismica · Apr 19, 2012

TopGearFTW
I love DC's character, but I don't really get why he's an idiot. All the other ones make sense, especially Safety Jackie

I think the point is, when he was doing commentary with DC he was always a little slow on the uptake. Brundle was always having to correct him. But then again, he was better than his predecessor Jonathan Legard.

Though I could be wrong.

Liquid · Apr 19, 2012

haitch40
Yeh there has never been a bloody GP in that sense so it would be trash talk if it was in that context.

There haven't been any since 1994 (2000/01 were tyre strikes) and it was rare before that, but in the 50s and 60s...

TopGearFTW · Apr 19, 2012

Liquid
There haven't been any since 1994 (2000/01 were tyre strikes) and it was rare before that, but in the 50s and 60s...

1977 South African Grand Prix.

Just... horrific.

Lizard · Apr 19, 2012

Liquid
There haven't been any since 1994 (2000/01 were tyre strikes) and it was rare before that, but in the 50s and 60s...

I don't mean death on track there has never been a gp in a warzone has there?

Liquid · Apr 19, 2012

haitch40
I don't mean death on track there has never been a gp in a warzone has there?

I don't think there have been any in a 'warzone' per say, but we had GPs in Spain during the Franco regime, in South Africa during apartheid and in England during the Troubles.

TopGearFTW · Apr 19, 2012

Also in Hungary whilst it was still behind the Iron Curtain. But that was more a political battlefield than an actual one

Small_Fryz · Apr 20, 2012

Liquid · Apr 20, 2012

Hilarious site, but why does Alonso goad D'Ambrosio into killing himself all the time?

prisonermonkeys · Apr 20, 2012

It's a running gag. Pretty much every character on the site has his own personality - Button is fixated on sex. Petrov has very poor English is is basically a mercenary. Perez doesn't like chicanes and wants to move everything to Mexico. Kovalinen is just always happy. And Kobayashi is every samurai cliche, as spoken by Yoda.

Alonso goads d'Ambrosio because d'Ambrosio is always seeking Alonso's approval and will do just about anything he asks to impress him.

My favourite one so far is probably this one:

Listen and learn goldilocks, here's a flavour of how I'll be moulding these guys. Lesson 1: "Damonize your opponent". This is to be employed in a crisis situation where your own car is critically damaged in a title decider. Leave just enough space for your rule abiding competitor to try to take advantage before closing the door. Potential Result: F1 title. Possible Sanctions: Not applicable.

Bringing us neatly to: Lesson 2: "The Jacques Attack". As in Lesson 1, leave enough space for your rule abiding title opponent to attempt a pass before turning in as normal. This is to be avoided unless there is sufficient tarmac run-off in the event of unsatisfactory contact. Potential Result: F1 title if succesful, one very upset Canadian ****. Possible Sanctions: meaningless championship exclusion, season wins intact.

It's not always so easy, bringing us to: Lesson 3: "Do La Rascasse". An apparent loss of control at this deceptively simple, low speed hairpin, will block the track thus nullifying your opponents qualifying run. Caution must be exercised in ensuring some superficial front wing damage to convince the stewards of authenticity. Potential Result: Pole position if exercised properly. Possible Sanctions: Demotion to back row of grid.

So to my final nugget of wisdom, and possibly my favourite. Lesson 4: "The Barrichello". To be employed on an ad-hoc basis against any bitter, irritating, ex-teammate. Simply move across your opponent's racing line on an acute angle trajectory towards the pit-wall. For maximum "impact", ensure to start the move early in the pit-straight. Potential Result: One pissed-off Brazilian. Possible Sanction: meaningless 10-place grid drop.

Liquid · Apr 20, 2012

prisonermonkeys
It's a running gag. Pretty much every character on the site has his own personality. Alonso goads d'Ambrosio because d'Ambrosio is always seeking Alonso's approval and will do just about anything he asks to impress him.

I understood the running gag, I just don't follow why it's a running gag.

Schumacher is hilarious. I want to start saying "damonize" now.

Bernie's old fashioned National Service-come-coal miner persona is also spot on.

Centura · Apr 20, 2012

Ah, this website is so great. I love every single conversation between Vettel, Webber and Horner.

Webber: Hold on a flamin' tick there Christian, that doesn't exactly sound iron-clad, what if I'm going for a win?

Horner: Due to limited resources in the legal department, our contracts cannot deal with all possible eventualities Mark, so they generally only cover what we consider to be the most plausible scenarios.

TopGearFTW · Apr 20, 2012

Yeah me too.

I can't remember the quote exactly, but it was something like
Found it.

Webber: Ah fair go mate, pit stops are a team effort, I'm defo getting some credit for this one.

Seb: I suppose you do give the pit lads a bit of extra practice when you break the car Mark, which I never ever do.

Christian: Don't worry Seb, even in the very unlikely event that you break something, we have spares for everything on the car. In fact Adrian tells me we have so many spare parts, we could actually make a second car out of them.

Seb: I believe you do, it's called "Mark's car", haha.

:lol:

I also love Lewis. "Yellow Helmet McLaren!"

Hun200kmh · Apr 23, 2012

http://img804.imageshack.us/img804/1283/f1slate.jpg

If this is made by a Schumi fan then I'd say the guy is a very realistic fan :lol:

TopGearFTW · Apr 23, 2012

I wish actual real life Fernando Alonso acted like the version here. He'd probably be my favourite person ever if he did :lol:

Lizard · Apr 23, 2012

Are these the actual convos or made up? As they surely don't just hate everyone else in the paddock.

lbsf1 · Apr 23, 2012

haitch40
Are these the actual convos or made up? As they surely don't just hate everyone else in the paddock.

Completely made up, not a word of truth in it (apart from sometimes the story that the convo is based on.)

Its just a joke based on guessing the extreme of each persons personality and then making a conversation over it.

God did you really think that Button says all of those things. :facepalm:

EDIT: I swear that smiley used to work.

TyrrellRacing · Apr 23, 2012

Your first post in this thread is on the 29th March, all this time you weren't sure if they were real ?

Lizard · Apr 23, 2012

lbsf1
Completely made up, not a word of truth in it (apart from sometimes the story that the convo is based on.)

Its just a joke based on guessing the extreme of each persons personality and then making a conversation over it.

God did you really think that Button says all of those things. :facepalm:

EDIT: I swear that smiley used to work.

I was going to say if this was real then I would have thought that there would be a no rules fighting match for pole postition not a time trial :lol:

PeterJB · Apr 23, 2012

I'm pretty sure Perez' vocabulary extends beyond "Podium high, Sergio happy on podium." too.

Lizard · Apr 23, 2012

PeterJB
I'm pretty sure Perez' vocabulary extends beyond "Podium high, Sergio happy on podium." too.

Well it is a requirement to enter F1 to be able to hold an interview in english.

TopGearFTW · Apr 23, 2012

Yes, which is why Yuji Ide raced in the past. I don't think it's completely a requirement, but it's pretty much assured these days, what with the amount of screen-time motorsports like F1 get.

mattythedog · Apr 24, 2012

That's a great site! :lol:

Very witty, and clever too.

Terronium-12 · Apr 24, 2012

I love how simple-minded Coulthard is... blithering idiot.

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