Alright. I need some advice..

[Acid X]

Alright. Here goes.. It's going to be a kind of rant, but i need your opinions on stuff as well. I will try to keep the swearing to a minimum. But i need to get this out.. I'm just fed up.

Okay, i've been with this girl for almost two years now. We've had a pretty good relationship, no problems, just the "average" arguement here and there. Anywho, she's 17, i'm almost 18, and i told her that when she graduates she can move in. She's already practically moved in anyway... But that's the problem. She constantly wants to stay the night here. It used to be that her dad wouldn't let her stay at all, and then it grew to him letting her stay here on the weekends.

Now, he's becoming more and more lenient on her, and she can stay just about whenever she wants to. This wouldnt be such a problem, but right now a friend of mine is staying here because he has nowhere else to live. He's 20, and his girlfriends mom wont let them stay with her except on the weekends. Theres *no* problem with me, WHATSOEVER, as far as him staying here. But for my girlfriend, it's a big deal.

She wants to stay here ALL the time. But i dont want her to. I've explained to her why, but she immediately says "Bullsh**" and wont listen to one f'ing word i have to say. I don't want her here because A) i cant sleep well sharing the bed with 3 people (Yes, i'm still living at home, so yeah). B) she shouldnt be staying here when she has school because it makes ME have to pay for her bus fair back and forth (school and back here).

But no matter what i do, no matter WHAT i try to tell her, it doesnt happen. I've already made it clear that he (my friend) can't stay here at all on fridays or saturdays. Theres no problem with that.. So after i talked to him about this, obviously i figured shed understand just going home on the weekdays and staying on the weekends like she used to, atleast until he found somewhere else to stay, but of COURSE, it's not f'ing happening.

She CONSTANTLY gets pissed off at me if i want her to go home, claiming that i just dont want her around, claiming that my friend is more important, and all of that lovely bullcrap. Well, thats NOT HOW IT IS AT ALL! But no matter what the feck i have to say, she wont listen. It's always a CONSTANT battle with her. I'm SICK of it. I want her to go home during the week, atleast a few times, but even THAT is something she can't do without having a damn temper tantrum.

She continuously says i talk to her like shes a little girl, too. Yes, sometimes i notice it, but for god sake, I CANT HELP IT. She acts like a little girl, always having her temper tantrums over every little thing.

I've tried to shape myself in 50 MILLION different ways to make her f'ing happy, but it doesnt seem to be happening. No matter what i do.

The only way she'll ever be happy is if i tell my friend to sleep on the street, or in his car, or whatever else. She NEEDS to stay the night here all the time, even though she knows that it causes me extreme discomfort. I couldnt sleep hardly a WINK last night because of this (3 people in 1 bed). And then even after she KNOWS i couldnt sleep worth a damn, she tries to wake me up at 10 am.. Me only having a total of probably 1 1/2 hrs of sleep.

Thats also another thing she does.. She ALWAYS has a hissy fit if i dont wake up when she wants me to. I can't stand it! I need my god damn sleep, but she doesnt care. If nothing goes her way, she pisses and moans until the cows come home.

I swear im about to break my keyboard in half, or put my fist through something right now.. I want to scream at the top of my lungs and just KILL something or someone. I'm seriously at my wits end with this girl, because nothing i do makes her happy.

I could swim in a pile of aged mammoth crap and she wouldnt be happy.

How the HELL can i make this girl happy? She makes me happy very easily, but she sure knows how to kill it for me. I DO love this girl, and i would rather not have to break up with her to get her to change. She's very very nice during the day, but it seems once the sun goes down she becomes half were-b*tch or something.

HELP ME. PLEASE.

 

[PS]

Silver bullet and holy water. Only way to go.


[edit]

Oh, and uh, if a girl really causes this much frustration with you, and changes like that, I don't honestly think she's worth your love. You shouldn't have to strive too hard to please, you'll just put more stress on your self and end up flipping out.

 

[Solid Lifters]

I think you know already my feelings on the matter. In case you forgot, there's no way a 17 year-old teen should be tied down to just one woman. Go out with other chicks. She'll get the hint when you don't call her and start going out with other chicks. When she asks why you're doing this to her, just tell her you're sick and tired of her not listening to you.

But, you shouldn't ask me what to do. I think you already know what to do.

Good luck at whatever you deside to do, buddy! 👍

 

[Taurine]

You're doing the exact same kind deed with your mate as what you did with her, do you think she realises that?

If she doesn't then it speaks volumes about her but I remember how happy you were with her and I would hate to see that lost..

 

[Acid X]

You're doing the exact same kind deed with your mate as what you did with her, do you think she realises that?

If she doesn't then it speaks volumes about her but I remember how happy you were with her and I would hate to see that lost..

Not sure i get what you mean? Can you elaborate?

 

[Jay]

You're doing the exact same kind deed with your mate as what you did with her, do you think she realises that?

The difference is she is staying over because she wants too, the friend doesnt have much choice.

I would say "My friend doesnt have anywhere else to stay, YOU DO... now OUT.............. Come back on the weekend"

 

[Taurine]

Not sure i get what you mean? Can you elaborate?

The more I think about it the harder it gets to put into words

You took her under your wing no problem but she can't accept it when you do it for another person?

 

[Blackbird.]

If she is really causing you this much frustration no girl is worth it if it's gotten you locking up and building frustration.

 

[Jay]

Girlfriends HATE their boyfriends friends, and I hate that.

 

[Blackbird.]

Hate? Maybe but they use you, not all, but most.

 

[Acid X]

The difference is she is staying over because she wants too, the friend doesnt have much choice.

I would say "My friend doesnt have anywhere else to stay, YOU DO... now OUT.............. Come back on the weekend"

I tell her that all the time, but to her, it doesnt matter. He's "Taking advantage of me" according to her.

@Taurine: Yeah, well, i guess thats just how it is..

@Blackbird: Thats what i hear alot.

 

[Purple Platypus]

Eh, here's my 2 cents, whatever that's worth in your currency.

If you want to get sleep, and that's all you care about, try the floor. Not the couch. The couch is bad for your back, while the floor is very good for your back. It actually isn't uncomfortable at all. Try it sometime.

If all you want to do is make her happy, advise your friend to try and improve his back by sleeping on the floor.

If you want a healthy relationship along with a healthy sleep cycle, you're going to have to get your dearly beloved to give a little. Try your best to explain that your friend's in a tight spot, and you've got to help him out. After all, you're a nice guy, aren't you? She wouldn't want her boyfriend to be the type that kicks a friend out on the street, would she? Now, I realize that you've probably already tried all this perfectly logical stuff, and haven't gotten anywhere. Well, that's the sterotypical result in this situation. It's become a stereotype because it happens.

Personally, I'd have to suggest the third alternative I've got up there. It's nice to have a girl that you can count on to be there. Breaking up sucks. She's probably thinking that you're trying to distance yourself from her, and so she's afraid that she won't be able to count on you being there. If you can work it out, great for you. If you can't, I'm really sorry, maybe it wasn't meant to be, maybe it'll sort itself out later.

Best of luck to ya.

btw...if you can manage the floor without a pillow, that's even better for you. But bring an extra blanket or use a sleeping bag. The floor isn't as warm as a mattress.

 

[a6m5]

The difference is she is staying over because she wants too, the friend doesnt have much choice.

I would say "My friend doesnt have anywhere else to stay, YOU DO... now OUT.............. Come back on the weekend"

I couldn't have said it better. 👍

 

[Jay]

I tell her that all the time, but to her, it doesnt matter. He's "Taking advantage of me" according to her.

Refer to

Girlfriends HATE their boyfriends friends, and I hate that.

She wants you all to herself, but she doesnt NEED you like your friend does, she is too selfish to care.

 

[Blackbird.]

Look, Acid, are you at the point where you can break up with her and NOT regret it?

 

[Acid X]

Look, Acid, are you at the point where you can break up with her and NOT regret it?

Believe it or not, no.. I've said everything i can say to her as far as giving him a place to stay and what not, but it doesnt work. I know exactly what she'll say to every comment i can think up.. For example;

"Listen, he's my friend" *she interrupts* "OUR friend *snitty look/attitude*" -- "Yes, our friend. Anyway, hes OUR friend, and im not about to tell him to go sleep on the curb just becasue you don't want him here. He has nowhere to go, but you do. It's not that i dont want you here, " *interrupt* "Yes it is, he's more important than i am" -- "No, he's not. Any--" *intrreupt and continuous arguement about him being more important than her ensues*

And thats how the arguement will continue for a while.. If i try to put it straight to her like so;

"He has nowhere to go, im not going to make him leave. Not yet. He'll go when its time, but for now you can just stay home on the weekdays to keep from being uncomfortable or whatever your excuse is, and if you don't like it im sorry. My friend is NOT more important than you, he's NOT my number one priority, but the fact is that he needs me more than you do right now. You can go somewhere, he cant." Yadda yadda, and then she responds "Don't talk to me like im a little kid, you always do that, bla bla bla" *arguement*

Fantasmical

 

[Blackbird.]

Have you ever told her that she's acting real bratty and selfish? I mean she can basically spell it out with those comments. I don't know how you do it. But I would break up because personally the frustration is not worth it. That's what I call HIGH MANTENANCE.

 

[Flame-returns]

Well if you ask me tell her she can sleep at your place if she buys a bed for your friend, if not as previous posts have saidn"out!!"

 

[xcsti]

Wow Three people in one bed. That sucks.

I'd say don't resort to calling her a brat, that will only make her feel worse and justify her for feeling like you are treating her like a child.

Next time she tells you you are treating er like a child reply "I'm treating you like a child? Your the one who won't let me fully explain myself. Your the one who won't allow a compromise. I'd say you have to stop acting like a child before I stop treating you like one. I'm making sacrifices so that both you and my friend can be happy." But that could make it worse.

 

[G.T]

You're in a hard situation. I know you don't want to break up but if she's destroying your life more and more and more you will just have to break up. Your health for not having any sleep is the first thing you should sort out. Also if she really loves you she would listen to what you have to say. Not be a b*tch and shout at you nearly every evening.

 

[Morgana]

Acid I don't know you or know anything more about you than what you wrote in your post, but you seem like decent guy, and like most decent guys, you're being stepped on.

She's being...

1. Whiny
2. Immature
3. Irritating
4. Disrespectful to you
5. Bringing out the worst in you, it seems from the anger you're feeling.
6. Unappreciative in spite of everything you're doing for her, all the frustration she's making you feel and the fact that you are still willing to work things out with her.

The things that stand out the most for me here, is that she's disrespectful to you and being incredibly selfish. Being possesive and jealous are simply selfish acts. It doesn't spring from love. So before you crucify yourself any further for this girl, maybe found out what the extent of her love for you *really* is. Not by her words, but by her deeds and how she treats you.

Those traits she's displaying are things you can't change. You can't make a selfish person unselfish. As for you, you should never change yourself for someone. It never works. It might seem that way in the present, but later on in life when you settle down and you start looking for a more than just a girlfriend in her, all those things will surface and you'll realise that somewhere along the way, you lost yourself. Then you'll be bitter and you'll resent her for making yourself change.

The definition of true love, I believe, is finding that person who slots in with you, just the way you are. Someone who enhances who you already are. Life is too short to waste yourself away on trying to make someone happy who does not appreciate you. It's self mutilation. Then you're better off alone no matter how badly you want someone

Just another thought. If she's like that in a place that's not even her own, if she's bossing you around in your own personal space, what will happen once it's *both of yours*?

Sorry if it's not what you want to hear, but I've seen this and lived this. Hope you find a way and I hope you can look inside yourself and inside her and find the real feelings between the two of you because somewhere someone's lying to themselves and to the other and not even realising it. Good luck

 

[Acid X]

Thanks everyone.. I'll think about it more and see what happens. If it continues on for too long, and she wont just accept whats happening, then maybe i will just have to tell her to hit the road... As much as i dont want to do that. Sigh.. I hate relationships, and this is my first *real* relationship.

Anywho, if anything else happens, i'll let you know.

 

[Famine]

Wow Three people in one bed. That sucks.

Not if you do it right it doesn't.

 

[emad]

What would happen if you told her something like "shut up, stop interrupting, and let me finish saying what I want to say"?

 

[xcsti]

Not if you do it right it doesn't.

Hahahaha. I can hardly sleep when there is another person in my bed, thats all I'm sayin.

 

[McLaren]

I'll keep it simple.


Dump her. She ain't worth it.

 

[SS69]

wow my first questions is why do you have a girlfriend? Youre 18 for christs sake. there such thing as fun with no commitment if you know what i mean.

 

[Acid X]

Meh, that's just how it is.. We had a rather large arguement today. Needless to say, she ended up apologizing to me and explaining to me what her problem with my friend staying here is.. We're alright now, i've talked to my friend about as much as i wish to over the phone, letting him know he needs to find a place soon, and whatnot..

Was actually one of our bigger arguements. I was actually yelling at the top of my lungs.. I *never* do that... Meh. If you want details, just ask. For now, im going to bed!

 

[Jay]

she ended up apologizing to me and explaining to me what her problem with my friend staying here is..

So what was her problem with your friend staying with you?

 

[Omnis]

I tell her that all the time, but to her, it doesnt matter. He's "Taking advantage of me" according to her.

@Taurine: Yeah, well, i guess thats just how it is..

@Blackbird: Thats what i hear alot.

umm....she's actually the one taking advantage of you in that situation. i think you should talk to her folks about it, though. they need to understand, too. she needs to be more mature about it, and you should be helping your friend more than just putting a roof over his head....that way he can leave even quicker.