Depression and Anxiety Thread

[HenrySwanson]

Because of the way I feel, which is a practical difficulty.

Did you end up going to the appointment?

 

[kikie]

Did you end up going to the appointment?

The second one last week, yes. The next appointment is tomorrow at 2:30 pm UTC + 1 I believe.

 

[kikie]

I hope I'm not going to jinx it but the depression is gone. I'm enjoying life again and today went jogging again for the first time in many, many months.

 

[HenrySwanson]

I hope I'm not going to jinx it but the depression is gone. I'm enjoying life again and today went jogging again for the first time in many, many months.

You switched your avatar around!

 

[kikie]

You switched your avatar around!

What do you mean?

I removed my avatar for a couple of days but I've put it back.

 

[HenrySwanson]

What do you mean?

I removed my avatar for a couple of days but I've put it back.

My mistake, thought the arrows changed

 

[Michael88]

The insane amount of boredom I suffer right now is like oil on the fire that is my generally depressed mood.

Since my inflammation has flared up since december 2020 I have been taking drugs to suppress my immune system. Naturally, I'm isolating HARD, I don't know what an infection with Covid would do to me at my current weakened state, but I imagine it wouldn't be good.
I don't see people besides when I go shopping, which is always a rush. I work from home only, that's all my interaction I have, and its going to stay that way for months to come.

The only thing I do is work, lift weights (which goes surprisingly well, all things considered) and watch TV or play computer games I have played a million times already and I am starting to loathe. Its a perfect routine, every single day. I also browse lots of Amazon and other platforms, I have some leftover money since I don't spend any of it other than essentials, but I cannot be arsed to order and accumulate useless crap that entertains me for a moment or two. Every now and then I go for a walk, but that's so boring I hate it 5 minutes after leaving my home.

I really just loathe everything lately, I've become bitter and annoying, I cannot even stand myself. I'm one step away from sitting on the floor and staring at the wall, or staying in bed 24/7.

So what do you guys do to stop yourself from going insane in these times?

/rant

 

[W3H5]

@Michael88, is a bike ride not an option? It beats walking and gets you out of the house.

 

[Touring Mars]

The insane amount of boredom I suffer right now is like oil on the fire that is my generally depressed mood.

Since my inflammation has flared up since december 2020 I have been taking drugs to suppress my immune system. Naturally, I'm isolating HARD, I don't know what an infection with Covid would do to me at my current weakened state, but I imagine it wouldn't be good.
I don't see people besides when I go shopping, which is always a rush. I work from home only, that's all my interaction I have, and its going to stay that way for months to come.

The only thing I do is work, lift weights (which goes surprisingly well, all things considered) and watch TV or play computer games I have played a million times already and I am starting to loathe. Its a perfect routine, every single day. I also browse lots of Amazon and other platforms, I have some leftover money since I don't spend any of it other than essentials, but I cannot be arsed to order and accumulate useless crap that entertains me for a moment or two. Every now and then I go for a walk, but that's so boring I hate it 5 minutes after leaving my home.

I really just loathe everything lately, I've become bitter and annoying, I cannot even stand myself. I'm one step away from sitting on the floor and staring at the wall, or staying in bed 24/7.

So what do you guys do to stop yourself from going insane in these times?

/rant

During the first lockdown, I had to change things up a bit, so here's a few ideas...

• Go meta: Instead of just exercising, keep records of what you are doing e.g. measure the number of steps you take (e.g. on your phone, or a Fitbit), set yourself targets, etc. Create 'circuits' or maps (you can use Google maps to do this, but there are also other ways of creating personal maps online) and walk/cycle/jog them...
• Go exploring: within the current restrictions, you can mix up your daily/regular walk or bike journey by walking through streets and areas you are not familiar with.
• Take up a new hobby or pick up an old one: Photography, learn a new language (e.g. Duolingo is free and fun to use), music - you can get into these things very cheaply now, but if you have a bit of extra money, treat yourself to some new equipment. Editing/production is a 'meta' way of enjoying these things too - music production/mastering, photographic manipulation and presentation is almost as important as writing music or taking pictures.
• Get studying: find out about courses or classes that might help you develop a new work or professional skill (e.g. coding), or to advance an interest or hobby (e.g. piano lessons, guitar lessons, creative writing courses etc.)
• Get creative: Try creative writing - stories, poems, song lyrics; try creative music - you don't need to be a virtuoso musician to create music - there's a lot of resources (some great free things like Audacity) to help you edit and record music nowadays; drawing, colouring, painting, crafts, model building... it can be difficult to get motivated to do something creative at times, as I'm sure you know from your Lego creations, but there's plenty to do in these activities when the creative urge is not there e.g. editing, research etc. Also, cookery and baking are great practical skills to learn and develop...
• Play different kinds of games - computer games have their places, but board games, cards and traditional gaming can be just as (if not more) rewarding. Not a great option if you live alone, however, but there are solo games you can play, but you can also play more traditional type games online on a PC if you don't have others to play with at home at the moment.
• Allow for 'down time' - it's OK to be bored, to do nothing, or to have a 'passive' activity, like watching TV, listening to music, listening to audiobooks. One of my favourite 'passive' hobbies was my music collection - I listen to music about 2-3 hours every day, not including when I go to bed! Again, you can go a bit 'meta' with this and create some stuff to do around your music (or book) collection; create playlists, keep stats on your listening habits...

Ironically, I have felt bad recently for ignoring some of my favourite hobbies e.g. my music; I have hundreds of songs 'unfinished' and I know I could get help with them as I have plenty of online friends I could collaborate with, but I am too lazy and don't want to sign up to 'deadlines' for a creative activity; but I have learned not to be too hard on myself about that - when it comes to creativity, I'm either on 100% or off completely most of the time, so it's good to have both creative, active and passive interests - it's just a question of trying to keep a balance between what is 'healthy' and what is not, but alas I must admit to several weekends of nothing but TV, internet and games!

Hope some of that helps...

 

[kikie]

So what do you guys do to stop yourself from going insane in these times?

There isn't much you can do. What you could do is go outside, alone, and go into the mountains and enjoy nature. Nature has a very positive effect on the human psyche.

 

[Michael88]

Don't want to go outside, its snowy, cold, foggy, everything is white, cold and absolutely miserable. I go out every now and than anyway but I hate it. Can't climb/hike mountains since I am not allowed to travel due to the Covid restrictions. Can't go cycling in that weather, besides, I'm ill, I don't want to tax myself too hard.

Photography is one of my big hobbies, but I usually do photos of my travel destinations, which of course isn't possible now. I kind of ran out of things to take pictures of around here and with the weather that situation hasn't gotten any better.

I put all my creativity in building LEGO models (those can be found in the LEGO thread), but that's very exhausting and I can only do one every couple months or so. I just finished one a month ago and cannot be bothered to start a new one so soon after. That's where I put all my creativity into.

About computer games - I enjoy them a great deal, its just that there is usually like 1 maybe 2 games released per year (sometimes none at all) I'm interested in. I find the vast majority of games incredibly annoying, repetitive and boring, especially online games. I used to be a hardcore gamer up till my mid 20's but nowadays there are fewer and fewer games I like, and all my favorite games are really old now. Same goes for series and movies.

Something I LOVE doing is long range modern precision rifle shooting and long range traditional muzzle loader shooting, I'd spend a great deal of time making my own ammunition, tinkering with my equipment and honing my skills in every way possible. I haven't been able to pursue that hobby for nearly a year now, and by the looks of it it will be many more months till the long range shooting facilities open again. I also used to do traditional bow shooting, but lost interest years ago.

Try creative writing - stories, poems, song lyrics; try creative music - you don't need to be a virtuoso musician to create music - there's a lot of resources (some great free things like Audacity) to help you edit and record music nowadays;

Hmm, I have never noticed the tiniest sign of talent in me when it comes to music, I don't even play any instrument. For me making music is basically rocket science. I might give this a try because I'm mildly curious, but I probably should brace myself for major frustration.

 

[Brett]

Earlier this month, I finally scheduled an appointment to see my primary care physician. While my head has probably never been quite right, until the at least last few years, I had something going on that was enough of a distraction to mostly ignore what was going on upstairs in my head. The last few years have been rough mentally. The pandemic has only exacerbated matters.

My appointment with my doctor went better than I could have imagined. I needed to do this years ago, but it has been a big relief to finally take steps to address it.

 

[kikie]

Earlier this month, I finally scheduled an appointment to see my primary care physician. While my head has probably never been quite right, until the at least last few years, I had something going on that was enough of a distraction to mostly ignore what was going on upstairs in my head. The last few years have been rough mentally. The pandemic has only exacerbated matters.

My appointment with my doctor went better than I could have imagined. I needed to do this years ago, but it has been a big relief to finally take steps to address it.

You've acknowledged that there is something wrong and that is the first step to recovery.


@Michael88 maybe you could video chat with your friends? There are multiple chatting programs but you need a webcam and microphone.
For instance: https://meet.jit.si/

Put your name in the "start meeting" box, copy the URL and send it to your friend(s) by email. They have to click on the link and voilà you can chat.

 

[Michael88]

maybe you could video chat with your friends? There are multiple chatting programs but you need a webcam and microphone.
For instance: https://meet.jit.si/

Put your name in the "start meeting" box, copy the URL and send it to your friend(s) by email. They have to click on the link and voilà you can chat.

I don't even have a single friend. I'm not a very social person.

 

[kikie]

I don't even have a single friend. I'm not a very social person.

That's too bad. It makes your situation more difficult to bear during the pandemic.

 

[Brett]

You've acknowledged that there is something wrong and that is the first step to recovery.

Making the appointment and going was a huge relief. It felt like a huge burden was lifted.

 

[kikie]

Making the appointment and going was a huge relief. It felt like a huge burden was lifted.

The only thing you need to do now is not giving up and get specialized help if needed.

Joe Dispenza on youtube is a great source to try to help yourself.

 

[Brett]

I plan to get some more specialized help, but have not pursued it yet. The company I worked for was bought at the end of the year--that change was not helpful to me mentally--and that has been a whirlwind. I am waiting for things to settle down some. I am in a better place than I was and things are slowly improving.

 

[kolio]

Don't believe I have ever posted in here as I don't open up about this type of stuff very often. Something has been weighing on me lately, and I don't feel like my privacy is particularly invaded by opening up about it.

Spontaneity drives my anxiety through the roof in my everyday life.

Typically I am the type of person who will plan my errands and gatherings with friends/family days to weeks in advance. I know this isn't really strange, it's pretty common. But if the occasion arises where a friend invites me to an event on the day of it happening (within and hour or two), I may decline. Especially if it requires a 30+ minute drive. I don't know why, but my mind goes bonkers. I feel like I'm not mentally prepared. It could be a place I've been to a hundred times, so it not like axiety of trying something new or going somewhere I've never been.

Another occasion the anxiety gets to me is going off schedule. Suppose I'm already out at an event with a friend and near the end they ask if I'd like to go to place xyz before heading home. No, I wasn't prepared to go to xyz, in my mind I am mentally prepared to be home at roughly 6:45. This xyz added event will take an hour longer.

I was on SnapChat this morning and saw a friend a few hours North in Chicago when looking through stories. I replied to the story to comment on the trip and picture, and they replied saying they were with a friend and ended up making a spontaneous adventure up to Chicago for no reason other than to do something. All I could think of was how stressful it would be for me to take a spontaneous 3-4 hour road trip.

 

[Michael88]

That's too bad. It makes your situation more difficult to bear during the pandemic.

Never been much of a talker anyway.

 

[Skython]

Don't believe I have ever posted in here as I don't open up about this type of stuff very often. Something has been weighing on me lately, and I don't feel like my privacy is particularly invaded by opening up about it.

Spontaneity drives my anxiety through the roof in my everyday life.

Typically I am the type of person who will plan my errands and gatherings with friends/family days to weeks in advance. I know this isn't really strange, it's pretty common. But if the occasion arises where a friend invites me to an event on the day of it happening (within and hour or two), I may decline. Especially if it requires a 30+ minute drive. I don't know why, but my mind goes bonkers. I feel like I'm not mentally prepared. It could be a place I've been to a hundred times, so it not like axiety of trying something new or going somewhere I've never been.

Another occasion the anxiety gets to me is going off schedule. Suppose I'm already out at an event with a friend and near the end they ask if I'd like to go to place xyz before heading home. No, I wasn't prepared to go to xyz, in my mind I am mentally prepared to be home at roughly 6:45. This xyz added event will take an hour longer.

I was on SnapChat this morning and saw a friend a few hours North in Chicago when looking through stories. I replied to the story to comment on the trip and picture, and they replied saying they were with a friend and ended up making a spontaneous adventure up to Chicago for no reason other than to do something. All I could think of was how stressful it would be for me to take a spontaneous 3-4 hour road trip.

I understand, it's difficult to suddenly go out and see people with no preparation and be the you they expect to see. But would you have the same anxiety if you were to say, spontaneously go to the shop, or go for a drive somewhere on your own? Or is it only when there's friends or family involved?

 

[kikie]

Never been much of a talker anyway.

I'm the opposite. When I'm amongst friends and I feel good, I can't stop talking. In the gym, for instance, I was known for talking to friends more than working out.
Luckily, I can keep my mouth shut for a longer period of time as well and listen to what people have to say. One of my exes was very pleased with that, I think.


EDIT: I just read @kolio's post and I'm also the opposite.
I like to be spontaneous. I don't like to plan things ahead but it is not a problem to do so.
Some years ago during the summer, I suddenly had a plan to go to France and celebrate their national holiday. I was with two neighbours, and one of the two was half French half Belgian, and told them that I suddenly came up with this idea. It was already evening. We jumped in my car and drove to France.

 

[Michael88]

I'm the opposite. When I'm amongst friends and I feel good, I can't stop talking. In the gym, for instance, I was known for talking to friends more than working out.
Luckily, I can keep my mouth shut for a longer period of time as well and listen to what people have to say. One of my exes was very pleased with that, I think.

LOL true, being able to listen makes you so much more attractive to women.

I don't talk very much because, honestly, I very rarely feel the need to share my thoughts and information, I just don't see the point most of the time.
I only talk when I feel like I absolutely can't hold back and it makes logical sense to consult another person for their opinion.

Also, whenever people want to talk to me I happen to be deep in thoughts or daydreaming and they interrupt me, I'm not rude but I'm thinking ''Get ON with it, I want to get back to my thoughts!''. That makes me a bad listener as well.

Those things probably make people think I'm just a super grumpy, dismissive person - which I am not!

 

[kolio]

I understand, it's difficult to suddenly go out and see people with no preparation and be the you they expect to see. But would you have the same anxiety if you were to say, spontaneously go to the shop, or go for a drive somewhere on your own? Or is it only when there's friends or family involved?

I did some more thinking on this last night and it ultimately comes down to fear of judgement in some cases.

Sometimes yes, sometimes no?

If I have a relatively free day (not very uncommon) and I'm doing projects around the house with dad I kind of expect at some point I'll have to run to the hardware store. I may have some dried paint on the jeans. Hardware stores it is normal to walk in a little rough. That's socially acceptable. I won't feel judged.

I am the type of person who has to wake up early, be ready for work early, be to work 15 minutes early. Early, early, and early. If I'm on time, I feel late. I need to mentally settle in to my environment.

If I wake up late (not late, but late to me), I feel rushed in getting ready and showered for work. Next thing I know I feel like I have rushed through my morning routine and then I have itching (mentally, not physically) feeling that I'm dirty and not properly bathed. And then it's a giant snowball. Then I'm early to work by 5 minutes instead of 15 minutes and I feel late. Oh yeah, did I remember to put deodorant on? Of course I did. But I keep falling back in my mind about how I woke up later than I had wanted to and felt rushed. And it throws my whole day off. My body feels tense, I get hot flashes, I feel gross.


Now, it's not the same feeling when say a friend invites out to something on the day of. I'm already showered earlier in the day, I already have clothes on etc. That turns more into whether or not I'm hanging out with a loud friend, chill friend, whatever. I change who I am depending on who I am around. Can I pep myself up today to go hang with this loud friend? Maybe if I knew the day before. Then the spontaneity of maybe that friend wanting to randomly drive an hour to visit a nature center. I signed up to go out for lunch spontaneously, not take away the rest of my day. Which, I had nothing planned to do anyways! Oh no, don't take away my free time I had nothing planned to do with! Sometimes I can't find the energy. I go home, and sleep.


-------


It sounds really silly typing it out. But it really does get to me and eats at me in different ways.

 

[Skython]

I did some more thinking on this last night and it ultimately comes down to fear of judgement in some cases.

Sometimes yes, sometimes no?

If I have a relatively free day (not very uncommon) and I'm doing projects around the house with dad I kind of expect at some point I'll have to run to the hardware store. I may have some dried paint on the jeans. Hardware stores it is normal to walk in a little rough. That's socially acceptable. I won't feel judged.

I am the type of person who has to wake up early, be ready for work early, be to work 15 minutes early. Early, early, and early. If I'm on time, I feel late. I need to mentally settle in to my environment.

If I wake up late (not late, but late to me), I feel rushed in getting ready and showered for work. Next thing I know I feel like I have rushed through my morning routine and then I have itching (mentally, not physically) feeling that I'm dirty and not properly bathed. And then it's a giant snowball. Then I'm early to work by 5 minutes instead of 15 minutes and I feel late. Oh yeah, did I remember to put deodorant on? Of course I did. But I keep falling back in my mind about how I woke up later than I had wanted to and felt rushed. And it throws my whole day off. My body feels tense, I get hot flashes, I feel gross.

Now, it's not the same feeling when say a friend invites out to something on the day of. I'm already showered earlier in the day, I already have clothes on etc. That turns more into whether or not I'm hanging out with a loud friend, chill friend, whatever. I change who I am depending on who I am around. Can I pep myself up today to go hang with this loud friend?

This is why I mentioned the 'you they expect to see' before. It's quite draining when you modify yourself for those around you, looks to me (and you've probably thought about it to) that you just have a fear of failing people's expectation. I'm going on a limb here, but adapting yourself for other people usually just means being more agreeable and making them feel understood. It sounds great and unselfish but it's not healthy for you, especially if you don't have any means in which to express your true self.

I'm sure this point could be construed to be relevant for your trip to work in the morning too, I don't know. Could alternatively be a fear of leaving your comfort zone, which if so I'd recommend quickly avoiding so it doesn't become a habit. Habitually sitting in your comfort zone is a very hard wall to break. And it gets quite dismal.

 

[kolio]

It's quite draining when you modify yourself for those around you...

Can confirm.

...adapting yourself for other people usually just means being more agreeable and making them feel understood. It sounds great and unselfish but it's not healthy for you, especially if you don't have any means in which to express your true self.

Yes, no... not sure.

I'm sure this point could be construed to be relevant for your trip to work in the morning too, I don't know. Could alternatively be a fear of leaving your comfort zone, which if so I'd recommend quickly avoiding so it doesn't become a habit. Habitually sitting in your comfort zone is a very hard wall to break. And it gets quite dismal.

I certainly don't like getting far out of my comfort zone. I need to try new things in life before I get stuck.


EDIT: Thank you for taking the time to respond, much appreciated.

 

[CTznOfTime]

LOL true, being able to listen makes you so much more attractive to women.

I don't talk very much because, honestly, I very rarely feel the need to share my thoughts and information, I just don't see the point most of the time.
I only talk when I feel like I absolutely can't hold back and it makes logical sense to consult another person for their opinion.

Also, whenever people want to talk to me I happen to be deep in thoughts or daydreaming and they interrupt me, I'm not rude but I'm thinking ''Get ON with it, I want to get back to my thoughts!''. That makes me a bad listener as well.

Those things probably make people think I'm just a super grumpy, dismissive person - which I am not!

I am with you on this...
I am so the type of person who can't bear listening to bs, and non essential conversation...
I have limited patience for waste of time filler and for that reason, I am rarely interested in making small talk, which in turn makes me lack those skills, which in turn makes me having lack confidence without myself to go out and talk to anyone, and thus being in public among other "normal" people, I have no interest ...

It is a vicious circle, which makes me much more comfortable being alone with myself and in my own thoughts...

I like my own peace and quiet and do not need to have people around me to be able to feel happy...

Refer to the HAPPINESS thread.

The point I am trying to make:
Being the way you are, I do not think there is anything wrong with you and see for yourself, you are not the only one, there is at least me with you in the same situation.
And more importantly, this is no reason be be stressed or depressed about.

There is no rule that obligate you or me to be social with other, nothing wrong in wanting to be alone most of the time.

I highly suggest you to go to the HAPPINESS thread and share your thoughts on what makes you happy, it would seem you may have learned a few things since the last time you posted. Rather than focusing on the negative or unpleasant part of life, life is too short, it's better if you focus on what makes YOU (not others) happy, honestly.

I did some more thinking on this last night and it ultimately comes down to fear of judgement in some cases.

Sometimes yes, sometimes no?

If I have a relatively free day (not very uncommon) and I'm doing projects around the house with dad I kind of expect at some point I'll have to run to the hardware store. I may have some dried paint on the jeans. Hardware stores it is normal to walk in a little rough. That's socially acceptable. I won't feel judged.

I am the type of person who has to wake up early, be ready for work early, be to work 15 minutes early. Early, early, and early. If I'm on time, I feel late. I need to mentally settle in to my environment.

If I wake up late (not late, but late to me), I feel rushed in getting ready and showered for work. Next thing I know I feel like I have rushed through my morning routine and then I have itching (mentally, not physically) feeling that I'm dirty and not properly bathed. And then it's a giant snowball. Then I'm early to work by 5 minutes instead of 15 minutes and I feel late. Oh yeah, did I remember to put deodorant on? Of course I did. But I keep falling back in my mind about how I woke up later than I had wanted to and felt rushed. And it throws my whole day off. My body feels tense, I get hot flashes, I feel gross.


Now, it's not the same feeling when say a friend invites out to something on the day of. I'm already showered earlier in the day, I already have clothes on etc. That turns more into whether or not I'm hanging out with a loud friend, chill friend, whatever. I change who I am depending on who I am around. Can I pep myself up today to go hang with this loud friend? Maybe if I knew the day before. Then the spontaneity of maybe that friend wanting to randomly drive an hour to visit a nature center. I signed up to go out for lunch spontaneously, not take away the rest of my day. Which, I had nothing planned to do anyways! Oh no, don't take away my free time I had nothing planned to do with! Sometimes I can't find the energy. I go home, and sleep.


-------


It sounds really silly typing it out. But it really does get to me and eats at me in different ways.

Life is too short, why are you trying to make every single moment a perfect moment....

Life is not perfect, you have margins, learn to let yourself more loose and try to step outside of your beaten path....

You seems to be a creature of perfect habits...

It's ok to not be perfect.
Who cares, and even if they do... Stop making harder on yourself...

Just be reasonable with yourself. You are a human, not a robot..

I can never be like you... I am a total opposite.
I need a bit of your skills lol...
But I don't care... I like being "rogue"....

 

[Michael88]

Well, I'm happy to report I found a way to decrease the severity of my illness. I found scientific papers about the effect of nicotine on chronic inflamed bowel diseases and in most cases its surprisingly effective even though nobody has a clue why. Smoking tobacco, experimental oral drugs containing nicotine, nicotine patches used to treat nicotine addictions and even enemas were effective in experiments, and interestingly the time between relapses was DRAMATICALLY increased compared to the usual treatments with anti-inflammatory drugs.

So I smoked 1 strong cigar every day for 5 days and on day 2 I already felt significantly better. Of course that's only a short time treatment during flare-ups, but compared to the other anti-inflammatory drugs nicotine is very mild. I just ordered nicotine patches for further experiments. Luckily I'm used to nicotine from smoking strong cigars every now and then so high dosages of nicotine do not make me feel dizzy or nauseous.

Having a functioning body again and no debilitating cramps with bloodloss every day helps combat my depression, for the first time in months I feel the tiniest glimpse of hope. I just hope it wont get crushed. But even if it eventually turns out unsuccessful, I will keep on fighting with the sheer power of defiance.

 

[W3H5]

Finally some good press for smoking. You could always snus if price or health concerns are an issue. Those little chews pack a lot of nicotine.

 

[JohnBM01]

If it is Winter for you and Winter makes you feel down, at least Spring is on the way to hopefully uplift your spirits. I love cold weather times, but even I admit it can be pretty depressing. Spring just seems to uplift me. Other than this, I hope all of you are doing well. Just remember to keep that smile on your face and in your heart as best as you can. If you need medication or therapy, get it. Don't let depression run your life to where you feel you stand no chance in life. And most importantly...

Don't let depression (or anxiety) win.