Whoa dude, dem' some serious complaints!
IMHO, DR has some of the best rally driving physics I've come across; granted the tarmac driving can feel a wee bit disconnected, it's still a very minor gripe and in no way game breaking. As for non-tarmac driving, if that's where you're facing most of these issues, I'd recommend investing some time into tuning your car.
All in all, the driving is grade A in DR; in fact, as
@Georgeagea just mentioned, D4 seems to have taken a less "simmy" direction. I'll have to give the game another shot as it's been a while but your concerns do seem quite legit.