- 2,938
- Shrewsbury
- pezzarinho17
AIN
AEngineer: "Alright Mr. Alonso, we have installed a new engine on your car as per your request. In theory, your performance should be equal to your effort in Indianapolis."
Fernando: "Ok, sounds good. What is it called?"
Engineer: "The BSOD-W10, sir."
Fernando: "Hijo de 🤬..."
BFA: "How did the engine telemetry look on the way to the grid?"
Eng: "All looked normal."
FA: "Oil pressure?"
Eng: "Yep, also good."
FA: "Suspension sensors trigger any warnings?"
Eng: "Fernando, you can't just skip every remaining race this season-"
FA: "Is there meant to be a violent vibration when I apply the brakes?..."
C"I don't know why you've got the brolly up. The rain in Spain falls mainly in the plain."
DAlonso and McLaren plan their 2-Stop strategy for the race.
Eng: "Stop on lap 22 for Medium tyres, then stop again on lap 43 at the nearest Marshals post when your engine blows up."
EFernando: "Nice, but Andretti's is windproof, and very reliable"
F"OK Fernando, good job on getting 7th in quali, unfortunately this is our last engine for the season so we're going to turn it down to around 50BHP to make it last."
GFernando Alonso and Mark Temple look absolutely ecstatic with their fantastic 7th place in Qualifying.
H"Oh come on, they're making fun of me again? This is already the second time in just five races!"
"Yeah, sorry Fernando, you'll probably have to get used to it this year."
"At least there's no chance I'll be the butt of their jokes for Monaco."
"No, but I hear the "GTPlanet Indycar caption competition" is starting just in time for the 500........"
"DAMMIT."
IA patient Fernando Alonso waits for the cameras to go away before he eviscerates the man from Honda.
JEngineer: I can see the front of the grid, it's just up there.
Fernando: .....................
K"Why are you going to Indianapolis, Bill?"
...
LEngineer: I am sorry Fernando; the elastic band on the Honda F1 engine needs replacing.
Fernando: Does the Indycar Honda engine have an elastic band?
M"I'd rather sit in dog crap."
"You named your IndyCar 'Dog Crap'."
"Uh ... yes! Yes, I did."
NEngineer: How's the car doing, Fernando?
Alonso: Better than it was in Russia, for the most part.
Engineer: But you still can't get any points?
Alonso sighs.
OSomeone should tell Eric Boullier his "pep talks" aren't working
PAlonso: "I don't know why you're holding those Honda notes so close to your chest, it's not as if anyone else wants to read them."
QFernando is not impressed to discover that Jenson wasn't joking about peeing in his seat
REngineer: We heard you ran some marathons so we took the liberty to "Flintstoning" your car now you'll be able to finish the race.
Alonso: "Flintstoning"?!
Engineer: You better get your running shoes.
AJolyon 'Porkins' Palmer, "I've got a problem here..." - and - every - other - track.
B"An orange outfit... Guys, are we sure we didn't copy Mclaren's tracksuit by mistake? This isn't my idea of being on the "Dark Side"..."
CWhile other drivers claim getting within two metres of an apex should be easy, Jolyon admits that back home he never once managed to bullseye a womp rat in his T-16.
D"Use the downforce young padawan!"
EThe Rebel Alliance announce the pilot for their new fighter - the T-Wing
FI used to bullseye barriers in my R.S.16 back home. They're not much bigger than two meters. - Jolyon Skywalker
G"Help us, Jolyon, you're our only hope."
HPalmer is sacked after a tasteless photoshoot where he posed with the disembodied head of Luke Skywalker
IStrong with this one, the Force is not.
JIf Palmer had eyes in the back of his head, he'd see a Stormtrooper posing as Sebastian Vettel.
KI feel like a right "Hans Solo" doing this.
L"I love doing these tie-ins! I hope I get to dress up as Buzz Lightyear next."
"Why?"
"Because then I can go to Infiniti and beyond........."
MJolyon Palmer thinks to himself before the race:
"Right... remember the advice that the Stormtroopers gave me... turn left at turn 1... my driving should be about as accurate as their shooting!"
NJolyon: It never ends well for the crewman in the orange uniform does it?
O"Jolyon, in honour of your achievements in Formula 1, George Lucas would like to present to you the actual helmet worn by Red Fifteen in 'A New Hope'. You might remember him as the X-wing pilot who was so slow that the Death Star had already been destroyed by the time he got there."
P"But I was going to go to Indianapolis to get some power converters!"
QPalmer dressing as Red Leader is the closest he will ever get to being in front.