Favorite quotes

The Great Nerd³ Quotes Vol I

1. Pennsylvania is where pencils go to be sharpened.
2. This little piggy went to the market... to become bacon! Seriously, how did you think that was going to end?
3. Plan B Never Fails. Oh god, they're still alive in there. Plan B failed!
4. I'm going to back away a bit, into a happy bear free zone. HAPPY BEAR FREE ZONE! HAPPY BEAR FREE ZONE!
5. My bear brings all the boys to the yard, and they're like, oh my ****ing god a bear!
6. God hates ducks.
7. He was a spy duck. Can't take the risks. Going to have to build an anti-duck cannon.
8. The ducks have found my new location
9. DUCK CULTISTS!
10. We're pirates dammit! Pirates don't listen to Lady Gaga. Mostly due to copyright reasons.
11. I'm taking this axe for... medical purposes. Yep, medical axe. Legal in California.
12. Jesus Christ is on our team? We really are the good guys.
13. Yeah, we got your six. Your four's here too. We lost your three, sorry.
14. Evil triumphs over good if good is a ****ing idiot about it.
15. There's no story in the bible where it's like: Chapter 4, Verse 12, "And then he nutted him in thy noggin".
16. There are some downsides to playing as Jesus.
17. We don't want Jesus to die. Not yet.
18. Robots don't get to heaven. Sorry, you just don't.
19. Mr Jesus is piloting our space ship. John is on shields and Mark is on weapons.
20. Jesus was a real bread pusher. He should have worn loafers.
21. In space no one can hear you. So gossip all you want.
22. Let's call this ship the USS Please Don't Explode
23. The revels are in hot pursuit, so get to the exit bacon as soon as possible.
 
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date.
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimmed;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance, or nature's changing course, untrimmed;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade,
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st,
Nor shall death brag thou wand'rest in his shade,
When in eternal lines to Time thou grow'st.
So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.
 
The Great Nerd³ Quotes Vol II

24. You lied to me, house
25. Target has been mooned!
26. He just collects legs for a living
27. Right, I'm being groped by lasers
28. My lamp! My lamp! You killed my lamp! I will end you.
29. Why would they change the pictures? Who's screwing with me? Why did my chair just explode?
30. **** everything! I was killed by a wooden bot who could hover his way up a ****ing lamp!
31. Yeah! Killed a paint can! **** the paint illuminati
32. Oh! Shoot him in the spine! Hang on, he's shooting me in the spine. The front spine. What's that called? The stomach?
33. Who doesn't like corpses decorating the place? I mean, really
34. Shut up wheels! Stop judging me
35. There's a grenade launcher in the toilet
36. They look delicous. I mean crispy. I mean dead
37. We're terrorists! Hooray!
38. Why is it than everyone called Jeff can fly?
39. You're supposed to want to shoot children and the elderly
40. You did not just insult my mama! My mama was a lovely tax paying... blob of... green
41. I'm gonna go impale the moon
42. You got lucky there. If "lucky" is the right word when your house barely misses you
43. If your satnav leads you to the middle of the woods, does it tree?
44. Seriously, what have buses ever done for society?
45. All you need is love, and probably a machine gun. And something to eat. And drink. And probably something to entertain you like the internet or a game of kerplunk or some pornography. All together now!
46. I want the sort of horn that, when you push it, a nearby deer just detonates. That's how loud it is, it just literally kills Bambi.
47. Don't confuse taxi cabs with police cars. People give you funny looks.
48. Taxi wants blood
49. I plowed through some humans. It doesn't matter, they're flesh and squishy!
50. Okay you can keep your bike! Oh, police car, police car, police car, dead
51. Why is Santa Claus punching me?
52. You ****** physics! What have I ever done to you?
 
"Sometimes it's the very people who no one imagines anything of who do the things no one can imagine." -from The Imitation Game
 
"Is any of it real? I mean, look at this. Look at it! A world built on fantasy. Synthetic emotions in the form of pills. Psychological warfare in the form of advertising. Mind-altering chemicals in the form of … food! Brainwashing seminars in the form of media. Controlled isolated bubbles in the form of social networks. Real? You want to talk about reality? We haven’t lived in anything remotely close to it since the turn of the century. We turned it off, took out the batteries, snacked on a bag of GMOs while we tossed the remnants in the ever-expanding Dumpster of the human condition. We live in branded houses trademarked by corporations built on bipolar numbers jumping up and down on digital displays, hypnotizing us into the biggest slumber mankind has ever seen. You have dig pretty deep, kiddo, before finding anything real." -from the 1st season finale of Mr Robot

"The guy who invented the wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was a genius." -Sid Caesar via A Whole New Mind by Daniel Pink
 
"I should have been a touring car champion"
-Mr.R, Regular Car Reviews

Removed. If you're going to put in a sweary rant, filter out the whole word. Don't leave in any letters.
 
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Person of Interest quotes:

"You have a .45 under the counter and a shotgun next to the register, and I can get to both of them before you."
"Don't you knock?" "Not if I can help it"
"Point that at me again and I'll shoot you with it"
"It's an innocent question" "No question is ever innocent coming from you."
"You know, teaching can be a dangerous profession" "Yes, I imagine espionage is a much safer choice"
"Was he wearing a suit?" "Motorcycle jacket" "Must be in the cleaners"
"Poke him in the eyes? That's your technique?" "No, that's your technique. And if that doesn't work, just take your thumb, jam into his eye socket and twist til you hit his brain" "Please, stop"
"That's a terrible plan, I like it, so let's do it"
 
"Still, there is something predatory in the act of taking a picture. To photograph people is to violate them, by seeing them as they never see themselves, by having knowledge of them they can never have; it turns people into objects that can be symbolically possessed. Just as the camera is a sublimation of the gun, to photograph someone is a sublimated murder - a soft murder, appropriate to a sad, frightened time."
-Susan Sontag

"This device isn’t a spaceship, it’s a time machine. It goes backwards, forwards. It takes us to a place where we ache to go again. It’s not called the wheel, it’s called the carousel. It lets us travel the way a child travels. Round and around and back home again to a place where we know we are loved.”
-Don Draper

"Do you remember what you told me once? That every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around."
-David Aames

"The only way I could save myself now is if I start firebombing."
-Lester Burnham
 
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"You should get a better dictionary, look up genocide and you'll see a picture of me with the caption "Over my dead body!" - The Doctor (10th)
 
- Ask me what happens when you die in reality
- What happens when you die in reality?
- You die, stupid, that's why it's called reality.

- I'm not trying to be rude, but, you died.
- I know, I was there

- State your name, rank and intention
- The Doctor, Doctor, Fun
 
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