GTP Cool Wall: Vauxhall Astra Coupe 888

[Famine]

Because of this:

And this:

And this:

Vauxhall had a spell of making... you know... cars your dad would buy with cars your dad would like to buy at the top of the range. And they were... you know... okay. But okay isn't cool - and then they stopped even making the range-topper.

Oh sure, the Mk3/Astra F had the GSi, but that just looked like the proverbial Halfords crash - and, oh, the straight lines on it. Even the exhausts were square. But the majority of Mk2s on the road were just the boggo blue one above and they were about as cool as wetting yourself on the train.

The Mk4/Astra G was a real nadir. If you mention the 1998-2004 Astra, most people will say "the what?" and those who don't - or when you explain it to them - will think of that hatchback above (probably in fluorescent yellow/blue/white and with a light bar). Wobbly, numb chassis, completely lacking in anything. Anything at all. I mean, sure, it was... you know... okay as "essence of car", but okay isn't cool. The coupe above came with some performance at least - though touting a Bertone badge on the 1.6 was a smidge laughable - but almost all of them were that silver one above and about as cool as calling your teacher "mummy".


Once you've built up that reputation, there's not a lot that can save it. Look how long the Astra H lasted - even in a shape so exciting it made Clarkson eat his own hair and with enough power to spin the planet backwards (and to the left. Very much to the left), there was no cool in "I drive a Vauxhall Astra". And look at the Astra J - if you look really closely at it, it's a very well proportioned and quite handsome car, but whenever I see one driving past it looks unimaginably dull (and then I see "Astra" on it, which kinda seals the deal).


Vauxhall/Opel, to their credit, are going through a spell of trying to reinvent themselves as they did in the 80s, when Kadett became Astra and Cavalier became Vectra. Okay, so the Insignia's fooled no-one - it's just a Vectra with a slightly less broken platform underneath it - but they keep on dragging along the stigma of old, boring models onto their new ideas.

 

[Jim Prower]

So, basicallly, Vauxhall has the same image - and problem - as Buick. Only without the Luxury Cachet. Am I correct in my assumption?

 

[Famine]

The Vauxhall/Opel Vectra replacement is the Vauxhall/Opel Insignia. Or, as you call it in North America, the Buick Regal.

Nuff said.

 

[Jim Prower]

Yup. That pretty much says it all.

 

[TheCracker]

Hmm, remember, this is not the 'good car wall', it's the cool wall... Integra has stupid wing, it's also quite ugly, and I REALLY fail to see how an Astra is uncool, but a Civic/Integra would be cool, no matter how many letters and numbers you put after it...

Looks have nothing to do with it, after all it's not the 'good looking car wall', it's the cool wall...

A Civic or Integra aren't cool. The Integra Tyre-R is cool, simply because it's the best car of it's kind.

As far as the whole ASTRA thing goes...

I did just under 5000 miles in two weeks in an Astra hire car (newer than the 888 generation), pretty much against the clock, in all types of conditions, on all types of road, hauling supplies and shelter to cover the two weeks.. got the back-end out a few times and even got clear air under all four wheels once or twice, it never missed a beat or p***** me off even when we lost or hung over (50% of the time). I have a respect for them that I don't have for many other cars, and a fondness that is only built from completing epic road trip in one, I even have a 1:43 scale model of an Astra hatchback alongside my relatively expensive collection of 1:18 BMW racecars! If Chavtastic Fords and rainbow powered hair-dresser Fiats can get to the cool end of the wall, I don't get why a BTCC inspired Astra can't?

Good job this is the 'cool wall' and not the 'capable wall' then isn't it

 

[homeforsummer]

I'd just like to add to the spoiler discussion (and I'd also add to bear in mind that I'm no aerodynamicist, so feel free to take with a pinch of salt):

I'm not defending the spoiler per se, but I would say that it might do more than it looks like it does.

When looking at a spoiler you have to consider what direction the air coming at it is coming from. In a GP car the air is hitting it pretty much straight on. You get most downforce by sticking it up in the way of the airflow.

On a coupe like the Astra? Well the airflow over the roof is probably attached, so it'll be more than likely hitting the spoiler at an angle. So it doesn't really matter that it looks flat, because the airflow hitting it isn't hitting it directly.

It's also worth bearing in mind that spoilers on road vehicles aren't necessarily for causing downforce. Sedan and coupe shapes are quite aerodynamically inefficient because airflow tends to get turbulent at the base of the rear screen, which causes both drag and lift. A spoiler helps alter the airflow and reduces the turbulence, so although it may not create downforce, it still reduces lift.

I'm not saying the Astra's spoiler does all this, and I'll agree it looks a bit daft, but try not to dismiss things without thinking about them a little...

 

[TheCracker]

It's also worth bearing in mind that spoilers on road vehicles aren't necessarily for causing downforce. Sedan and coupe shapes are quite aerodynamically inefficient because airflow tends to get turbulent at the base of the rear screen, which causes both drag and lift. A spoiler helps alter the airflow and reduces the turbulence, so although it may not create downforce, it still reduces lift.

I'm also no aerodynamicist. As you said, a spoiler can help the airflow and reduce the turbulence, reducing lift. But surely a 'spoiler' is a body-hugging attachment which alters the shape of a car. What the Astra here has is a 'wing' which has different aerodynamic properties and has the sole purpose of adding downforce and aiding high speed stability?

 

[Hugo Boss]

What the Astra here has is a 'wing' which has different aerodynamic properties and has the sole purpose of adding downforce and aiding high speed stability?

I think that's a correct assumption. Even at Vauxhall they wouldn't classify this spoiler as a visual enhancement.

 

[Jim Prower]

It's a non-adjustable wing, it appears to be trimmed flat, and it's there to give the car some resemblance to a BTCC car. One that ran after BTCC stopped being as cool, post-supertouring.

 

[NLxAROSA]

Nuff said.

Vauxhall/Opel could make a car that outperforms an M3, and they would still be not cool, despite making a brilliant car. Then again, that kind of makes it cool if you don't want to go with the flow.

A Civic or Integra aren't cool. The Integra Tyre-R is cool, simply because it's the best car of it's kind.

Depending on what you define as 'its kind' and what model you are referring to, it at least used to be.

 

[Lucas]

Integra has stupid wing, it's also quite ugly, and I REALLY fail to see how an Astra is uncool, but a Civic/Integra would be cool, no matter how many letters and numbers you put after it...

You and me both, man.

-------------------

If anything, I had say this car is actually cooler than an Integra Type R (Racing, mad tyte yo). Now that I think about it, I should have voted the Astra Uncool.

 

[homeforsummer]

I'm also no aerodynamicist. As you said, a spoiler can help the airflow and reduce the turbulence, reducing lift. But surely a 'spoiler' is a body-hugging attachment which alters the shape of a car. What the Astra here has is a 'wing' which has different aerodynamic properties and has the sole purpose of adding downforce and aiding high speed stability?

You might be right - I was only speculating It's certainly more of a visual enhancement than a practical one I should think, but I was just giving a reason that it doesn't really matter that it's fairly flat in profile.

Incidentally on that note:

It's a non-adjustable wing, it appears to be trimmed flat, and it's there to give the car some resemblance to a BTCC car. One that ran after BTCC stopped being as cool, post-supertouring.

Did you even read what I wrote Jim? It shouldn't matter that it's flat in profile because the air approaching it is doing so at an angle rather than straight on

 

[Jim Prower]

and this makes it any less of a factory ricer how?

 

[Claybird]

Looks to "tun-ish" for me, uncool.

 

[Famine]

You might be right - I was only speculating It's certainly more of a visual enhancement than a practical one I should think, but I was just giving a reason that it doesn't really matter that it's fairly flat in profile.

Did you even read what I wrote Jim? It shouldn't matter that it's flat in profile because the air approaching it is doing so at an angle rather than straight on

Just to sort-of settle this...

A spoiler spoils airflow. Generally they work by creating chaotic air turbulence, which generates all kinds of forces in all kinds of directions, stabilising the surface to which they're mounted by not generating any significant force in any one direction at any time. Pretty much anything will do - a shelf (as here), a cat stapled to a watermelon, a microwave oven - but in terms of aesthetics, the commonest solution is a a swoopily-shaped bit of bodywork or something that looks like it belongs on a race car.

A wing redirects airflow. Generally they work by changing airflow direction or creating a speed differential over their surface (the Bernoulli Effect). They can either be shaped like an aircraft wing - so the airflow over one surface is faster than the other, generating thrust perpendicular to the laminar flow over that surface - or angled to force airflow in a given direction, generating thrust in the opposite direction. If the air comes out upwards, the force is generated downwards. If it comes out straight backwards (regardless of how it goes in), it's not going have any noticeable effect. Or it can be both shaped and angled. A wing can also be a spoiler, but a spoiler isn't a wing.


In this instance, the object mounted on the back is flat-plane and won't generate thrust by airspeed differential. It's not angled upwards so it won't generate thrust downwards. So it's a spoiler, but not a wing.

This is a good thing - it stabilises the car at speed in a straight line. It doesn't generate downforce, which would be a relatively bad thing on a front-wheel drive car anyway if not paired with a front splitter to generate at least an equal amount of front downforce - you'd effectively increase the weight on a pair of wheels which are only there to stop the back seat passengers getting hot arses.

But yes, it's factory rice - near-on anything would do the job, without having to put a pantograph on the tail.

 

[homeforsummer]

and this makes it any less of a factory ricer how?

I didn't say it wasn't, but you've mentioned on about three occasions that it's flat plane as if it makes any difference... or that it's non-adjustable, for that matter. How many road cars have adjustable spoilers? And how many people crack out the allen key to give themselves more downforce to pop down to the shops?

If anything, an adjustable spoiler would be even less cool.

This is a good thing - it stabilises the car at speed in a straight line. It doesn't generate downforce, which would be a relatively bad thing on a front-wheel drive car anyway if not paired with a front splitter to generate at least an equal amount of front downforce - you'd effectively increase the weight on a pair of wheels which are only there to stop the back seat passengers getting hot arses.

So I was nearly there then - it's not for downforce (as I mentioned), it's for refining the airflow.

But yes, it's factory rice - near-on anything would do the job, without having to put a pantograph on the tail.

True. It'd probably have looked better with a lip spoiler as is currently the rage, but then it wouldn't have had the BTCC vibe.

Incidentally, I seem to recall contemporary tests of the car being reasonably positive. Even the old departed 'Triple C' magazine came away impressed after track testing the car (I have the issue somewhere), and they never usually minced their words with road cars on the track.

Not that any of this makes it cool of course, but still.