Jokes... in the REAL world... (Caution Advised)

[TS]

Because we only have one "yellow".

Amber on its own = Get ready to stop (floor it).
Red and amber together = Get ready to go (floor it).

Works kinda like the tree at a drag strip.

 

[Omnis]

Because we only have one "yellow".

Amber on its own = Get ready to stop (floor it).
Red and amber together = Get ready to go (floor it).

Oh, that changes everything.

 

[guska]

Well, over here in Oz, ours are like this

Red - Stop
Amber - Caution, stop if it doesn't mean jumping hard on your brakes
Green - Go

 

[Slicks]

Hmm... How odd.
Our lights work roughly as such:
Green - You're going too slow. Mat it.
Yellow - Mat it. You might make it.
Red - You can still go, but only in Quebec. In which case, you must mat it.

 

[guska]

Sorry, i had them around the wrong way

RED
AMBER
GREEN

 

[Jay]

Ours go red, red & amber, green, amber, red.

Red = Stop.
Red & Amber = Get ready to go.
Green = Go.
Amber = Get ready to stop.

Hmm Interesting. Sounds like a great system for traffic light drag racers.


*Red & Amber* All the engines start revving.

 

[Famine]

Hmm Interesting. Sounds like a great system for traffic light drag racers.


*Red & Amber* All the engines start revving.

If you're only revving when the amber comes on, you're already too late. Almost everyone goes at red & amber.

 

[Jay]

If you're only revving when the amber comes on, you're already too late. Almost everyone goes at red & amber.

Haha, what about the people that are supposed to be stopping for the amber from the other direction and they decide to run it? Or does the red+amber only come on after the other direction has red?

 

[Famine]

Haha, what about the people that are supposed to be stopping for the amber from the other direction and they decide to run it? Or does the red+amber only come on after the other direction has red?

That's the theory, yes.

 

[southern347]

Hey, just thought id check out this thread. And btw, those jokes are the best, Famine!

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea?



(no eyed deer)

 

[Famine]

Now, if that were a real-world joke, the "punchline" would be:

A tragic accident or anopthalmic genetic defect.

 

[southern347]

No, it gets better. What do yo call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
STILL no idea?

Sometimes you see geese flying in a "v" formation and one side is longer than the other. You know why?


More geese in that side.

 

[daan]

I'm guessing that if this . was the point...










































Then you are here ->

 

[southern347]

okay. What do Dale Earnhardt and Pink Floyd have in common?


Their last big hits were the wall.

Ive got tons of bad jokes!

 

[daan]

You are off topic for this thread. Go and find a (bad) jokes thread.

 

[Dave A]

A boy had a dog with no legs called Cigarette, so named because every morinning he took him out for a drag. After a few weeks the RSPCA knocked on his door, took the dog away, had it put down thanks to it's lack of legs and by this time badly torn up underbelly and several broken ribs from going up and down kerbs, and had the boy charged with animal cruelty.

 

[markj_87]

What do you get if you jump out of a Concorde?

Killed.

(As opposed to 'shorter').

 

[southern347]

GREAT! I love it!
what do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinocerous?


Hell if I know.

How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

3.....one to hold the bulb and 2 to turn the ladder.


I read this joke somewhere else, so it may not be quite right.........
A 747 pilot was en route to Frankfurt, where the air traffic controllers are known for being quite ornery. They briefed the pilot on directions to the gate after landing. The pilot of the 747 asked for clarification, and was answered with "This is Frankfurt, the largest airport in Germany, havent you been here before?" To which the pilot replied, "yes, but it was 1943, and it was dark"

 

[Dave A]

This thread isn't for thoes types of jokes Southern347, might I direct you here...
https://www.gtplanet.net/forum/showthread.php?p=2344133#post2344133
👍

 

[daan]

Southern347 - You are not required in this thread. We have a proper jokes thread for you. You don't seem to understand this thread.

 

[Famine]

I read this joke somewhere else, so it may not be quite right.........
A 747 pilot was en route to Frankfurt, where the air traffic controllers are known for being quite ornery. They briefed the pilot on directions to the gate after landing. The pilot of the 747 asked for clarification, and was answered with "This is Frankfurt, the largest airport in Germany, havent you been here before?" To which the pilot replied, "yes, but it was 1943, and it was dark"

That's a normal joke. This is for situations which comedians parody to generate jokes, but wouldn't happen in real-life - with the real-life conclusion on the end.

So your gag would then add:

"I find that offensive," said the ground controller. "WWII was a dark period of our history, of which we aren't proud, and many innocent Germans died in allied raids on our cities."
He forwards his complaint and taped conversation to BALPA, and the pilot is suspended for racial abuse on open comm channels.

 

[southern347]

ooooohhhhh, okay, sorry guys.. i get it now.
BTW, I am not racist against anyone, I just thought that was a funny joke. All of my proper jokes will now be located in proper thread.

 

[Pupik]

A man typed a post.

It wasn't a joke.

 

[Danoff]

Why is 6 afraid of 7?




It isn't. 6 is a number, it can't feel emotions like fear.

 

[zoxxy]

Once upon a time there were two elks sitting in a tree. Suddenly, a submarine crashed down onto the pinetree next to them.
'He probably lives there', said one of the elks.

 

[VT]

Once upon a time there were two elks sitting in a tree. Suddenly, a submarine crashed down onto the pinetree next to them.
'He probably lives there', said one of the elks.

May I be the first to say "wtf?"

 

[Touring Mars]

Jokes... in zoxxy's world

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

1. Blind.
2. Simon (because that's his name...)
3. Anything you want, he won't be able to see you to chase after you...

 

[Wolfe]

These jokes are the best.....

Famine wins again!

 

[guska]

May I be the first to say "wtf?"

Actually, you weren't the first, but I decided that I would probably look stupid...I guess not.

 

[FastEddie12]

Brilliant again, Famine...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because it thought it could see some grain on the grass there.



An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman were crossing a desert in a taxi when it broke down. The Scotsman drained the water from the radiator into an empty bottle; the Englishman drained some fuel into a fuel can to make it easier to light a fire at night; the Irishman carried their bags.