A big black piece of tarmac goes into a pub and shoulders a couple of people out of the way at the bar, grunting.
"Give me a pint!" he growls at the barman. He gets his pint and glowers around the pub looking mean.
A small piece of green tarmac comes in and makes his way to the bar. In a high-pitched, effeminate voice he asks "Please can I have a lemonade?". As the barman gets the lemonade he sees the big black piece of tarmac vanishing into the toilets.
The small green piece of tarmac finishes his lemonade and leaves the pub. The black tarmac looks round the toilet door - "Has he gone yet?".
"What's up with you?" asks the barman, "I thought you were supposed to be a tough guy?".
"I am" says the black tarmac, "but he's a cycle-path!".
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An Englishman, Irishman, Scotsman, Frenchman, Indian, Italian, Israeli, Arab, Russian and a German walk into a pub.
"Oi!", says the doorman, "You can't come in here without a Thai!".