Social Awkwardness

[BubbleBelly542]

I'm not quite sure where this belongs so I'll put it here I suppose.

I am very socially awkward. I know exactly why, it's technology. The ability to talk to someone without being face to face has ruined me socially. Often times I will get very nervous in social situations. I am shy and I am afraid to approach anyone new. There's a person I've known for over a year now, I've even hung out with him several times, yet I'm still afraid of him and get nervous when I talk to him.

When I talk to girls the social awkwardness becomes even worse. I have low self-esteem and just don't know what to say to girls, so I get extremely nervous.

Whether I'm talking to girls or boys, I don't know when to make eye contact. It feels weird to look at their eyes. I feel like it's creepy.

I'm wondering if I could go to a therapist or something to get help? Is that possible?

Obviously I have some big issues. Is anyone else like this (because of technology)? Any tips to get over the social awkwardness?

 

[Wyvern_64]

That's not abnormal, I used to be the exact same way and still am sometimes. Best advise I can give is to just tell yourself that getting nervous just makes it worse, then you'll have even more to be nervous about. Just try to relax I guess, seems to help me.

My problem is that I can't think of anything good to say until a few hours later. Figures.

 

[Beeblebrox237]

Hmm, I just can't talk to girls. Well, I can talk to them just fine, but only if I want to be friends . Le friendzone...

 

[hawkeye122]

I can talk to girls, but it's hit and miss. Girls that I know, it's easy.

Sadly I am abetter writer than conversationalist, since I can go back and check my writing 100's of times before sending it. But once you say something, it's gone. I hate that.

Look guys in the eye, and shake their hand. Thats a thing. It feels awkward, but do it. Once you have true mates, they dont care. But just random people who arent friends? Look them in the eye initially, then be totally casual.

Girls... you have to master some sort of... casual glance. Don't speak to them face to face, you want to sit at a slightly obscure angle. Then, you can turn your head their direction(indicating that you ARE paying attention), casually glance at things in the background, but then when you finish off your point, zero in on the eyes, but only briefly. Then look back down. Or to the side. You cant stare at them, but they dont like it when you cant look them in the face. It's hard, but when you get it, it makes sense.

Most importantly, remember: You are the best. Everything you do, you go hard. And noone does it better.

 

[Slash]

Hmm, I just can't talk to girls. Well, I can talk to them just fine, but only if I want to be friends . Le friendzone...

Same. If I see a good looking one, I always look away very rapidly (look up look down really fast) in fear of getting caught staring lol. I get a little nervous and make stupid mistakes but if I really like one I begin to tense up, shake and sweat profusely

 

[The Bman]

I don't have the guts to meet anybody. I'm fine talking to people, but meeting people is difficult, except when I get introduced to people.

 

[locoman88]

I know how all you feel.. . . .. .

 

[Cap'n Jack]

I used to be pretty shy compared to how I am now, I wouldn't say socially awkward though, but ever since I started working in retail that's all changed. I have to talk to people now and it's definitely helped me in social situations and not just while I'm at work. So get a retail job, preferably checkouts where you'll be face-to-face with strangers more.

 

[The Bman]

I used to be pretty shy compared to how I am now, I wouldn't say socially awkward though, but ever since I started working in retail that's all changed. I have to talk to people now and it's definitely helped me in social situations and not just while I'm at work. So get a retail job, preferably checkouts where you'll be face-to-face with strangers more.

Are you sure it wasn't from unpacking the dishwasher?

 

[phillgt2002]

Damn. Now that I've noticed. I've changed so much ever since middle school. I was the type of guy that would bounce from a conversation, to another in the blink of an eye... Being a Senior in Highschool sure does change you :/

Also I understand where you are coming form OP. It takes time, but eventually you will get better with social interaction. Just get a job at a busy place. It will change everything. You are basically forced to be in constant eye contact with people. Thats why I'm searching for a job at Bestbuy because there are TONS of people flocking there from time to time.

I actually remember replying to you in the "How was your day" thread..

 

[Cap'n Jack]

Are you sure it wasn't from unpacking the dishwasher?

Yeah, pretty sure.

 

[Mark T]

To be honest I wouldn't worry too much. You'll find that as you get older you'll gradually develop the ability to hold an audience and look people in the eye when talking.

I don't know any of your ages but when you go to college or start a job you'll very quickly adapt to social encounters, especially if you are required to perform public speaking or have a job where you are required to sell or present information.

 

[PeterJB]

I'm not quite sure where this belongs so I'll put it here I suppose.

I am very socially awkward. I know exactly why, it's technology. The ability to talk to someone without being face to face has ruined me socially. Often times I will get very nervous in social situations. I am shy and I am afraid to approach anyone new. There's a person I've known for over a year now, I've even hung out with him several times, yet I'm still afraid of him and get nervous when I talk to him.

When I talk to girls the social awkwardness becomes even worse. I have low self-esteem and just don't know what to say to girls, so I get extremely nervous.

Whether I'm talking to girls or boys, I don't know when to make eye contact. It feels weird to look at their eyes. I feel like it's creepy.

I'm wondering if I could go to a therapist or something to get help? Is that possible?

Obviously I have some big issues. Is anyone else like this (because of technology)? Any tips to get over the social awkwardness?

Sounds like Asperger's to me.

 

[McLaren]

It's not technology's fault you're shy. You're anxiety producing. I was the same way in my younger days, & still a little bit to this day.

Being afraid of your friend is not uncommon, either. Some people just don't click, or you may not know him well enough yet to be comfortable around him.

The girl issue is near universal. The only answer there is to build the confidence & start talking. That's it.

Eye contact has little to do with anxiety from what you're describing. But, it's not something you absolutely have to do. Try this. Next time you're out with a buddy, keep focused on his eyes & see if his eyes move from you to an object to an object back to you & so forth. You'll find a lot of people can only make eye contact for a few seconds & then move their eyes elsewhere for a few seconds. Make sure you don't actually end up staring either & that you're across from each other.

I wouldn't consider a therapist unless you are absolutely meeting the signs of social anxiety & I don't think you are because you would have described them beforehand. At your age, your confidence will grow & will overcome these things over time.

But, do not blame technology.

 

[Slash]

I know how all you feel.. . . .. .

Off topic, what happened to all your posts

 

[locoman88]

Off topic, what happened to all your posts

I got issued an infraction . . .something about posting too much. . .

 

[Slash]

I got issued an infraction . . .something about posting too much. . .

What??????????????????

 

[locoman88]

What??????????????????

Yeah I know. . .. .

 

[mattythedog]

What??????????????????

His posts are still there, his post count has just been reset.

 

[locoman88]

yeah makes me seem new. but i will probably catch up, considering that i trade a lot and giveaway,etc.

 

[photonrider]

Be happy.

When I walk into a room everyone else gets socially awkward.

 

[Famine]

I got issued an infraction . . .something about posting too much. . .

Given that your third Infraction for the same thing resulted from you not actually paying attention to the second or first ones, I should be unsurprised that you're acting like you don't know the reason.

yeah makes me seem new. but i will probably catch up, considering that i trade a lot and giveaway,etc.

The way you're going it's not very likely.

 

[GT-R_EMOKID]

 

[Small_Fryz]

Alcohol can help

Not saying you get drunk, but having a few always loosens you up a bit and its much easier to socialize then.

/notsureifgoodadviceorbad

 

[BubbleBelly542]

Alcohol can help

Not saying you get drunk, but having a few always loosens you up a bit and its much easier to socialize then.

/notsureifgoodadviceorbad

I am not old enough to drink.

 

[mattythedog]

I am not old enough to drink.

You're not old enough to buy alcohol, but if the laws are the same in the US as here then you can drink it at home.

 

[MSTER232]

I'm not quite sure where this belongs so I'll put it here I suppose.

I am very socially awkward. I know exactly why, it's technology. The ability to talk to someone without being face to face has ruined me socially. Often times I will get very nervous in social situations. I am shy and I am afraid to approach anyone new. There's a person I've known for over a year now, I've even hung out with him several times, yet I'm still afraid of him and get nervous when I talk to him.

When I talk to girls the social awkwardness becomes even worse. I have low self-esteem and just don't know what to say to girls, so I get extremely nervous.

Whether I'm talking to girls or boys, I don't know when to make eye contact. It feels weird to look at their eyes. I feel like it's creepy.

I'm wondering if I could go to a therapist or something to get help? Is that possible?

Obviously I have some big issues. Is anyone else like this (because of technology)? Any tips to get over the social awkwardness?

I have a few tips for you, although I am slightly socially awkward when talking to girls too . For making eye contact, male or female, try and force your head to look up and clamp it there. It works at least for me. I've always believed that social awkwardness or shyness is caused by fear of getting rejected by someone you want to talk to. There is no need be shy, what's the worse that could happen? Unless you are rude to people, it's highly unlikely that they will turn around and slap you in the face or something .

And the fact that you know what's causing your social awkwardness is a great thing. If possible, try to talk to people in real life more often rather than over the internet. It doesn't mean that you have to use your computer less, it just means use websites like Facebook, Twitter, GTPlanet or any other website based on talking to people over the internet less often.

For knowing what to say to girls, it depends if you just want them to be your friends, or if you want to have a very close relationship with them. If your wish is just to be friends, then treat them as any other normal friend. For closer relationships, treat girls as normal friends first then start to get closer after a while; don't be afraid to tell your true feelings about them.

(That's all I can think of right now, I hope this helps 👍 )

EDIT:

You're not old enough to buy alcohol, but if the laws are the same in the US as here then you can drink it at home.

I honestly never knew that . And I probably doubt it would be the same in the US since different countries have different ways of doing things.

 

[photonrider]

Alcohol can help

Not saying you get drunk, but having a few always loosens you up ......xsnipx.......

I'm reading this differently.
In a sense, what Fryz is recommending here is that you lose your inhibitions. Alcohol of course is a chemical that rewires your brain - like any narcotic or drug - and takes you from your 'regular' normal to a 'new' normal.
Being normal (depending on the situation) is what gets you accepted. As a thief among thieves, you must behave like one; as a prince among commoners, likewise (one doesn't have to be too much of a prince with other princes.)
Do you get me, BB?

Look for 'common traits' in the gang you want to blend with, and focus on those commonalities. Inhibition is a very good thing; keeps one from being warned three times before being thrown out of the bar. But you must learn when to 'loosen-up' and enjoy yourself. This doesn't mean turning into the class-clown or the village idiot to get the attention you need to be accepted.
Sometimes, giving attention when appropriate will gain you the acceptance you need - a simple nod, or smile, or 'Hi' as you move through life will gain you friends who will value your friendship - and not just your company.
How inhibited do you have to be to simply say 'Hi!' and move on?
Alcohol is a relaxant - if you need it to relax but you are too young for it, look for something else that will help - chewing gum, or something that contains tryptophan.
Gives us updates when you become class president!

 

[BJBEOSmitty]

Same. If I see a good looking one, I always look away very rapidly (look up look down really fast) in fear of getting caught staring lol. I get a little nervous and make stupid mistakes but if I really like one I begin to tense up, shake and sweat profusely

No No No! When you notice a good looking girl, look at here, but don't stare. After a few seconds, if she hasn't looked back because she's having a conversation or doing something else, look away.

Then go back and try again until she looks at you while you are looking at her.

SMILE AT HER. If you get a smile back, approach her later for SURE. If you don't get a smile back, you can still approach her later of course.

re: talking to girls, find a friend who is good at it, or even has a girlfriend. Go with him places and watch how he does it. Join in a little. Learn and get your feet wet. It is NOT as hard as it seems

 

[Dean]

No No No! When you notice a good looking girl, look at here, but don't stare. After a few seconds, if she hasn't looked back because she's having a conversation or doing something else, look away.

Then go back and try again until she looks at you while you are looking at her.

SMILE AT HER. If you get a smile back, approach her later for SURE. If you don't get a smile back, you can still approach her later of course.

re: talking to girls, find a friend who is good at it, or even has a girlfriend. Go with him places and watch how he does it. Join in a little. Learn and get your feet wet. It is NOT as hard as it seems

- Actually some good tips, here. I'll, for sure, be using those later on. - Thanks.