Jokes!!
- Thread starter DQuaN
- 4,701 comments
- 725,167 views
- 3,549
- Taipei
- GTP_ghskilla
My girlfriend said she was leaving me due to my obsession with the 60's group The Monkees. I thought she was joking...
and then I saw her face...
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A very old woman realizes that she's seen and done everything and the time has come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she decides to shoot herself through the heart.
Not wanting to make a mistake, she phones her doctor and asks him the exact location of the heart. He tells her that the heart is located two inches below the left nipple.
The old woman hangs up the phone, takes careful aim and shoots herself in the left knee.
(Sorry if I disturbed any of you)
---
Why are birthdays good for you?
Statistics show: those who have the most, live the longest.
- 2,335
- United States
- Dooblewasur
- Dooblewasur
Anti jokes:
What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer?
"We are both lawyers."
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Why did the plane crash?
The pilot was a loaf of bread.
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What happens if you choke a smurf?
It turns blue.
What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer?
"We are both lawyers."
-
Why did the plane crash?
The pilot was a loaf of bread.
-
What happens if you choke a smurf?
It turns blue.
- 1,452
- The Speedway
- D3ATHS1NBUNCH3S
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse replies, "I have cancer".
Did you hear about the three black guys who fell off a cliff in that Cadillac?
They were my friends.
Oh...anti jokes...=P
Did you hear about the three black guys who fell off a cliff in that Cadillac?
They were my friends.
Oh...anti jokes...=P
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- 30,024
- Thailand
Now that, as depressing as it is, is the first lol joke I've read in this thread for weeks!
- 7,517
- Connecticut
- Cowboys965
Alexlam
Wat R U doin
Alexlam
STAHP
alexlam24
Wat R U doin
alexlam24
Alexlam
alexlam24
STAHP
Last edited:
- 1,452
- The Speedway
- D3ATHS1NBUNCH3S
No, WeMadBro.
- 2,335
- United States
- Dooblewasur
- Dooblewasur
I don't mind...bad jokes make good jokes stand out more 
- 6,985
- United States
alexlam24
I love that saying.
D3ATHS1NBUNCH3S
Then in that case he won i guess.
Come on guys if you ignore a troll he gets trolled. If you get mad then it makes the troll successful. Trolling 101 guys.
DooblewasurI don't mind...bad jokes make good jokes stand out more
This is 100% true
- 4,650
- SoCal
- GTP_MooCow
Do bad weed go away when we ignore them ?
no, we smoke them...
http://[domain blocked due to malware]/instances/400x/21704644.jpg
no, we smoke them...
http://[domain blocked due to malware]/instances/400x/21704644.jpg
- 3,549
- Taipei
- GTP_ghskilla
Hate to be "that guy" but I think pictures belong in the Funny Pic thread. 
A man and his friend were fishing by the river when a funeral procession approached. The man stood up, took off his hat, and waited for the procession to pass, and sat back down. His friend said,"That was very respectful of you, very nice." The man then replied,"Well we were married for 40 years."
---
This just in: A white flag factory has been burned down to the ground in Paris...
...effectively crippling the French military.
A man and his friend were fishing by the river when a funeral procession approached. The man stood up, took off his hat, and waited for the procession to pass, and sat back down. His friend said,"That was very respectful of you, very nice." The man then replied,"Well we were married for 40 years."
---
This just in: A white flag factory has been burned down to the ground in Paris...
...effectively crippling the French military.
alexlam24
- 7,551
- London
- MattyTheDog
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was:
"If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked: "Is it on or off?"
"If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked: "Is it on or off?"
- 3,549
- Taipei
- GTP_ghskilla
But reaction gifs apparently belong here?
Er... um...
More jokes!
An English, a Pakistani, and an Irish couple all simultaneously arrive at a hospital, all of the wives in the couple going into labour at approximately the same time. All of the babies were delivered healthily after fairly routine births but unfortunately, after placing the babies in their cradles, the nurse realized that she had forgotten to place tags on the different sheets. She informed the doctor of her mistake and that she was unable to recall which baby was which. The doctor was something of a scientist and believed that there was a parenting instinct which would allow them to identify the babies. He said they would let the couples go in, look at the babies, and take whichever one they identified as their own through this inherent, natural drive.
The English couple went first, returning almost immediately carrying the darkest skinned child. The nurse, recognizing this, approached the English couple to inform them;.
"Sir, no offence, but I believe that this child belongs to that Pakistani couple over there"
"Yeah, I know mate, but I heard that the other couple over there is Irish and I'm not taking any chances"
- 15,855
- QLD, Australia
- Small_Fryz
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