Jokes!!
- Thread starter DQuaN
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Did you hear about the man who wrote the greatest book of knock knock jokes? He won the no-bell prize.
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- D3ATHS1NBUNCH3S
Bob was in trouble. He had forgotten his wife's wedding anniversary, and she was furious.
So furious, in fact, that she exclaimed this: "Tommorow morning, I expect something in the driveway that goes 0 to 200 in six seconds flat! And it better be there!"
The next morning, Bob woke up early to put the gift in the driveway, then went to work. When his wife woke up, surely enough, there was a gift in the driveway. But instead of a Porsche or a Ferrari, all that was there was a cardboard package with a bow on top, and a letter from Bob saying: "To my love".
Confused, the wife brought the package inside and opened it.
The package contained a bathroom scale. Bob has been missing ever since.
So furious, in fact, that she exclaimed this: "Tommorow morning, I expect something in the driveway that goes 0 to 200 in six seconds flat! And it better be there!"
The next morning, Bob woke up early to put the gift in the driveway, then went to work. When his wife woke up, surely enough, there was a gift in the driveway. But instead of a Porsche or a Ferrari, all that was there was a cardboard package with a bow on top, and a letter from Bob saying: "To my love".
Confused, the wife brought the package inside and opened it.
The package contained a bathroom scale. Bob has been missing ever since.
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- l Flossy l
^ haha classic. My dad sorta did that with mum, except he had a Pajero in the driveway, came with a red ribbion'n'bow as well. Mum honestly didn't expect it hahaha
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- GTP_Mars
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- race_emhard
I bought a new boomerang today, but I can't throw my old one away...
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race'emhard
Speaking of boomerangs, after reading your post I fished mine out of storage. It'd been so long since I'd thrown one I'd forgotten how to make it come back....then it hit me.
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- porthillking
I think Halloween must be Susan Boyle's favourite time of the year.
She must get tons of sweets just walking down the road.
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Me and my flatmate took a fat bird back to our place last night.
As we laid either side of her on the bed, he threw me a condom and I immediately threw it back to him.
So he threw it to me again, but I quickly threw it back to him for a second time.
"What the heck are you two idiots doing?" asked the fat girl.
I said, "We're playing piggy in the middle."
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For our chemistry exam we had to write a thousand words on acid.
Unfortunately my pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted.
She must get tons of sweets just walking down the road.
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Me and my flatmate took a fat bird back to our place last night.
As we laid either side of her on the bed, he threw me a condom and I immediately threw it back to him.
So he threw it to me again, but I quickly threw it back to him for a second time.
"What the heck are you two idiots doing?" asked the fat girl.
I said, "We're playing piggy in the middle."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
For our chemistry exam we had to write a thousand words on acid.
Unfortunately my pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted.
opelgt1969
Premium
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- opelgt1969
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- porthillking
I saw a homeless man sleeping inside a big cardboard box outside the train station this morning.Not wanting to disturb him, I crept over and put a Starbucks coffee cup on top of his box.He immediately woke up and said, "Thank you.""No problem." I smiled.He looked at me again and said, "It's empty."I said, "I know, it's meant to be a chimney."
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Why do chicken coops only have two doors?
Because if it had four, it'd be a sedan.
Because if it had four, it'd be a sedan.
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- Dooblewasur
- Dooblewasur
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- spagetti69
Liquid
So where does the pig fit in?
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- Dooblewasur
- Dooblewasur
Yo no comprendo...
I don't think I ever will get it, either.
Anyway, here's some 3rd or 4th grade humor.
3 guys were hunting, their names were Manners, Poop, and Shut up. While hunting for deer in the forest, Manners accidentally shot Poop. Shut Up ran to the car and drove to the hospital while Manners looked after Poop. At the front desk in the hospital, the lady asked for Shut Up's name, and he said, "Shut Up." The lady said, "Excuse me? What is your name?" Again, he replied, "Shut Up," this time a little louder, at which point, the lady said, "Excuse me! Where are your manners!?" He replied, "He's in the forest picking up Poop."
I don't think I ever will get it, either.
Anyway, here's some 3rd or 4th grade humor.
3 guys were hunting, their names were Manners, Poop, and Shut up. While hunting for deer in the forest, Manners accidentally shot Poop. Shut Up ran to the car and drove to the hospital while Manners looked after Poop. At the front desk in the hospital, the lady asked for Shut Up's name, and he said, "Shut Up." The lady said, "Excuse me? What is your name?" Again, he replied, "Shut Up," this time a little louder, at which point, the lady said, "Excuse me! Where are your manners!?" He replied, "He's in the forest picking up Poop."
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- GTP_MooCow
Dan and Stan were sitting on a bench, wondering what to do. They only had $5 between them and they wanted to do something fun. Five dollars wasn't enough to go to the movies, get drinks at a bar, eat a nice meal or anything they liked to do.
Exasperated, Stan says "just give me the $5, I'll go in that Rite-Aid and find something. Just trust me, I'll figure something out." Dan gives him the five and waits outside.
A few minutes later, Stan emerges with a huge smile on his face. "Dan! I found the perfect thing! It's so awesome, you're never going to believe it!"
"OK...what did you get?" Stan proudly holds out a box of tampons. Dan says "What the hell did you get those for?!"
Stan says "Dude, read the side of the box. With these, we can go swimming, we can go horseback riding, we can play tennis...."
Exasperated, Stan says "just give me the $5, I'll go in that Rite-Aid and find something. Just trust me, I'll figure something out." Dan gives him the five and waits outside.
A few minutes later, Stan emerges with a huge smile on his face. "Dan! I found the perfect thing! It's so awesome, you're never going to believe it!"
"OK...what did you get?" Stan proudly holds out a box of tampons. Dan says "What the hell did you get those for?!"
Stan says "Dude, read the side of the box. With these, we can go swimming, we can go horseback riding, we can play tennis...."
gamerdog6482
(Banned)
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- Gamerdog6482
You'd be surprised how useful they are.
I myself know how to light fires with them. Useful when camping and you got sand in your lighter.
gamerdog6482
(Banned)
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- Gamerdog6482
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- GTP_MooCow
would the red stuff on it make it light up faster ??
I would think so right? because red ...
I would think so right? because red ...
gamerdog6482
(Banned)
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- Gamerdog6482
Not sure, I only found the one so I couldn't test it.
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- Small_Fryz
Awesome
livemusic
Premium
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