- 2,432
- The failed experiment entitled “California”.
Actually put in a couple hours of practice for this one being that Laguna Seca (and Willow Springs) are as close to home tracks as I can get for this game. Was poised to get a low 1:27 lap time during qualifying.....high :27 if I missed an apex.
Well..... first Q-lap, I clipped the Kerb at turn 3 a little too much and did some snoop dog-inspired "2 wheel motion" straight into the sand box. Nailed the rest of the lap, but that mistake put me at a 1:30. Second Q lap I was on a heater, but gave it a little too much cowbell on the quick right as you descend down corkscrew, and I went spinning. Damn.
Qualified 19th with some other derelict behind me that must have done something similar.
Race starts with me and my buddy bringing up the rear, and about .5 seconds into the race I spin it in turn 11 when I once again get too overzealous with the loud pedal. Now I'm P-20/20 with a 10 second gap from 19th because I didn't get reset. By the end of the lap I catch back up to the rear of an 8 car train, and we all just play follow the leader for the next 5 laps as one by one, someone makes a mistake or bins it.
By the end of lap 6, I'm in P-10. I'm about to get an easy spot as I see a ghosted car in front doing me a solid and staying out of the race line. Just when I'm anticipating the car is going to come back to life, it swerves into the apex and right in front of me. Me being in a Slophy, and him in a heavy-arse Jag (with his brake lights blaring btw), he doesn't even get knocked off track...... SOB was planning it
. I get some front end damage and a 2 second penalty for the whole incident 
.
I serve the penalty and find myself back in P-17. The next few laps its more of the same; we all file in and play follow the leader as 1 by 1, dudes make mistakes or completely barney it. One guy in the top 5 goes into pit at about lap 12 with softs.
Lap 13, the guy that ghosted in front of me tries to dive bomb me at the top of cork screw (idiot for some reason thought our incident was my fault...or he's just pissed). I see it coming from a mile away so I throw out the boat anchor well before the braking zone and veer right... almost off the tarmac. He misses me barely and flies straight off the top of cork screw dukes of hazard style.
Start of lap 14, P12. A guy goes a little wide in the first turn after I was doing a "Cole Trickle" down the home stretch.....faking high, faking low, faking high again. He decides he's going to try to out-brake me going into turn. I easily cut under him for the pass, P11 obtained.
Start of lap 16... Just ahead of me is 9th and 10th coming out of turn 1. Both are clearly struggling with worn tires but P-9 is having the hardest time and is reverting to swerve blocking any time 10th sticks a wheel in. Half way to turn 5 I have the slip and I'm closing fast. The slophy's tire saving prowess is starting to pay dividends. 9th and 10th miss the apex again in turn 5. I nail it and we're all nose to tail coming into 6.... I'm hoping that 10th doesn't brake early enough and punts them both into the sandbox. I contemplate hanging back to see how this plays out, but I think better of it. I know where my slip stream braking point is....maybe Ill get a 2-for if both run wide.
True to form, the corvette doesn't account for his worn fronts and takes the normal braking point. Myself and the Porsche both brake early and are already on the throttle well before the apex. Corvette goes wide onto Rahal Straight, 2 wheels in the sand. The Porsche easily goes by, and me right on the Cayman's tail gets side-swiped as the corvette tries to swerve back on the course. He barely goes back into the sand and I get ANOTHER 2 second penalty.
Lap 17, I'm trying to force the Cayman into overcooking a corner in attempt to make my impending penalty null and void. He's rock solid and knows he just needs to get to the penalty area. He drives a clean, but wide car and I can't get past. Nor do I have a powerful enough car to slingshot past. I serve my penalty, he's gone. Oh well..
Last lap, and I'm still able to to crank out high 1:29 lap times. What coulda been....
I come down from corkscrew and notice my old buddy with the Corvette is back. My momentary lapse in concentration leaves me running wide out of Rainey Curve with 2 wheels in the sand. I get out of shape but am able to wrangle her back in. We both get a good apex out of 10, but now I'm only a 3/4 second ahead of him going into the final corner. Here comes the impending punt.
I go nice and wide to give him a nice clean center-punch shot at my driver's side door. If you're going to do it...do it right, I suppose. I wait for the opportune moment just before impact, then I smash the pause button, ghosting my car. He goes right through me and lawn darts right into the wall!! At least I got something out of this race
------------
Pissed, with no time slots left to run, I decide to go clean my garage. Doesn't help. I actually get more upset as I realize this is all going to be a yard sale again in a couple days as I take inventory of 3 of my bikes that are in different states of re-assembly, and I promised myself I would finish these bikes this week. I then look around as I dream about what my garage will eventually look like..
"sim rig in the back right corner near the pass through"
"drill press in the front left corner"
"big-boy tool box against the back wall"
"plywood rack in the back to the left"
"surf boards suspended from the rafters"
" 'offerings to the god of speed' shelf above my dream tool box"
Doesn't help, I'm still pissed. Maybe a couple sippers of Don Julio will help. It does
On my fourth one, I decide to pull out the laptop while I'm finishing up the indy car race I recorded. I go to the Harbor Freight website (Harbor Freight is a store that sells poor-man's tools for all you commies on the other side of the pond). I've been needing a pedestal grinder for years now, but have always done without. 'Clicked on' and added to the cart. "Damn HF tools have gotten expensive over the years"
I then sashay over to the 'tool storage' section of the website and pull up a nice 72" box in KTM orange. I click add to my cart, then quickly delete it when I see the total. I know these aren't snap-on tools, but the prices might as well be. Heck, they're made in the same factory in China.
I pour myself number 5 and watch as Will Power's car won't start back up after the red flag stop.... while he's leading.... with 5 laps to go
. Ericsson takes it. Now that's someone that's having a worse racing day than me.
I go back to the HF site, click 'add' to the cart. I check out with both my pedestal grinder and my new tool box. Power's and myself have had a tough day. I owe it to him....for me to be happy.
Justification is everything
See everyone next week at Spa
Well..... first Q-lap, I clipped the Kerb at turn 3 a little too much and did some snoop dog-inspired "2 wheel motion" straight into the sand box. Nailed the rest of the lap, but that mistake put me at a 1:30. Second Q lap I was on a heater, but gave it a little too much cowbell on the quick right as you descend down corkscrew, and I went spinning. Damn.
Qualified 19th with some other derelict behind me that must have done something similar.
Race starts with me and my buddy bringing up the rear, and about .5 seconds into the race I spin it in turn 11 when I once again get too overzealous with the loud pedal. Now I'm P-20/20 with a 10 second gap from 19th because I didn't get reset. By the end of the lap I catch back up to the rear of an 8 car train, and we all just play follow the leader for the next 5 laps as one by one, someone makes a mistake or bins it.
By the end of lap 6, I'm in P-10. I'm about to get an easy spot as I see a ghosted car in front doing me a solid and staying out of the race line. Just when I'm anticipating the car is going to come back to life, it swerves into the apex and right in front of me. Me being in a Slophy, and him in a heavy-arse Jag (with his brake lights blaring btw), he doesn't even get knocked off track...... SOB was planning it
. I get some front end damage and a 2 second penalty for the whole incident .I serve the penalty and find myself back in P-17. The next few laps its more of the same; we all file in and play follow the leader as 1 by 1, dudes make mistakes or completely barney it. One guy in the top 5 goes into pit at about lap 12 with softs.
Lap 13, the guy that ghosted in front of me tries to dive bomb me at the top of cork screw (idiot for some reason thought our incident was my fault...or he's just pissed). I see it coming from a mile away so I throw out the boat anchor well before the braking zone and veer right... almost off the tarmac. He misses me barely and flies straight off the top of cork screw dukes of hazard style.
Start of lap 14, P12. A guy goes a little wide in the first turn after I was doing a "Cole Trickle" down the home stretch.....faking high, faking low, faking high again. He decides he's going to try to out-brake me going into turn. I easily cut under him for the pass, P11 obtained.
Start of lap 16... Just ahead of me is 9th and 10th coming out of turn 1. Both are clearly struggling with worn tires but P-9 is having the hardest time and is reverting to swerve blocking any time 10th sticks a wheel in. Half way to turn 5 I have the slip and I'm closing fast. The slophy's tire saving prowess is starting to pay dividends. 9th and 10th miss the apex again in turn 5. I nail it and we're all nose to tail coming into 6.... I'm hoping that 10th doesn't brake early enough and punts them both into the sandbox. I contemplate hanging back to see how this plays out, but I think better of it. I know where my slip stream braking point is....maybe Ill get a 2-for if both run wide.
True to form, the corvette doesn't account for his worn fronts and takes the normal braking point. Myself and the Porsche both brake early and are already on the throttle well before the apex. Corvette goes wide onto Rahal Straight, 2 wheels in the sand. The Porsche easily goes by, and me right on the Cayman's tail gets side-swiped as the corvette tries to swerve back on the course. He barely goes back into the sand and I get ANOTHER 2 second penalty.
Lap 17, I'm trying to force the Cayman into overcooking a corner in attempt to make my impending penalty null and void. He's rock solid and knows he just needs to get to the penalty area. He drives a clean, but wide car and I can't get past. Nor do I have a powerful enough car to slingshot past
. I serve my penalty, he's gone. Oh well..Last lap, and I'm still able to to crank out high 1:29 lap times. What coulda been....
I come down from corkscrew and notice my old buddy with the Corvette is back. My momentary lapse in concentration leaves me running wide out of Rainey Curve with 2 wheels in the sand. I get out of shape but am able to wrangle her back in. We both get a good apex out of 10, but now I'm only a 3/4 second ahead of him going into the final corner. Here comes the impending punt.
I go nice and wide to give him a nice clean center-punch shot at my driver's side door. If you're going to do it...do it right, I suppose. I wait for the opportune moment just before impact, then I smash the pause button, ghosting my car. He goes right through me and lawn darts right into the wall!! At least I got something out of this race
------------
Pissed, with no time slots left to run, I decide to go clean my garage. Doesn't help. I actually get more upset as I realize this is all going to be a yard sale again in a couple days as I take inventory of 3 of my bikes that are in different states of re-assembly, and I promised myself I would finish these bikes this week. I then look around as I dream about what my garage will eventually look like..
"sim rig in the back right corner near the pass through"
"drill press in the front left corner"
"big-boy tool box against the back wall"
"plywood rack in the back to the left"
"surf boards suspended from the rafters"
" 'offerings to the god of speed' shelf above my dream tool box"
Doesn't help, I'm still pissed. Maybe a couple sippers of Don Julio will help. It does
On my fourth one, I decide to pull out the laptop while I'm finishing up the indy car race I recorded. I go to the Harbor Freight website (Harbor Freight is a store that sells poor-man's tools for all you commies on the other side of the pond). I've been needing a pedestal grinder for years now, but have always done without. 'Clicked on' and added to the cart. "Damn HF tools have gotten expensive over the years"
I then sashay over to the 'tool storage' section of the website and pull up a nice 72" box in KTM orange. I click add to my cart, then quickly delete it when I see the total. I know these aren't snap-on tools, but the prices might as well be. Heck, they're made in the same factory in China.
I pour myself number 5 and watch as Will Power's car won't start back up after the red flag stop.... while he's leading.... with 5 laps to go
. Ericsson takes it. Now that's someone that's having a worse racing day than me.I go back to the HF site, click 'add' to the cart. I check out with both my pedestal grinder and my new tool box. Power's and myself have had a tough day. I owe it to him....for me to be happy.
Justification is everything
See everyone next week at Spa
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