"My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely lady lumps."
-- Black-Eyed Peas, MY HUMPS
Fergie single-handedly sets feminism back fifty years ...
"This **** is bananas
B-A-N-A-N-A-S"
-- Gwen Stefani, HOLLABACK GIRL
This is why terrorists hate us.
"My paragraph alone is worth five mics (uh-huh) A twelve song LP, that's thirty-six mics (uh-huh)"
-- Redman, 5 BOROUGHS
What kind of calculator is this guy using?
"If you don't bring back my ************* money or my ************* dope, you can forget about Christmas ******, cause you ain't gon even see New Years."
-- Master P, DO YOU KNOW?
... What!?
"I like them black, white, Puerto Rican, or Haitian Like Japanese, Chinese, or even Asian."
-- Chingy, BALLA BABY
I'm not touching this one.
""If I was a sculptor
But then again, no"
-- Elton John, YOUR SONG
It could always be worse, I suppose. I'm just not seeing how.
"I ain't never seen an ass like that, the way you move it
You make my pee-pee go 'Doing-doing-doing'"
-- Eminem, ASS LIKE THAT
Apparently my pee-pee is broken because it sure as hell doesn't do that ...
"My panty line shows, got a run in my hose;
My hair went flat, Man, I hate that"
-- Shania Twain, HONEY, I'M HOME
Because having flat hair is always worse than having your panties visible in public places.
“Come here girl, let me creep in your world
Let me see the backside of your moon, no Vickies only La Perl-a
Let me take you to Indonesia”
-- Diddy, DIDDY ROCK
And the winner of 'Interesting Segue of the Week' is ...
"And I met a girl,
She asked me my name;
I told her what it was"
-- Razorlight, SOMEWHERE ELSE
So that's what I've been doing wrong all these years!
“In Portuguese it means ‘Bring your ass’
On the floor and move it real fast;
I want to see your kitty and a little bit of titty,
Want to know where I go when I’m in your city?”
-- Kevin Federline, POPOZAO
It wouldn't surprise me if he performed this at his wedding with Britney Spears.
“Do you see everything as an illusion?
But enjoy it even though you are not of it?
Are you both masculine and feminine?
Politically aware and don’t believe in capital punishment?”
-- Alanis Morrisette, 21 THINGS I WANT IN A LOVER
And you wonder why she's still single ...
“And I believe this may call for a proper introduction
And well, don’t you see, I’m the narrator, and this is just the prologue?”
-- Panic! At The Disco, THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SUICIDE AND MARTYRDOM IS PRESS COVERAGE
Remember, this is the guy who lowers Chuck Palahniuk to the level of emo kids.
“I met a girl down at the disco
She said ‘Hey, hey, hey you, let’s go’”
-- Black-Eyed Peas, MY HUMPS
One song, two entries. It's almost unfair on every other poor lyricist to see these guys get two bites at the apple.
"I shot the sheriff
But I didn't shoot no deputy"
-- Bob Marley, I SHOT THE SHERIFF
Let's see how well that holds up in a court of law, Bob.
"You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
It's true"
-- James Blunt, YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL
Mr. Blunt is either living up to his name, or ran out of ideas before he even started writing the song. Come to think of it, why can't both be true?
"I could have another you
In a minute; matter fact
He'll be here in a minute"
-- Beyonce Knowles, IRREPLACEABLE
If he's irreplaceable, why is his clone running around?
"I'm respected from Californ-i-a, way down to Japan"
-- Timbaland, GIVE IT TO ME
Yet another geographically-challenged hip hop artist.
"I'm hot 'cause I'm fly
You ain't 'cause you're not
This is why
This is why I'm hot"
-- Mims, THIS IS WHY I'M HOT
Ater reading this, I'm actually quite happy being cold.
"Having my baby
What a lovely way of saying
That you're thinking of me"
-- Paul Anka, (YOU'RE) HAVING MY BABY
I think getting pregnant entails more than simply thinking of someone, Paul ...
"I drew a line ...
I drew a line for you
Oh, what a thing to do
And it was all yellow"
-- Coldplay, YELLOW
It hardly sounds romantic, but bear in mind that his partner did name their child 'Apple' ...
"Suckin' on a chili dog
Outside the Tasty Freeze"
-- John Cougar, JACK AND DIANE
If this is supposed to be some kind of clever innuendo, it failed miserably. If it's not, well, it's just moronic. People actually suck chili dogs? Who and where are they!?
"Have you ever been
To Saint-Tropez
Or seen a brother
Play a mandalay?"
-- Diddy, I NEED A GIRL (PART TWO)
Well no wonder you're still looking for someone if all you can do is play a mandalay.
"We downloaded the Shockwave,
For all the ladies in the cave,
To getcha groove on."
-- Limp Bizkit, MY GENERATION
They had to appear here eventually, and here they are! Fred Durst proves why why no-one will - as he so gracefully puts it - give a **** about his generation.
"Do do do do doo,
Do do do do doo,
Do do do do doo,
This is insania."
-- Peter Andre, INSANIA
Honestly ... who thought that this crap would be good for a song?
"Sometimes vocabulary runs through my head,
The alphabet runs right from A to Z"
-- All Saints, NEVER EVER (note to our American users, this uses the proper pronunciation of Z - 'zed' - to rhyme)
Look for Sesame Street in the songwriting credits.
"For we have crossed many oceans,
And we labour in between,
In life there are many quotients,
And I hope I find the mean."
-- Creed, WASH AWAY THOSE YEARS
Two of my least favourite things: maths, gospel rock and Scott Stapp.
"I know I sound serious and baby I am,
You're a fine piece of real estate and I'm gonna get me some land."
-- Shania Twain, I'm GONNA GETCHA GOOD
Sorry, Shania, but there's already an apartment block here.
"Sick of this life, not that you'd care,
I'm not the only one with whom these feelings I share."
-- Guns 'N Roses, DEAD HORSE
That's how I feel about you, Axl.
"I said, 'Do you speak-a my language',
He just smiled and gave me a Vegemite sandwich."
-- Men at Work, DOWN UNDER
Working hard to undo cultural sterotypes, perhaps? Didn't think so.
"I walked a thousand miles to find one river of peace,
I walked a million more to find what fish is which."
-- Ashlee Simpson, AUTOBIOGRAPHY
No wonder she lip-synchs ...
"I want you to come and listen to my body sing,
Ya wanna hear my bell ring - biddy-bong-bing."
-- Victoria Beckham, THIS GROOVE
Gag. Barf.
"Gimme the hump,
Gimme the pump,
I'm so full of sensuality."
-- PJ & Duncan, IF I GIVE YOU MY NUMBER
Where the hell did you get that idea?
"I believe forgiveness is the key to your unhappiness,
I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed."
-- Savage Garden, AFFIRMATION
So, how do you get pregnant then, boys? Oh, wait, I get it now ...
"If you're moving on, I'm already gone,
If the light is off then it isn't on."
-- Hilary Duff, SO YESTERDAY
Well what else could the light be, Hilary?
"No no,
No no no no,
No no no no,
No no there's no limit."
-- 2 Unlimited, NO LIMIT
No limit to what, exactly? The number of times you can say 'no' and till call it a song?
"You make me wanna la la,
In the kitchen on the floor."
-- Ashlee Simpson, LA LA
I'll let Chris Cornell tell us what she's singing about (warning: lots of language).
But maybe it is just as well, since I've already nominated him in this thread!)
