-McClarenDesign's-
Very Serious SLS AMG Review of the Car of the Week N Stuff
"I was the original Stig." -Perry McCarthy
Week 5: 1983 Nissan Silvia 240RS (S110) and 1985 Nissan 240RS Rally Car
When I pulled into the car park this morning, I was shocked to find out that we'd be testing the new car from The Black Eyed Peas frontman Will.i.am. Upon closer inspection, however, I noticed the Nissan badge. You can hardly blame me. A
quick google search will show just how closely the two cars are in terms of styling.
Okay, the Nissan is a bit boxy, but unlike the Black-Eyed car, this was actually produced. Furthermore, this particular model was produced specifically so the factory could go racing. Technically speaking, what we've been given this week is the Nissan equivalent to a Panda GTO. A black and white jewel easily modified for racing.
The i.am.auto.whatever.concept is a silly car from a silly man. If musicians were meant to make cars, we'd be testing the Toyota Thriller. Perhaps the gas crisis could've been avoided by the Pink Floyd Beetle. Oldsmobile, saved by Snoop Doggy Dogg.
Based on the lineage and history, I should be excited. I should be looking forward to looking sideways. I should be terrified at the thought of triple-digit speeds on surfaces that have the grip of cottage cheese. But if I'm honest, I can't get over how immensely ugly this car is. Clearly the Nissan styling department couldn't be bothered. They were handed the skeletal remains of a Mazda Cosmos and ordered to go rally racing, so who cares what the car looks like? Well, if I wanted a Ford Fairmont, I would've just bought one.
Or a shoebox. Seriously, I've seen
better styling done by Japanese mothers, so there should be absolutely no excuse for this sort of thing.
According to Polyphony Digital via Translator-san:
Translator-san
The 240RS was Nissan's take on what a rally car should be. Based on the 240SX (Silvia in Japan), the rear-wheel-drive car was powered by the FJ24 engine. This 2.4-liter DOHC inline-4 cranked out 237 HP, thanks to custom crankshafts and a special block. The car's body featured Fiberglass Reinforced Plastic (FRP) on the hood, trunk lid, and fenders, while every window except the front windshield was composed of polycarbonate.
These changes translated to a curb weight of a mere 970 kg. Nissan produced 200 road-going versions of the 240RS to meet FIA Group B standards, virtually all of them sold in Europe. In 1983, the Nissan Works team entered the 240RS in the Safari Rally, perhaps with hopes of taking four checkered flags in a row, like they did with the Violet Rally Car years before.
However, it was not to be, as all three factory 240RSs retired due to engine trouble. The only private entry took 4th. The reason behind Nissan's dismal showing could be that the Safari Rally was no longer an endurance rally in the traditional sense, but a European style sprint, with many of the competitors running purpose-built race models with a limited production of 20 units.
Nissan did develop a revised version of the 240RS, but by this time, Group B had already become a breeding ground for all-wheel-drive turbocharged race cars, and the 240RS was never able to showcase its talents.
At the garage, we gave our intern simple instructions to retrieve the 240RS for our test. Just go, get the car, then come right back. Easy enough, right?
Wrong. Upon his return, he informed us that he wasn't sure which one to bring. Apparently, there were a couple to choose from, so he just grabbed the stock version. Intrigued, we sent him back into our automotive labyrinth to fetch the second car. How on earth did we end up with two cars?
Seconds later we were rewarded with with a 1985 240RS Rally Car. The real deal, none of this Omologata silliness. Better yet, we'd been asked by our Valium-sedated Producer to test both cars and form a comparison. Our only limit was sticking to paved roads.
How hard can that be?
Performance as Purchased: April 14, 2011, White (
what do you think?)
Displacement: 2,340 cc
Max. Power:
232 hp @ 7,500 rpm
Max. Torque:
170 ft-lbs. @ 6,000 rpm
Drivetrain: FR
Length: 4,300 mm Height: 1,310 mm Weight: 970 kg
Tires: Sports (Hard)
Performance Points:
433
Mileage: 45,809.9 mi.
Before we move on to the test, both our car and our driver both needed serious work. Our car has had over 45,000 miles of torture, and our driver recently completed his court-ordered drug rehabilitation program, so both needed proper sorting before we could begin. While I had been sent to the local pharmacy for a home testing kit, our crew went to work restoring the car to showroom quality. With a new engine, and a fresh body, we unearthed 12 hp, and 7 Performance Points, for a grand total of
244 hp, and
440 PP. The added horsepower is welcome for a car so light, and the additional Performance Points will help us understand how ant farts fit in to Einstein's Theory of Relativity. And all this for only 57,500 Credits.
Bargain.
By the time we'd finished, nightfall had set in. With our tight production schedule, there would be little time to drive both cars if our testing didn't go exactly as planned. We tested our driver, and our little tell-tale kit assured us that our test driver was still on the proverbial wagon, however when we got to the track, he managed to pick up a case of the sniffles. No matter, as he quickly climbed on board and shot down the track.
Once again, completely useless.
Without word, he set off in such a hurry that we hadn't a chance to properly calibrate our testing equipment. Another run would be needed, and with our test driver speeding to infinity and beyond, precious time was running out. Thankfully, we were able to prevent him from taking another lap before we were ready. When we finally were ready, we measured a quarter-mile time of
0:14.405, and a 0-60 mph of
0:06.040. Thankfully, this run was done completely without incident. When our driver returned, we found traces of a white powdery substance all over the dashboard.
Maybe he was just doing physics calculations with chalk.
For those keeping score at home, other notable data includes: 0-1 mi.: 0:36.481, 0-100 mph: 0:13.193, Max. G-Force: 0.62G, Top Speed: 125.9 mph
Next up was the Rally Car. I'll spare you the description, but suffice it to say that it's the same car we've been talking about with a bunch of stickers and headlamps. And a stronger bumper, in case of animals. Or people.
Performance as Purchased: April 18, 2011, White (
and red, with stickers)
Displacement: 2,340 cc
Max. Power:
235 hp @ 7,500 rpm
Max. Torque:
179 ft-lbs. @ 6,000 rpm
Drivetrain: FR
Length: 4,300 mm Height: 1,310 mm Weight: 970 kg
Tires: Sports (Medium)
Performance Points:
453
Mileage: 4,063.3 mi.
Compared with the stock model, the only difference seems to be the improved exhaust, fully adjustable suspension, a racing transmission, better tires, and lower mileage. Clearly this one hasn't been abused as much, but then again who knows what sort of abuse that was. Or how long it's been sitting unattended. For the sake of a proper comparison, we performed the same restoration as with the stock model. With the same changes, we acquired 13 extra ponies (
248 hp) and 8 Performance Points (
461). Total cost for this Einstein/Ant Fart experiment: 600,000 Credits.
Tiger Woods made a commercial where he misses a hole-in-one drive because he failed to include the calculation of the earth's rotation. He got paid to do that, and probably did all that filming in one day.
For our day's work, we've managed to spend a grand total of 657,500 Credits, and we've yet to gain any knowledge of whether or not a car's cornering abilities, at the absolute knife edge of adhesion, can be affected by the fart of a single ant.
Compared with Tiger, I still maintain we've got the better job. Mostly because we've got two great cars to drive, and mostly because we aren't being beaten out of them by an ex-wife.
Back at the track with the Silvia Christ Superstar, we've found our driver with an increasing sense of the sniffles, and a decreasing amount of time. And he's twitching. With all systems in place... and apparently a clinically-demented driver behind the wheel.. we send him off to report a 0-60 mph time of
0:05.140, and a quarter-mile trot of
0:13.708.
And more powder. By the time we arrived at the finish, our driver was gone, and the sound of police sirens appeared to be getting closer.
For those keeping score at home, other notable data includes: 0-1 mi: 0:34.094, 0-100 mph: 0:12.103, Max. G-Force: 0.76G, Top Speed: 149.6 mph
Hours later, the authorities had our sacked driver in custody, and had cleared both cars to continue. That left the driving up to me. Quickly, we found a local circuit comprised of sections of interstate. Our special stage, Route 5, would host the Silvias.
Keep it off the wall.
Five laps in, that's all I could think of.
Keep the damn thing off the wall. With over 600,000 Credits already spent, I'm sure the last thing our accountants want to see is yet another receipt for body work. Eight laps in, and Route 5 speaks to me. The 240 speaks to me too, only this far into the test, it's no longer filled with expletives and hateful wishes. When all is said and done, I'd managed a
1:41.028 around our impromptu circuit. More time could be made up on the coarse, but not in the deadline of our production. Short of a time machine, or daylight savings, we'd be cutting it close.
Producer
You are aware that we lose an hour today, right?
(Expletive)
Quickly, we set out in the Rally Car. Although we couldn't enjoy the dirt, we were allowed to test the car at full throttle and without restraint. Instantly, all the small changes became apparent. This car turns much easier than the road car. It's power is more apparent and immediate. Within a few laps, I had already driven a
1:37.393. Easily 4 seconds faster than the road car, and thankfully, everything worked. I had more lights than a Hollywood premier.
In 1983, Nintendo's Famicom went on sale, Ronald Reagan said we could use something called GPS, and there was general mass hysteria everywhere else. Nissan introduced the S110, and although it is a bit ugly, once you're behind the wheel you do feel it's Rally prestige. With a few modifications, it is feasible to build your own Group B car, although the amount of money needed to do so is probably equal to what our former driver spends on his habit.
But over time, with a change here, and a tweak there, it's possible. The differences between the two show an evolution of development, and it's easy to see why Nissan's engineers were so confident of success. This car is fast, stable, and little adjustments usually produced positive results, and these results could easily be replicated in the road car. True Omologata.
The curse of the car is its styling, but this can be overlooked due to the era that produced it. After the oil crisis, few knew how to make cars under the new regulations. The Japanese were able to capitalize on the weaknesses of other markets, and cars like this show exactly why. Back then, every car was its own form of ugly. This wasn't any different.
Sadly, this styling is attempting a comeback. The i.am.auto.thingy is technically as retro as the Mustang, Camaro, and Challenger. In its effort to stand out, it fits in... just in the wrong place. 1983 was fine... back then.
We've moved on. And perhaps that's the greatest flaw of this car. Since before it was produced, it simply hasn't been able to keep up.
For those keeping score at home, other notable data includes: 0.0% chance of an ant fart effecting a car's cornering capabilities
Week 1: 2001 Alfa Romeo Spider 3.0i V6 24V
Week 2: 1966 Alfa Romeo Spider 1600 Duetto
Week 3: 2000 Toyota Sprinter Trueno GT-APEX (S. Shigeno Ver.)
Week 4: 2007 Audi TT Coupe 3.2 Quattro
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