Her we go.
In october last year (2008) I relapsed into a severe depression. It went from bad to worse so I decide to find a good neuro psychiatrist.I think I found one but I'm not sure because one of my problems (depression) is that I don't trust anyone or anything. October 8th, he drew blood and got it analysed in Belgium and a specialized lab in Germany where they can determine the amount of serotonine in once blood. As expected, I have a severe shortish of serotonine with all the consequence that comes with a shortage of serotonine => depression, fobia, severe anxiety attacks, lack of sleep (not enough serotonine means not enoug melatonine, hormon that makes a person sleep), severe case of hypochondria and a mild case of psychoses, feeling/sense of guilt, fear of failure, lack of self-confidence, absolutely no appetite, aggression, etc... (there is much more)
Every moring I wake up wishing that I wasn't around anymore. I start to shiver, get anxiety attacks and feel very depressed. I try to get out of bed but I can't and after one hour I force myself to get up.
Going to the toilet, washing yourself is a very scary thing to do if you have this condition. Luckily, there are some moments that I don't feel that depressed and don't have anxiety attacks, it's during those moments that I go shopping and do things (very hard to do but it must be done), wash, shave myself.
Every little thing can trigger an anxiety attack.
At the moment my life in unbearable to live.
The chemistry in my brain is messed up so badly that I can't live normally anymore. I have these deathwishes almost everyday. Sometimes it's like my brain is forcing me to kill myself but I try to resist.
I take foodsupplements (vegetable) who elevates my neurotransmitters and Hypericum perforatum (highly dosed). Try to get as much EPA and DHA into my system. I take foodsupplement (vegetable) to reduce my anxiety attacts, to reduce the cortisol hormon in my blood etc... This foodsupplement is called Calmiton and has Alfa S1 caseïnedcapeptide which comes from milk and has a chane of 10 amino acids. Due to the neurotransmitter GABA which bonds with a receptor in the brain, I start to calm down.