Depression and Anxiety Thread

[JohnBM01]

I know the COVID-19/Coronavirus pandemic is tough to bear, but I have been saddened reading about people who committed suicide in feeling incapable of practicing self-isolation and social distancing. This is really the sort of time to think of other people and offer kindness to ease peoples' minds over something like this. Being depressed or anxious even in this time only helps make life as it is unbearable. Even if someone isn't worried or not depressed, it is at least helpful to try to offer kind thoughts to others. You know... let people know you care about someone. If all you have is yourself and you are feeling depressed or anxious in this time, it is tougher to try to cope. You basically either have yourself to rely on, or you have people in your life you could talk to but don't entirely trust. Think hard about trying to keep yourself happy and content through this time of a global pandemic. Seek professional help if you or a loved one are in crisis.

 

[Hollow]

I recently have been playing "Neko Atsume" on my tablet PC for about a week now.

I played Neko Atsume and felt similar things, very relaxing. The music in it puts me in a calm state, and how can someone not enjoy the hilariously named cats in it. I’ve heard Animal Crossing has a very similar effect on people, you might want to give that a try too.

 

[JohnBM01]

On top of that, Hollow, it is just fun to try the game out and see what kinds of cute cats show up in "Neko Atsume." You may even find some rare cats who show up every now and then. I just mention "Neko Atsume" because playing the game has helped me relax and smile. It may not make you feel better all the time, but at least this is something to occupy your mind for when you are down. As for "Animal Crossing: New Horizons," the majority of streams I've seen have been nothing short of entertaining and fun. This too helps in the relaxation process.

I suggest everyone to find something that brings happiness or relaxation. Play a game. Read a book. Listen to or make music. Prepare your favorite foods. Do something that brings you joy for when you are depressed. If you are unable to find something joyous to do, try to come up with at least something to get your mind off of the world's struggles.

 

[AOS-]

I think I reached a point where I can enter this thread myself. Maybe the overthinker in me is making this more complicated than it ought to be, but I'm hoping someone here who can relate can speak up on it. Big dump ahead, but I would honestly feel better if I can splurge it all.

TL;DR I think an overthinker/worrier having physical health issues resulting from anxiety is a brutal combo to deal with at the moment, and after going over multiple things, I think I'm ruling out what I may be experiencing.



Early March. Had a runny nose. Recovered from that in a few days, but had ongoing nasal discharge ever since last June from home renovations that included rebuilding drywall, plaster, paint and all that jazz.

Mid-march. Had a night where nasal congestion limited nose breathing quite a bit; that began to concern me whether I'm getting enough air into the lungs per breath. Tried to switch to mouth-breathing. Could get more air in, but mouth was getting dry and a film of saliva would hinder air passage ever so slightly that even that got me in a panic thinking I can't breathe properly. At this point, I think I began conscious breathing which didn't help me relax at all. I'm getting chills and my legs are shaking, heart beats harder and faster than it probably should (I'm no doctor). Applied nasal spray for relief, blew my nose, no mucus was coming out, yet I can feel the partial obstruction when I'm inhaling. I can't tell if this was an anxiety or panic attack at this point, but I was definitely in a state of mind I was terrified of. Contemplating whether to get dressed and go to the hospital on the account of having a shortness of breath or wake my parents up, I decided to stay in bed and try my best to relax (go me; too scared to take action). It's just a shame I can't relax while sleeping on my side anymore.

I make it to the next day. I honestly cannot recall how I ended up falling asleep by 3am but I managed to log about 3 hours of sleep that night. That was not fun.

I experience another night like this a few days later. Though it wasn't as frightening as I knew I made it past a night like this already, but now I'm scared of "falling asleep". That moment your entire body and mind relaxes, my thoughts drift off to some imagined scene where an alerting/startling event occurs, and then bam, you're awake again! Took about 5 of these occurrences for me to finally fall asleep.

Had enough of this. It doesn't feel like I have a cold, and I don't feel like I have COVID-19 (knock on wood)... so why am I still having nasal discharge and congestion at the back of the nasal cavity? Is it an allergen I'm inhaling in my room and bedroom? Nothing has changed drastically ever since last June... maybe it's because I'm exposed to it more now that I'm working from home? Is it residual drywall dust, the mold I infrequently smell from the kitchen, or just breathing in too much dust unknowingly all these years? Or is the air just really dry in the house now that the heater is running more often? Something doesn't line up.

Resolved to vacuuming my rooms more thoroughly, changing out bed sheets, washing the blanket (admittedly haven't done that in a long time), pulled out dad's ultrasonic humidifier. Noticing minimal difference, but let's keep it up for a while to see if it changes anything. It's just odd how dry air would begin to impact my nose now when we haven't changed the way we lived through the winter seasons in this household for over a decade.

Went ahead and ordered a HEPA air purifier (actually meant to order a humidifier for myself instead of taking Dad's all the time, but this actually worked out better in the end). Now I have one of these low-key noisy things running in my room or bedroom, wherever I feel its needed, because now I'm thinking it wasn't actually a cold causing the congestion, and it really might just be an allergen at this point. It does produce a slightly strange smell, but hey, it pushes air around so it can create some air movement at least. My office has some terrible air circulation, and the PC produces all the stuffy warm heat this room experiences. If I ran a tower fan in here to get some kind of circulation with the other rooms in the household that are noticeably easier to breathe in, I can see there's dust entering my line of sight as I'm on the computer. Fantastic; just need to vacuum more.

I do that. Vacuuming, something I've skipped out on a lot, even more in the recent months, has provided some relief as I don't feel as much congestion as before. This is good. Little steps towards figuring out what's wrong with me. However, I still feel that slightly obstruction in my left nostril as I brush my teeth and get ready to call it a day. At this point I noticed my nasal sprays (both saline and steroid) read "don't user after about 4 months after opening", and "if issues don't clear up after 5 days, stop and see your doctor". Shoot. I've been using this for the past several days. I'm worrying again. I grab myself medium stream nasal spray. Gave her a try. It was not the misting I was expecting! Kind of helped, kind of didn't, but maybe I was using it wrong the entire time. Videos I see online say to angle your sprays, some say not to spray to the back as you won't get the medicine where you need it to. Who's right and who's wrong!?

Come late March, I feel like my breathing capacity has shrunk. Feel. I don't know if it actually has. Talking appears to take extra effort and I have to pause earlier to catch my breath. There's a chilly feeling in my chest whenever I take deeper breaths; never felt this way before. Is this a side effect from not being able to sleep?

I was lucky to have been able to speak with my doctor over the phone, and told her the entire story you've heard so far. Doctor thinks it is possibly still the cold from early March. Prescribes the same steroid nasal spray as that should allow the nasal passage to open up (if it was swelling), enabling easier breathing... which it does.

But even with that, I'm still getting a chilly feeling when I breathe a bit deeper than my usual short breaths. I can't laugh for a long time. If I'm conscious about my breathing (which I have been more than ever), sometimes I'm not using my diaphragm to breathe, or if it's a quick inhale, my diaphragm goes the opposite direction (might've been wrong muscle memory I developed when I was younger). I still have a slouched posture with rolled shoulders after many years, so maybe that has aided in a tight chest and made diaphragm breathing slightly more difficult. The good news to this is that I grabbed myself one of those posture correcting straps from Amazon which does help remind me to sit up straight, as I slouch hard when I'm focused on gaming. (The one I grabbed gives you a $10 rebate after purchasing, hit me up if you want to learn more).

So as of right now, I've learned my blood pressure level is at 137/75 recently (I'm 28). To be fair I haven't checked this reading in years, but that doesn't change that I'm in this state. Whenever I eat or drink, I feel a pressure in the solar plexus area, like I can't belch when I need to. And I still have nights where it takes me a bit of time to fully relax enough to fall asleep (was considering I was experiencing insomnia that one night I maybe slept for about an accumulated 20 minutes). Based on what I'm reading, all these new things I'm going through right now could very much be a result of stress stemming from anxiety.... or malnutrition.

I've always lived my life filled with distractions, but even that isn't combating what I'm feeling now. So nowadays I've been reflecting on pastimes that genuinely take my mind off things and have brought me joy, and have been trying to get back into drawing, biking (though the shortness of breath still has me uneasy if it's a respiratory infection, a development of pneumonia (think this is what's scaring me the most actually) or just me being really out of shape), exercising more, and catching up on TV series. I'm also taking steps towards keeping an eye on my diet to bring down that blood pressure, whatever nutrients I may be deficient in to combat this. I like to think that taking steps to figuring this out will help with the anxiety as I know I'm the kind of person who worries when he's not knowledgeable. I will also be reaching out to the doctor to report my new findings this week, as I feel GPs don't seem to go as all-in on fixing you up like before.


If you did choose to read this all, thank you for taking the time to do so. Let me know what your thoughts are.

 

[JohnBM01]

Is anything helping you get through the depression and anxiety caused by COVID-19/Coronavirus? For me, I must say it's been playing "Neko Atsume." A game you don't actually *play* ends up being such a fun experience. You basically set up food, toys, and other things to attract cats to your yard. Then watching them play and trying to capture as many of them as you can is very fun (and adorable!) to watch. As a cat lover myself, you have no idea how enjoyable it is for me looking at this game and getting engaged with it. It is really something that helps relax my mind consistently. Some things I do simply relax my mind but for not very long and not as much as I rely on some things. So this has been a very pleasureful experience for me. There are two similar casual cat games I am considering wanting to try in the future. For now, though, I just wanted to bring those to light in discussing how I've been lately.

There might be SOME relief for those who are depressed or anxious, as a slow return to "normal" is possible within the coming days and weeks with certain businesses and facilities slowly being able to return and re-open. A lot of the "stay home" mandates may be relaxed or removed altogether. This will make some people get back to doing what they love and communicating with others outside of the likes of Skype or Zoom or whatever. If you are into sports and/or motorsports, be sure to thank the ones who participate in virtual sports (even if you do virtual sports yourself). They have filled the void from whereas most sports have been suspended or even been cancelled. Even if you don't care about these virtual sports, at least it is better to have something to talk about rather than being completely idle.


And as always- don't let depression or anxiety win.

 

[JohnBM01]

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Make sure to get the needed help or the proper sort of advice if dealing with mental health issues such as depression and anxiety. I guess times could get better as a lot of places worldwide are relaxing their pandemic-related restrictions in places where conditions are improving. Anyone having these issues because of recent world events may start to feel a bit better as things slowly go back to *normal,* albeit being a new normal. So that is at least some reason to feel a bit more happy if depressed or anxious.


Don't let depression or anxiety win.

 

[W3H5]

Acquaintance of my wife hung herself yesterday due to increased depression brought about by losing her job from the virus fallout. Makes me wonder how many people are going down that route now that things are so bad in so many countries.

 

[JohnBM01]

W3HS, it is awful regarding people taking their own lives over trying to deal with self-isolation, social distancing, and things like that. People are always saying stuff like, "we'll get through this together." Most people who are submerged in depression over something like this are tough to try to get out of these feelings.

I always say that the toughest ones to try to help out are the ones who don't have too many people to chat with or are alone mostly. Even if someone who is mostly alone is doing well, it helps just to show you're thinking about someone and that one doesn't have to be alone all the time. This is a time more than ever in which we have to try to maintain a positive mindset. Sure, times may be tough, but we all have to be tougher, and we need to believe in the possibility of times getting better eventually. Some people just can't take it. The key word here is "try."

Again- this is a time to try to help others and instill confidence in others. Nothing is guaranteed, and this isn't going away any time soon; but we have to at least try to remain mentally positive in these times.

 

[Michael88]

Acquaintance of my wife hung herself yesterday due to increased depression brought about by losing her job from the virus fallout. Makes me wonder how many people are going down that route now that things are so bad in so many countries.

Sorry to hear that, that's awful.

A friend of mine died at the age of 37 from the virus, also his brother and his father. I also have a chronic disease that puts me into a risky position, I don't know what would happen if I got Covid19. It would probably be very dangerous for me.

Because of those reasons I've been taking quarantine really seriously, I've been doing home office for 5 weeks now, and get my groceries delivered to my front door. Since then I saw other human beings only once, at the recycling center.

I've never been a very social person but this isn't doing me any good, really. I basically feel like stranded on an island or being on a mission to mars, and I have no idea when I can quit that total isolation since the virus wont go away anytime soon and vaccinations are 1-2 years away.
Ironically, my chronic illness has also worsened, so I'm feeling crappy, completely alone, I'm in pain and afraid.

/rant.

 

[HenrySwanson]

I think I reached a point where I can enter this thread myself. Maybe the overthinker in me is making this more complicated than it ought to be, but I'm hoping someone here who can relate can speak up on it. Big dump ahead, but I would honestly feel better if I can splurge it all.

TL;DR I think an overthinker/worrier having physical health issues resulting from anxiety is a brutal combo to deal with at the moment, and after going over multiple things, I think I'm ruling out what I may be experiencing.



Early March. Had a runny nose. Recovered from that in a few days, but had ongoing nasal discharge ever since last June from home renovations that included rebuilding drywall, plaster, paint and all that jazz.

Mid-march. Had a night where nasal congestion limited nose breathing quite a bit; that began to concern me whether I'm getting enough air into the lungs per breath. Tried to switch to mouth-breathing. Could get more air in, but mouth was getting dry and a film of saliva would hinder air passage ever so slightly that even that got me in a panic thinking I can't breathe properly. At this point, I think I began conscious breathing which didn't help me relax at all. I'm getting chills and my legs are shaking, heart beats harder and faster than it probably should (I'm no doctor). Applied nasal spray for relief, blew my nose, no mucus was coming out, yet I can feel the partial obstruction when I'm inhaling. I can't tell if this was an anxiety or panic attack at this point, but I was definitely in a state of mind I was terrified of. Contemplating whether to get dressed and go to the hospital on the account of having a shortness of breath or wake my parents up, I decided to stay in bed and try my best to relax (go me; too scared to take action). It's just a shame I can't relax while sleeping on my side anymore.

I make it to the next day. I honestly cannot recall how I ended up falling asleep by 3am but I managed to log about 3 hours of sleep that night. That was not fun.

I experience another night like this a few days later. Though it wasn't as frightening as I knew I made it past a night like this already, but now I'm scared of "falling asleep". That moment your entire body and mind relaxes, my thoughts drift off to some imagined scene where an alerting/startling event occurs, and then bam, you're awake again! Took about 5 of these occurrences for me to finally fall asleep.

Had enough of this. It doesn't feel like I have a cold, and I don't feel like I have COVID-19 (knock on wood)... so why am I still having nasal discharge and congestion at the back of the nasal cavity? Is it an allergen I'm inhaling in my room and bedroom? Nothing has changed drastically ever since last June... maybe it's because I'm exposed to it more now that I'm working from home? Is it residual drywall dust, the mold I infrequently smell from the kitchen, or just breathing in too much dust unknowingly all these years? Or is the air just really dry in the house now that the heater is running more often? Something doesn't line up.

Resolved to vacuuming my rooms more thoroughly, changing out bed sheets, washing the blanket (admittedly haven't done that in a long time), pulled out dad's ultrasonic humidifier. Noticing minimal difference, but let's keep it up for a while to see if it changes anything. It's just odd how dry air would begin to impact my nose now when we haven't changed the way we lived through the winter seasons in this household for over a decade.

Went ahead and ordered a HEPA air purifier (actually meant to order a humidifier for myself instead of taking Dad's all the time, but this actually worked out better in the end). Now I have one of these low-key noisy things running in my room or bedroom, wherever I feel its needed, because now I'm thinking it wasn't actually a cold causing the congestion, and it really might just be an allergen at this point. It does produce a slightly strange smell, but hey, it pushes air around so it can create some air movement at least. My office has some terrible air circulation, and the PC produces all the stuffy warm heat this room experiences. If I ran a tower fan in here to get some kind of circulation with the other rooms in the household that are noticeably easier to breathe in, I can see there's dust entering my line of sight as I'm on the computer. Fantastic; just need to vacuum more.

I do that. Vacuuming, something I've skipped out on a lot, even more in the recent months, has provided some relief as I don't feel as much congestion as before. This is good. Little steps towards figuring out what's wrong with me. However, I still feel that slightly obstruction in my left nostril as I brush my teeth and get ready to call it a day. At this point I noticed my nasal sprays (both saline and steroid) read "don't user after about 4 months after opening", and "if issues don't clear up after 5 days, stop and see your doctor". Shoot. I've been using this for the past several days. I'm worrying again. I grab myself medium stream nasal spray. Gave her a try. It was not the misting I was expecting! Kind of helped, kind of didn't, but maybe I was using it wrong the entire time. Videos I see online say to angle your sprays, some say not to spray to the back as you won't get the medicine where you need it to. Who's right and who's wrong!?

Come late March, I feel like my breathing capacity has shrunk. Feel. I don't know if it actually has. Talking appears to take extra effort and I have to pause earlier to catch my breath. There's a chilly feeling in my chest whenever I take deeper breaths; never felt this way before. Is this a side effect from not being able to sleep?

I was lucky to have been able to speak with my doctor over the phone, and told her the entire story you've heard so far. Doctor thinks it is possibly still the cold from early March. Prescribes the same steroid nasal spray as that should allow the nasal passage to open up (if it was swelling), enabling easier breathing... which it does.

But even with that, I'm still getting a chilly feeling when I breathe a bit deeper than my usual short breaths. I can't laugh for a long time. If I'm conscious about my breathing (which I have been more than ever), sometimes I'm not using my diaphragm to breathe, or if it's a quick inhale, my diaphragm goes the opposite direction (might've been wrong muscle memory I developed when I was younger). I still have a slouched posture with rolled shoulders after many years, so maybe that has aided in a tight chest and made diaphragm breathing slightly more difficult. The good news to this is that I grabbed myself one of those posture correcting straps from Amazon which does help remind me to sit up straight, as I slouch hard when I'm focused on gaming. (The one I grabbed gives you a $10 rebate after purchasing, hit me up if you want to learn more).

So as of right now, I've learned my blood pressure level is at 137/75 recently (I'm 28). To be fair I haven't checked this reading in years, but that doesn't change that I'm in this state. Whenever I eat or drink, I feel a pressure in the solar plexus area, like I can't belch when I need to. And I still have nights where it takes me a bit of time to fully relax enough to fall asleep (was considering I was experiencing insomnia that one night I maybe slept for about an accumulated 20 minutes). Based on what I'm reading, all these new things I'm going through right now could very much be a result of stress stemming from anxiety.... or malnutrition.

I've always lived my life filled with distractions, but even that isn't combating what I'm feeling now. So nowadays I've been reflecting on pastimes that genuinely take my mind off things and have brought me joy, and have been trying to get back into drawing, biking (though the shortness of breath still has me uneasy if it's a respiratory infection, a development of pneumonia (think this is what's scaring me the most actually) or just me being really out of shape), exercising more, and catching up on TV series. I'm also taking steps towards keeping an eye on my diet to bring down that blood pressure, whatever nutrients I may be deficient in to combat this. I like to think that taking steps to figuring this out will help with the anxiety as I know I'm the kind of person who worries when he's not knowledgeable. I will also be reaching out to the doctor to report my new findings this week, as I feel GPs don't seem to go as all-in on fixing you up like before.


If you did choose to read this all, thank you for taking the time to do so. Let me know what your thoughts are.

So after reading it seems your problems are:

1) Nasal discharge
2) Nasal congestion
3) Shortness of breath (?)
4) Slightly elevated blood pressure
5) Health anxiety

Would you say that they are all still affecting you?

 

[AOS-]

Is anything helping you get through the depression and anxiety caused by COVID-19/Coronavirus?

I've seen how people describe video games as a great way to take the mind off those things. I've always found I'm most immersed in games that present a degree of challenge, but that makes it difficult for me to relax. I have spent a bit of time trying to reflect back on other activities I've enjoyed that have contain less stress, and it's coming back to drawing which I stopped doing actively for half a decade.

Also been trying meditation and deep breathing. I may be realizing that my years of poor posture have shrunk the abdominal muscles and weakened the diaphragm, as sitting up straight stretches this entire area more than I think it should for most people. I'm trying to be more mindful about this, and I'm thinking the chair I spend most of my day on for sit on at home doesn't do anything to support my back

I am much more interested in figuring out the root of what I may think is the anxiety or depression, and right now I think it's my bleak outlook of my future; what will eventually become an inadequate salary, stagnation at work, and lack of motivation or sense of purpose in self-directed studying to avoid stagnation.

And as always- don't let depression or anxiety win.

Right on, John. Constant brooding is such a dumb thing to do, and it's been bringing me down slowly over the years.

So after reading it seems your problems are:

1) Nasal discharge
2) Nasal congestion
3) Shortness of breath (?)
4) Slightly elevated blood pressure
5) Health anxiety

Would you say that they are all still affecting you?

It's probably not to a doctor, but for me who hasn't felt (or noticed) a series of conditions happen over a short period of time, it feels like a roller coaster. Some of that is still with me, and some have gone.

I still have mild discharge (not nearly as much as last June now) and lesser congestion til now. At times during the day, it feels like air flow is higher, and come evenings it feels like that flow is reduced. I don't know if it has been like this for me all this time and I never paid any attention to it before. But being mindful of it now has me noticing the subtleties, and not being a doctor and with no metrics, I don't know if what I'm experiencing is or was my "normal". I'm reading that your nasal passage will adjust in sizing to control how much air you intake during the day and night so that you're not breathing in more air than the body needs. This logic seems to check out (especially if you're skydiving), but I haven't asked my doctor about the validity of that statement. Been following doctor's orders on the Steroid nasal spray, and it has been doing what the doc claims for the last 2 weeks.

Blood pressure, while it was clocking in at 135/137, it has gone down to the 120s a few days later I avoided salt and took in almonds. I'm now taking in unsalted dry-roasted nuts regularly in small amounts. I've also been holding myself accountable to getting exercise daily. It's not really intense at the moment, but I'll work my way up given that I've been living a sedentary lifestyle for over a decade now. It also could've went up due to the anxiety over breathing.

Shortness of breath thankfully is gone. Anxiety levels may have been rather high (for me), but I had mentally assured myself later I wasn't developing something like pneumonia. I still feel like I can't speak a whole sentence I like used to, but I talk so little anyway it's like the speech-producing muscles have just gotten even weaker (I may be exaggerating this slightly). The chilly sensation I get in the center of the chest when I inhale is still present. It's like I have something cold in the upper esophagus, and every time air goes in, it gets chilled on the way down. But here's the new mystery:

Now I'm experiencing what feels like bloating more frequently, from eating... or even just drinking water. There's a discomfort in the upper abdomen/solar plexus area during these times. It feel like I need to burp it out and it's not coming easy. Am I swallowing more air when eating these days? Possible. Trying to be more mindful of it for now, but feels odd that I'd only be experiencing this now since I haven't changed the way I eat all that drastically. Doctor and I considered the possibility of acid reflux. Have picked up antacids to try (haven't tried yet) to rule out if it is stomach acids, but it's not a burning sensation like heartburn. I'll hear/feel a bubbling sensation at the end of a deep breath in this area (not the lungs thankfully), though occurrence is seldom. The thought that only 95% of whatever I eat or drink makes it down to the stomach, and the rest sits at the end of the tongue/throat has me thinking whether its possible for the body to be so accustomed to that sensation or residual foods sitting back there that I don't feel it going down on its own and possibly into the lungs when I'm not eating. I've been choking on water (just a bit) more frequently than I have in the past. It's like I'm mixing up the motor commands you unconsciously do in your mouth when breathing and drinking water. That has raised my concerns slightly, but as I write this, this sounds unlikely.

So bloating aside, there's also been an ongoing case of waking up at 2am and 4am every night, for over a week now. In troubleshooting this, I've swapped pillows and mattresses I have lying around to rule out if it was prolonged discomfort waking me up or making it difficult to fall back asleep. The pillow aided slightly in comfort, but hasn't changed the consistent wake ups. I'm not feeling fatigued or sleep deprived, but don't quote me on how accurate this is, my whole house is loaded withe fluorescent tubes so I'm exposed to blue light daily. So whatever your body produces to make you feel sleepy (melatonin I believe), I may have been deficient of this for a long time, but never had cases of consistent interrupted sleep before. To report on progress though, I have observed less instances of waking at 2am, but waking at 4am is still ongoing, and usually I wake up hungry.

Waking up hungry. That's another one now. Am I not eating enough? Apparently I need to be taking in about 2500 calories daily. While I've never spent the time measuring, I don't think I've been doing that ever (probably why I'm always so skinny). I still haven't put anything in place to get accurate measurements like most people who go on workout routines, but I have looked into including more snacks into my diet between my 3 meals per day... and possibly snacking later in the evening to hold down hunger for later as I've been forced to follow the household dinner time of 6pm (yet I've been going to bed as late as 11 or 12 without being starving in the morning). This bit needs more testing, but I used to clock in at 130lb (can't recall how long ago), and as of late, I've come down to 120-122lb (118lb without any clothes). If it really is a case of not eating enough, this weight loss doesn't baffle me, but if I am eating about as much I used to do, something else is up. The doc has been informed of this one. Not sure if it ties into any of the digestive abnormalities noticed such as baffling, and increased frequency of looser stool. An ultrasound and X-ray was done yesterday of the abdominal area, so I'll hear back on this later in the week.


Knowing what's up will have a worrier-type like me at ease. I hear people tell me that it's senseless to worry about things I have no control over, but I feel there are things I do (or don't do) everyday that can influence how my life may pan out later down the road. Health and wellness is easily one of them.

So I'd say yes, Health anxiety is definitely still with me as I've had the spoils of being taken fed by my parents all my life - and still ongoing, but coming to grips this will eventually come to an end is a wake up call that I'm not very knowledgeable about what nutrients I'm taking in. While I have a very broadened food palette for my age and have no unhealthy cravings I can't control, eating healthy isn't difficult for me, but actually knowing nutrient upkeep and fixing any diet imbalances/illnesses I may encounter, I don't know how to approach some of them. Parents have their heads in the world of Traditional Chinese Medicine to correct these things which I have no experience with brewing up on my own.

That said, not having done a full body checkup before means I have no idea what my current condition is like. The only thing I've ever checked once in a blue moon was my weight. Although I feel perfectly healthy (aside from everything mentioned earlier), we all know that there could be things that aren't so good internally you can't immediately notice on your own, and I'm not about that "worry about it later" mindset if it could 1- potentially be irreversible, and 2- wouldn't turn out that way if I didn't do XYZ things today for many more years to come.

But on a more brighter note (I'm trying for more brighter notes!), I'm happier knowing that I've taken steps to better care for myself, and that I'm using those past experiences as wake up calls to reduce or eliminate any long-term unhealthy habits (sleeping earlier is still tough for me). Although I'm doing good for myself in googling symptoms instead of procrastinating with video games, I'm trying to be more mindful not to get too deep into playing Google Doctor with myself and getting myself to reach out for help when I need it, because I sure as hell am not a doctor and don't want to keep guessing.

 

[W3H5]

I need to be taking in about 2500 calories daily.

That's a total average guideline for the masses of normal size and weight. I rarely eat over 2000cal each day and I live pretty actively, I'm just not that heavy (65kg, 183cm) and seem to use my energy efficiently. I think 1700 is about my normal intake.

 

[HenrySwanson]

Now I'm experiencing what feels like bloating more frequently, from eating... or even just drinking water. There's a discomfort in the upper abdomen/solar plexus area during these times. It feel like I need to burp it out and it's not coming easy. Am I swallowing more air when eating these days? Possible. Trying to be more mindful of it for now, but feels odd that I'd only be experiencing this now since I haven't changed the way I eat all that drastically. Doctor and I considered the possibility of acid reflux. Have picked up antacids to try (haven't tried yet) to rule out if it is stomach acids, but it's not a burning sensation like heartburn. I'll hear/feel a bubbling sensation at the end of a deep breath in this area (not the lungs thankfully), though occurrence is seldom. The thought that only 95% of whatever I eat or drink makes it down to the stomach, and the rest sits at the end of the tongue/throat has me thinking whether its possible for the body to be so accustomed to that sensation or residual foods sitting back there that I don't feel it going down on its own and possibly into the lungs when I'm not eating. I've been choking on water (just a bit) more frequently than I have in the past. It's like I'm mixing up the motor commands you unconsciously do in your mouth when breathing and drinking water. That has raised my concerns slightly, but as I write this, this sounds unlikely.

It's a good idea to try antacids but remember that you shouldn't take them long term - go back to your doctor and report how you're responding to them (even if they do nothing at all).

Lifestyle advice would be (taken from UK guidelines):

• Lose weight if you're obese (at 118 pounds this doesn't apply to you)
  
• Avoid any trigger foods, such as coffee, chocolate, tomatoes, fatty or spicy foods.
• Eat smaller meals and eat evening meal 3–4 hours before going to bed, if possible.
• Stop smoking
• Reduce alcohol consumption to recommended limits

Unfortunately stress can play a role, so ideally try to reduce that as best you can (easier said than done I know).

This part however is interesting:

This bit needs more testing, but I used to clock in at 130lb (can't recall how long ago), and as of late, I've come down to 120-122lb (118lb without any clothes). If it really is a case of not eating enough, this weight loss doesn't baffle me, but if I am eating about as much I used to do, something else is up. The doc has been informed of this one. Not sure if it ties into any of the digestive abnormalities noticed such as baffling, and increased frequency of looser stool.

May I ask how old you are?
Do you get abdominal pain anywhere other than the upper area?
Have you been tested for celiac disease?

 

[AOS-]

It's a good idea to try antacids but remember that you shouldn't take them long term - go back to your doctor and report how you're responding to them (even if they do nothing at all).

Yup I know our bodies should not be relying on these things to regulate these things. A year ago, I was very reluctant to even take Ibuprofen despite its effectiveness, but alas I took one for the first time ever.

Lifestyle advice would be (taken from UK guidelines):

• Lose weight if you're obese (at 118 pounds this doesn't apply to you)
  
• Avoid any trigger foods, such as coffee, chocolate, tomatoes, fatty or spicy foods.
• Eat smaller meals and eat evening meal 3–4 hours before going to bed, if possible.
• Stop smoking
• Reduce alcohol consumption to recommended limits

Unfortunately stress can play a role, so ideally try to reduce that as best you can (easier said than done I know).

• I've had a rather high metabolism where I've been able to eat a lot without gaining weight (I don't exercise regularly). It's harder for me to gain weight.
• No trigger foods. I can control food cravings very well.
• Don't smoke or use any substances. Like medication, I don't like the idea of taking on substances the body becomes dependent on.
• Alcohol, see point above.
• I'm still working on stress reduction. I feel like going to work has been able to reduce stress slightly oddly enough. I'm going to see if correcting my posture will fix my long-term trapezius pain, expand the chest area (ribcage, diaphragm and lungs), and consequently improve breathing which may clear out my breathing anxiety.

May I ask how old you are?
Do you get abdominal pain anywhere other than the upper area?
Have you been tested for celiac disease?

28M. No other outstanding muscle pain in the lower torso I can think of at the moment, but sometimes gets discomfort elsewhere. Loosely read up celiac disease. Have not been tested, but had an X-ray and ultrasound done earlier this week. I'm open to that possibility, so hopefully we'll come closer to figuring out what's up with those results.

 

[lbpomg95]

I haven't been on this thread since last July, when I had hit a low point. To be fair the low point had been going on for a few years, on and off. It festered as 2018 rolled into 2019 and became worse until life was almost unbearable. Being alone is my weakness, and loneliness dominated my life at that point. My last few friends were speaking to me less and less, despite me trying to keep in touch. An internet date ended in rejection which knocked my already fragile self-confidence. My relationship with my mother was at its most volatile. Our internet went out for a month which left me without any of my usual pastimes to distract me.

2019 started as the worst year of my life. As summer rolled around I was seriously questioning if anyone outside my parents would even notice if I died. More and more I wondered if I would even have the will power to make it to Christmas. I was pretty much at my end, feeling like I was looking into the abyss. When I went to bed, I didn't want to wake up the next morning anymore.

But someone here (sorry can't remember the username) recommended I try Wisdo - an app for people who suffer with this sort of thing. It's a platform for people going through similar things to just talk and share advice. I met a young lady called Katherine on that app, and we got talking, realising we had more in common than just depression. Completely going against the terms of service, we found out we were 300 miles away from each other, and met halfway. The in between isn't particularly important, but we now live together. She saved me, and for the first time in my life I'm truly happy. The depression is a fading memory and nothing more. And I'm still in disbelief that I could be so lucky as to have her in my life.

The point of what I'm saying is this; in the space of a few months I was plucked from the deepest pit I'd ever stared into and saved. I was out of hope. There was nothing left I had to give to this life, but I was saved.

So if I, beyond hope, found my happiness, then you can too. Sometimes it just comes from the most unlikely of places.

 

[CTznOfTime]

I am a rather positive person no matter what bad situation I am found myself in...

... For this reason, I don't think I have ever been depressed myself, but for some reason I come back to the thread from time to time, in order to learn and to try to understand what others may be going through...

I may not fully understand what people here go through but if I can offer another perspective that could help anyone here, I would feel some much better for that person ... If not, at least be an ear for you.

This is very much my condition.
View attachment 905311

I wish I could treat it but alas nada. Probably could ruin my life

Having said what I said above,
I can truly identify myself through this cartoon .

... Seeing from this perspective, reading it rather thinking about it for myself does give some clarity ...

It would seem the main theme here is
Lack of confidence can (but NOT necessarily) lead to depression...

I have found myself in all instances of that cartoon, but fortunately I have not been more affected beyond or reached depression....

I believe it's because I am always aware that there is a dark and vicious circle ahead if i ever continue to let negative thoughts take over...

So I always force myself to Refuse to dwell in negative, unpleasant thoughts or ideas for more than I can feel comfortable doing so ...

As soon as I feel uncomfortable about the feeling or thoughts, I will find ways to make me happy... Change subject...
There is so much things to be done on earth...

I hate feeling bad or having bad thoughts, so I always go back to my happy place, whatever that could be... I always treat myself well and right..


I am currently watching the 30 year-old murder mystery TV show "Twin Peaks" by David Lynch, and it is fantastic!

One scene that struck me: the main character, the FBI agent, said something along these lines: "always take the time everyday to treat yourself, to offer yourself something good, it doesn't have to be expensive or elaborate, Something as simple as a good dark cup of coffee, but do it randomly, it should not be planned, it should be natural, take and enjoy the moment as it comes..."

I particularly like that line, because that is what I believe I have unconsciously been dojng most of my life...

Treat yourself right no matter how mad this situation is, so you can cheer yourself up, so that you have the self encouragement, self motivation to continue the fight...

Even the best fighters on the ring, need to rest once in awhile, because rare are those who can easily win the fight on one punch...

Life is a long journey... And you have a new chance at it every new day.... Step by step...

I know the COVID-19/Coronavirus pandemic is tough to bear, but I have been saddened reading about people who committed suicide in feeling incapable of practicing self-isolation and social distancing. This is really the sort of time to think of other people and offer kindness to ease peoples' minds over something like this. Being depressed or anxious even in this time only helps make life as it is unbearable. Even if someone isn't worried or not depressed, it is at least helpful to try to offer kind thoughts to others. You know... let people know you care about someone. If all you have is yourself and you are feeling depressed or anxious in this time, it is tougher to try to cope. You basically either have yourself to rely on, or you have people in your life you could talk to but don't entirely trust. Think hard about trying to keep yourself happy and content through this time of a global pandemic. Seek professional help if you or a loved one are in crisis.

Those are really good words that should be repeated everywhere, so that people most at risk, can be reminded and seek help.

Allow others to help you.

Good people are all over,you have to allow them the opportunity to help.

Acquaintance of my wife hung herself yesterday due to increased depression brought about by losing her job from the virus fallout. Makes me wonder how many people are going down that route now that things are so bad in so many countries.

OMG, that is truly Sad !

Please, if anyone here feels like that, reach out and just talk to someone, communicate with one of us here...

Message me, and don't do anything until you hear from me.

Pain on earth is a way to make us stronger.
Suicide to get away from pain is not an answer to anything. Don't tap out...

It's ok to feel weak, but don't ever give up
There is always someone, no matter how lonely you may think you are, but there is always someone on earth, a stranger you don't know who will love you and care for you!

Sorry to hear that, that's awful.

A friend of mine died at the age of 37 from the virus, also his brother and his father. I also have a chronic disease that puts me into a risky position, I don't know what would happen if I got Covid19. It would probably be very dangerous for me.

Because of those reasons I've been taking quarantine really seriously, I've been doing home office for 5 weeks now, and get my groceries delivered to my front door. Since then I saw other human beings only once, at the recycling center.

I've never been a very social person but this isn't doing me any good, really. I basically feel like stranded on an island or being on a mission to mars, and I have no idea when I can quit that total isolation since the virus wont go away anytime soon and vaccinations are 1-2 years away.
Ironically, my chronic illness has also worsened, so I'm feeling crappy, completely alone, I'm in pain and afraid.

/rant.

Your friend, his brother and father died because of CoViD19 ?!? That is tragic !!
RIP
37 is still young.
Am 40 and I feel strong right now... But now this sounds scary...

[...]

Mind if I ask which part of the world your friend was from or residing?

Since you are such at risk, you should turn your thoughts around, and only do things that are safe for you and yet give you the most pleasure... Treat yourself right to make yourself happy, it is critical during these times, when we don't know the future, to just enjoy what we got, with whom we have.... The little pleasures in life can go a long way.... it could just be a long shower for example...

I haven't been on this thread since last July, when I had hit a low point. To be fair the low point had been going on for a few years, on and off. It festered as 2018 rolled into 2019 and became worse until life was almost unbearable. Being alone is my weakness, and loneliness dominated my life at that point. My last few friends were speaking to me less and less, despite me trying to keep in touch. An internet date ended in rejection which knocked my already fragile self-confidence. My relationship with my mother was at its most volatile. Our internet went out for a month which left me without any of my usual pastimes to distract me.

2019 started as the worst year of my life. As summer rolled around I was seriously questioning if anyone outside my parents would even notice if I died. More and more I wondered if I would even have the will power to make it to Christmas. I was pretty much at my end, feeling like I was looking into the abyss. When I went to bed, I didn't want to wake up the next morning anymore.

But someone here (sorry can't remember the username) recommended I try Wisdo - an app for people who suffer with this sort of thing. It's a platform for people going through similar things to just talk and share advice. I met a young lady called Katherine on that app, and we got talking, realising we had more in common than just depression. Completely going against the terms of service, we found out we were 300 miles away from each other, and met halfway. The in between isn't particularly important, but her name is Katherine, and we now live together. She saved me, and for the first time in my life I'm truly happy. The depression is a fading memory and nothing more. And I'm still in disbelief that I could be so lucky as to have her in my life.

The point of what I'm saying is this; in the space of a few months I was plucked from the deepest pit I'd ever stared into and saved. I was out of hope. There was nothing left I had to give to this life, but I was saved.

So if I, beyond hope, found my happiness, then you can too. Sometimes it just comes from the most unlikely of places.

Thank you for sharing this positive story!

That is exactly the point I am trying to make all along:

one of my personal motto:


Ne Lâche Pas.
Which is French for Never Give Up!

Another motto of mine is:

Do onto other what you want to others to do onto you...

 

[HenrySwanson]

I haven't been on this thread since last July, when I had hit a low point. To be fair the low point had been going on for a few years, on and off. It festered as 2018 rolled into 2019 and became worse until life was almost unbearable. Being alone is my weakness, and loneliness dominated my life at that point. My last few friends were speaking to me less and less, despite me trying to keep in touch. An internet date ended in rejection which knocked my already fragile self-confidence. My relationship with my mother was at its most volatile. Our internet went out for a month which left me without any of my usual pastimes to distract me.

2019 started as the worst year of my life. As summer rolled around I was seriously questioning if anyone outside my parents would even notice if I died. More and more I wondered if I would even have the will power to make it to Christmas. I was pretty much at my end, feeling like I was looking into the abyss. When I went to bed, I didn't want to wake up the next morning anymore.

But someone here (sorry can't remember the username) recommended I try Wisdo - an app for people who suffer with this sort of thing. It's a platform for people going through similar things to just talk and share advice. I met a young lady called Katherine on that app, and we got talking, realising we had more in common than just depression. Completely going against the terms of service, we found out we were 300 miles away from each other, and met halfway. The in between isn't particularly important, but we now live together. She saved me, and for the first time in my life I'm truly happy. The depression is a fading memory and nothing more. And I'm still in disbelief that I could be so lucky as to have her in my life.

The point of what I'm saying is this; in the space of a few months I was plucked from the deepest pit I'd ever stared into and saved. I was out of hope. There was nothing left I had to give to this life, but I was saved.

So if I, beyond hope, found my happiness, then you can too. Sometimes it just comes from the most unlikely of places.

Volvo guy!

This is great to hear!

Yup I know our bodies should not be relying on these things to regulate these things. A year ago, I was very reluctant to even take Ibuprofen despite its effectiveness, but alas I took one for the first time ever.

• I've had a rather high metabolism where I've been able to eat a lot without gaining weight (I don't exercise regularly). It's harder for me to gain weight.
• No trigger foods. I can control food cravings very well.
• Don't smoke or use any substances. Like medication, I don't like the idea of taking on substances the body becomes dependent on.
• Alcohol, see point above.
• I'm still working on stress reduction. I feel like going to work has been able to reduce stress slightly oddly enough. I'm going to see if correcting my posture will fix my long-term trapezius pain, expand the chest area (ribcage, diaphragm and lungs), and consequently improve breathing which may clear out my breathing anxiety.

28M. No other outstanding muscle pain in the lower torso I can think of at the moment, but sometimes gets discomfort elsewhere. Loosely read up celiac disease. Have not been tested, but had an X-ray and ultrasound done earlier this week. I'm open to that possibility, so hopefully we'll come closer to figuring out what's up with those results.

It would be interesting to see how the doctors investigate, and I hope they come to a diagnosis. Also just to clarify, I wasn't suggesting that you should have been tested for coeliac - rather was wondering if that had been investigated in your past since you were suffering from loose(r) stools and (unintentional?) weight loss.

 

[lbpomg95]

Volvo guy!

This is great to hear!


It would be interesting to see how the doctors investigate, and I hope they come to a diagnosis. Also just to clarify, I wasn't suggesting that you should have been tested for coeliac - rather was wondering if that had been investigated in your past since you were suffering from loose(r) stools and (unintentional?) weight loss.

Ah, it was you then! I owe you a very big thank you. We both do.

 

[AOS-]

The point of what I'm saying is this; in the space of a few months I was plucked from the deepest pit I'd ever stared into and saved. I was out of hope. There was nothing left I had to give to this life, but I was saved.

This was very uplifting to hear. Thanks for sharing an update on this!

It would be interesting to see how the doctors investigate, and I hope they come to a diagnosis. Also just to clarify, I wasn't suggesting that you should have been tested for coeliac - rather was wondering if that had been investigated in your past since you were suffering from loose(r) stools and (unintentional?) weight loss.

Yeah no worries. I'll test for anything when I know nothing about my current condition.

Reporting back quite delayed because I forgot to get bloodwork done on the same day as the other tests. Both the doc and I are happy to know based on the ultrasound, x-ray and blood test, everything is in normal operating condition.

-No gallstones, kidney stones, or any metrics that lie outside the "normal" conditions. This clears up those mysteries of possible developing illnesses at this time.
-Haven't checked my blood pressure lately, but I'm not too concerned about this anymore.
-My weight is slowly coming back up, 123lb or so.
-I'm paying less attention to my breathing, which I take is a sign of worrying less nowadays.

At some point, I learned that eating too many almonds or cashews (can't remember which),though I've never eaten anywhere close to the daily recommend values, may have been causing that bloating sensation. I was feeling this later in this drama because it was a reaction to the high blood pressure reading I got way back then. To confirm, I stopped for a few days, and noticed no bloating up until now. I can still have them, so it's not an allergy nor intolerance, but just have to watch how frequently I eat in any given period of time.

To continue to help me worry less about adequate nutrients, I'm in the process of fully executing on regular food intakes, and sticking to routines like my dad. My breakfast can remain largely unchanged; 1/2 avocado, milk, egg, 1 tbsp chia seeds...and whatever else can be added in at the time.

Most of this is resolved by now. Wonderful.

I'm not as anxious about the internals at this point. What's left is the crusty mucus buildup in the left nostril about 1" in, in the exact same place everyday, and I'm still waking up around 4-5am (no more 2AM wakeups though!). My poor posture I think is catching up now as I found a few fingers tingly while laying in bed lately. It's all neck and traps, knotted and tight for years. I committed to ordering in a lumbar pillow, foam roller, and resistance bands to strengthen the upper back, as I've had it with clenching my shoulders when I sleep, and my back sinking in while the shoulders roll forward. I'm thinking that all the back and neck stretches you can do in the world would have its progress hindered when you revert back and stay in that hunched position for 6-8 continuous hours.

At this point it's either a seasonal nasal thing (sinusitis or whatever it could be), and fitness. So I probably won't be checking in here regarding this anymore. The next time I'm in here, it's probably going to be career-related anxiety.

 

[JohnBM01]

With the COVID-19/Coronavirus pandemic along with recent protests, looting, vandalism, and such from the death of George Floyd; it is becoming increasingly tough to keep a straight face and feel happy. You know, some people don't even pay attention to the news because the news is often so disappointing with so many negative things going on in the world. Now more than ever is a time to connect with people and keep them happy. If there are people you feel connected to and feel part of a decent community, it helps to simply just show some love and appreciation for everyone you meet. Just try to spread some happiness even if people aren't depressed. Try to feel connected to communities you fell you remain a strong part of. I especially am thankful for the community/(-ies) I try to associate myself with here on GTPlanet. I am thankful of those whom I consider friends on here as well regardless of if anyone shares my same level of respect for certain people. In other words... just simply spread happiness and positive energy as best as you can despite today's negative world. Let's try to maintain harmony throughout our world and society as much as possible.


Don't let depression or anxiety win.

 

[FoRiZon]

Don't let depression or anxiety win.

But other people wouldn't let you. So why bother!

https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/left-behind-after-suicide

BS! Whats more realistic is that those people will laugh it off amd continuing their live as normal. Life is a blip and cheap now. Nobody CARES.

 

[MedigoFlame]

Been feeling worse lately. Like everything is a losing battle and I'm always the one in the wrong. From having terrible apartment neighbors, to customers at work who are nasty, to people on the road being way too aggressive, to co-workers not caring and leaving an "annoying" burden on my shoulders. Just getting tired of everything and I just want to get away from it all, but I know it's difficult with the travel restrictions and taking just a week's vacation won't solve anything upon returning....

My upstairs neighbor has been terrible with noise and I've politely asked three times to lessen the disruptions. Banging the ground (my ceiling), stomping around loudly with shoes on, blasting the TV, and with his first summer here, a deafening A/C unit that vibrates my entire apartment. I snapped one day and started banging the ceiling and yelling. Of course, after my attempts to tell the landlord, HE complains and I get the text from the landlord about my actions. Feels like every time I have complained it's just been "that sucks to be you," and that's all I get. Whilst the upstairs neighbor happily lives their life. I've had to buy earplugs, a white noise maker, move my TV out of my own living room due to his, and have a very loud fan running at night to try to sleep. BUT I'M THE ONE IN THE WRONG. Of course, everyone keeps telling me "just move," but with times like these, I feel like it's harder said than done. There's more factors for me not really being able to easily move than just cost or location. Feels like anytime I have to complain about anything, I end up being the one in the wrong.

At work, I don't actually deal with that many nasty customers. But one recent one hit me harder than it should. I work in the sales department of a BMW dealership and our service department is completely closed on Saturdays, but some service customers come in on Saturday to pick up their cars. This past Saturday a woman came in to pick up her X3. After I showed her where her car was, she was disgusted by the fact that no one had washed her car, despite me telling her that our service department had a new policy of not cleaning customer cars due to the pandemic. However she took that as an excuse and was pretty upset. To make things worse, not long after she left and I returned to my desk, she comes back specifically to where my desk is to complain that her tire pressure warning message was showing. I said I'd take care of it and she said "you better!" Found out it was just the car telling her to check the tire monitor and not to reset her tire pressure. Just her whole demeanor was bad and somehow left me feeling worse, not wanting to interact with any more people. The rest of the day I pretty much shut down.

Another work related thing is how little my co-workers care about the pandemic it seems. Every hour we are supposed to wipe down the door handles with disinfectant to keep everyone safe. At the beginning of the pandemic, I was normally the one wiping everything down, but slowly everyone else in the sales department helped out. However, for the past 5 WEEKS, no one gave a crap and stopped helping. I've been doing it myself since then and I'm being driven mad, being the only one who seems to care about cleaning high contact areas. I feel petty for complaining, but taking on the responsibility alone has been tiring and I've been losing motivation to even show up to work. I've tried bringing it up to my co-workers and managers, but no one seems to care anymore. Heck, I'm pretty much the only person in the entire building wearing a mask.

I apologize if this all seems like stupid, petty complaints more than something to do with depression and anxiety. It's about 5AM and I'm struggling to sleep. Feeling the need to get some stuff off my chest as I feel like I'm driving myself mad. It's just that lately I feel like shutting down, hiding away from everyone, and giving up on several things, if not all. (Been rather unhappy with my photography lately too)

Don't really know where else to talk....

 

[CTznOfTime]

Been feeling worse lately. Like everything is a losing battle and I'm always the one in the wrong. From having terrible apartment neighbors, to customers at work who are nasty, to people on the road being way too aggressive, to co-workers not caring and leaving an "annoying" burden on my shoulders. Just getting tired of everything and I just want to get away from it all, but I know it's difficult with the travel restrictions and taking just a week's vacation won't solve anything upon returning....

My upstairs neighbor has been terrible with noise and I've politely asked three times to lessen the disruptions. Banging the ground (my ceiling), stomping around loudly with shoes on, blasting the TV, and with his first summer here, a deafening A/C unit that vibrates my entire apartment. I snapped one day and started banging the ceiling and yelling. Of course, after my attempts to tell the landlord, HE complains and I get the text from the landlord about my actions. Feels like every time I have complained it's just been "that sucks to be you," and that's all I get. Whilst the upstairs neighbor happily lives their life. I've had to buy earplugs, a white noise maker, move my TV out of my own living room due to his, and have a very loud fan running at night to try to sleep. BUT I'M THE ONE IN THE WRONG. Of course, everyone keeps telling me "just move," but with times like these, I feel like it's harder said than done. There's more factors for me not really being able to easily move than just cost or location. Feels like anytime I have to complain about anything, I end up being the one in the wrong.

At work, I don't actually deal with that many nasty customers. But one recent one hit me harder than it should. I work in the sales department of a BMW dealership and our service department is completely closed on Saturdays, but some service customers come in on Saturday to pick up their cars. This past Saturday a woman came in to pick up her X3. After I showed her where her car was, she was disgusted by the fact that no one had washed her car, despite me telling her that our service department had a new policy of not cleaning customer cars due to the pandemic. However she took that as an excuse and was pretty upset. To make things worse, not long after she left and I returned to my desk, she comes back specifically to where my desk is to complain that her tire pressure warning message was showing. I said I'd take care of it and she said "you better!" Found out it was just the car telling her to check the tire monitor and not to reset her tire pressure. Just her whole demeanor was bad and somehow left me feeling worse, not wanting to interact with any more people. The rest of the day I pretty much shut down.

Another work related thing is how little my co-workers care about the pandemic it seems. Every hour we are supposed to wipe down the door handles with disinfectant to keep everyone safe. At the beginning of the pandemic, I was normally the one wiping everything down, but slowly everyone else in the sales department helped out. However, for the past 5 WEEKS, no one gave a crap and stopped helping. I've been doing it myself since then and I'm being driven mad, being the only one who seems to care about cleaning high contact areas. I feel petty for complaining, but taking on the responsibility alone has been tiring and I've been losing motivation to even show up to work. I've tried bringing it up to my co-workers and managers, but no one seems to care anymore. Heck, I'm pretty much the only person in the entire building wearing a mask.

I apologize if this all seems like stupid, petty complaints more than something to do with depression and anxiety. It's about 5AM and I'm struggling to sleep. Feeling the need to get some stuff off my chest as I feel like I'm driving myself mad. It's just that lately I feel like shutting down, hiding away from everyone, and giving up on several things, if not all. (Been rather unhappy with my photography lately too)

Don't really know where else to talk....

It's so sad that nowadays in "cosmopolitan" area, people can't and forget or don't know to treat others fellow citizens in decent manner, lacking patience or understanding towards each other.

Just continue to be kind, you should be feeling good about yourself for doing the right thing, despite enduring all the bad stuff...

There is no need to despair.
Rejoice in knowing that you are doing the right thing always.

Cheer up buddy, I am with you in spirit !

Smile while you take those punches, people will be surprised by it, and they will know they are in the wrong without you even having to say anything.

 

[phillgt2002]

Reading back at posts I made a few months ago, I feel a lot better. I’ve gained some weight, but I’m starting to lose it. For once I have the energy to get up in the morning and jog a mile frequently enough to make it a habit.

I really want to get myself back to old form. Old form is one of 4 years ago. I was much happier, and I think I realize why I was so happy. My life was simple, no obligations to people, I just did my own thing, I was also fit ;p

So, I have managed to, once again, settle with the fact that I don’t have to have 50 different friends to be happy.

Such a burden lifted off of me.

Don't really know where else to talk....

Better to air it out than to let it fester. I’ve been there, though, feeling as if you can’t reach anyone that wouldn’t mind you venting for a moment.

That’s why I suggest everyone to have a confidant in their life, just one person that you can trust and be understanding of what is going on in your life, and theirs as well. It’s very therapeutic.

I feel like you might be burned out with work and the current living situation. Those two things are hard to change right away.

Car dealerships seem like a tough place to work at. I interviewed for a couple, and it seemed like they just had to bend over for all customers just to meet sales quotas. Knowing that, it would make it hard for you to cut back on extra ‘favors’ in the workplace because they may dock your performance.

I’ve had ****** roommates and ****** tenants that made too much noise, but it was never reported. All I can really suggest is earplugs, and a box of chamomile teas to make sleeping easier.

 

[kikie]

All I come to say is that my life has been literal hell for 4 months and it is still going on. People think a lot of words every day but not as much as I think about suïcide. So, I have decided to come here and get my mind of what I'm going through. Maybe it will help.

 

[HenrySwanson]

All I come to say is that my life has been literal hell for 4 months and it is still going on. People think a lot of words every day but not as much as I think about suïcide. So, I have decided to come here and get my mind of what I'm going through. Maybe it will help.

Have you had thoughts of suicide like this before and if so how did you get away from it?

 

[Touring Mars]

@kikie Good to see you back. I'm sorry to hear that things have been so difficult for you... clearly it has been a concerning and difficult time for everyone, but it is particularly difficult for people who already have a history of depression and/or anxiety, so I hope you can find some comfort in speaking with some old friends.

Some of my friends that I work with and normally meet for drinks in Glasgow are finding it really tough at the moment, even though they have never suffered from a serious mental health issue in their lives - it is also perhaps harder to find the right support at this difficult time, but as I'm sure you already know, health professionals are still available to help, even though face-to-face contact with people is obviously limited for the time being.

-

@MedigoFlame My sympathies... I've had neighbours like that before too, and it sucks. I also snapped one night and did the same as you, only for the police to arrive at my door. At least they were understanding though, and believed me when I told them that it was my neighbours who were being unreasonable... and yet nothing was resolved. I ended up moving out, but I've been lucky with my neighbours in recent years. That said, even good neighbours can be annoying even though they don't realise it - but there are inconsiderate *******s everywhere unfortunately. I used music and white noise to help me sleep (which worked) and moved bedrooms, which also helped.

As for the feeling that you are always the one in the wrong, at least you can rest assured that you are not and that it is (unfortunately) quite a common side-effect of modern life.

I am actually not particularly looking forward to the end of lockdown as I've been staying at my Mum's house, and I've had the best sleep of my adult life. Living downtown in a cool area with loads of bars, shops and close to work is more fun than living in the leafy suburbs, but I can definitely see the appeal of having more tranquility, and fewer ******* neighbours.

 

[kikie]

Have you had thoughts of suicide like this before and if so how did you get away from it?

I have had suïcide thoughts as long as I can remember (during those 6 depressions). You can get rid of these thoughts, it is part of depression. A guy who makes my pills told a few days ago that my medication is the cause of suïcide thoughts. It's not only the pills though. I never told anyone but at the beginning of this year a was medication free. Seems that I'm not anymore.

There is a technique that I use to get rid of the suïcide thoughts at that moment. This works with every bad thought even if you're a happy guy/girl completely depression free.

Close your eyes and try to find the suIcide thought and give it a form. Now tell to this materialised suïcide thought very firmly, GO-AWAY. I DON'T NEED YOU! Talk to it as a third person, that the thought became a person you want away.
Then wave it away wherever you want it to disappear. You can let burn when it is far away.

These won't keep bad thoughts aways for good because as long you're in a severe depression these thoughts keep coming.

 

[kikie]

I have been feeling like the lowest lifeform there is and not being worth even that. Me goes in a depression because I worried for my father, no other reason and everyone else can cope with it. What kind of low-life super weak excuse of a human being am I actually? It still bothers a lot. Everyone that I see, speak are all okay as of nothing has happened. They can go about their lives and all I can do is literary lay on the sofa and feel the complete torture like mental pain that I feel every second for hours every day. Other people get tranquillizers which take away that depressing feeling in your body. Well we tried 3 (Temesta, Zyprexa, Quetiapine and non of the pills can calm me down (I react completely differently to these pills making them useless) or take away that torturing mental depression feeling in your body. When I'm laying down, I can't stop my body/limbs to makes the involuntary movements. Oh, as a grown-up boy, I think that I cried to bathtubs filled the top already.

The worst part of it all is when I HAVE to go to bed. Every evening I go to bed knowing that when I wake up the next morning, I immediately start feeling de devastating, tortures feeling starts all over again for hours. I don't want to fall asleep anymore (or even much much better, never wake up again ever).

@kikie Good to see you back. I'm sorry to hear that things have been so difficult for you... clearly it has been a concerning and difficult time for everyone, but it is particularly difficult for people who already have a history of depression and/or anxiety, so I hope you can find some comfort in speaking with some old friends.

Thanks, @Touring Mars I hope it will work.

 

[HenrySwanson]

I have been feeling like the lowest lifeform there is and not being worth even that. Me goes in a depression because I worried for my father, no other reason and everyone else can cope with it. What kind of low-life super weak excuse of a human being am I actually? It still bothers a lot. Everyone that I see, speak are all okay as of nothing has happened. They can go about their lives and all I can do is literary lay on the sofa and feel the complete torture like mental pain that I feel every second for hours every day. Other people get tranquillizers which take away that depressing feeling in your body. Well we tried 3 (Temesta, Zyprexa, Quetiapine and non of the pills can calm me down (I react completely differently to these pills making them useless) or take away that torturing mental depression feeling in your body. When I'm laying down, I can't stop my body/limbs to makes the involuntary movements. Oh, as a grown-up boy, I think that I cried to bathtubs filled the top already.

The worst part of it all is when I HAVE to go to bed. Every evening I go to bed knowing that when I wake up the next morning, I immediately start feeling de devastating, tortures feeling starts all over again for hours. I don't want to fall asleep anymore (or even much much better, never wake up again ever).


Thanks, @Touring Mars I hope it will work.

Has your doctor ever suggested electroconvulsive therapy (ECT)?