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I’d reevaluate the definition of ‘friendship’ if I was you. Sounds like your boy is a bit of a melt.
Depression and Anxiety Thread
- Thread starter JohnBM01
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I’d reevaluate the definition of ‘friendship’ if I was you. Sounds like your boy is a bit of a melt.
- 1,831
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- Player_7421
- Player 7421
Yeah... I’ve started making equal effort with him now, because it’s just draining.
I shouldn’t have to feel like I have to message someone everyday, it’s not right. Especially when I get small talk a lot of the time in response. I’ve noticed when I put in the same effort back, my friend either starts talking about a new subject or responds with a one liner with something that sounds forced. I’d much rather be ignored.
Going to confront him about it soon. I appreciate everything he’s done for me, but this just ain’t right.
First step. Good decision.
- 1,831
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- Player_7421
- Player 7421
I had the talk with my friend, and it went well! I told him that I'll be using social media less, that I barely use Facebook no more, and I just had a talk with him about our chats and stuff and told him that i'm gonna be active less now, but I'll still be up for a chat, & that I'll be here whenever he needs me etc. I was respectful about it, and he took it well. Now that he knows, I feel so much better. I can just live my life now without the worry about texting someone everyday, or constantly even after the conversation dies. Feels like a weight's been lifted of my chest. We managed to talk it through without falling out, and being grown ups about it. Feel a lot better now!
Hollow
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- TurboToastt
I’ve been dealing with a very close friend who has an addiction. I’m not sure if I’m helping or enabling the behavior further. I feel like it’s not suited to write about it publicly on this website, but I would appreciate some advice privately if someone has experience with helping others through such a thing. I personally don’t have access to therapists at the moment so I’ll have to deal with my trauma as time goes but it hurts me to not be able to help.
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CoÏnsidantially one hour ago I was looking for information what the symptoms when you don't have enough dopamine. People with an addiction have a disrupted dopamine balance. If a person is using his addiction, he produces more dopamine and dopamine is a pleasure and rewarding neurotransmitter.
I think it works like this; when someone's dopamine levels are too low, he/she needs a dopamine fix. Acting or doing his/he favourite activity, which is also an addiction will increase the dopamine levels in the brain.
So, if someone doesn't have enough dopamine receptors or not enough dopamine an addiction can be the result. A natural way to increase dopamine in the brain is by taking L-Tyrosine an amino acid and precursor for dopamine.
I hope this helps. Before you do anything or something try to find professional help first.
HenrySwanson
(Banned)
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Hollow
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- TurboToastt
I’ll try to keep it AUP friendly, but it’s an addiction to NSFW content, if you get my point. My friend has been addicted to paying for sites like OnlyFans, Premium Snapchat etc
They are functioning fine, but there’s constant lying in order to hide the severity of the problem.
I have confronted my friend a few times now, when I understood this might be an addiction, I encouraged him to seek therapy, but that didn't happen because of Covid. He said he wants to quit and not have a “problem” so I tried to support and told him honesty will help me help him through this. He agreed, but this entire time he was lying and still paying for that content. There are details to this that I can’t write on here but I’m now very sure that him being unable to stop paying is an addiction sign. He’s admitted that he can’t help but want to know what he’s not getting by not paying. His curiosity gets to him. I’m no expert but to me a lot of his behavior is that of an addicts. He continued to lie and pay when he knew he’d hurt people close to him.
I really want what’s best for him but I’m not even sure what’s true and what’s not anymore. He doesn’t admit to anything until he’s absolutely cornered and shown evidence. He lies consistently. Maybe the severity of the situation is much worse than what I know. Therapy is something he can’t afford and I’ve read that he needs a therapist that specializes in this addiction in order for it to work?
It’s been a year dealing with this and I’ve honestly given up on trying to help, but part of me thinks if I do enough he’ll turn around. I’ve googled a lot and read that addicts only change when THEY want to or when they hit rock bottom, so maybe I’m further enabling him to stay comfortable with all my help while what he really needs is rock bottom?
He’s otherwise a really caring, empathetic and honest person. He actually refuses to white lie even when it’s needed lol so this behavior that he exhibits with this topic is very unlike his regular self.
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Ah, pr0n.
Well, I applaud you for trying to help a friend in need. But if I'm allowed to give you my opinion; you won't be able to get him to change. It is simple actually. An addict will only change if he/she wants to. I mean really 100% want to change deep down inside him/her. As long as there is the slightest doubt in his/her mind, an addict will never changes. They need the dopamine rush.
If he wants help, he will ask for help himself or he will automatically seek professional help. As long as he is lying, he can't be helped. He is not only hurting his friends and family but also himself.
You can't change a person if this person doesn't want to change. Simple really.
- 30,044
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Rock bottom does nobody any favours other. However, once at rock bottom, the only way one can go is up. Or dead. Depending on the addiction.
If it’s an addition of the flesh and lust, then there’s probably a deeper issue than just paying for cam girls. There are reasons people fall into this habit.
If you really want to go full saviour mode, you could trash the laptop/ PC and eat the credit cards of your friend, denying him any ability to access his addition. That’s extreme. But I’ve experienced forced abstinence and it just means that person is less likely to be honest about the situation and keep the addiction on the down-low.
I gotta be honest, I’d rather have an addition to online fancies than the alcoholism that I deal with daily. But I honestly can’t compare, I just know that most addictions are based on a fundamental issues that has been or is unresolved.
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@Hollow
Can I avoid beating around the bush on this one? You're friend is spending too much on pornographic content of the variety that is sold directly by the 'content creator' themselves, thereby allowing for an emotional bridge from the 'purchaser' to the 'seller'... am I reading this right?
To me, the key thing that you've said is...
IMHO he's being as honest as he can here, and this should be the starting point. Setting aside the context, which is understandably something you feel is not appropriate to talk about publically (i.e. porn useage), look at what it is he's actually addicted to... I doubt it's the porn aspect itself, because the internet is awash with that and it doesn't cost a penny, even for content that is 99.9999% what he's paying for, what he is possibly 'addicted to'*, IMHO, is the connection he gets from doing it on an almost personal basis. I doubt it's honest curiosity, but more the frustration of missing out on that emotional bridge I mentioned at the top of the post. I've asterisked 'addicted to' there, because let's be fair - the drive for sexual relationships (of any sort) is kind of fundamental to our (most) species and isn't necessarily akin to having an alcohol problem or being a junkie... it's a reasonable desire that he's found a somewhat destructive conduit for, not a simple addiction.
Sounds like a nice guy. How does he get on with relationships?
Can I avoid beating around the bush on this one? You're friend is spending too much on pornographic content of the variety that is sold directly by the 'content creator' themselves, thereby allowing for an emotional bridge from the 'purchaser' to the 'seller'... am I reading this right?
To me, the key thing that you've said is...
IMHO he's being as honest as he can here, and this should be the starting point. Setting aside the context, which is understandably something you feel is not appropriate to talk about publically (i.e. porn useage), look at what it is he's actually addicted to... I doubt it's the porn aspect itself, because the internet is awash with that and it doesn't cost a penny, even for content that is 99.9999% what he's paying for, what he is possibly 'addicted to'*, IMHO, is the connection he gets from doing it on an almost personal basis. I doubt it's honest curiosity, but more the frustration of missing out on that emotional bridge I mentioned at the top of the post. I've asterisked 'addicted to' there, because let's be fair - the drive for sexual relationships (of any sort) is kind of fundamental to our (most) species and isn't necessarily akin to having an alcohol problem or being a junkie... it's a reasonable desire that he's found a somewhat destructive conduit for, not a simple addiction.
Sounds like a nice guy. How does he get on with relationships?
- 30,044
- Thailand
Amiright?
Not trying to change the issue/ subject here, but today I think I found the cause of my alcoholism.
I’m generally pretty easy going, that is to say, I’ve conditioned myself to be mellow and stoic. Because beer.
What I realised today is that I may be permanently in the “flight or fight” setting and the way I combat this to avoid that frame of mind is alcohol. Alcohol doesn’t exactly eliminate the flight or fight (I’m always up for a good scrap) but it takes the expectation away so that I can relax and not feel like I need the F or F mode engaged.
That was totally random.
@Hollow, feel free to drop me a line if you’re struggling with this situation. I can only hope my own addition might be of use to others.
- 17,337
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I can't remember if I ever got round to posting it, but the anxiety affects me is making flight, or freeze, my default response. Takes alcohol to trigger the fight response, which is no use in work situations that are the major cause of my anxiety - because it's frowned upon to get drunk at work.
Hollow
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- TurboToastt
He has stated a few times that he doesn’t really see anything inherently “wrong” with his behavior, and if he were to stop it’d not be for himself.
His bare minimum effort at getting help was about his lying, not his inability to stop paying. So I guess it’s safe to say that he hasn’t reached that stage where he truly even acknowledges he might have a problem.
Everything is accessible for free, even the content he’s paying for. He says why waste time looking for stuff when you can just pay for it, and sorry if TMI, but he said this type of personal style content has always been his preference, it’s just now it has become more of a lucrative business.
The “OnlyFans” type of content that he’s paying for does have a very personal feel to it, it doesn’t feel like a random actress, more like someone you can get to know and you’re getting to see something you’re not supposed to. It might just be the novelty aspect of it. These websites and apps have a one on one messaging component to it, but he swears he’s never wanted to use that or have any urge to get to know these women, if an emotional bridge is what he’s after, won’t that be something he would be doing too? What kind of emotional bridge is he possibly seeking then?
So rock bottom is horrible but not necessarily enough to change an addicts behavior.
Forced abstinence does sound a bit extreme, it might push him to consume further and see me as someone who is trying to control him?
I’m biting more than I could chew I think. He
might have a lot he hasn’t shared.
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- 4,159
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Ah, life feels so useless sometimes.
HenrySwanson
(Banned)
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Sorry for the late response, and I hope you've improved, but can you expand on why you are (were) feeling like this?
- 4,159
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It's no problem. I feel this way because I think that all the struggle in life is pointless, that life is built to be painful and a struggle for the majority of the world population.
- 30,044
- Thailand
If life wasn’t a struggle it’d be too easy and we’d all get complacent and give up. Mouse Utopia experiment comes to mind.
We play the game through the hard times and the good. There’s an easy exit if you’ve got the balls to take it though. I’ve toyed with exiting myself but the game keeps me playing.
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This is my first time hearing of that experiment. It's gonna be a nice read.
Maybe 'life is pointless' is what I'm trying to say. Useless might be the wrong word. It's like everyone is tripping over themselves to make an incremental gain, despite the gain meaning nothing in the end. As you say for yourself, I'm also stuck playing the game despite questioning it.
I would say more, but I'm not sure if it'd make sense.
- 5,215
- Nicest part of hell
I feel the same, but then the question pops into my head: have I got anything better to do than playing this trivial and idiotic game?
I got nothing.
Also, there is no certainty to know what does happen after life. Maybe some physical phenomenons we do not understand yet (multiverse & quantum death just to name two) prevents you from ''actual general death'', or realizing this universe is not quite perfect and dying means glitching out terribly in some way for eternity. Continuing to exist in some way after death could be far worse.
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HenrySwanson
(Banned)
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But is it worth it on those days where it seems you are rewarded/happy?
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I'm not even sure, I'm just numb to it sometimes, like I know it's temporary.
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Top tip for today: don’t combine alcohol and Prozac. It may result in a tree climb with a rope. Luckily my wife is a beacon of reason and a force of nature.
The not so amusing dilemma is that if I don’t every few days I run the risk of DTs (withdrawal) which could kill me. Yet, when I do drink, I do it to an extreme that could lead to death, either through suicide or other means.
So I can’t not drink for fear of seizures and convulsion at the worst, and horrific depression at the least. But if I do drink, I risk drinking too much (which is inevitable) and ending up tying slipknots and writing impromptu goodbyes.
The not so amusing dilemma is that if I don’t every few days I run the risk of DTs (withdrawal) which could kill me. Yet, when I do drink, I do it to an extreme that could lead to death, either through suicide or other means.
So I can’t not drink for fear of seizures and convulsion at the worst, and horrific depression at the least. But if I do drink, I risk drinking too much (which is inevitable) and ending up tying slipknots and writing impromptu goodbyes.
- 26,911
- Houston, Texas, USA
- JMarine25
Hopefully you all have had a great Thanksgiving 2020. This year has made most of us be closer with our families since the rage of COVID-19/Coronavirus. This situation has hurt everyone in some sort of way. Even those who aren't as outgoing- like myself- often just want to stay home. If you don't have anyone to comfort you or feel loved in the presence of, try your best not to feel lonely and depressed. As I have started to hear recently, "it's okay to not be okay." Just find the needed help and try to move on with your life.
It is toughest when you feel down and don't have anyone to care for you. Or at least, have someone who does care but someone you don't particularly trust. This is a tough case in which you have to self-care. Only you know you best. So if you feel you have to cut some people out of your life or break away from certain habits, do so to help your overall frame of mind. If you do have friends or family to look to, communicate with them to help yourself out when faced with depression or anxiety.
Don't let depression or anxiety win.
It is toughest when you feel down and don't have anyone to care for you. Or at least, have someone who does care but someone you don't particularly trust. This is a tough case in which you have to self-care. Only you know you best. So if you feel you have to cut some people out of your life or break away from certain habits, do so to help your overall frame of mind. If you do have friends or family to look to, communicate with them to help yourself out when faced with depression or anxiety.
Don't let depression or anxiety win.
HenrySwanson
(Banned)
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- ScottPuss20
- CheetahsMeow
I'm not depressed, and nor do I have anxiety, but I have a problem with university.
When I left high school 2 years ago, I wanted to go to uni and do a graphic design course. I went to a few open days and searched for courses around Melbourne, eventually finding one at RMIT. It was a diploma of graphic design and on the first day I was a bit nervous, because uni is very different to high school and I didn't know what to expect. It turned out to be a great choice and I got into the stride of things rather quickly. It was a lot of fun - I did many new and exciting things with a kind group of students. I didn't have a lot of problems and I got decent results for my work, which gave me a sense of accomplishment - something that high school sometimes struggled to provide. I completed the diploma without any trouble, which naturally gave me a lot of confidence heading into my second year (this year). I originally applied for the Advanced Diploma but that got shelved, so I had to do the Associate Degree instead. That wasn't a big deal, as the teachers assured me that it would be the same if not better than the Advanced Diploma. Initially, it seemed fine and the classes were going well, but I found myself in a spot of bother sooner than I expected.
My confidence was shattered when I started my first project for the Graphic Design Studio class. The amount of stuff we had to do before we even started the work was insane - all these brainstorming and sketching tasks which not only seemed complicated, but confusing. In my opinion it was pointless and I really struggled. Eventually, I got started on the work and tried to come up with something that I thought was acceptable. It wasn't. OK, fair enough, I'll just make some adjustments and improve the work. Nope, that wasn't good enough either. I went back and forth between the teachers several times and it was very frustrating. They didn't acknowledge the effort I put in to make it right. Still, I carried on and after some more deliberation, I created something that worked. Success! Then COVID happened and uni was cancelled. Just what I needed! We started doing our classes online, which made things harder. I kept working on the project, and I was quite pleased with the result despite the change. My feedback was OK, and I didn't have a massive issue with it.
Then came the major project of the year in semester 2. This is where things start to get stupid, and I had a literal breakdown when I presented my idea. I accidentally submitted the wrong file, which had some information missing. I realised this when I was giving the presentation, but I wasn't allowed to upload the right file and carry on, so I was basically cut off early, which robbed me of critical feedback. I was furious and I honestly wanted to kill myself right there and then. However I was given a chance to send them the correct file, so they went over it and gave me feedback. Problem solved. I got started on my project, and things went very well - I was able to get feedback each week and make improvements. I was shown a few references and tried incorporating them into my work. Everyone was satisfied and I thought great, my work is actually paying off. But when I looked at the mark and the feedback, I was confused. They said that I was "unwilling" to make changes based on feedback, and that my project was "inconsistent" and "generic". That goes against everything they said to me! They seemed pleased with what I came up with! If it was soo bad, why wasn't I told? Is it my fault? Is it theirs? Will I get the Associate Degree? I got 50% for all of my hard work. Pathetic! What's the deal? I am livid and I'm not sure if I can go back to RMIT anymore. I might try looking for a job or going to another university, because this is just a joke. I've got the rough end of the pineapple, and I don't feel as though the teachers are aware of the situation.
I thought hard work paid off. Maybe not. It's demoralising and totally unfair for me to be subject to this kind of crap. I'm now questioning my ability as a a graphic designer - Am I good enough? Have I chosen the wrong thing? Is this what industry is really like? Am I out of my depth? I really hope I can succeed as a graphic designer, but with all these questions going around, I have my doubts.
When I left high school 2 years ago, I wanted to go to uni and do a graphic design course. I went to a few open days and searched for courses around Melbourne, eventually finding one at RMIT. It was a diploma of graphic design and on the first day I was a bit nervous, because uni is very different to high school and I didn't know what to expect. It turned out to be a great choice and I got into the stride of things rather quickly. It was a lot of fun - I did many new and exciting things with a kind group of students. I didn't have a lot of problems and I got decent results for my work, which gave me a sense of accomplishment - something that high school sometimes struggled to provide. I completed the diploma without any trouble, which naturally gave me a lot of confidence heading into my second year (this year). I originally applied for the Advanced Diploma but that got shelved, so I had to do the Associate Degree instead. That wasn't a big deal, as the teachers assured me that it would be the same if not better than the Advanced Diploma. Initially, it seemed fine and the classes were going well, but I found myself in a spot of bother sooner than I expected.
My confidence was shattered when I started my first project for the Graphic Design Studio class. The amount of stuff we had to do before we even started the work was insane - all these brainstorming and sketching tasks which not only seemed complicated, but confusing. In my opinion it was pointless and I really struggled. Eventually, I got started on the work and tried to come up with something that I thought was acceptable. It wasn't. OK, fair enough, I'll just make some adjustments and improve the work. Nope, that wasn't good enough either. I went back and forth between the teachers several times and it was very frustrating. They didn't acknowledge the effort I put in to make it right. Still, I carried on and after some more deliberation, I created something that worked. Success! Then COVID happened and uni was cancelled. Just what I needed! We started doing our classes online, which made things harder. I kept working on the project, and I was quite pleased with the result despite the change. My feedback was OK, and I didn't have a massive issue with it.
Then came the major project of the year in semester 2. This is where things start to get stupid, and I had a literal breakdown when I presented my idea. I accidentally submitted the wrong file, which had some information missing. I realised this when I was giving the presentation, but I wasn't allowed to upload the right file and carry on, so I was basically cut off early, which robbed me of critical feedback. I was furious and I honestly wanted to kill myself right there and then. However I was given a chance to send them the correct file, so they went over it and gave me feedback. Problem solved. I got started on my project, and things went very well - I was able to get feedback each week and make improvements. I was shown a few references and tried incorporating them into my work. Everyone was satisfied and I thought great, my work is actually paying off. But when I looked at the mark and the feedback, I was confused. They said that I was "unwilling" to make changes based on feedback, and that my project was "inconsistent" and "generic". That goes against everything they said to me! They seemed pleased with what I came up with! If it was soo bad, why wasn't I told? Is it my fault? Is it theirs? Will I get the Associate Degree? I got 50% for all of my hard work. Pathetic! What's the deal? I am livid and I'm not sure if I can go back to RMIT anymore. I might try looking for a job or going to another university, because this is just a joke. I've got the rough end of the pineapple, and I don't feel as though the teachers are aware of the situation.
I thought hard work paid off. Maybe not. It's demoralising and totally unfair for me to be subject to this kind of crap. I'm now questioning my ability as a a graphic designer - Am I good enough? Have I chosen the wrong thing? Is this what industry is really like? Am I out of my depth? I really hope I can succeed as a graphic designer, but with all these questions going around, I have my doubts.
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