Depression and Anxiety Thread

[Chrizztiann__]

So, since before being a GTPlanet member I was a long time reader, I can't pretend I don't know this space...

I'm 34 years old, this year I'll be 35. I currently live with my parents, I have few friends (trusted friends, at least... but few), I don't have a girlfriend, I've had one (and I'll talk about it shortly), I'm not good with girls, I don't know how to approach them.
Right now, I feel like my life is on a dead end.

I have a job in a small law firm (but with many clients) which only brings me a lot of anxiety and a huge workload without being adequately paid, imagine that as a graduate with graduate duties I am paid less than the secretary who has a simple diploma of high school and secretary duties. I tried to participate in competitions for public jobs but so far they haven't gone well.

However, this is a bad situation that I have been carrying with me for several years, but my meltdown began about a year and a half ago, when my ex-girlfriend, my only ex, with whom I continue to maintain good relations and who sincerely I still love and she knows it, unable to complete her university studies (she still hasn't graduated), and that I insisted that she also try public competitions, obviously for high school graduates, won one of these. I really insisted that she try: I told her to believe in herself more, I even accompanied her to take the exam.
When she won I was really happy for her. And she was and still is grateful for it. But in March last year, she told me that she had a crush on a colleague. Then, in the summer, for another one. I feel as if I had introduced them to her, it's a very strange feeling...
And in all of this, my hopes of getting back together with her are increasingly reduced. There is no space for me, despite what I have always done for her, in recent years (we were together as a couple eight years ago, but even after we broke up she was always able to count on me for any help she needed, and so just as I have not undertaken other relationships in these eight years, she has done the same).

You see, many people talk about "destiny", but I saw first-hand how we make our own destiny. I could have minded my own business rather than insisting on her taking that competition, it all backfired on me. It's as if she, after years of nothing (she was always at home studying, she had never had a job before this) has "discovered the world" and wants to continue discovering it, but without me. Despite everything I've done and would do for her, despite the fact that I love her and she knows it perfectly.

Now I've reached the point of thinking that whatever I do, for whoever I do, it will never be enough to be at least on par with others. I feel like ****. I know I'm not a good looking man, but damn, I've always tried to balance with something else, I've always believed in merit, to get good consideration from people, to get love... All this, just to get to the conclusion that nothing goes based on merit.
I'm currently trying to quit alcohol (over the last year I've been drinking like never before in my life, yet without ever getting drunk), I want to lose weight since I currently have exceeded 100 kg on approximately 180 cm of height, but I can't do it, perhaps due to lack of willpower.

The psychological problem unfortunately is real (someone, perhaps to encourage me, tells me that it's not true, that I'm simply down in the dumps) because last October I took a H.A.D.S. questionnaire, which by score led to a diagnosis of anxiety-depressive disorder.
In general I have the feeling that rather than living I'm just getting by. And as you can imagine it's not a pleasant thing.

I'm trying to hold on, but every day it seems harder. Sometimes I wonder how much longer I can go on like this.

EDIT: sorry mods for the bad word, thank goodness there's self-censorship. I'll be careful not to write any more bad words. Sorry again.

I had experiences at a younger age dealing with what you're describing. At age 15 I fell in love with a girl who was very good to me but things eventually were shaky after people told false rumors about me cheating, believing this, she ended up cheating on me with a peer with most of my class being quiet about the whole thing except for a few loyal friend who told me about it. She has since apologized, and made multiple attempts to get back with me but I refused. My situation isn't meant to be in compairson to yours, but frankly rather I understand where you're coming from.

The experience has haunted me for years in terms of trusting people, girlfriends, and keeping most of my dating life behind closed doors. It has caused rifts with people I used to date but thankfully I became more secure of myself first rather than anyone else.

I understand your sadness and frustation with dating but honestly what helped me was taking medication, talking to others about the situation, and becoming more interested in other hobbies including car model painting, photography and advancing more in terms of career development.

Remember just because you're older doesn't put you at a disadvantage friend, anyone can fall and rise back up again! I see you advancing more in your career, possibly hitting the gym and maybe coming back to this thread with good news (: .

I have great links on at home exercises with dumbells including a workout/nutrition plan. Please PM if you're interested.

You got this my friend!

 

[GT PRO-AM]

I had experiences at a younger age dealing with what you're describing. At age 15 I fell in love with a girl who was very good to me but things eventually were shaky after people told false rumors about me cheating, believing this, she ended up cheating on me with a peer with most of my class being quiet about the whole thing except for a few loyal friend who told me about it. She has since apologized, and made multiple attempts to get back with me but I refused. My situation isn't meant to be in compairson to yours, but frankly rather I understand where you're coming from.

The experience has haunted me for years in terms of trusting people, girlfriends, and keeping most of my dating life behind closed doors. It has caused rifts with people I used to date but thankfully I became more secure of myself first rather than anyone else.

I understand your sadness and frustation with dating but honestly what helped me was taking medication, talking to others about the situation, and becoming more interested in other hobbies including car model painting, photography and advancing more in terms of career development.

Remember just because you're older doesn't put you at a disadvantage friend, anyone can fall and rise back up again! I see you advancing more in your career, possibly hitting the gym and maybe coming back to this thread with good news (: .

I have great links on at home exercises with dumbells including a workout/nutrition plan. Please PM if you're interested.

You got this my friend!

Thank you too for the kind words and support. I really, really appreciate it.

You touched another important aspect in your post: trust, which experiences like this cause me to lose. Trust in myself and in other people.

I have lost my self-confidence and self-esteem because I say to myself, heck, I have done so much, I have dedicated years to this person, and yet this has been of no use... How little can I be worth then?

I have lost trust in others because I tell myself: if despite everything I have done, she goes her own way... Imagine what anyone else could do, to whom I will never be able to dedicate myself as much as I did with her.

To make everything worse, there is the fact that this specific situation, despite being the one that gives me the most pain, is part of something bigger, as I said, I have few friends, I have a job that I don't like and that after so many years of studies and sacrifices is also underpaid... I realize that I am also losing interest in many things that used to be excellent entertainment. My mind often wanders only to the most unpleasant thoughts.

I'm trying to resist, I've already been dealing with this specific situation with my ex for over a year and on the rest it's been years... I'm still standing.

I hope that things will improve, as much as possible I will do my best (I have already made an appointment with a dietician, maybe I will also go to the gym), but my hopes are, as already said, very low.

 

[MatskiMonk]

I have lost my self-confidence and self-esteem because I say to myself, heck, I have done so much, I have dedicated years to this person, and yet this has been of no use... How little can I be worth then?

You should not be linking self worth to what you get back as reward for what you do. I'd suggest people that are prepared to do something for little or no return because its simply better to do the positive thing or the right thing, may have positive qualities that those motivated by what they can get, don't.

I have lost trust in others because I tell myself: if despite everything I have done, she goes her own way... Imagine what anyone else could do, to whom I will never be able to dedicate myself as much as I did with her.

Again, this only matters if your motivation for doing something is to get something back. Do it because it makes you feel better to help people, and provided you're successful, you shouldn't find any resentment in your heart.

If you did a good thing helping somebody, you should feel good about that. You need to stop focusing on what you feel you lost, or lost out on, and start considering that life experience as an asset. You can choose to focus on the feelings of betrayal and let that toxic rot recycle itself in your head, or you can choose to focus on ticking a life box titled 'I busted my ass to improve someone else's life and that makes me a better person'.

.. not that that makes it any easier to deal with, I appreciate, but if you don't adjust your perspective, changing your diet and lifting a few weights isn't going to get back your interest in things, or your hope.

 

[GT PRO-AM]

You should not be linking self worth to what you get back as reward for what you do. I'd suggest people that are prepared to do something for little or no return because its simply better to do the positive thing or the right thing, may have positive qualities that those motivated by what they can get, don't.



Again, this only matters if your motivation for doing something is to get something back. Do it because it makes you feel better to help people, and provided you're successful, you shouldn't find any resentment in your heart.

If you did a good thing helping somebody, you should feel good about that. You need to stop focusing on what you feel you lost, or lost out on, and start considering that life experience as an asset. You can choose to focus on the feelings of betrayal and let that toxic rot recycle itself in your head, or you can choose to focus on ticking a life box titled 'I busted my ass to improve someone else's life and that makes me a better person'.

.. not that that makes it any easier to deal with, I appreciate, but if you don't adjust your perspective, changing your diet and lifting a few weights isn't going to get back your interest in things, or your hope.

Well, I very much agree with what you said, I understand your point of view... After all, I have never said that mine is correct.

However, a clarification... I am still happy to have helped my ex gf to improve her life by finding this job, which first of all is good for her self-confidence, as I explained she is still far from finishing her university studies... I would do everything I did again. I love her and will always love her, regardless of how everything will end between us.

I… I was just hoping that what I had done anyway would help me get a different consideration from her. Just this. But I didn't do what I did based on this. This was something more, something possible and further. What I did for her I did for her good, above all.

 

[JohnBM01]

Last month, I had some dental work done to treat a periodontal abscess. I started feeling bad as I tried to recover two weeks after. Certain health issues can help contribute to your depression and/or anxiety, so make sure to take care of your health as best as you can if depression and/or anxiety tie into your emotions and well-being.

Don't let depression and/or anxiety win.

 

[MIE1992]

I started thinking of why I think I want a relationship, but the only revelation I came to was that I feel like I only want one to check off a box, since I've never been in one before. It's like, something that everyone does as part of adult life. And I know that wanting a relationship for that reason - and AFAIK that reason alone - is unfair not only to whoever I may meet, but especially to myself.

And besides, I feel like I have reasonable standards that are relatively broad-minded, while not being accepting of just any Jane that says "yes." Still, sometimes I wonder if peace in the middle east seems more likely than me getting into any relationship at all in my life.

 

[Michael88]

And besides, I feel like I have reasonable standards that are relatively broad-minded, while not being accepting of just any Jane that says "yes." Still, sometimes I wonder if peace in the middle east seems more likely than me getting into any relationship at all in my life.

But is a relationship necessary? I'm not in a relationship right now, haven't been for many years but friends are and it seems to me like they only swapped problems with new ones instead of solving them. They don't appear to be happier than before when they were alone, just different. I often think loneliness is the lesser evil, you dodge sooo much drama.

 

[MIE1992]

But is a relationship necessary? I'm not in a relationship right now, haven't been for many years but friends are and it seems to me like they only swapped problems with new ones instead of solving them. They don't appear to be happier than before when they were alone, just different. I often think loneliness is the lesser evil, you dodge sooo much drama.

No, I think you're more right than not. I've much more recently come to appreciate the freedom that comes with being single. Not to say I'd reject a relationship if it felt right otherwise, but I also feel like it's not like I should say yes to just anyone, either. I feel like my standards are high, yet reasonable.

 

[MatskiMonk]

and it seems to me like they only swapped problems with new ones instead of solving them. They don't appear to be happier than before when they were alone, just different. I often think loneliness is the lesser evil, you dodge sooo much drama.

These problems will help your friends find a strength you will never get from your weights.

Not to say I'd reject a relationship if it felt right otherwise, but I also feel like it's not like I should say yes to just anyone, either. I feel like my standards are high, yet reasonable.

I'd suggest you're holding those you judge to higher standards than you hold yourself.


I mean Jesus Christ guys, I get the being single thing as much as anyone... but let's not misrepresent things... finding the fault in others is not the reason to be single.

 

[MIE1992]

I mean Jesus Christ guys, I get the being single thing as much as anyone... but let's not misrepresent things... finding the fault in others is not the reason to be single.

Which seems fair, but I think that even if I did want to get into a relationship, I don't even know where I'd "look" so to speak. Or maybe I do, as I plan to attend a cocktail hour at a local art museum this week - and it really is out of an intrinsic interest in art, and especially this particular gallery.

 

[GT PRO-AM]

Since the problems I already mentioned weren't enough...

My father was diagnosed with thyroid cancer some time ago. For now benign but with a tendency to become malignant. I don't understand much about it, the oncologist however suggested surgery to remove it. Now, among the various pre-hospitalization checks, the cardiology consultation and the one with the anesthetist indicate that my father is a patient at risk. His heart is not in good condition and the surgery will require general anesthesia.

Obviously everything else takes second place in situations like this. We still don't know when the surgery will be, but I feel even more pressured, I feel really bad. And it weighs me down even more, in moments like this, not having brothers or sisters.

 

[lbpomg95]

I've got to agree with @MatskiMonk here. My life is undoubtedly more stressful now that I'm living with someone, though that's partially because she suffers with pretty extreme anxiety and her depression rivals mine as well. I'm still suffering, but without her, I'm pretty positive that the loneliness that's supposedly a viable alternative would've driven me to end things.

It's not a fix, but a close relationship with someone who understands me has made a huge difference to my life. For some it may not be that important, for me it's the only thing that's really worth much in my life. Everyone's different.

 

[MatskiMonk]

I have younger friends that have really been through it with miscarriages and subsequent child birth, another with a cancer scare, I have friends my age - the widow of my best friend - who has had to watch her husband lose himself, then his life, to a brain tumour, and I watched my Dad dealing with my Mum's failing health and death, and all these people demonstrated a strength, or ability, to navigate these situations, that I'd suggest those that haven't been in a long term relationship can really relate to. We all go through **** in our lives, but there's something different about it when it's happening to someone you love, rather than simply coping with it yourself.

It absolutely is drama, and avoiding it is not necessarily a bad thing - I do too, but it represents a step up in emotional development that shouldn't be shrugged off or ignored. When I ask myself if I want to be in a relationship, I have to ask if I even could deal with those things, and I'm not sure I could - it's not a question of whether I'd want to. I regard it as an emotional immaturity and I'd level that at myself first, before anyone else here, but that is the way I see it.

and it really is out of an intrinsic interest in art, and especially this particular gallery.

Certainly a scenario ripe for engaging conversation, let us know how you get on. What is being displayed at the gallery?

 

[Jezza819]

I'm 58 years old. I've only worked two places in my entire life. My own family's business which I left in 2006 and moved to my current city in 2007 and went to work for my current establishment. They were both in the same industry and both were individually owned. The owner of my current business had always said she would not sell the business as long as she was alive. We had certain things we did like being off for Memorial Day, if Christmas was on a Tuesday or during the work week we were off for Christmas Eve to give us two days, and we didn't work Saturdays. I haven't worked on a Saturday in 16 years or so. But back in early March she passed away suddenly.

Individually owned businesses in our industry are becoming more rare. They are being sucked up by these massive groups. My family had to sell to a group, now my current business has been sold to a group. Supposedly they come in on May 15th to start the transition. I was doing ok until a couple of days ago and it really started to hit me what could possibly happen. Once I hit 5 years under her ownership I got three weeks of vacation per year, that is probably gone and we all get reset to zero which means I don't get any vacation, at least paid, until I hit a year which would be next May. I can probably forget not working on Saturdays. Probably not every Saturday but certainly at least once per month. Hopefully we get time off during the week to compensate for it. If we have to work 6 days a week i don't know if I can handle that.

We have a certification program with our manufacturer that once we get master certified we get a subsidized vehicle lease. The manufacturer pays half of it and the local business pays the other half. It's a great benefit. Essentially I haven't had a car payment for the last 12 years or much of one. If that disappears because this new bunch decides they don't want to pay their half anymore, that will be a huge blow to me.

Sometimes these corporate groups want to come in and slash and burn, cut everyone's pay etc. I've worked hard to get to where I am. I don't want to have my pay cut down to where it's like I've just started out. I'm not asking for a raise as what I make now allows me to live and not worry about too much. But cut my pay AND give me a car payment, I can't handle that. But at 58 years old now I don't have very good prospects at finding something else. Are you going to hire me over the 30 year old? Probably not.

Now I'm very nervous as we get closer to May 15th as to what can possibly happen. Hopefully they will leave everything alone in terms of pay and benefits and just make operational changes, Saturday hours etc. But I just don't know.

 

[W3H5]

I'm 58 years old. I've only worked two places in my entire life. My own family's business which I left in 2006 and moved to my current city in 2007 and went to work for my current establishment. They were both in the same industry and both were individually owned. The owner of my current business had always said she would not sell the business as long as she was alive. We had certain things we did like being off for Memorial Day, if Christmas was on a Tuesday or during the work week we were off for Christmas Eve to give us two days, and we didn't work Saturdays. I haven't worked on a Saturday in 16 years or so. But back in early March she passed away suddenly.

Individually owned businesses in our industry are becoming more rare. They are being sucked up by these massive groups. My family had to sell to a group, now my current business has been sold to a group. Supposedly they come in on May 15th to start the transition. I was doing ok until a couple of days ago and it really started to hit me what could possibly happen. Once I hit 5 years under her ownership I got three weeks of vacation per year, that is probably gone and we all get reset to zero which means I don't get any vacation, at least paid, until I hit a year which would be next May. I can probably forget not working on Saturdays. Probably not every Saturday but certainly at least once per month. Hopefully we get time off during the week to compensate for it. If we have to work 6 days a week i don't know if I can handle that.

We have a certification program with our manufacturer that once we get master certified we get a subsidized vehicle lease. The manufacturer pays half of it and the local business pays the other half. It's a great benefit. Essentially I haven't had a car payment for the last 12 years or much of one. If that disappears because this new bunch decides they don't want to pay their half anymore, that will be a huge blow to me.

Sometimes these corporate groups want to come in and slash and burn, cut everyone's pay etc. I've worked hard to get to where I am. I don't want to have my pay cut down to where it's like I've just started out. I'm not asking for a raise as what I make now allows me to live and not worry about too much. But cut my pay AND give me a car payment, I can't handle that. But at 58 years old now I don't have very good prospects at finding something else. Are you going to hire me over the 30 year old? Probably not.

Now I'm very nervous as we get closer to May 15th as to what can possibly happen. Hopefully they will leave everything alone in terms of pay and benefits and just make operational changes, Saturday hours etc. But I just don't know.

Try to get a meeting with an HR person. They’re human (sometimes) and will probably understand where you’re coming from if you tell them the truth about how you feel, like you’ve posted above.

 

[Jezza819]

Try to get a meeting with an HR person. They’re human (sometimes) and will probably understand where you’re coming from if you tell them the truth about how you feel, like you’ve posted above.

If we get one. Being individually owned we're never had a HR department.

 

[MatskiMonk]

But I just don't know.

Just a small suggestion, but I'd start getting your thoughts together and writing a CV, not to demonstrate loyalty, or necessarily to start looking for a new job, but so if they pull you into an office, sit you down and start asking you corporate questions about your value to the business, you've already got things prepped in your head. Get ready to approach it as though you are being interviewed for a new job you have a wealth of experience with, and get ready for questions like "can you explain an example where you did ABC to bring XYZ benefit to the company" that kinda crap... it may not come to it, but you've got to build a focused and confident attitude to your position - not one of either arrogance or complacency (not saying you are), but also not one of fear or worry... find out what the groups mission is or goals are, and think about how what you do has value to those goals.

Just my two cents. Being proactive gives you something better to do than worry - if nothing else.

 

[W3H5]

Somebody posted about living with vs without a partner. I can’t remember who, I’ve had a pint already. But all the thing described about loss and having to endure others suffering - that’s just life man. We all suffer, and it’s hell to bring others along on the ride, but to do it alone is missing the point of why we seek companionship as humans. We live, love and die together, not apart. Humans are social creature by nature.

I think it was @MatskiMonk. Probably.

 

[dylansan]

Job searching has been my biggest source of anxiety lately. For over a year I've known this job is not good enough. The pay is low and management is terrible. I keep saying I'll look for something else but:

• I don't know what kind of job I want. Every job I've had has been something different.
• I don't know how I'm supposed to schedule interviews while working full time. I get anxious not knowing how to respond if I ever get a call back.
• It's hard for me to focus on resumes and job hunting when it makes me so stressed out.

I think I've been forming some better habits this year in general, but this is still really tough for me. Every time I've gotten a job in the past, it was after losing the job I already had. Searching while employed is just a level of effort I really struggle with.

 

[GT PRO-AM]

Returning briefly to the topic of romantic relationships (as said in my last post, I currently have something else to worry me, but since we're talking about it here)...

I speak for myself obviously... But I don't think I will ever be the kind of person who thinks "no relationship? it's better this way, less problems!"... And I say this despite knowing, due to the work I do in a law firm, that relationships often fail, with all the consequences of the case, which are even more unpleasant when there are children involved.

I think that believing that a relationship can bring more problems than anything else is a bit like - allow me the comparison - walking past the window of a car dealership, seeing a certain car, then realizing that I can't afford it, and then starting to find flaws in it: it consumes a lot, you certainly pay a lot in insurance and property tax, etc.

Or, if you prefer... It would be like in the tale of the fox and the grapes: the fox cannot reach the grapes, so he says they are unripe.

I'm just not that kind of person, even though being one would save me a lot of pain and suffering. I'm too realistic, objective now: I see everything as it is, without trying to sugarcoat anything... I don't have a romantic relationship because I'm no good, period.

And believe me, it really hurts me to have to admit it.

EDIT: and as @W3H5 imho correctly says, this life is already hard when we share the path with someone, it can only be harder if we have to do it alone.

 

[MatskiMonk]

 

[evldave333]

I don't have a romantic relationship because I'm no good, period.

And believe me, it really hurts me to have to admit it.

EDIT: and as @W3H5 imho correctly says, this life is already hard when we share the path with someone, it can only be harder if we have to do it alone.

Assuming its hard is a sign of depression or bias, try to approach things from the middle, if you are hard on yourself life is insufferable. Find joy in something and go with it, doesn't matter what it is either. As an autistic adult ive had to accept relationships are very unlikely, but there is meaning to be had in so many other ways. Relationships are not a panacea, being alone should be celebrated and exploited to the fullest as it is an opportunity to indulge your passions / creativity.

 

[Michael88]

edit Decided not to post so much private information so I deleted it.

 

[A_Higher_Place]

Quote deleted.

Would you know what to think about all of this if it was someone that wasn't the most beautiful woman you have ever met?

 

[Michael88]

edit Decided not to post so much private information so I deleted it.

 

[Hollow]

I feel like I’ve been in a constant state of limbo, waiting for the events I cant control in my life to get better somehow. Delaying actually “living” for something meaningful because “I’ll do that later, when things calm down”. Life is passing me by while I wait to properly live and experience things because it’s crisis after crisis. The more peace, experiences and health mean to me, the more they slip away further from my reach.

I try my best to endure everything patiently, stand my ground and keep my emotions in check, no other way to go through it. Justifying it as “it’s horrible right now but will get better, it’s got to”, but somehow never has in the last decade. Is this really my life? I struggle to accept how crappy it is, that for some unknown reason I wish I was given better circumstances. Sounds selfish but who doesn’t want a content life with health and happiness? At some point I want the universe to give something back instead of constantly taking for a change.

I keep updating the definition of “rock bottom”. Whenever I think I’ve hit that level of low, life seems to tell me otherwise, that it definitely can always get worse. I’ve dug myself out of deep holes life keeps throwing me in, but each time I make it out, I’m thrown a little deeper next time. By no means do I think I have it the worst despite what I’m saying, life is cruel to many in various degrees, but I definitely have been running low on fuel, I’ve been using my reserve tank for way longer than I should have, with no refill in sight.

Sorry for rant but mind has been going to places I wish it would stop going to. 😞

 

[MatskiMonk]

... mind has been going to places I wish it would stop going to.

Anger or despair?

 

[W3H5]

I feel like I’ve been in a constant state of limbo, waiting for the events I cant control in my life to get better somehow. Delaying actually “living” for something meaningful because “I’ll do that later, when things calm down”. Life is passing me by while I wait to properly live and experience things because it’s crisis after crisis. The more peace, experiences and health mean to me, the more they slip away further from my reach.

I try my best to endure everything patiently, stand my ground and keep my emotions in check, no other way to go through it. Justifying it as “it’s horrible right now but will get better, it’s got to”, but somehow never has in the last decade. Is this really my life? I struggle to accept how crappy it is, that for some unknown reason I wish I was given better circumstances. Sounds selfish but who doesn’t want a content life with health and happiness? At some point I want the universe to give something back instead of constantly taking for a change.

I keep updating the definition of “rock bottom”. Whenever I think I’ve hit that level of low, life seems to tell me otherwise, that it definitely can always get worse. I’ve dug myself out of deep holes life keeps throwing me in, but each time I make it out, I’m thrown a little deeper next time. By no means do I think I have it the worst despite what I’m saying, life is cruel to many in various degrees, but I definitely have been running low on fuel, I’ve been using my reserve tank for way longer than I should have, with no refill in sight.

Sorry for rant but mind has been going to places I wish it would stop going to. 😞

This thread is for ranting if necessary, sometimes it helps to vent.

One of my favourite quotes is from the John Lennon song Beautiful Boy - “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.”
Coincidentally, I got my name from that song.

The other plans could be grand or mediocre, but the idea is that whatever you’re focused on outside of the now is taking attention away from the present - and that’s where life is. Here and now, not there beyond tomorrow.

It’s easy to say these things without pressing trauma to address. Lord knows I couldn’t follow whimsical advice when I’m in a bad way. But there’s clarity to be found in addressing the present, whether it’s easy or, for most of us, unpleasant.

Rock bottom isn’t a great place to be. And usually the only direction can be upwards. But if you’re repeatedly finding the the lows get lower and the hole gets deeper, it might be time to get professional advice to help you cope.

Not to make jest of your thoughts, but in some philosophies, like Buddhism, suffering is life, and embracing that is living. That’s just some perspectives though. I never personally got to the point where suffering made me want to continue living. Quite the opposite in fact.

I do wish you well, though I know wishing can only go so far. As ever, if you need an ear to chew on and verbalise your inner thoughts, feel free to look my way.

 

[Com Fox]

I'm getting feelings of worthlessness again. Nothing I do feels like it matters because I'm just bad at everything with at best subpar skills that anyone could easily take my spot yet through nothing but sheer Luck and no input on my own, I still have a pretty good job, nice family and friends but knowing it was only luck and I clearly don't deserve it or any of my very few achievements just makes the feeling worse. Why should I be where I am? Almost everyone is more worthy of taking my spot, I just bring it all down, mostly to myself but still. I'm just weak *** person who happens to keep getting Lucky and nothing to look back and say "I'm here because what I am able to do"

I really want the feeling to go away but I don't know how...

 

[Hollow]

Anger or despair?

Mostly despair and dread, followed by a surge of urgency. Brief moments of high energy, feeling like I can fix everything, find a solution, that converting my anxiety into action is doable. However, the energy dissipates quickly if I’m met with any kind of negative occurrence. I’m back to dread and doom, until I get the next spike of energy.