Need advice from those who suffer from depression or know someone who does. I'm struggling to deal with someone who has depression and bipolar disorder. Don't want to read, see bold below!
One of my best friends suffers from depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder, though it has been getting better for her to deal with in the last few years. A little back-story which is relevant: She lives in Australia, but I met her in the US 5 years ago. She grew up in Australia and has moved around (her father is American in the military, mother is Australian) and ended up in the US for half her life before moving back to Australia in 2011, she's been there since, but is soon moving to London. Point is, we are long distance friends, I only get to talk to her once a week via Skype.
I bring that up, because, one: it is very difficult to be there for someone with that kind of distance and two: when she is feeling like she is in a dark place, all she has to do it shut me (and her other American friends) out by turning her phone off for weeks at a time. She is very hard to contact, and it's hard not to take it personally. Unfortunately, because of this, I've gotten upset about it and let her know that it made me upset. I know this is wrong, I should never have gotten upset about it. But on the other hand I wish she would reach out and talk to me or someone about it rather than bottle it up.
My concern is that I push too hard and she pushes me away for it, but I also feel that if I don't push, she'll think I don't care. In my mind, she knows I am here to talk about anything she needs, but sometimes chooses not to. But I am failing to put myself in her shoes. I can't understand why she chooses to remain in the dark. I have not dealt with depression myself, it's hard to wrap my head around, but I am trying.
More relevant back story. When I first met her, I didn't know about her depression, though looking back there were clues, but that didn't cross my mind. We lost contact for 2 years when she moved away, she contacted me in 2013 and told me why she stopped talking to me and explained how moving back to Australia, away from her friends caused her to spiral into a dark place and she pushed everyone away because she was embarrassed about it. Since she came back into my life I pushed a little for her to talk to me and we've been talking more or less each week ever since. She even flew to the US to see family and I got to see her again. I flew to Australia 2 months after that (I went to Australia to see another friend, but I still got to see her). Our friendship is back to "normal", but now I am aware of the depression. I care about her very much and I want to continue being her friend, but I have to admit that it's taking it's toll. She still disappears for long periods of time and I am worried she isn't seeking the help she needs.
I don't take it personally, or at least I try not too. I have gotten upset, it's hard not to and I think she knows that. It feels like a double edged sword. Has anyone experienced something like this? How should I handle it? How does someone deal with a person they care about who has depression without pushing them away?
Thanks for reading and any feedback you may have.