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Depression and Anxiety Thread
- Thread starter JohnBM01
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I've done my share of grieving and it hurts so ****ing much.
Every time it felt like I was losing the last piece of my heart but to my own amazement, I'm still there, I'm still standing.
Sure my heart is badly broken but I am still able to find joy in life, no matter how small, so I know I've still got a heart and that's enough to keep me going, most days at least...
I am a very cynical and pessimistic person by nature and I lost my Mum quite young, that last sentence of yours resonates with me.
Having said that, in my experience, you only miss out on the present if you live in the past.
I know it sounds cheesy but I sincerely believe it.
A traumatic event happened to me 7 years ago and I've experienced my darkest moments in the time since but when I focus on what I still have and not on what I don't have anymore, I feel alive.
Anyway, apologies for the very cheap psychology, the main reason for my post was to say that I hope today is a good day for you. Sincerely.
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Personally, talking about it is the main thing.
It took me a while but I finally found a psychologist I was comfortable talking to.
We talk about lighter and also more sombre subjects, she takes me as the person I am and I enjoy her views and perspective.
It is a necessary outlet for me.
I'd rather talk to a friend but found none who were willing to really listen to me, which I understand and accept.
If there is a person around you that you feel really listens to you, maybe try and open up to them a bit and see how they react?
The other thing for me is to rekindle the flame inside of me somehow.
Mine was fading badly and I realized that I needed hope in any form I could get.
That hope came as a trio of pigmy goats that I decided to adopt some months ago.
They make me smile, laugh and warm my heart up.
I still feel **** at times and I still have dark thoughts but when that happens, I just stop everything I'm doing and go spend some time with them.
But it could be taking up a new sport, a new hobby, a new job, moving to a new town, meeting someone new, taking a pet, listening to music etc...
Whatever it takes to make you smile regulalrly and keep the flame inside you going.
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It hit me the other day, I was trying to write a Macro, I messed it up, and ran it without any safeguards, it went badly wrong. Literally nobody else would find the story funny, but for a moment I was looking forward to telling him over our next beer, because I know it would have made him literally laugh out loud, then I remembered. Those moments won't happen anymore. I'm not particularly one for living in the past, but the present is pretty ****, and the future shows no signs of being any better. Missing the things that used to bring you joy seems natural to me if there's nothing else to focus on in the now.
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I understand and I agree.
It is natural for any of us to miss the things that used to bring us joy.
I do too. Often.
I just want to add that my present and future are still pretty bleak too but I am now able to find little moments of joy in the present and that comforts me because I never thought it'd be possible again.
Never thought I'd find a "good" viewing angle to my life again but I can see it now, it exists and is withing reach.
It took 10 years.
Anyway, I understand and appreciate your feelings.
Take care.
Hollow
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This resonates with me, processing past traumas consumes so much of my time and energy that it hinders my ability to function in the present, which in turn negatively impacts my future.
When I do acknowledge the present, it feels exhausting, mentally, emotionally, and physically, I’m burnt out on those fronts. This exhaustion destroys any hope I have for the future. Also simply thinking about this fact alone in the present drives me back into the past, perpetuating the cycle.
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Have you guys heard of EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Remodelling)? May be of benefit.
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MedigoFlame
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I have not. We had barely started EMDR, but my therapist died. Three years ago now. Haven't really searched for a new therapist since.
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From what you are describing it sounds like such therapy could help.
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See, I got bullied a lot at school and some people bully me here. For example, some people in the Time Trial Discussion thread say I post too much and don't read and pay attention to the other member's posts. I am autistic and it plays a huge role in my personality and how I relate to others. It has been a difficult journey for me and my mom, we stayed down at my grandparent's house for 15 years and got abused/withheld from buying food/supplies, they blocked us so we had to get a 10,000 dollar loan to help cover our food/daily needs and medicine expenses. We finally fled to Roxboro in 2015 and are staying at an apartment complex. That's most of where our depression, anxiety and tenseness came from having to put up with abusive people.
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We have food stamps(EBT) and we have a fixed income of $950, we also have control of my grandpa's money which he gets around $2000 per month, see he has dementia and can't handle his own money/finances, so we have to take control and help him with that. We have made it through though even when things got really difficult the past 5-6 years.
Who honestly would not be depressed about this dire situation, and dealing with abusive family members. And see my aunts/uncles and cousins. Some of them were mean and abusive.
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I’ll go out on a limb here and say that nobody has to withstand abuse. It’s a fundamental cause of many mental problems and should be walked away from.
I know it’s easy to say “walk away”, but why subject yourself to mental torture when there’s an open world out there, all you need to do is see it.
This, that and them arguments don’t solve anything when the main issue lies within oneself. We can exist on our own away from toxicity, with people that love us and in places that don’t disregard our plight.
If abuse in any form is tolerated then it becomes the norm. Don’t tolerate it. Remark on it. Make it a point to discuss and repair. Look wider afield for assistance before abuse becomes acceptable. It never is.
I know it’s easy to say “walk away”, but why subject yourself to mental torture when there’s an open world out there, all you need to do is see it.
This, that and them arguments don’t solve anything when the main issue lies within oneself. We can exist on our own away from toxicity, with people that love us and in places that don’t disregard our plight.
If abuse in any form is tolerated then it becomes the norm. Don’t tolerate it. Remark on it. Make it a point to discuss and repair. Look wider afield for assistance before abuse becomes acceptable. It never is.
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I'm not saying it should define you but it may be worth turning the negative into a positive. Someone I know who is such a genuinely nice person and cares for others to a fault grew up in a household marred by domestic violence. Her mediation skills were honed in such an environment, so much so that it probably benefits her career and those she comes into contact with.
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Well, I feel warm and welcome here, a community that cares, that's what's important in a relationship with people. You can socialize and connect with friends who deal with the same problems as yourself. 
I keep my chin up everyday and try not to think about my mean and abusive narcissistic family. See I thought my grandma was normal back then but no, the past year we have discovered that she is bipolar and has narcissistic personality disorder.
I keep my chin up everyday and try not to think about my mean and abusive narcissistic family. See I thought my grandma was normal back then but no, the past year we have discovered that she is bipolar and has narcissistic personality disorder.
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Hey new to this thread. I haven’t been diagnosed with depression persay but I’ve always felt like sad and just tired and low energy. The psychiatrist prescribed my lexapro but barely worked and then Prozac which worked but then started to feel worse again. Now I’m up on 40mg and I still feel like my old self again.
I’m almost concerned that Prozac is making it a worse
I’m almost concerned that Prozac is making it a worse
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Sounds similar to my experience. Citalopram, Sertraline and Fluoxitine didnt really do much, and when they did it's because I was taking double doses.
It's important to remember, these lower level medications are like taking pain killers when you've injured yourself... They're not a cure, they just help you handle things a bit better. Making whatever changes you need to to your life/lifestyle is still on you.
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Making what worse?
If you haven't been diagnosed with depression, do you know what the psychiatrist was prescribing it for?
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“you sound really sad”. And she was right. I have moments where I’m just meh and tired of life. Maybe that’s normal, but there are times where I get frustrated because I don’t want to do anything important.
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Prozac isn’t for everyone. If you’ve upped to 40ml and it isn’t working, wean yourself off of it.
Do you exercise regularly?
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It can be normal....it's best to ask what your psychiatrist's thoughts are if you're confused about the treatment plan.
The two drugs you've taken belong to the same class of drugs which are called SSRIs. It's common for psychiatrists to switch to different medications if they feel they aren't working. Unfortunately, it can take a bit of time to find the one that works for you, and as @MatskiMonk says you won't find a magic bullet.
Your psychiatrist may try up the dose of your Prozac, try drugs from a different class, recommend psychotherapy or do something else - it's best to check what the plan is.
Different drug classes work in different ways, and there may be guidance that US physicians follow when prescribing that dictates what they'll do next.
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Hey, I'll be the same age as you September 23rd. I'm 32 now, you will fin this thread useful. I'm going to therapy once a week to help with my depression and anger management. I'm considering doing yoga exercises in the future at least a couple hours a day.
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I work 40 hours / week, I have like 3.5 hours time for myself every day between arriving back home from work and having to to go to sleep. And this includes chores like cooking food and cleaning. 3/4 or 1 hour of that time I spend on lifting or running and its worth it. Without exercise and only work your body degenerates and falls apart. That's my motivation, I don't want to end up like my co-workers who are out of shape and probably die early and horribly from cardio-vascular diseases.
A family member died from heart insufficiency. Witnessing that is all the motivation I ever gonna need and more. Anyone needs.
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