Donkey Of The Month Awards

[Smallhorses]

Crouch hasn't been a problem, since after his first 17 scoreless games he started scoring, and even in those 17 games, he made a lot of the goals that Gerrard, Cisse and Pongolle scored!

I still think, (even as a lifelong Liverpool supporter) that Benitez's insistence that Donkey-ientes is the quality striker that he was at Monaco, and still playing him, purely because he speaks Spanish, even though he's scored 5 goals all season, and meaning that he's forced to play his top scoring striker in a right midfield position that he's unhappy in, purely because he speaks French, is a disgraceful bit of management, deserving of Donkeydom!

 

[Jimmy Enslashay]

I'd like to nominate Nuno Maniche for April's Donkey Of The Month award, or is it, April's Fool?

Getting his first start for Chelsea, with whom he is trying to cement a permanent deal rather than a loan, he manages to hit the cross-bar from about 4 metres in front of goal, or maybe even less, and then goes on minutes later to avoid going for a ball which was more in favour of him getting it, by jumping over the ball and stomping on Scaloni's leg, getting a red card in the first 16 minutes of probably the most crucial Chelsea game in the Premiership this season, when they had just gone down a goal minutes beforehand.

What an impression he's making.

 

[Smallhorses]

But, after Henry had given Arsenal the lead, it was left to Lua Lua to salvage a point for the home side, although he had to be taken off after injuring himself doing his trademark backflips.

Lomana LuaLua for April's Donkey of the Month for managing to injure himself during his celebration of Portsmouth's equaliser against Arsenal!

 

[ExigeEvan]

Sol Campbell for managing to break his nose in his first game back after a long time and with a World Cup at the end of the season

 

[El Gigante]

Poor old Sol, he just seems to have lost it nowadays.

 

[ExigeEvan]

Poor old Sol, he just seems to have lost it nowadays.

What exactly did he have to begin with?

He's a big burly bloke that has abit of pace about him and like to throw his weight around.

The only thing he could possibly lose is a few pounds, there's certainly no brain cells left.


[/Sol Campbell slating]

 

[El Gigante]

Strained hamstring i think, not sure. Leg injury of some kind.

 

[ExigeEvan]

Strained hamstring i think, not sure. Leg injury of some kind.

Touche.

 

[Smallhorses]

2 nominations.
Firstly a late entry for April by Joe Cole of Chelsea, for the following comment after Saturday's game:-

"It's been harder this year, Liverpool have got better, Man U have got better, Arsenal have got better, and Tottenham have joined the quartet of five teams."
Chelsea's Joe Cole celebrates winning the title against Man Utd - you do the maths!

Secondly the first nomination for May, for Ruud Van Nistelrooy of Man Utd, for missing the penalty against Middlesbrough at Old Trafford that would've almost certainly wrapped up 2nd place in the Premier League.

 

[Pebb]

Poor old Sol, he just seems to have lost it nowadays.

You don't care about that in the premiership do you, since your a Chelsea fan. But it will start to matter during the World Cup El Gigante.

 

[El Gigante]

Haha, old Joey Cole isn't a very bright young lad is he

And Van Nistelrooy, it's not like him to miss a penalty, but it could well cost them second place.

 

[ExigeEvan]

3 years outside 2nd place would suck...

Ruud it is.

 

[Touring Mars]

April's DOTM has to be Lua Lua, for managing to injure himself celebrating, just a couple of days after I bought him for my fantasy football team too... 👎

 

[MistaY]

^^^^^^

You know TM thats not the first time Lua Lua has done that as well. You'd think he would have learned the first time.

You don't care about that in the premiership do you, since your a Chelsea fan. But it will start to matter during the World Cup El Gigante.

I'm realy struggling to understand these two sentences.

Especially seeing as sols pretty much out of favour, i'd much rather see Carragher, King or Ferdinand next to terry for England.

 

[El Gigante]

I agree, i think Sven will play Terry and Ferdinand at CB, i see no reason why he would need to pick Sol.

 

[Touring Mars]

I don't know whether this should qualify or not, but surely Boris Johnson deserves a special mention for his astonishing tackle in last night's 'The Legends' game between England and Germany...

After having just gone to sleep in defence, and being almost entirely responsible for the Germans' last goal, Boris obviously felt he had a point to prove

Article...

 

[Smallhorses]

I can think of only 1 word to describe Boris Johnson.
It begins with W and rhymes with anchor.

 

[Smallhorses]

Next nomination for May.
Another position in the Donkey team of the year, since we're going to have a manager and a kitman as well as the players, we can now have a cook too.

Nomination goes to the Tottenham Hotspur chef, who on the eve of their biggest game of the season (which they had to win to secure the final Champions League place ahead of Arsenal) managed to give no less than seven of their players food poisoning!

 

[Smallhorses]

Is this going to continue for the new season?
What about the May result?

 

[Touring Mars]

Almost by default, the winning 'player' for May has to be Boris Johnson... anyone with those initials has to be viewed with some suspicion anyway - due to the lack of a goalkeeper in the line up, BJ has been placed in goal, since he is probably not too bothered about having balls flying at his face at high speed...

As a bonus, I've also nominated (well, just added) two more players for good measure from the World Cup (both from the Premiership) for their 'outstanding' performances - firstly, Frank Lampard for missing more attempts on goal than I've had pizzas (and that is ALOT) and secondly, Ronaldo, for being a big cry-baby who's talent as a footballer was overshadowed by his penchant for blatant gamesmanship...

So here is the team:-

Donkey Dream Team 2005-2006

(GK) B. Johnson

(D) Chimbonda - G. Johnson - Woodgate

(MF) Lampard - Ronaldo - Smith - Essien - Robben

(ST) Lua Lua - Crouch

Manager:- Sven Goran Nokia Eriksson (England)​

Nominations for August 2006 will open as the new season begins

 

[Smallhorses]

Dean Ashton has broken his ankle, ruling him out of the Greece game in what would have been his England debut

I think we have our first nomination of the new season!
August's donkey nominations here we go!

 

[Alex.]

frank lampard cant hit a barn door at the minute-HE'S A DONKEY

 

[GM]

Good to see Crouch and Lampard in the team 👍

 

[Race Idiot]

frank lampard cant hit a barn door at the minute-HE'S A DONKEY

Yes please forget all the goals he's scored in the last 3 seasons and now all of a sudden he's crap because he has a dry spell for a few months. Also I totally like your totally objective unbiassed opinion which isn't totally blinkered.

 

[Dave A]

Agreed, theres not a player in the world who never has a bad speel, be it Thierry Henry, Rudd Van Nistelrooy, Herman Crespo, everyone has up's and downs. It's how often their having thier down's that counts, and since Frank has been at chelsea, it's only been since the World cup that I've not been impressed by him. By mid season he will probably be super Frank again.

I know I'm not a Chealse fan, but there's two things at play here, 1 Frank is a relaly good player and 2, he's British so I have even more reason to give him credit where it's deserved. It's just a pity that he's due the credit for his performance playing for Chelsea and not for England.

 

[Smallhorses]

Agreed.

Lampard is only in last season's Donkey team for his below-par performance shooting-wise in the world cup. True he couldn't hit a barn door in that competition, but he's scored hatfuls for Chelski all season.

Crouch is in the team for his abysmal start to last season.
Once he got his boots on the right feet, which is understandably difficult for someone so tall to see what's going on down below his knees, he improved a lot, and was joint 2nd highest scorer for England at the world cup, not to mention his goals in the build-up games, and the goal that ended Man U's hopes of another FA Cup. I can see the fact that he looks gangly and ungainly (understatement?) causing lots of folks to write him off as a Donkey anyway.
He's not in the team as a Donkey because of his world cup performance, that particular England striking berth belongs fairly & squarely with Wazza "Shrek" Rooney, who played more than Crouch, scored none, won virtually none of the long balls played to him (which Crouch to his credit won virtually all of when he wasn't being penalised by a petty Argentine) & got sent off. Nice.

 

[Race Idiot]

Agreed.

Lampard is only in last season's Donkey team for his below-par performance shooting-wise in the world cup. True he couldn't hit a barn door in that competition, but he's scored hatfuls for Chelski all season.

Crouch is in the team for his abysmal start to last season.
Once he got his boots on the right feet, which is understandably difficult for someone so tall to see what's going on down below his knees, he improved a lot, and was joint 2nd highest scorer for England at the world cup, not to mention his goals in the build-up games, and the goal that ended Man U's hopes of another FA Cup. I can see the fact that he looks gangly and ungainly (understatement?) causing lots of folks to write him off as a Donkey anyway.
He's not in the team as a Donkey because of his world cup performance, that particular England striking berth belongs fairly & squarely with Wazza "Shrek" Rooney, who played more than Crouch, scored none, won virtually none of the long balls played to him (which Crouch to his credit won virtually all of when he wasn't being penalised by a petty Argentine) & got sent off. Nice.

I agree with this and also to be honest it was hard to watch England play in the world cup this time around. I was so pissed off watching Frank give the ball away or constantly playing the ball backwards or running into defenders. Then Gerrard having to constanly hang back and sometimes going missing for periods, then having beckham drifting into the center to cover very ****ty indeed.

I don't think Rooney was ready and also Rooney can't play upfront by himself, he's not that sort of player, but yeah he still needs to control his temper and refs will pretty much harshly penalise him because of his previous actions.b
I'm quite interested in Englands new formation though, although maybe I should save that for another thread? I think I saw another thread.

 

[Dave A]

I don't think Rooney was ready and also Rooney can't play upfront by himself, he's not that sort of player, but yeah he still needs to control his temper and refs will pretty much harshly penalise him because of his previous actions.

That's pretty much my take on it, he does need to learn that his past reputation will result in him being made into an example whenever he does things wrong. Also he can't play up front on his own, he's not tall, so long balls are mostly wasted to him, he has incredible talent playing to and off another striker or just behind a striking pair. But not on his own up front.

 

[Smallhorses]

.....he can't play up front on his own, he's not tall, so long balls are mostly wasted to him, he has incredible talent playing to and off another striker.....

Sven-Borin' Eriksson mode
Holy Swedish Meatballs Batman!
You mean playing with a big tall striker who is good at knocking balls down to other strikers may have worked to Rooney's advantage? Why in the hell didn't I play Walcott
*receives nudge from someone isn't a cardboard cutout, and knows how to manage a football team*
er, I mean Crouch with Rooney then?
On second thoughts, that's far too risky & exciting for me, tell the 2nd goalkeeper to start warming up, we'll play him just in front of the first keeper and everyone will love me when we don't concede any goals! Hmm, best have the 3rd keeper warm up too, just in case it goes to penalties!
End Sven-Borin' Eriksson mode

 

[Smallhorses]

Just found a YouTube link to this classic from last season!
Darlington vs. Bury, not exactly a top-flight game, but Chris Brass' own goal is a stunner, and to compound his error, he actually broke his nose scoring it!
D'oh! This is true Donkeydom at it's very very best!

Taxi for Chris Brass!