FoolKiller Becomes Bionic - NEW UPDATE Nov 19, 2012

[MarcoM]

Hopefully the ps3 with GT5 can stay.

Of course I know there are many more important things that GT5 right now.

Again, hang on there. The ramblings and sufferings are for a good cause. And you know it.

 

[Dotini]

My sympathies go out to you, Foolkiller.

At 62, I've received plenty of intimations of mortality, in my own life and in those of my family and friends, living and deceased. At the end of the day, all we really have is the love and respect of our friends and family. I am one of those who believes that positive thinking on behalf of oneself, or another, can make a difference in health issue outcomes. With all the friends you have around the world wishing you the best, it is good odds that you will once again enjoy the best things in life.

Respectfully yours,
Dotini

 

[FoolKiller]

All of the restrictions are due to their increased risk of infections. All the stuff I can't do are tied to some form of bacteria or fungus that can cause problems to someone that is immunodeficient, as my drugs will make me.

But on the upside I may have found a home for my cat. My cousin and her wife are willing to take him after their child adoption paperwork goes through at the end of this year. If they do it sooner they have to redo all their paperwork instead of just sending in an update.

And he can tell something is up. He has been following me around non-stop.

 

[Omnis]

When we were dissecting cow hearts in the bio lab, I thought of FK and that episode of the venture bros. where they take King Gorilla's heart to transplant it into Monstroso.

 

[land sea air]

been stalking the thread for a while and thought I would pop in and mention how hard this is to READ, much less experience first hand. My heart (maybe a little pun intended) goes out to you and your family throughout this.

are those restrictions to remain in place even after the transplant whenever it ends up being?

Also to those that comment on GT5 I imagine it will be more important to him than you expect considering all the things he will no longer be able to do (I see him on regularly )

 

[Pako]

I spilled some coffee in my car this morning and thought my day started out rough. It helps keeping things in perspective.... I feel for ya man. It sounds like you have an awesome support system and a good staff of docs and care providers to see you though this.

If the adoption falls though and still need a home for your cat, Montana's pretty big and I have more than enough room for one more. Sitting at 2 dogs and 1 cat, what's one more? 2 of the 3 are rescue pets that we saved from the pound.... sometimes I think they have it better than the rest of us, and they know it.

Have they made any indication when a transplant may be scheduled after it's approved?

 

[lbsf1]

We were just learning about transplants in science today and all that stuff, about how you find a donor and that kind of stuff, really hope you find a donor and are all fine afterwards.

 

[FoolKiller]

So, reading back over it I realize yesterday's post took on a bit of a depressed sound to it. I think typing it all out just made it really hit home. Until then I was only upset over there not being any answers for anything because the whole process relies on things outside my control.

are those restrictions to remain in place even after the transplant whenever it ends up being?

They are for after the transplant and the rest of my life. The anti-rejection drugs will make me susceptible to diseases that a healthy person encounters everyday without a problem. Right now I have been known to pick a bean or snow pea right from a plant and eat it. Or an apple off the tree. That would be extremely dangerous if I were immunodeficient.

But I intend to begin practicing these restrictions now. I want to make all the day to day stuff habits so that when I get a transplant there is less chance I will make a mistake. Forgetting something now is just being forgetful with no repercussions. Forgetting after the transplant can be deadly.

Also to those that comment on GT5 I imagine it will be more important to him than you expect considering all the things he will no longer be able to do (I see him on regularly )

You have no idea. You think I'm on a lot now? Granted, Gran Turismo is the only reason why I am not on some Alienware PC playing Starcraft 2 and mocking console gamers, like a snob, so it is the game to make me ignore all other games. But it will get worse. Those things I listed are all things I love to do. They are all various things that help me to clear my head and find my center. I was talking to my mom and realized I am pretty much left with my electronics. Movies and gaming will become even more central for me especial GT. Being able to take one of a huge list of cars and setting out on a track and just drive lap after lap has always been what made the GT series great for me. I could take a car and put around for hours, just driving, and it cleared my head. Of all GT5s faults it kept that one aspect, as well as my favorite track, Trial Mountain.

The only track they could add that I think I would drive on more is Road Atlanta. And FM3's Road Atlanta is so horrid that it almost ruins it for me. It's a very old version modeled in what looks like the drought 5 years back (FM2 model?) and it looks abandoned. Add in no crowd on Spectator Hill and I have to wonder what T10 was thinking. They took one of my favorite real-life tracks and made it so that I have to quit after about 10 laps because it is an eyesore.

Wow, bit off topic. But I did mention this to my mom and I told her that no one in the family is allowed to roll their eyes when I cal video games a hobby from now on. I am thinking of doing model cars though. I used to do level 1 and 2 type stuff that you buy at Walmart as a teenager. I might step it up into the more complex stuff. I just wish I knew where to find model kits of stuff like ALMS cars. An Audi R15 or Peugeot 908 would be a labor of love right there, especially when it came time for paint and decals.

I spilled some coffee in my car this morning and thought my day started out rough. It helps keeping things in perspective....

Here's the perspective for you: I still let spilled stuff in my car piss me off, because that is a sign that my life is still mostly normal and that is a normal reaction. That is a perfectly legitimate thing to have messing up your day. It's a small thing, overall it means nothing, but the small things make life what it is. And if we can't be irked by the small negatives how are we supposed to enjoy the small positives? Because I can be mad over spilled coffee I can also appreciate Christmas lights alongside the road.

I feel for ya man. It sounds like you have an awesome support system and a good staff of docs and care providers to see you though this.

The support system, definitely. I still have to meet the surgical team, and that won't happen until I get listed.

If the adoption falls though and still need a home for your cat, Montana's pretty big and I have more than enough room for one more. Sitting at 2 dogs and 1 cat, what's one more? 2 of the 3 are rescue pets that we saved from the pound.... sometimes I think they have it better than the rest of us, and they know it.

I am hoping to keep him somewhere that I can see him regularly. I've had him for nearly 11 years, longer than I've known my wife, longer than I've owned my car, longer than I have worked at my current company. In fact, I think that outside of biological family he is the longest lasting thing in my life.

But if all else falls through, I'm calling you.

Have they made any indication when a transplant may be scheduled after it's approved?

That is one of those huge unknowns that are driving me crazy. I will be what is known as Status 2, which means I am not currently needing any kind of artificial support. Those people only get a heart if a 100% perfect match is found and there are no other perfect matches in worse condition. But in a year they expect me to deteriorate to Status 1 and eventually need hospitalization. At that rate they estimate 1-2 years. If I don't deteriorate at that rate they expect 5-6 years.

And there is my catch-22. I have to get sick to get well earlier, but if I get sick soon I may not have time to find a heart. If it was something I could just schedule I would request ASAP. But knowing that reducing my projected wait time might also mean increasing my chance of dying makes it very hard to wish things would hurry along.

 

[niky]

Like I said... it all sounds drastic... but you will still be able to enjoy the outdoors with a mask and appropriate protection. It's not the end of the world. Hopefully the beginning of a new one, actually.

 

[FoolKiller]

Like I said... it all sounds drastic... but you will still be able to enjoy the outdoors with a mask and appropriate protection. It's not the end of the world. Hopefully the beginning of a new one, actually.

I just hope I don't turn into one of those guys who gets so centered around video games that when his favorite series takes 5-6 years to put out the next version that I am not on forums ranting about how they owe me and how horribly these delays have affected me.

 

[land sea air]

I just hope I don't turn into one of those guys who gets so centered around video games that when his favorite series takes 5-6 years to put out the next version that I am not on forums ranting about how they owe me and how horribly these delays have affected me.

the very fact that you fear such a thing happening should be enough to avoid it. Not really into other console games?

 

[FoolKiller]

the very fact that you fear such a thing happening should be enough to avoid it. Not really into other console games?

Of course I am, but so are all the other, "I bought my PS3 five years ago just for GT5. This is ridiculous and has caused me emotional distress because the PS3 has no games (ignore my 5 platinum trophies)."

 

[niky]

You have much too much to live for to spend your time stressing over the untimely delivery of software.

 

[FoolKiller]

And all is done, but the waiting. As of today, 1/14/11 I am officially listed for a heart transplant.

It will be years, but getting here without finding anything to keep it from happening was a huge relief. Every test I had scared me, because if they found something not only would it prevent my transplant (and I would die) but it would likely fall in the realm of something that can eventually kill me. Last thing I wanted was to sit and know I am slowly dying, but be unsure of exactly how.

cancer / heart failure / cancer / heart failure / cancer / heart failure / cancer / heart failure

Yeah, that would have sucked.

I have more to say later, but not enough time to type it all out.

 

[Duke]

Well, as you say, getting ON the list is a major hurdle in its own right. My very best wishes to you, FK - I can't think of a better and more deserving candidate. My thoughts will be with you as things progress. Please keep us posted as well as you can.

 

[Alex p.]

Just saw your thread. Look, we had our "differences" in the Oil Spill BP thread, but I wanted to say that I wish you all the best, as you have I child and I imagine that to be the most precious gift one can have. I know I will sound like a comlete idiot saying this and considering my age and all but please don't **** it up (with your child). I have had some major "differences" with my parents and I know all too well how it can really brake you. Some of my friends had this problem also, I believe A LOT people have this problem, but they don't talk about it.
Everywhere, I see parents, who treat their childs in an almost abusive manner and it always makes me mad as hell. This is the reason because most of youth and the world is totally ****ed up, because parents don't know how to raise a child, they rather innvest time, energy and money for themselfes, than for their child.

Anyways, all the best.

 

[FoolKiller]

Well, as you say, getting ON the list is a major hurdle in its own right. My very best wishes to you, FK - I can't think of a better and more deserving candidate. My thoughts will be with you as things progress. Please keep us posted as well as you can.

To be honest, I am waiting for some form of bad news. In the last five years the biggest joys of my life have been followed within months by the two biggest scares of my life. Got married in June, 2005 and my arrhythmia issues popped up that following August. My daughter was born in February, 2010 and I went into heart failure and discovered I needed a transplant in the following July through August. It makes a guy paranoid. But this time around I am hopeful there was a change, as my daughter stood up on her own and later that same week I got this news. Maybe I get a round or two of good luck (could have used that Mega Millions win) this year.

But the relief in my house has been obvious. My wife and I aren't snipping at each other over stupid crap, my mom came over Sunday and not a single thing she did annoyed me, and even my daughter is acting as if she is happier. This morning she was playing with her toys and just going from one thing to another, and she would make it do something and then yell, "Yay!" and move to the next toy to repeat the process.

And I see the relief in my vitals. My iPhone has an app to track and chart vitals that my brother gifted me so I can track this stuff after the transplant to watch for any signs of a failure. I have been using it now to develop the habit of checking these things daily. My BP has yet to spike in anyway, my pulse has remained at a dead steady 80bpm, my body temperature rarely gets above 98.0 F (normal for me), and my morning blood glucose, which can spike with a lack of rest (so my dietician says), has been in a steady decline from spiking to worrisome levels and approaching average, healthy levels.

As I go forward I intend to just live life and enjoy it. I decided that worrying about when was a bit much. It doesn't matter whether it happens soon or later. Either way I will get many years to enjoy life.

Just saw your thread. Look, we had our "differences" in the Oil Spill BP thread, but I wanted to say that I wish you all the best, as you have I child and I imagine that to be the most precious gift one can have.

This is the best part of GTP. I have had many debates with people I disagree with but later find myself discussing which cars to use or what tuning to do in the GT forums. I don't hold bad blood over political disagreements. If I did I wouldn't even be able to talk to my brother. We are polar opposites when it comes to politics, religion, etc.

Sometimes there are just plain personality conflicts that prevent being able to communicate with someone no matter what the topic or even if you agree. I just don't talk to those people ever, but I can also count the number of members that fall into that category for me on one hand.

I know I will sound like a comlete idiot saying this and considering my age and all but please don't **** it up (with your child). I have had some major "differences" with my parents and I know all too well how it can really brake you. Some of my friends had this problem also, I believe A LOT people have this problem, but they don't talk about it.

I understand. My father had a horrible temper and punishment in my childhood bordered on abusive. I work hard to not be like that.

The problem is that kids don't come with an instruction manual. Every one is different, with different issues and problems, and every case is unique. My daughter does things her own way that have me confused and if I ask any of my friends or family with kids their solutions aren't quite right because their kids each did things differently. Honestly, no parent wishes to screw up their kid but in some way nearly every one does it.

In my family it was fight and struggle and do whatever it takes to succeed to the point that the act of asking for help with anything makes me want to scream. But my wife's family always believed in not letting their kids have to struggle for anything. When I met my wife she could only cook if it came from a box (I make up my own recipes) and she couldn't balance a budget because any added expense put her into panic mode mode before she could finish it and see she is actually saving money. My brother-in-law is 27 and just moved out of his parents' house. He called to ask us how to do his laundry. I've been doing my own since I was 13.

Two opposite approaches to parenting and two opposite sets of problems. Somewhere in the middle is a balance. My wife and I are aiming for that, but fully expect to miss by a wide margin.

Once I became a parent I finally realized that in 50% of cases the parents screw their kids up while thinking they are doing the best thing for them. And you don't get a warning until it is too late.

Everywhere, I see parents, who treat their childs in an almost abusive manner and it always makes me mad as hell. This is the reason because most of youth and the world is totally ****ed up, because parents don't know how to raise a child, they rather innvest time, energy and money for themselfes, than for their child.

Generational differences can matter a lot here. I see differences in parenting and children just in people born ten years apart.

That said, truly bad parents do exist and they make me sad.

Anyways, all the best.

Thanks.

 

[niky]

As always, I wish you the best of luck. Getting on the list is a good thing, but there is still a long ways to go.

 

[Neal]

Great to hear you're on the list now 👍 I'm sure the waiting won't be easy but at least there aren't any more stumbling blocks to get in the way. Saying that, now your daughter is getting on her feet she'll be keeping you so busy the wait will fly by. Keep us posted and good luck with a speedy match.

 

[FoolKiller]

As always, I wish you the best of luck. Getting on the list is a good thing, but there is still a long ways to go.

True but now there is less poking and prodding and machines that sound like a jet engine emitting so much radiation that every technician leaves the room before turning it on. It feels like walking out of the Black Forest and on to a highway. I can see what's ahead. It's bland and boring, but I can see it now.

Great to hear you're on the list now 👍 I'm sure the waiting won't be easy but at least there aren't any more stumbling blocks to get in the way. Saying that, now your daughter is getting on her feet she'll be keeping you so busy the wait will fly by. Keep us posted and good luck with a speedy match.

Yeah, the only time I even thought about it this weekend was when I told someone I was finally listed. Most of my weekend was filled with taking stuff away from the baby, moving the baby from things that might hurt her, picking her up, wondering how she got under that, and mostly going, "Wait, where did she go this time? And how does she disappear so fast? All I did was look at the time. Hey Hon, do you remember when she used to just lay there and say, 'goo?'" She got standing, crawling, and rolling all mostly perfected in the same week. I figure walking is about 30 seconds away.

I blame the daycare. They wanted to move her to the 1-year-old room in advance due to space issues but two weeks ago decided not to because she hadn't developed enough socially. Last week she became very mobile and turned into a social butterfly. That's my daughter, determined to prove them wrong.

 

[Neal]

That gave me a laugh, I remember the panic the first time I came back into the room and he wasn't where I left him. She sounds awesome and is at a fantastic stage even if it is difficult as the parent to keep up with the changes just as you thought you'd worked it all out. Just remember that they're very bouncy and their head will probably miss the coffee table when they trip

 

[FoolKiller]

Just remember that they're very bouncy and their head will probably miss the coffee table when they trip

I thought she had hit her head on the wooden base of glider rocking chair yesterday just to have he go one like nothing happened.

But ever sense she was able to sit up I started trying to make falling into something funny by lightly dropping her on the bed from an inch up or not trying to catch her when she fell back on soft surfaces and then going, "You went plops!" The "plop" noise was funny and it made her laugh. I've even seen her fall a few times now and look at me, waiting for me to say it.

 

[Neal]

It's definitely a good idea to laugh at kids when they fall over...err, that doesn't sound good does it! It is true though

 

[Sureboss]

Definitely, if my nephew (he is 5 so no baby any more) bumps his head and starts to cry we say "Uh oh, it might make your head explode", then his imagination takes over and he stops crying.

Unless they are really hurt, the "Oooooh, you all right" reaction will do them more harm than good imo.

---

FK, glad to hear you are on the transplant list, thoughts are with you.

 

[FoolKiller]

It's definitely a good idea to laugh at kids when they fall over...err, that doesn't sound good does it! It is true though

Definitely, if my nephew (he is 5 so no baby any more) bumps his head and starts to cry we say "Uh oh, it might make your head explode", then his imagination takes over and he stops crying.

Unless they are really hurt, the "Oooooh, you all right" reaction will do them more harm than good imo.

I would say one of the hardest lessons to learn as a parent is that somewhere in the 6-9 months age range crying begins to go from communicating a need to you to just looking for attention. If you figure it out and can resist the temptation to give them attention they hold back on trying to get your attention.

It does help that as they get older their cries and screams take on different intensities for different situations. Then you know that you really don't need to react unless your ear drums pop from the initial sound.

 

[Alex p.]

The problem is that kids don't come with an instruction manual. Every one is different, with different issues and problems, and every case is unique...
Thanks.

Glad we sorted that out. And thank you for the honesty.

 

[FoolKiller]

So I thought I would give an update on this. Since my last post I have maintained my weight down around 175lbs, had my daughter get older and bigger until I can barely hold her for more than five minutes, and I have begun building a listing of low sodium recipes to be able to continue enjoying my favorite foods.

I have had some intermittent arrhythmia issues, but some pacemaker adjustments and some medicine changes are keeping things mostly stable.

Today I had my annual diagnostic heart cath. They kept me awake through this one, which meant that I felt things no one should. But I came through just fine and they say it is pretty much the same as before.

When I was told I would need a transplant I was given a one year estimate before I would require 24/7 hospitalization. It is over two years later and I am working full time and living a mostly normal life.

In short, the updates haven't been coming because all is good.

 

[Danoff]

That's great to hear. I take it they still recommend a transplant and that you're still waiting?

 

[niky]

Next time, be a man and bring a speedo cap.

Big, big, two thumbs up. But yours are bigger. Congrats!

 

[Beeblebrox237]

Congratulations, it's great to hear that all is going well.