Funny/Strange News Stories

[MIE1992]

What's the best way to try and smuggle out plans for a nuclear submarine? Hide it in a peanut butter sandwich, of course.

The Rebel Alliance/Resistance should take notes.

 

[JKgo]

Definitely not funny, and somehow not all that strange or surprising, either...

Convicted child rapist re-elected as Kannaland's mayor, with a convicted fraudster as his deputy. Source.

 

[Rossell2]

What the actual?

 

[Danoff]

Definitely not funny, and somehow not all that strange or surprising, either...

Convicted child rapist re-elected as Kannaland's mayor, with a convicted fraudster as his deputy. Source.

Were they running against a mass-murderer or something?

 

[TexRex]

Oscar Pistorius.

 

[Blitz24]

Oscar Pistorius.

Must have ran unopposed. I'm pretty sure that's only reason Mrs. Jewish Space Laser lady won.

 

[JKgo]

Oscar Pistorius.

...Actually, he's up for parole. Last time I checked, he's been in meetings with the victim's family as a part of his parole process.

 

[TexRex]

Dude walking around with **** in his pocket because he doesn't like a dog riding the train.

 

[UKMikey]

Dude walking around with **** in his pocket because he doesn't like a dog riding the train.

What a 💩 head.

 

[TexRex]

This dog is ****ing adorable, by the way. I mean...I love dogs anyway, but this one is really ****ing adorable.

 

[TB]

Punk fan goes viral after dropping band names into chat on conservative radio

 

[Touring Mars]

This made me laugh a bit...

‘It looks like fresh sewage!’: We taste test Christmas dinner flavoured foods – from soup and crisps to sarnies

The world is awash with products flavoured like the festive feast, whether you fancy turkey in your gyoza or on your pizza. Are any actually nice to eat?

www.theguardian.com

The review of Heinz' Christmas Dinner Soup is particularly good...

 

[Joey D]

This made me laugh a bit...

‘It looks like fresh sewage!’: We taste test Christmas dinner flavoured foods – from soup and crisps to sarnies

The world is awash with products flavoured like the festive feast, whether you fancy turkey in your gyoza or on your pizza. Are any actually nice to eat?

www.theguardian.com

The review of Heinz' Christmas Dinner Soup is particularly good...

Shame they weren't able to test this, although I don't think turkey dinner is really common in the UK:

I actually bought some and it's as bad as I thought it was going to be. The apple pie and coffee ones were OK, but the turkey ones tasted disgusting.

 

[Roo]

This made me laugh a bit...

‘It looks like fresh sewage!’: We taste test Christmas dinner flavoured foods – from soup and crisps to sarnies

The world is awash with products flavoured like the festive feast, whether you fancy turkey in your gyoza or on your pizza. Are any actually nice to eat?

www.theguardian.com

The review of Heinz' Christmas Dinner Soup is particularly good...

"It tastes like punishment."

 

[EngieDiesel]

Today I learned that there is an international Lego crime ring.

This gang is believed to be behind thefts in France in 2019, 2020, and this year too. Numerous thefts have also happened in the US, Canada, and Australia over the past five years. One career criminal from Florida was said to have made $1m by "selling Legos and other stolen goods online."

 

[Blitz24]

Today I learned that there is an international Lego crime ring.

It all fell apart brick-by-brick.

 

[Touring Mars]

Italian man tries to dodge Covid vaccine wearing fake arm

Anti-vaxxer is facing charges of fraud after turning up for jab with silicone arm in Biella

www.theguardian.com

 

[TB]

the turkey ones tasted disgusting.

Well... duh.

 

[UKMikey]

Bomb squad called to A&E after mortar pulled from man's rear

Unfortunate trip sees man at centre of bomb drama

www.gloucestershirelive.co.uk

Spoiler: alert: obligatory barrage of low-quality puns

If it weren't for the bum bomb squad this would have done more than wrecked 'im but there must be mortar this supposed-story than you'd think from reading the article. Tripped and fell, my... ah... foot.

 

[TexRex]

Bomb squad called to A&E after mortar pulled from man's rear

Unfortunate trip sees man at centre of bomb drama

www.gloucestershirelive.co.uk

The man was a military enthusiast who found the shell while clearing out, but somehow "tripped" and fell onto the 57mm piece of army ordnance that landed him in hospital, according to The Sun.

Wrecked 'em.

That's about two-and-a-quarter inches, for those wondering. He'll probably be wanting to do some kegels.

Edit: Dammit. Just read through the puns.

 

[ROAD_DOGG33J]

Wrecked 'em.

That's about two-and-a-quarter inches, for those wondering. He'll probably be wanting to do some kegels.

Edit: Dammit. Just read through the puns.

He took it right into the danger zone.

 

[TexRex]

He took it right into the danger zone.

Double or nothing?

 

[Obelisk]

Danger close.

 

[Famine]

Good mate to have though. Always gets the rounds in first.

 

[UKMikey]

No doubt in this case he's relieved to be the one shelling out.

 

[Cherryturbo]

He’s going to have a lot of trouble avoiding further flak.

 

[TB]

Go easy on him, guys. We've all slipped in the tub and had a mortar accidentally inserted up our bums.

 

[TexRex]

 

[ROAD_DOGG33J]

Go easy on him, guys. We've all slipped in the tub and had a mortar accidentally inserted up our bums.

Fair point. According to The Sun, it's a common occurence:

She added: “The range of objects that are pushed into rectums is incredible, from wine glasses to ketchup bottles and parts of hoovers.


"Sadly, it is an everyday occurrence in A&E — but I have never heard of the bomb squad being called out before.”

 

[XJ40]

What a crack shot.