Funny/Strange News Stories

[ROAD_DOGG33J]

Winter Olympics: Finnish cross-country skier suffers frozen penis in 50km race

Cross country Finnish skier finished in 28th place in the 50km race … with a frozen penis

www.theguardian.com

Oh no

 

[UKMikey]

Not sure this counts as news exactly, but

Greggs X Primark

Introducing our latest collaboration with purveyors of tasty treats, Greggs. We’ve teamed up with the baked goods brand to design a range of Greggs merchandise, ideal for the biggest Greggs fans.

www.primark.com

 

[Sprite]

Not sure this counts as news exactly, but

Fashion, Home & Beauty | Primark

Check out all the latest Primark pieces and read up on this year's hottest fashion trends! With new womens and mens clothing to shop in store every day, start planning your next haul online today.

www.primark.com

All that is unholy, what the actual fudge!!!

We’re now going to see people wearing Greggs branded clothing, I can’t even… I give up.

 

[Pupik]

Or a fast food place? I thought that you're supposed to let them pay you to be their billboard.

I'd say we're just another step closer to Idiocracy, but that ship already sailed off, circa 2015.

 

[Joey D]

McDonald's Is Closed In Russia: Hamburgers Are On The Black Market - Politics News Headlines

The company's CEO, Chris Kempczinski, announced yesterday that the company will temporarily close 850 restaurants in Russia due to the war in ...

politicsheadlines.com

The Hamburgerler is about to turn into the Russian Tony Montana.

 

[Danoff]

McDonald's Is Closed In Russia: Hamburgers Are On The Black Market - Politics News Headlines

The company's CEO, Chris Kempczinski, announced yesterday that the company will temporarily close 850 restaurants in Russia due to the war in ...

politicsheadlines.com

The Hamburgerler is about to turn into the Russian Tony Montana.

Can you imagine what would happen if Russians could somehow close Chick Fil-A here? Ted Cruz said that CFA limiting sauce packets per order represented the destruction of America.

Cursed Political Content

How do you shove a story down someone's throat anyway?

www.gtplanet.net

 

[ROAD_DOGG33J]

What's going on in Denver?

Box of human heads stolen from truck in Denver

Denver police are investigating the theft of a box containing human heads from a parked freight company truck, officials said Saturday.

abc7.com

 

[Danoff]

What's going on in Denver?

Box of human heads stolen from truck in Denver

Denver police are investigating the theft of a box containing human heads from a parked freight company truck, officials said Saturday.

abc7.com

The thief wanted to make head lines.

 

[Joey D]

Can you imagine what would happen if Russians could somehow close Chick Fil-A here? Ted Cruz said that CFA limiting sauce packets per order represented the destruction of America.

Cursed Political Content

How do you shove a story down someone's throat anyway?

www.gtplanet.net

We really are on the weirdest of timelines.

 

[TB]

Some of the best writing I've ever seen on the subject.

From Anal Teeth To Deadly Farts: The Wild World Of Invertebrate Butts

#InverteButtWeek is here! Meet the scientists and illustrators who are spreading joy and knowledge about the backends of the backbone-less.

www.sciencefriday.com

 

[TexRex]

What's going on in Denver?

Box of human heads stolen from truck in Denver

Denver police are investigating the theft of a box containing human heads from a parked freight company truck, officials said Saturday.

abc7.com

Biden's America.

Some of the best writing I've ever seen on the subject.

From Anal Teeth To Deadly Farts: The Wild World Of Invertebrate Butts

#InverteButtWeek is here! Meet the scientists and illustrators who are spreading joy and knowledge about the backends of the backbone-less.

www.sciencefriday.com

No mention of the transient anus. Now I'm sad.

Jellyfish-like creature sprouts a fresh anus every time it poops

New research shows that the warty comb jelly sprouts a fresh anus every time it poops.

www.earthtouchnews.com

 

[sirjim73]

What's going on in Denver?

Box of human heads stolen from truck in Denver

Denver police are investigating the theft of a box containing human heads from a parked freight company truck, officials said Saturday.

abc7.com

Presumably they were needed for an upcoming reunion tour..

 

[TexRex]

Presumably they were needed for an upcoming reunion tour..

That tears it. I'm putting on Little Creatures.

 

[andrea]

 

[TexRex]

So Keith Richards went for swim?

 

[Joey D]

This timeline keeps getting weirder and weirder:

Ukraine war: Russia targets Peppa Pig in retaliation for sanctions - amid battle over cartoon character's trademark

A court has ruled that the cartoon character's trademarks can be used by Russian businesses without punishment - and there are fears that brands belonging to other Western companies could be stolen, too.

news.sky.com

 

[TexRex]

'People would freak out when they heard' | 5 fetuses discovered in house where anti-abortion activist was staying

Progressive Anti-Abortion Uprising, where Lauren Handy serves as director of activism, said it plans to hold a press conference about the incident next week.

www.wusa9.com

 

[UKMikey]

Is she trying some David Gale level manipulative BS where if the prosecutors don't admit the foetuses are human bodies she'll argue that they can't prosecute her, or something?

 

[sirjim73]

I think bbc wins today...

That 1980 clinic story - bit scary to watch but a great payoff at the end 👍
I actually think the Twin Peaks in Scotland idea could actually have worked.

@Famine if the hours went decimal in 1975, what year is this now??? You're the expert on decimals, octals and things

BBC Archive: April Fools' pranks at the BBC through the years

BBC Archive looks back at some of the best April Fool's pranks that have appeared on the BBC, from the infamous spaghetti harvest to the scourge of weather forecaster's elbow.

www.bbc.co.uk

 

[Joey D]

More of a funny headline than anything...

Mizzou Basketball adds Dickey Nutt to coaching staff

The former and long time head coach at Arkansas State worked with Dennis Gates at Florida State and Cleveland State.

www.rockmnation.com

 

[Pupik]

Just another day in the Flo Ma Ton.

Alabama police search for woman on stolen lawnmower who stole Crimson Tide yard sign

"The Alabama A = Represents the Chief's Favorite Football Team, but is also stolen," Flomaton police wrote on Facebook.

www.al.com

 

[sirjim73]

Just another day in the Flo Ma Ton.

Alabama police search for woman on stolen lawnmower who stole Crimson Tide yard sign

"The Alabama A = Represents the Chief's Favorite Football Team, but is also stolen," Flomaton police wrote on Facebook.

www.al.com

Someone took the Lawnmower Simulator much too seriously...
Shouldn't be too difficult to find her though.
I'm sure someone will "grass" her up...

 

[UKMikey]

I'm sure someone will "grass" her up...

At that speed the cops should be able to catch her without "mulch" trouble and make her pay (John) Deere-ly for her crime although if it's gone on this long it's beginning to look like a for lawn hope.

 

[TexRex]

Cut it.

 

[sirjim73]

Sees ex footballer Malcolm McDonald trending...

Finds out why...

Dad feels like 'real man' as penis moved from arm to correct place after 6 years

Malcolm MacDonald's penis fell off in 2010 following a horrific blood infection and a doctor created a new one using skin from his arm

www.mirror.co.uk

Note - this is not the footballer

 

[ScottPuss20]

Sees ex footballer Malcolm McDonald trending...

Finds out why...

Dad feels like 'real man' as penis moved from arm to correct place after 6 years

Malcolm MacDonald's penis fell off in 2010 following a horrific blood infection and a doctor created a new one using skin from his arm

www.mirror.co.uk

Note - this is not the footballer

If only I could get a new penis.

 

[Sprite]

If only I could get a new penis.

When I read that I heard the song “If I had a Hammer” but swapping Hammer for Penis.

Now I can’t shake it.

 

[ROAD_DOGG33J]

UK Conservatives lose London strongholds, in blow to Johnson

UK Conservatives lose London strongholds, in blow to Johnson

Britain’s governing Conservatives have suffered local election losses in their few London strongholds

wtmj.com

Pun intended?

 

[UKMikey]

Another mower theft:

Texas burglar cuts victim’s grass before fleeing with lawnmower

At least someone got their lawn mowed during an April 1 burglary in Port Arthur, Texas.

web.archive.org

 

[Brett]

Another mower theft:

Texas burglar cuts victim’s grass before fleeing with lawnmower

At least someone got their lawn mowed during an April 1 burglary in Port Arthur, Texas.

web.archive.org

At least the burglar was as considerate as they could be considering they then stole the lawnmower. If that happened to me, then I would be upset, but not as upset.