The Homosexuality Discussion Thread

[Aki Ko]

Do you think your depression stems from being gay? Or is it more because of some event that happened in your past? Because if you're going through all of this just because you prefer men to women (or both), that's terrible. I haven't had to suffer any depression over who I happen to find attractive, and I don't think it's right that anyone should.

Granted, I know it happens to many people who are gay, and I fully appreciate why it happens. But it is an injustice.

I think it's a bit of the same. Someone who is gay might be depressed because there are plenty of wrong signals that being gay is wrong or a problem. Same for a boy/girl that likes playing with dolls/toy weights. Some of the reasoning I've heard from people regarding sex change worry me, as to me it sounds like more of an issue of societal pressure (though I don't want to ignore some of the biological reasons).

As someone who's been through this, I can give you some reasons of what's been bolded. It starts off discovering when you actually like the same sex and you start to wonder about... life. Then you look around your surroundings seeing guys with females, the dominant sexuality who shows their affection to each other, and you start to feel different because of how many heterosexuals appear without a break versus the number of known gays. After that, the thoughts begin to trickle down to how society might react to you knowing about you being gay or bisexual, how your friends might react, how your family might react and that in itself increases stress, thus making your depression worse. It's especially worse if you know what area you're from isn't very tolerant of it. Those two factors of basically social issues are part of why people who come out as gay face depression... and then there's self awareness and self acception. Some might go as far as to change themselves and try to be a different person.... which is never good. You are who you are; there's no point in trying to change yourself to save face in society. Some may like you, some may not, that's part of life and there is no way to get everyone to accept you as you are. I'm just glad that I haven't been physically harmed as that is another pending factor.

Even though I'm not particularly a prideful person, I do know damn well that I'm 16 and have been attracted to guys for years and I'm not scared to tell that to some when the time is appropriate. I'm not going to change myself for the sake of others (sexuality wise that is) and to others who are struggling coming as out as gay or bisexual, remember this:

Only you can choose to be yourself and happy. Self suppression will not help you at all, so it's better for you to acknowledge as you are and not what society wants you to be. Once you acknowledge what you are, you don't have to tell the world as it is your choice of doing that, but just live your life how you want it, not revolving around your sexuality OR how someone thinks you should live.

I totally understand that thought process.
I've been fighting depression and anxiety for most of my life. Many,
many contributing factors.
It's hard to plan for or think about the future when you feel like you don't have one. These thoughts can lead to 'who gives a damn?' mentality and the self destructive thought process that goes with it.

It is so very important to be surrounded by people who support you, be they family, friends or professionals like counsellors or therapists. It sounds like you have that now and I'm sure you can already feel the relief that gives.

One step at a time, one day at a time

Some days, I have that mentality. Even now, I still do since I'm a bit of a pessimist some days. Sometimes, I want to self destruct and end it all at this moment. I'm not going to resist death whenever it comes, either early or mid age or whatever, but I do know that I just can't leave behind the people whom associated with me out of my own grief. That'll be too many people who'd be hurt. I especially can't leave behind my mother, let her outlive her own son. It makes me cringe just thinking about that scene. So, I'm only here for the sake of others despite my lack of motivation. But eventually, my life should 'begin' soon... if it isn't cut short.

No, I'm not going to commit suicide if you read that last sentence. It's the fact that it can be cut short at any moment.

 

[Dan]

As someone who's been through this, I can give you some reasons of what's been bolded. It starts off discovering when you actually like the same sex and you start to wonder about... life. Then you look around your surroundings seeing guys with females, the dominant sexuality who shows their affection to each other, and you start to feel different because of how many heterosexuals appear versus the number of known gays. After that, the thoughts begin to trickle down to how society might react to you knowing that, how your friends might react, how your family might react and that in itself increases stress, thus making your depression worse. It's especially worse if you know what area you're from isn't very tolerant of it. Those two factors of basically social issues are part of why people who come out as gay face depression... and then there's self awareness and self acception. Some might go as far as to change themselves and try to be a different person.... which is never good. You are who you are; there's no point in trying to change yourself to save face in society. Some may like you, some may not, that's part of life and there is no way to get everyone to accept you as you are. I'm just glad that I haven't been physically harmed as that is another pending factor.

Even though I'm not particularly a prideful person, I do know damn well that I'm 16 and have been attracted to guys for years and I'm not scared to tell that to some when the time is appropriate. I'm not going to change myself for the sake of others (sexuality wise that is) and to others who are struggling coming as out as gay or bisexual, remember this:

Only you can choose to be yourself and happy. Self suppression will not help you at all, so it's better for you to acknowledge as you are and not what society wants you to be. Once you acknowledge what you are, you don't have to tell the world as it is your choice of doing that, but just live your life how you want it, not revolving around your sexuality OR how someone thinks you should live.

Some days, I have that mentality. Even now, I still do since I'm a bit of a pessimist some days. Sometimes, I want to self destruct and end it all at this moment. I'm not going to resist death whenever it comes, either early or mid age or whatever, but I do know that I just can't leave behind the people whom associated with me. That'll be too many people who'd be hurt. I can't leave behind my mother, let her outlive her son. It makes me cringe just thinking about that scene. So, I'm only here for the sake of others despite my lack of motivation. But eventually, my life should 'begin' soon... if it isn't cut short.

No, I'm not going to commit suicide if you read that last sentence. It's the fact that it can be cut short at any moment.

Honestly, I think this is the best post I've ever seen from you. It also has to be one of the best posts I've seen from anyone on this site. Thank you so much for this. I really needed it as I've only come out to a very, very small number of friends.

 

[nascarfan1400]

Honestly, I think this is the best post I've ever seen from you. It also has to be one of the best posts I've seen from anyone on this site. Thank you so much for this. I really needed it as I've only come out to a very, very small number of friends.

I Never would've guessed. Be yourself man. If people judge than it's their problem. While I am straight, I have homosexual/bisexual friends, and accept them. If people can't accept that, then they are immature IMO. It's not their business who you like. As long as you are happy, that's what matters. 👍

 

[LeMansAid]

I'd like to see this changed for kids in the future. And being on this site, seeing pretty much everyone being tolerant about it, as well as having seen the reaction of my parents when I told them i'm more into guys than girls.

Your sexual preference should not be tolerated, it should be accepted. Or better still, disregarded, at all times except when logically relevant. Yes they're just words, but they represent something very important. Mere tolerance of sexual preference is generally for bigots who are too spineless to go against an increasingly logical society, for fear of being disadvantaged by their bigotry. You deserve more than to settle for that.

* I'm not saying that the people on this site that you've encountered where bigots in disguise, just because you used that word.

 

[Danny]

Your sexual preference should not be tolerated, it should be accepted. Or better still, disregarded, at all times except when logically relevant.

So much this. 👍 I'd love to live in a world where it's not particularly interesting. A world where people are more interested in the time I met Timmy Mallett (twice) than who I sleep with.

 

[Aki Ko]

So much this. 👍 I'd love to live in a world where it's not particularly interesting. A world where people are more interested in the time I met Timmy Mallett (twice) than who I sleep with.

"You heard about this Danny bloke meeting Timmy Mallett?" (I honestly have no idea who that is)
"Nah mate, but I heard he done some deed with some other guy."
"He what?! People these days..."
If there are people who are more concerned about who you sleep with than anything else, then there isn't any point in associating with them from the get go. Putting so much emphasis on one thing that doesn't particularly affect their life, unless getting hit on by a guy once scars them and half the time they aren't all that impressive to begin with, is such a waste of time and energy and it's irritating having to put up with that some of the time, but we have to put up with their baloney.

Tuff luck mate.

 

[nascarfan1400]

Okay now hold on... I'm not saying it's bad, I'm not saying it's a big deal, but I never would've guessed CallmeDan and Danny were homosexuals. Anyone else? Lol

 

[Aki Ko]

Okay now hold on... I'm not saying it's bad, I'm not saying it's a big deal, but I never would've guessed CallmeDan and Danny were homosexuals. Anyone else? Lol

Dan is bisexual. Danny is gay. I'd never thought Dan was gay/bi either, but guess what? It wasn't a concern to me and it shouldn't be to anybody else.

 

[Daniel]

Your sexual preference should not be tolerated, it should be accepted.

It should be accepted, but toleration is still better than nothing. Take for example an old classmate of mine that sits next to me in one of my lectures. He's a decent guy, and while he thinks that homosexuality's wrong, he keeps it to himself. There's no point in trying to convert convince him otherwise, either.

Or better still, disregarded, at all times except when logically relevant.

This isn't gonna happen for a long time because homosexuality isn't the norm. Imagine Bob and Christine walking through the park or walking through campus holding hands. Now imagine Bob and Chris walking through campus. Bob and Chris are gonna get a lot more attention simply because it's not the norm. Now, this doesn't mean that being gay isn't normal (although that depends on how you define normal). This means that it's not what we (i.e. society) expects. We see Bob and Christine and don't bother taking a second glance. With Bob and Chris, you'd probably sneak a second look for several reasons:

• The Commendation - "Aww, good on them for showing courage."
• The Novelty - "Cool! You don't see gay guys holding hands every day."
• The Contempt - "Eww, gay f**s."

Okay now hold on... I'm not saying it's bad, I'm not saying it's a big deal, but I never would've guessed CallmeDan and Danny were homosexuals. Anyone else? Lol

Dan is bisexual. Danny is gay. I'd never thought Dan was gay either, but guess what? It wasn't a concern to me and it shouldn't be to anybody else.

I sense a trend here....

 

[nascarfan1400]

Dan is bisexual. Danny is gay. I'd never thought Dan was gay/bi either, but guess what? It wasn't a concern to me and it shouldn't be to anybody else.

I see. And maybe it's a little personal, but it's just I never knew. It doesn't change anything, but I am just surprised. I'm glad they aren't afraid to say it though. 👍

 

[Imari]

Your sexual preference should not be tolerated, it should be accepted. Or better still, disregarded, at all times except when logically relevant.

What @Daniel said.

It'd be lovely if all the bigots would just disappear, but it's never going to happen. They exist, and will continue to exist despite anyone's attempts to stamp them out, just like every other hate group that has ever been imagined.

Given that you can't force people to be accepting, I'll settle for their tolerance. I couldn't give a rat's fanny what they think on the inside, trying to police that would be trying to chase thoughtcrime. As long as their actions are the same as those that an accepting person would make, that's good enough.

 

[LeMansAid]

@Daniel @Imari I'd rather see the ugly, and know what sort of person I'm really dealing with. Tolerance is tepid and insipid to me, and I hate the idea of people harbouring an unseen loathing of me, or something about me.

Edit: Hey, what's this barrage of PMs?

 

[Imari]

@Daniel @Imari I'd rather see the ugly, and know what sort of person I'm really dealing with. Tolerance is tepid and insipid to me, and I hate the idea of people harbouring an unseen loathing of me, or something about me.

Except that almost nobody is actually good enough to do it so well that it's undetectable that they actually dislike homos. They'd have to be a perfect actor every single minute they're around one. That's a pretty big ask, and if they're good enough to do that then them hiding that they're a homophobe is the least of the things you should be worried about them hiding.

In reality, they might conceal it for a while but you're likely to notice with anyone that you spend any significant amount of time with. The difference is with tolerance you can play the game, you can pretend not to notice their slips, and they can pretend not to believe that homos are abominations. You can pretend to get along like normal human beings, even though no one is deceived.

With out and out bigots, the options are limited. Either you put up with their ****, which is unpleasant, or you go on the aggressive and have it out with them, which is unpleasant for you, them and everyone else in the immediate vicinity.


I'm very much of the opinion that a certain amount of BS is necessary at times to stop people from going at each other's throats. Honesty is great and all, but sometimes it causes more problems than it solves.

I really have no problems with other people thinking whatever they like of me or what I do, as long as it's not affecting how they behave towards me. They can think I'm the Space Pope or they can think I'm Satan Himself, as long as they don't act on either of those.

 

[LeMansAid]

@Imari That's definitely a fair call, I'm maybe a little more sensitive to the "what lies beneath?" question than others though. It's important to me that it at least gets to the point where they know that I know. Similar to what you describe, but I like it spoken and addressed in no uncertain terms.

Still, the overriding theme is that @odnomre should not feel as though tolerance is the best he can hope for or expect from people.

 

[Odnomre]

Still, the overriding theme is that @odnomre should not feel as though tolerance is the best he can hope for or expect from people.

I'm not expecting anything from people, to be honest. I don't want people to force themselves to be nice to me, even if that would make me feel uncomfortable with who I am. After all, I'd be asking them to hide their feelings, while I hid my feelings and made myself feel bad.

I think we should just get rid of the extremes on both ends. Punish the "bigots" on the intolerant side, but also stop highlighting the overly feminine gay guys that are out there. Show someone who's just a part of society, normal as can be, who is homosexual. Show that person who's maybe not so happy with gay people, but does treat them with the respect of a human being.

But then again, that wouldn't make interesting media footage...

Sorry if that didn't make sense, it's late here, and this is my last post before going to bed. G'night people.

 

[Valkyr1313]

I only just stumbled into this thread, because this is one of the few times that I've been out of the GT6 forums(look at me being so focused on something, my mom would be proud).
My personal story really isn't all that interesting. I moved to a different high-school after my sophomore year. My parents think it was because my grades weren't very good, and that's part of the story, but a lot of it was that every single day I was greeted by the calls of "fag" by people at my school. At this time, I truly believed that I was straight and that I'd find the perfect girl one day. So what if I truly enjoyed cooking and was the best in the class at home-ec stuff? Just because I enjoyed that didn't mean anything right. My new high-school was a male-only military school. At the first lunch, I met people who I'm still proud to call my friends. One of them was the only openly gay student at our school. As the year went on I became closer friends with everyone, despite having days where reportedly "I looked like there was a noose around my neck." My senior year started and I joined cross-country for fun. I became close friends with the captain of the team, a 3-sport captain with a full ride to UST. As the season continued, I would eagerly wait for him after school(and our 6, count them 6 classes together) just to talk for a bit before practice started. According to my friends, I would speak with a higher pitch to him and blush whenever he looked at me. During swim season, I nearly burst into tears in the middle of a McDonalds when I was with some friends after he texted to say that he couldn't come to a hockey game with me. One of my friends(famously blunt in our school) asked me if I was gay during lunch one day. Instead of freaking out like I might have done back at my old school, I thought the question through before answering, quietly "I don't know." From that moment on I was questioning myself, thinking about my actions and what everyone of them meant. I wondered about everything, why I enjoyed the hugs that we gave after a senior speech so much, why I liked yaoi anime(one of my guilty pleasures), why the smallest contact with a cute guy resulted in a shiver, why I blushed so much around guys. Maybe I was being stupid, maybe I never found Mrs. Right to start dating, because maybe Mrs. Right was Mr. Right. I'll admit, during this time there were the thoughts that crossed my mind, "why me" and the rare, " I've got a whole bunch of belts in my dresser, or maybe I can get a lot of pain-killers." I'm not proud of those thoughts, but they occurred a whole bunch during that time. I came to the conclusion, right as senior year was winding down that I was gay, that I wanted to be wrapped up in a man's arms. I came out to a friend from church over text, and since then it's been a slow process. I told my parents soon after graduation. I told my first classmate after graduation as well, and since then, if I've felt the time was right I'll tell another person. I literally told a classmate over FB Chat after he asked what I was nervous about for college and I replied finding a boyfriend. I found a few fantastic online communities for LGBT people, and I've really started looking forward to the future and to college.
I don't know why I typed out my story, I just sort of started typing and this is what I ended up with. I don't have all of the answers. Heck, I've still got tons of questions but if anyone wants to talk or wants the address to a fabulous community for LGBT folk just send me a PM It's now midnight here and I'm going to bed. Goodnight

 

[Aki Ko]

why I liked yaoi anime(one of my guilty pleasures),

Did someone say Yaoi? *Fist pumps*

It's nice to read up on other people's stories. I hope that you'll be your true self once you hit college and I wish you the best of luck and years.

 

[Valkyr1313]

Did someone say Yaoi? *Fist pumps*

It's nice to read up on other people's stories. I hope that you'll be your true self once you hit college and I wish you the best of luck and years.

My profile pic is from No Money, and I'm planning on being totally out in college. This time I actually will go to bed.... I hope...

 

[Azure Flare]

This time I actually will go to bed.... I hope...

Oh no you don't, we're not done here.

 

[VindictiveScrub]

I want to post my little side of things to just give a story to some people who've posted on this thread recently. I'm a person who doesn't care who knows, but cares regarding the situation. For example, the only people that know are my close friend and my parents. I consider myself open about it, but I'm well aware it's something in my area not entirely accepted of or met with apathy. On the opposite side of my own self-protection, I feel it's something that has no right being a big deal. It's there, and I don't feel it should affect anything of importance because it's my own personal life and random everyday people have no place in my personal life anyway. Now, if you get to know me and care to know who I am personally, than you're probably going to see more of it as a topic. I have to hear and see coworkers gawk and ogle every woman they consider attractive that walks into our business, but they never hear or see the same from me on the contrary. Now, I'm not expecting that to change, that's just a matter of who I am personally. I keep my personal life private and it only becomes known to other people who show me they care to know about what makes me who I am. I'm also not saying it's a negative for people to express such feelings openly. It's not how I want to be around people I'm not wholly comfortable with, so I don't. Now, why I consider about my sexuality is sort of split reason. I'll be open about who I'm romantically attracted to, but not sexually. In other words, I'll say who I like but not what about said individual unless I'm comfortable about doing so, and I'm not comfortable doing so with just anyone.

Like I said, I'm open about it, and that's because I don't care. Sexuality is a part of every single person out there, even if someone identifies as asexual. It's all a part of the sexuality spectrum. So, to me at least, something that almost everyone puts on display publicly every day isn't something that should be considered unique. It's who I am, but it's beyond sexuality; it's a simple romantic attraction that almost every straight person willingly exhibits without negative repercussion. It's who we are as humans. We want to associate with someone and attraction is a part of that. Expressing attraction... I don't totally understand that. Whether it's for acceptance stemming from a mutual opinion of someone, or simply wishing to express the attraction to someone to share opinion. I don't know, really. I personally don't understand why it's necessary to exclaim openly what exactly you'd do to someone or what you like about that someone. I guess that's why I don't do so, because I don't find it necessary. I'm in no way condemning or judging anyone who does. Like I said, it's who we are as people, so I expect it to be heard. What annoys me is the lewd detail I have to hear sometimes, but I won't divulge into that right now. Everyone has his or her own comfort levels regarding sexuality, so I'm going to hear a lot of different things and I'm cool with that. On the first day of meeting one of our new female coworkers I learned she liked a very particular form or sexual interaction, and I'm pretty sure I didn't provoke her telling me, but she's clearly someone that's just more comfortable sharing that side of herself. Raunchy humor though... I'm on the ball with that.

Addressing the self-protection side of this, I'll say I don't tell people or let it be known because of what can happen as an absolute worst-case scenario. The employees at my work aren't homophobic to say bluntly, but the high-school macho behavior is grossly prominent by probably 75 percent of the male staff and jokes and slurs have been thrown that I'd rather avoid; both for my own personal comfort and for the sake of my job. If that 75 percent decides to make it an issue beyond comfort what's to say I don't lose my job? It's paranoia, I know, but in my life right now my job is absolutely necessary right now unless I have a surefire backup plan, which I don't. I also keep the fact about my sexuality dormant at home because, while it wasn't met with disgust and attempted correction or repulsion, it's not happily accepted or acknowledged. As much as it pains me and annoys me to suppress such a fact about myself at home I do it because it's for the better of my own being and those around me for the time being. Also, if anyone here knows of a certain thing going on right now, my username could be associated with a major event going on which could change my life very drastically and for the better to boot. I'd rather not have a topic like this be associated with such event because I wouldn't like for it to be used for better or worse. Why not? Because I don't think it's something that should matter to anyone or for anyone, for better or for worse. It's there, but defines nothing about who I am beyond specific attraction.

Okay, so the reason why I typed all of this up and shared this with everyone here in the first place despite kind of pummeling past a comfort zone: I'm entirely, wholeheartedly comfortable with who I am. I don't know everything that I like; I haven't gotten to explore all of my curiosities in life yet, but I'm only 21 and I've got a really long road ahead of me regardless. Whether or not if I'm happy with my current situation in life, whether it be my home, job, school or friends, I'm happy with who and what I've shaped into being and how I try to act every single day. So, to sum all of this up into a mushy, don't be down on yourself sort of story, I keep the life stuff and the personal stuff separate for a weird reason, but it keeps me happy with who I am. It's why I always keep work and personal separate as well. Who I am personally is not a matter of what actions I perform for other people, or how I act in varying situations, it's who I am when I got to relax and drop the variances I put up to keep things stable and happy at work, at home, at school, etc. Now, doing all of that is definitely easier when there are people there who want to help you out with those situations, but after a lot of time spent not having a clue who I was I've at least come to this very confusing point where I can be confident and comfortable with myself. I spent pretty much my entire teenage-hood being entirely lost about what I wanted, who I was, and what a whole assortment of things meant, but I've come to this point where I can be happy with my own actions and nuances, and I'm fine with that. I do what makes me happy, and always try to make time for those things every day, but I also do the things I have to do, whether I like to do them or not. Now, that's not to say I dislike everything that isn't a part of my little bubble, that's not true at all, but I perform the necessities regardless.

Don't get so hung up on your sexuality. Ultimately, who you like looking at or spending certain personal time with doesn't matter in the least to the world despite what politicians and teenagers like to think. Worry about who you are as a person and what really makes you unique and yourself, cause that's what those who are worth having in your life are going to care about.

Sorry for the text wall and ultimately cheesy message, but I just want to give a big thumbs up to those who are or aren't afraid of whatever may be nagging at them.

Now I need to sleep. I return to GTP finally after three busy weeks and it instantly makes me neglect sleep when I have to be up super early. Agh, I missed this.

 

[citroengt1]

I didn' cast my vote, although i would choose 4, OK for anyone.
I am not homosexual, but i am an optimist, sort of.Meaning that it doesn't bother me who
is gay or not, as long as they are good people.
And i've met gay people in my life, both male and female.All great people.
Being gay or not is your choice, which is very important to think through.
You have to balance what matters in your life.For example.

I grew up in a Christian society, but i didn't need religion to run my life.
Ok by my religion there is one God, and im ok with it.
But the bibble says that God gave me life as a gift, and i need to devote myself to him.
To that i though, ok, but i didn't ask for that, i didn't even accept the gift, i was just born.
I am thankfull to my mom and dad, they raised me and teached how to live.

That was my choice, to leave the religion out of my life, because it does not matter to me, i have more things in life
more important then religion.
So to all people out there, be gay for your reasons, and make sure they are the right ones.

 

[Imari]

I have to hear and see coworkers gawk and ogle every woman they consider attractive that walks into our business

For what it's worth, there's a significant proportion of straight people who find this sort of stuff weird and uncomfortable as well.

I'm all for enjoying someone who is nice to look at, it costs them nothing and makes me happy. But the whole "check out the tits on her!" sort of attitude always strikes me as more about people with insecurities playing up to the group than anything else.

My workplace has a similar attitude to yours, it sounds like. I wouldn't leave on account of that alone, but I will be leaving for other reasons (soon, hopefully) and I really won't miss listening to their BS.

 

[Denur]

Being gay or not is your choice, which is very important to think through.

Being gay, or not, is not a choice! Acting accordingly is though.

 

[Imari]

Being gay or not is your choice, which is very important to think through.

So how did you choose to be attracted to the opposite sex and not the same one?

Personally, I don't remember ever making that choice. I identify who is attractive to me simply by seeing whether I find them attractive or not. That those people happen to be predominantly of one gender is a matter of observation of a statistical trend, not any conscious choice on my part.

 

[citroengt1]

Sry for an misunderstandment, i ment to say what Denur wrote.

 

[Pete05]

So how did you choose to be attracted to the opposite sex and not the same one?

Personally, I don't remember ever making that choice. I identify who is attractive to me simply by seeing whether I find them attractive or not. That those people happen to be predominantly of one gender is a matter of observation of a statistical trend, not any conscious choice on my part.

I don't remember 'choice day' either.

 

[LeMansAid]

Sry for an misunderstandment, i ment to say what Denur wrote.

I actually suspected that you missed out the "not" accidentally. So I gave the benefit of the doubt.

Just to totally clear it up though....

So to all people out there, be gay for your reasons, and make sure they are the right ones.

.... this line reads a little bit strangely as well. What did you mean by it?

 

[Daniel]

Don't be gay for the wrong reasons, that's all he's saying.

 

[homeforsummer]

Don't be gay for the wrong reasons, that's all he's saying.

You mean I can't be temporarily gay to improve my dress sense?

 

[Danny]

Don't be gay for the wrong reasons, that's all he's saying.

To be honest, I only do it for the parking permit you get.