I always felt that Gran Turismo's physics (bar understeer happy GT4) were good enough.
Once you start to get too real, the game becomes tedious, and no longer fun. But, if they are too arcade-like, then the same applies.
Having a perfect blend of realism, with that hair of "you probably couldn't get away with that in real life, but, it still feels real" works good enough for me.
Others will disagree.
I agree with your general position, but not your reasoning. I don't think realism necessarily means tediousness, because if that were the case GT6 would feel more tedious than GT1, which it doesn't really.
The real issue is that most 'hardcore' PC sims devote
so much of their development to purely the handling model (and the multiplayer racing aspect) that a lot of the things that
general car enthusiasts (general car enthusiast does not necessarily mean
racing enthusiast) enjoy can not be implemented in games like iRacing or Rfactor because it's simply too broad of a scope to be handled by the small teams. GT and Forza embrace multiple car cultures, whereas the PC sims only (but fully, I must say) embrace the racing culture.
In this respect, I find the Forza and GT series infinitely more compelling because it's about
THE CARS and not the technicalities of racing. It's essentially motorsports
and car culture distilled for FM and GT. This is a more broadly appealing subject than iRacing or any of the other PC sims could ever hope to achieve, so the elitists merely scoff and say the physics are better. I honestly couldn't care less that they are, the games themselves are severely limited.
Get back to me when I can put TE37s on a VW Bus on iRacing, I might pay attention.
(I will say that iRacing has been making some pretty phenomenal developments in sound quality putting it ahead of the too-hollywood Forza and too-experimental GT, but it's still not enough to make it fun)