Jokes!!
- Thread starter DQuaN
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- QuikSlvr223
Say "election" with an extremely stereotypical Asian accent.
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- Dooblewasur
- Dooblewasur
That's a joke...?
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- United States
- Dooblewasur
- Dooblewasur
- 459
- North Carolina
- QuikSlvr223
I'm dying. Rolling around on the ground, tears rolling down my face.
to the five billionth power.
And Liquid? Your sig just won the internet.
to the five billionth power.And Liquid? Your sig just won the internet.
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- Ask Me :)
- Don't ask me :(
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- race_emhard
Today I tried to walk into a Target and I missed.
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- Canada
A father and his son walk out of their small village to go to the city.
They enter IKEA and walk along the walls. Then, the wall magically opens up and reveals a small room. Having no idea what an elevator is, the two boys stare at the secret room. An old lady in a wheelchair rolls into the room. A minute later, a hot 14-year old girl walks out, lips pursed and all. Then the wall closes up again.
The father whispers in his son's ear - "Listen up. Go get your mother, your sister, the mayor and all of the nuns."
Not my best material, but one of my favourite jokes.
They enter IKEA and walk along the walls. Then, the wall magically opens up and reveals a small room. Having no idea what an elevator is, the two boys stare at the secret room. An old lady in a wheelchair rolls into the room. A minute later, a hot 14-year old girl walks out, lips pursed and all. Then the wall closes up again.
The father whispers in his son's ear - "Listen up. Go get your mother, your sister, the mayor and all of the nuns."
Not my best material, but one of my favourite jokes.
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- Canada
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Liquid
O.o
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- Warwick Uni
- lbsf1 GTP_lbsf1
- obsmu (my brothers acount)
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- Automotive_Buff
Doesn't Denmark have something similar? Or am I thinking of New Zealand?
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- Bratvegas
- GTP_Liquid
Moses is trying to sell his commandments to various groups.
He goes to the French;
"What sort of commandments do you have then?"
"Well, for example, thou shalt not commit adultery."
"No thanks."
He tries the Germans;
"Give us an example, mein Herr"
"Thou shalt not kill."
"Not interested."
He tries the Italians;
"What are we looking at here?"
"Thou shalt not steal."
"Ah, go away!"
He tries the Jews;
"I've got some commandments here."
"How much are they?"
"Free."
"I'll take ten!"
He goes to the French;
"What sort of commandments do you have then?"
"Well, for example, thou shalt not commit adultery."
"No thanks."
He tries the Germans;
"Give us an example, mein Herr"
"Thou shalt not kill."
"Not interested."
He tries the Italians;
"What are we looking at here?"
"Thou shalt not steal."
"Ah, go away!"
He tries the Jews;
"I've got some commandments here."
"How much are they?"
"Free."
"I'll take ten!"
- 9,884
- Carthage, TN
- race_emhard
I keep asking this owl outside my window what he knows about someone, and all he keeps saying is "Who?".
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- Buckeye Nation
A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her skin more beautiful.
She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.
When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake.
He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"
The blonde said, "No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."
The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"
The blonde said, "No, just up to my breasts."
She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.
When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake.
He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"
The blonde said, "No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."
The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"
The blonde said, "No, just up to my breasts."
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- m8h3r
Driving home from the pub earlier, we were pulled over by a Police Car.
"Everything alright officer?" I asked.
"Not really sir," he replied, "Your car was weaving across the road in a very uncontrolled manner."
"What do you expect?" I said, "I've had eight pints."
He laughed, "In that case, I fully understand why you let your wife drive home."
----
There's been an explosion at the paint factory where my brother works.
He's missing, presumed red.
----
"You don't love me as much as you used to." My fat wife cried.
"Of course I do." I said. "It's just got a much larger area to cover."
----
My son really wanted a cuddly toy, so I had a go on one of those crane things.
I'm now being sued by Toys'R'Us and JCB.
"Everything alright officer?" I asked.
"Not really sir," he replied, "Your car was weaving across the road in a very uncontrolled manner."
"What do you expect?" I said, "I've had eight pints."
He laughed, "In that case, I fully understand why you let your wife drive home."
----
There's been an explosion at the paint factory where my brother works.
He's missing, presumed red.
----
"You don't love me as much as you used to." My fat wife cried.
"Of course I do." I said. "It's just got a much larger area to cover."
----
My son really wanted a cuddly toy, so I had a go on one of those crane things.
I'm now being sued by Toys'R'Us and JCB.
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