Jokes!!
- Thread starter DQuaN
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- London
- MattyTheDog
I was watching the Olympics yesterday when they played a song that I recognised, but hadn't heard for a long time so I had forgotten the name. So I used Shazam, and it turned out to be the Australian national anthem.
- 1,457
- Exeter
- Emptyone-77
- 5,210
- Essex, UK
Enter awful science jokes:
What kind of ghosts haunt chemistry faculties? Methylated spirits.
Did you hear about the chemist who was reading a book about Helium? He just couldn't put it down.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution
I would give another Chemistry joke, but I think all the good ones Argon
What kind of ghosts haunt chemistry faculties? Methylated spirits.
Did you hear about the chemist who was reading a book about Helium? He just couldn't put it down.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution
I would give another Chemistry joke, but I think all the good ones Argon
- 1,452
- The Speedway
- D3ATHS1NBUNCH3S
(Edited)
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- 319
- Ohio
- cggorman
One day 3 people were stuck on an island with cannibals. the cannibals said, "If you do what we say, we wont kill you" so the 3 people followed the orders the cannibals.
So the cannibals said, "Go into the forest and pick 10 fruits of the first fruit you see".
So the first person came back out of the forest with 10 apples. the cannibals said, "Put the apples up your 🤬 without making a facial expression". The person then winced after the second apple, so the cannibals killed him.
The second person came back out of the forest with 10 cherries. the cannibals said, "put the cherries up your 🤬 without making a facial expression". The person then started laughing on the tenth cherry, so they killed him.
In heaven, the first person with apples asked the person with cherries "Why did you start laughing?". The second person replied, " I saw the third person come out with pineapples."
So the cannibals said, "Go into the forest and pick 10 fruits of the first fruit you see".
So the first person came back out of the forest with 10 apples. the cannibals said, "Put the apples up your 🤬 without making a facial expression". The person then winced after the second apple, so the cannibals killed him.
The second person came back out of the forest with 10 cherries. the cannibals said, "put the cherries up your 🤬 without making a facial expression". The person then started laughing on the tenth cherry, so they killed him.
In heaven, the first person with apples asked the person with cherries "Why did you start laughing?". The second person replied, " I saw the third person come out with pineapples."
- 1,326
- SC
D3ATHS1NBUNCH3S
Even if it wasnt too soon, child rape jokes not cool
- 5,693
- Canada
:facepalm: Atheism is merely one's choice to accept that deities do not exist. It's not a belief and has nothing to do with an opinion on how life on earth came to be.
- 1,326
- SC
vandenal
Little late to the party bro? Its alright we saved you some "coolaid". Tell me another cool story!
- 1,847
- London
- Ziz528
A couple for those musicians out there:
What is the difference between a french horn section in an orchestra and a '57 Chevy?
You can tune a '57 Chevy.
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Saint Peter is checking ID's at the Pearly Gates, and first comes a Texan. "Tell me, what have you done in life?" says St. Peter.
The Texan says, "Well, I struck oil, so I became rich, but I didn't sit on my laurels--I divided all my money among my entire family in my will, so our descendants are all set for about three generations."
St. Peter says, "That's quite something. Come on in. Next!"
The second guy in line has been listening, so he says, "I struck it big in the stock market, but I didn't selfishly just provide for my own like that Texan guy. I donated five million to Save the Children."
"Wonderful!" says Saint Peter. "Come in. Who's next?"
The third guy has been listening, and says timidly with a downcast look, "Well, I only made five thousand dollars in my entire lifetime."
"Heavens!" says St. Peter. "What instrument did you play?"
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Why is a conductor like a condom?
It's safer with one, but more fun without.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
A musician calls the symphony orchestra office to talk to the conductor. "I'm sorry, he's dead," comes the reply.
The musician calls back 25 times, always getting the same reply from the receptionist. At last she asks him why he keeps calling.
"I just like to hear you say it."
What is the difference between a french horn section in an orchestra and a '57 Chevy?
You can tune a '57 Chevy.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Saint Peter is checking ID's at the Pearly Gates, and first comes a Texan. "Tell me, what have you done in life?" says St. Peter.
The Texan says, "Well, I struck oil, so I became rich, but I didn't sit on my laurels--I divided all my money among my entire family in my will, so our descendants are all set for about three generations."
St. Peter says, "That's quite something. Come on in. Next!"
The second guy in line has been listening, so he says, "I struck it big in the stock market, but I didn't selfishly just provide for my own like that Texan guy. I donated five million to Save the Children."
"Wonderful!" says Saint Peter. "Come in. Who's next?"
The third guy has been listening, and says timidly with a downcast look, "Well, I only made five thousand dollars in my entire lifetime."
"Heavens!" says St. Peter. "What instrument did you play?"
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Why is a conductor like a condom?
It's safer with one, but more fun without.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
A musician calls the symphony orchestra office to talk to the conductor. "I'm sorry, he's dead," comes the reply.
The musician calls back 25 times, always getting the same reply from the receptionist. At last she asks him why he keeps calling.
"I just like to hear you say it."
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- 15,855
- QLD, Australia
- Small_Fryz
MagpieRacer
Premium
- 17,478
- Wymondham, Norfolk
- Seagull_Racer
Seems on the lines of racist. Could be mistaken.
- 4,797
- Antarctica
Even though that joke is for musicians, I just came off a train and laughed my ass off!
- 34,949
- Indian Falls, NY
- slashfan7964
It wasn't supposed to be but I can see how it might be. Mods are free to take it down if they find the content too suggesting.
gamerdog6482
(Banned)
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- Venom, USA
- Gamerdog6482
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