Jokes!!

  • Thread starter DQuaN
  • 4,704 comments
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When scuba diving, why is it important to fall backward off the side of the boat?



Because if you fell forward, you'd still be in the boat.
 
If you run away from a vehicle, you are bound to get tired.

Likewise, if you try to chase a vehicle, you are going to get exhausted.
 
'My pet mouse Elvis died today, he was caught in a trap. I think he was trying to get in the gateau...'
 
^ :lol:

A blonde invites her non-blonde friend over to her home. The non-blonde friend is puzzled to find nearly-full tubs of butter being thrown out. The non-blonde asks why that is the case. The blonde answers, "I heard butter's nearly 80% fat, so I'm just using whatever isn't fat!"
 
Here's a good one:
The only reason China almost won the Olympics is because they made all the equipment.
(If this is offensive, please mods, take it down)
 
locoman88
here's a good one:
The only reason china almost won the olympics is because they made all the equipment.
(if this is offensive, please mods, take it down)

bwahahaha i'm asian and i find this funny!!!!
 
alexlam24
bwahahaha i'm asian and i find this funny!!!!

Yeah, thought it was clever.
Here's a great one too:
Shorest but funniest joke ever:
Two women sit together at a bar quietly .. . . .. . . . .
 
We need some word play. :sly:

So a man owns a business, and he has two employees, Jack and Jill. Unfortunately, his business isn't doing so well, so he must lay off one of his employees. Jack has a wife and kids, but he comes in late, and isn't always on task. Jill is always on time and is the last one to leave work every day. So the man comes into work and finds Jill already there, and explains his predicament to her.

"I can either lay you, or Jack, off."

"Jack off, I have a headache."
 
From the Olympics, I learned that China has hundreds of athletes, and only 2 haircuts.

If you want to take this down, go ahead. I really try my hardest to offend people.

;)*

*sarcastic wink

 
Dooblewasur
From the Olympics, I learned that China has hundreds of athletes, and only 2 haircuts.

If you want to take this down, go ahead. I really try my hardest to offend people.

;)*

*sarcastic wink

Lol I didn't laugh. HAHAHAHA I'M CRYING RIGHT NOW!
 
A blonde comes into a barbershop wearing headphones. The hair stylist asks her to take off the headphones. She replies, "I can't, or I'll die". She goes with the haircut anyway.

After a few minutes, the stylist is getting annoyed with the headphones, so she asks the blonde, "Please, take your headphones off so I can cut your hair", which she replies, again, "I can't, or I'll die". The stylist says "Oh now, you won't die", and takes off the headphones and proceeds to cut her hair.

After a few seconds, the blonde becomes blue-faced, and after a minute, collapses on the floor, unconscious. The stylist, horrified, puts the earphones up to her ears. To her surprise, the earphones say:

"Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out..."
 
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